Truth or Dare?
by TheFatalIllusion
Summary: When unusual circumstances leave the Dark Lord, Lucius and Draco Malfoy, Severus Snape, Ron, Hermione, Ginny and finally Harry Potter trapped together, unable to use their magic, what will happen when Harry suggests the innocent game of Truth or Dare?
1. Riddle Manor

**A/N: This is in no way to be taken seriously, written purely from a crazy dream I had! Will contain: Stupidity, Ron-Bashing, Ron being incredibly and repeatedly stupid, a hormonal Hermione, a raging Ginny, slight Ginny bashing, Dumbledore bashing, extreme silliness, a very sarcastic Harry and finally OOCness. This starts off fairly seriously, and there is an underlying story line, but it's mostly a parody, so please, enjoy!**

**Disclaimer; If Voldemort, Severus and Remus are dead, then I don't own Harry Potter or anything to do with the books, or films. However, I do own my writing, so translating it, or copying it without my written consent/permission, is not only unfair, but against the law.**

**About translating my story, and people have asked, the answer is going to be no. I do not feel comfortable with someone else having my story on their page, or a completely different website, it's nothing personal against you, or anybody else, I just simply don't wish to have the story translated. If I wanted to translate it, I could do it myself, or have a family member assist me.**

**One last thing: If you don't like the story, don't review and just move on. Constructive criticism is always good, don't just point out a flaw, please, tell me what you think I should do to improve it. This is **_**supposed**_** to be just a laugh, so please don't tell me things like "(Insert character name here) would never do that!" or "(Insert plot moment here) happened too quickly."**

**Update: 28/6/10, someone has just left a review saying there should be a slash warning. I didn't think I needed one but here we go just in case: This contains slash. Happy now?**

**Update: 29/9/10, sorry for yet another additional, but I think it's worth pointing out that I still write for this particular timeline, and one day might post more on it, so unfortunately, I won't let anybody continue the story for me, so please don't be upset if you message me asking to do that, and I say no. I'd like to let you, but it's just not possible.**

**After that rather long A/N, please enjoy the story, and leave me a review telling me what you think!**

Harry, Hermione, Ron and Ginny were all nervously waiting at the main gates to Hogwarts. They were dressed in their best clothes, incase they were caught. If they were caught, they could simply lie about where they were going. Of course, it was expected for some seventh years to attempt to sneak out, especially if they were Harry Potter and received countless invitations to silly parties.

Harry was wearing his finest dress robe, Hermione, a very fitting black dress that showed off her features perfectly. Ron was wearing tatty old dress robes, much like the ones he wore at the Yule Ball, and finally Ginny was wearing, if Harry was honest, a red, slutty dress that was screaming "Prostitute!"

"Ron, that is the stupidest plan I think you've ever come up with!" Hermione shrieked.

"Well, you think of something better then!" Ron yelled back.

"I will," She huffed and turned her back on Ron to face Harry. "Harry, are you sure this is a good idea? We should tell Professor Dumbledore…" She said gently.

"No, he'll try and stop us, there's no way I'm letting this go." He said defiantly and turned to Ginny. "Ginny, I think you should stay at the castle," He said softly.

"What?" She exclaimed and Harry sighed. This wasn't going to be easy.

"Ginny, we're going to Riddle Manor, Lord VOLDEMORT'S base of operations, it's not safe!" He argued, and Ginny huffed.

"And it's safe for you?" She retorted and left Harry stumped. How could he answer that?

"No…" He quietly admitted. "But I need to do this."

"We can't just go blundering in there without a good plan," Hermione stated, shooting a dirty look at Ron. "I think we should go back to the castle," She started and Harry's mouth opened to protest.

"Not like that! I think one of us should go back to the castle, with your cloak, and steal Professor Snape's special potion supply he keeps in his office." She said finally, and every jaw dropped.

"Hermione, I can't believe you just said that!" Ron said unbelievingly. "Stealing from a teacher?"

"Where's Hermione Granger and what have you done with her?" Ginny joked.

"This isn't the time for silly jokes!" Hermione huffed. "Are we doing this or not?"

The group was silent for a moment, before Harry finally had the courage to speak up. "Ok, who's going then?"

"I'll go." Everyone said at once, and promptly began arguing again.

"Ron you're too clumsy!" Hermione said despairingly.

"Ginny you're my sister!" Ron shouted.

"Hermione, you'd lose your nerve." Ginny argued, and when she said this, everyone stopped.

"I'd… lose my nerve?" Hermione asked lowly, and Harry knew this was trouble. Instinctively, both he and Ron took a generous step back.

"I didn't mean it like that!" Ginny quickly said, eyes flinging to her brother and her friend for support, she found none.

"Yes you did," Hermione said accusingly. "You think I wouldn't be able to go through with it!"

Ginny looked around helplessly and Harry finally decided to step in. "This arguing isn't getting us any closer to Voldemort! Hermione, you go." Hermione smirked as Harry handed her his cloak. "Be careful, and we'll wait here for you." He said and patted her patronizingly on the back.

She gave him a look that said 'If anyone needs to be patronized it's you.' and she quickly disappeared under the cloak, and began to head towards the castle.

"Right," Harry said, trying to sound braver than he was feeling. "We need a plan, and we need it now." Both Ron and Ginny nodded to him.

"Ron, you're banned from making the plan." Harry said simply and Ron went bright red.

"Why?" He whined.

"Because, you make the stupidest plans, like Hermione said! I mean what was the last one? You suggested hiding in a box and getting us delivered to the manor… by MUGGLE post!" He said incredulously and Ron had the good grace to look sheepish.

"I regret ever telling you about muggle post." Harry muttered. "You're utterly obsessed with it, worse than your Dad!"

"I am not obsessed with it." Ron said, sounding hurt.

"You are. Now come on, we need to focus. We can't just go walking up to the front doors, that'll look idiotic, and there'll be wards and guards and… just not a good idea. So we need to come up with something sneaky." Harry said thoughtfully and then sighed. "Where's a Slytherin when you need one?"

For once, they all agreed.

Hermione was slowly making her way through the dungeons, avoiding the last of the Slytherins that were dodging their curfew. Her objective was simple, get into Snape's office, and steal his private potion supply. There's bound to be a load of useful potions in there.

This was so unlike her. Stealing from a teacher? She shook her head lightly. Their goal was more important. Harry's vision was more important. He'd seen exactly where Voldemort was hiding; Riddle Manor. So he'd woken both her and Ron, and told them exactly where he was going.

She stifled a giggle as she remembered them insisting they were coming with him, even going so far as to threaten they'd tie themselves to him to do so. Ginny had woken up with the arguing, and had also insisted on coming. The four of them couldn't fit under the invisibility cloak, so they had to find another way. Besides, Hermione had a feeling someone was powerful as Voldemort would have a way of seeing through it anyway.

Finally, she reached her destination, and saw the door was open a crack. She carefully peaked through, and saw Professor Snape at his desk, writing.

'Crap, crap, crap, crap!' She exclaimed in her head. She took a deep breath, and started to formulate a plan. What could get Snape to leave his office?

Pulling away from the door, she spied two passing girls, Pansy Parkinson, and one she didn't know. Suppressing an evil smirk, she snuck up behind Pansy, and tripped her up.

Pansy fell flat on her arse, and the girl she was with started laughing and pointing at her.

Pansy got up and went right up to the other girl. "You did that!" She screamed, and proceeded to slap her new enemy. Hermione stepped back and began to snigger at the fight that would surely ensue.

Just before she left to find a way to alert Professor Snape, two Slytherin boys came onto the corridor. Naturally, they got very excited and rushed over to watch. Pansy slapped the other girl again, and started clawing at her face. Before Hermione could blink, one of the boys held his wand to his throat and practically shouted "Sonorous!"

Hermione knew what was coming next, and now thanks to his spell, so would the whole school. "BITCH FIGHT!"

She quickly rushed off back to Snape's office, nearly bumping into the furious Professor on his way out. She managed to avoid him, and she deftly slipped into his office. Pulling out a satchel, she made her way over to where he kept his private stores.

She'd been here before, of course, but never actually taken the potions. She opened the cupboard, and reached out, before jerking back her hand. Of course, they'd be some kind of wards or defenses. "_Deprehensio Munimentum._" She muttered, and some complex wards revealed themselves. Well, complex to anyone who wasn't Hermione.

She smiled, and began to take them down enough to allow her to grab the protected potions. If she had started the fight between members of any other house, she would have heard their head of house screaming, shouting at them. However, she knew, that when Snape was truly, properly angry, he didn't shout. He instead spoke very lowly. So she wasn't concerned when she heard nothing.

Finally, the wards were down. She heard footsteps coming back, so she quickly scooped every single potion into the magical satchel, and shut the cupboard door. Just in time, as it happens, as Snape stormed into the office with a face of thunder, slamming the door behind him a few moments later.

'Ok keep calm.' Hermione repeated over and over again in her head. She could hear Snape muttering under his breath. So what could she do now? If she made him angry enough, maybe he'd leave? That wasn't a perfect plan, Severus Snape, even if Harry is extremely reluctant to admit, is a very powerful wizard, he could very well see through it. But she had to try something.

She looked around desperately, trying to think of a spell that would help her. She pointed her wand at Snape and blurted out the first spell that came into her head. "Sateus auctus!" Hair growth spell.

She didn't look back as she bolted towards the door, confident her spell will have covered his face, she quickly opened it and slammed it shut again. If she'd looked back, she would have seen a very hairy Severus Snape, staring intently as his door opened and closed on his own.

She tried to quickly make it through the corridor back up to the entrance hall, but it was now filled with students eager to see a fight, despite being shooed away by multiple Professors. She cursed the boy who had announced the fight as she pushed her way through the crowded corridor, getting jostled along the way.

When she was finally on the long, winding path down the main gate, she had a very apprehensive feeling. Was it just because of where they were going? She had to assume that, although she couldn't shake the feeling that she was being watched. Clasping the cloak around her more firmly, she turned rapidly on the spot. But there was nobody there.

Feeling slightly better, she hurried down the path and could already hear her friends.

"-And that's why I banned you from making the plan! That one was worse than last time! I doubt Voldemort likes Quidditch much as you do." She heard Harry yell and she couldn't help but smile.

"Ginny back me up!" Ron whined and Hermione got closer.

"Harry's right, Ron." Ginny tried to say gently.

"You're only saying that because you bloody fancy him." Ron muttered and Ginny went red.

"Still no further with the plan then?" Hermione said, revealing herself and taking off the cloak.

"You should hear some of the things Ron's come up with," Harry muttered, taking the cloak from Hermione. "Did you have any trouble?" He asked.

"Well, Snape was in his office, so I started a fight." She said blushing.

"You started a fight?" Ron asked incredulously.

"I tripped over Pansy Parkinson, so really, she started it with this other girl she was walking with, she thought she did it," Hermione looked satisfied with herself. "Then some boy came along, cast Sonorous on himself and screamed Bitch fight!"

This made them all laugh, until Harry was brought back down to earth. "But you got the stuff yeah?"

"I grabbed every single one of those potions, but I sort of placed," She trailed off when she realized what she'd done.

"What?" They all asked at once and Hermione blushed. "I kind of, put a hair growth charm on Professor Snape," She muttered and Ron barked out a laugh.

"Brilliant. That'll teach him, he never did believe his precious Slytherins would do that in fifth year!" Ron said excitedly.

"I knew it." A dark voice rang out from behind them, making the group jump. "_Finite Incantatem!_" The voice said, canceling the disillusionment charm, and revealing himself as Severus Snape.

"Oh no…" Both Harry and Ron groaned, and Hermione took the Gryffindor approach and looked guilty.

"Oh no indeed," He said venomously, sending a death glare to Hermione. "What do you think you're doing?" The group shot looks at each other, they couldn't afford to be kept behind now.

"How did you know it was me?" Hermione finally said.

"You're the only pupil in Potter's gang capable of taking down my wards." He said coldly, desperately trying not to make it seem like a compliment. "I also saw your feet. Now, where are you going?"

"Riddle Manor, sir." Hermione blurted out in guilt.

There was a look of shock on Snape's face, but as they blinked, it was gone, leading them to think they imagined it. "Riddle Manor?" He questioned.

"Harry had a vision," Hermione began before Harry cut her off, wand drawn and firmly pointed at Snape.

"I'm sorry, but there's no way I'm letting you keep me back." Harry said viciously.

"Lower your wand, Potter." Snape said sternly and Harry complied. "Are you all complete dunderheads? Going to Riddle Manor without alerting the Order, or Albus?"

"They'd never let me go!" Harry said defensively. "You've heard the prophecy, it's got to be me."

Snape was infuriated when he discovered he had no valid way to argue the point now, so he reverted to what he did best.

"You haven't got a plan, you're going to do _so _well against one of the most powerful wizards to ever live. I don't know why we don't just let you fight them all at once, you'll undoubtedly win." He drawled sarcastically and Harry scowled.

"I've come up with plenty of plans!" Ron retorted.

Harry turned to Ron, "Yes, and they've all been utter shit." He shot back, before turning back to an amused looking Snape. "You know, the last one he suggested, was getting someone to transfigure us all into Quaffles and then getting us gifted to Voldemort," Harry rolled his eyes and Snape's lips twitched in amusement.

"Weasley, you really suggested that?" Snape asked, turning his death glare on Ron.

"It sounded better in my head," Ron admitted, once more looking very sheepish.

"Sorry, sir, but no matter what you do, I'm going after Voldemort tonight." Harry said finally.

"If your mother was alive," Snape said warningly, hoping the threat of Lily would do something to deter the boy.

"She'd be proud of me for standing up to the monster!" Harry roared and the men stared each other down fiercely.

"She wouldn't want her only son throwing his life away! You could at the VERY least inform the Order." He growled, and Harry once more raised his wand.

"Harry, stop it." Hermione bravely interjected. "Pointing your wand at Professor Snape isn't going to do us any good," She reasoned and Harry sighed, but lowered his wand.

"I promised myself I would protect you, Potter. For your mother." Snape suddenly said. "Is there no way I can persuade you to inform Albus?" He said, almost resignedly.

"No." Harry shook his head for emphasis.

"Then we need a plan. Might I suggest we gag Weasley while we think of one?" He suggested venomously, throwing another glare at Ron.

Harry let himself laugh. "I never thought I'd agree with you sir, but I think that would be for the best."

"My plans are NOT that bad!" Ron raged. "They're just… underdeveloped." Both Harry and Snape snorted.

"You know, for two men who say they hate each other, you're so alike." Hermione observed, causing both men to glare at her.

Ginny stepped forward. "I've got an idea. We all apparate, I'll have to go side-along, to wherever the manor is, and, Ron, Hermione and me go around the back entrance, while Harry and Professor Snape go the front way? It'll look suspicious if we all go through with Snape."

Harry nodded in agreement. "They'll open the door for you, right?" He asked, addressing Snape.

He nodded. "I am in the Dark Lord's favor, I should be allowed entrance if I tell them I have news."

"So when they open the door for you, I'll slip in real quick, and then what?" Harry questioned, and the rest of them listened intently.

"I shall inform the Death Eater that is guarding, that I have vital news about the Order's plans. Perhaps you have gained a great deal of power, or they have invented a spell to kill from a distance?" Snape suggested.

"Voldemort is paranoid, I think a new spell would exaggerate that." Hermione interjected and Snape nodded and a strange silence infiltrated them all.

"Do you really think you can do it Potter? How can you be sure we won't all die?" Snape suddenly said, sounding very pessimistic.

"I think I can. And call me Harry, if we're going to die together, I'd like for it to be on good terms." He said cheekily.

"Fine, Po- Harry." Snape sounded as thought he had to expend a huge amount of effort to bring himself to say Harry instead of Potter. "Who can apparate out of you?"

Ron and Hermione both indicated they could, when Harry realized he would have to confess his secret. "I err… never passed." He mumbled.

"What?" Both Ron and Hermione cried. "You told us you had!"

"I lied! I was embarrassed!" He shot back defensively.

Snape sighed in exasperation. "Now is not the time for petty teenage angst! Who will take Miss Weasley?" Ron's hand immediately shot up. "Very well." Ginny went over to Ron and assumed the side-along position.

"Po- Harry, you're with me." Snape said, with a malicious amusement lacing his voice.

"Why can't I go with Hermione?" He challenged.

"Because," He sneered. "We need you in one piece. I would hate for your leg to become lost somewhere." He said sarcastically, sounding as though he'd like nothing better.

Harry shot him one of the dirtiest looks he could muster, before gripping the mans arm.

"Are we all ready?" Harry asked, and everybody nodded. "See you on the other side," He said, and the last thing he heard before they all disappeared was Snape snorting.

Harry landed with a hard crash. "Git, I bet he did that on purpose." He muttered.

"I most certainly did not, and Potter, you're crushing my arm." Snape suddenly said reproachfully. Harry quickly jumped up, to see the Manor a short distance away.

He idly tossed his arm back to help Snape up, while his eyes were fixated on their goal. He felt a tug at his arm, as the older wizard used it to pull himself up.

"Never mention that particular landing again." He seethed and Harry waved his hand dismissively.

"Where are the others?" Harry questioned, finally turning around to see Snape healing his arm.

When he didn't receive an answer, he looked around nearby, and saw Hermione sitting on the ground. He quickly went over to her. "Hermione, are you alright?" He asked hurriedly.

She whipped her head around, and seemed relieved it was Harry. "I'm fine! Just had a bit of a rough landing…" She mused and Harry snorted.

"Apparating never was one of your strong points was it?" Harry said sarcastically.

"Says the man who hasn't even passed his test." She retorted.

"As loathe as I am to agree with Miss Granger, I'm afraid to say that I do." Harry groaned, being publicly humiliated by his best friend who he considered a sister, in front of his most hated Professor, was doing nothing for his confidence.

"Why are you ganging up on me?" Harry said pitifully.

"The Dark Lord will do more than gang up on you." Snape said sternly, and even Harry had to admit, he had a point.

"Where are those Weasleys?" Snape muttered. As if on cue, both Ron and Ginny promptly crashed to the ground mere meters away, and they were both soaking wet.

"This is all your fault Ron!" They heard a dripping Ginny yell.

"It's not my fault! Anyone can get Biddle and Riddle mixed up…" Ron tried to explain.

"I don't care!" Ginny huffed and got up, marching straight over to Harry. "Do you have ANY idea just how incompetent Ron is?" Harry could see the fire in her eyes.

Not wanting to disagree with her, he nodded meekly.

She made a cry of frustration. "So, we were supposed to come here, to Riddle Manor. So where does Ron take us? Biddle lake, IRELAND!" She raged.

Hermione and Harry burst out laughing, seemingly forgetting the morbid nature of why they were here. Even Snape's lips twitched slightly in amusement.

"Calm down, it's an easy mistake to make!" Ron pleaded.

"An easy mistake…" Ginny repeated, and shot daggers at Ron who winced under her glare.

"As much as I would like to see Weasley punished for a stupid mistake, we seem to have more pressing matters to attend to." Snape drawled, drawing the groups attention. "_Siccus_." Snape muttered, giving a complicated wand movement that had Hermione practically drooling.

Both Ron and Ginny found themselves dry and warm at his spell. "Thank you, Professor." Ginny said gratefully. Ron completely ignored him.

"You could at least say thanks, Ron." Harry said, annoyed. The man was helping them, and it didn't mean he had to like him, but he owed him some respect at least.

"Thanks," Ron said ungratefully and Harry sighed.

"There's no time for this. Have you got your cloak?" Snape said quickly, turning to Harry, who nodded. "Put it on. There _should_ be, at most, one Death Eater at the back entrance. The Dark Lord doesn't believe anyone would attempt to attack him here, so security _should_ be lax." He explained.

"You're putting a lot of emphasis on _should_." Hermione noted.

"A smart observation. I have no way of knowing whether these security arrangements are still upheld." Snape conceded, a rare thing and Hermione felt vindicated.

"Go through the back door, and there should be a staircase leading to the dungeons. Meet us there." The trio nodded.

"Good luck you three," Harry said finally and pulled Hermione, Ron and Ginny into a four-way hug. "Aren't you going to join our group hug, sir?" Harry asked, trying to keep the situation light-hearted.

"Of course. I'd love to have Weasley hair in my face." He said sarcastically, noting the way Ginny's hair seemed to be trying to eat Harry." They swiftly pulled away, and the trio nodded to both Harry and Snape, before heading off to the back.

"This is it then." Harry stated, clasping the cloak around him.

"Indeed," Snape began as Harry disappeared. "There'll only be a small window of opportunity," He warned; "Be quick." They both began to move towards the Manor, and he couldn't shake the feeling that something unusual was going to happen.

As the reached the front door, Snape drew his wand and put it into a small hole. Harry could feel magic thrumming around them, and a cloaked man opened the door.

"Severus," He greeted. "The Dark Lord is very busy and has demanded not to be disturbed."

"I have grave news concerning the Order," Snape replied coldly. "They are planning to kill our Lord, and already have the means to do so." Harry couldn't see the cloaked mans face, but could almost imagine the panic in his eyes.

Without saying a word, the man moved to the side, and both Snape and Harry quickly darted through.

Well… this wasn't what he expected. It was a normal, upper-class manor. Harry suddenly felt very stupid, what had he been expecting? The walls to be made of flesh and the stairs of bone? He chastised himself for being so stupid, before he quickly moved to Snape's side.

"Our Lord is in the new interrogation room, with the Malfoys." 'Great that's all we need,' Harry thought bitterly.

"I can find my own way," Snape said icily and the cloaked man nodded, and returned to the door. Snape began to move towards the back of the manor, to where they would meet up with the others. Harry quickly followed.

Finally they arrived at the at stairs Snape had described and waited patiently for the other three, Harry still under his cloak. Suddenly, a red-faced Ron, an angry looking Hermione, and finally a smug Ginny came through the door leading to another room.

"I presume it went well," Snape murmured, keeping his voice as low as possible.

"Well?" Hermione breathed angrily, something Harry didn't know was possible.

"Thanks a bunch sir." Harry whispered into Snape's ear.

"Hermione, lets just get this over and done with, eh?" Ron whispered nervously, and they all nodded, even though no one could see Harry's nod.

"Someone else can fit under the cloak," Harry whispered.

"Pick somebody." Snape muttered.

"Errr, Hermione." He said without thinking, and he completely missed the crushed expression on Ginny's face. Hermione smirked and quickly secreted herself under the cloak with Harry.

Snape went first down the stairs, and they could hear talking.

Reaching the bottom of the stairs, and approaching an old room, with double-doors made from very old, very solid wood, Snape knocked on the door.

"Keep out of sight," He whispered and the ones not covered kept to the sides.

"Open the door and stay outside," A dark voice commanded, a voice Harry would know anywhere.

Snape prepared his Occlumency shields, and slowly opened the door.

Voldemort was in the middle of the room, no indication what he was doing beforehand around him. Lucius Malfoy was at the side of the room, with his son Draco by his side. "Severus… I said I was not to be disturbed."

"I know my Lord," Snape said quickly. "But I have news about the Order, they've developed a new spell, it is in the final stages and is nearing completion." Voldemort tilted his head, looking at him with curiosity.

"Come in," He finally said and everybody took a deep breath. Snape opened the doors wider and took a step into the room, leaving his sides clear, and all hell broke loose.

Ron and Ginny jumped out, shouting "_Stupefy_!"Neither managed to hit, and Voldemort quickly drew his wand, before Harry threw off his cloak, his own wand drawn.

Everyone was stood still now, both Malfoy's in shock, and Voldemort enraged. Ginny and Ron both had their wands trained on Voldemort, Snape and Hermione being the only ones to realize that their wands were better pointed elsewhere.

Hermione was covering Draco, and Snape, Lucius.

"I had you down as many a thing, Severus, but a traitor wasn't one of them." Lucius said bitterly.

"SILENCE!" Voldemort snapped, turning his full attention on Harry. "Have you come here to meet your death?" He sneered at Harry.

"No, actually, I've come to deliver yours." Harry smiled, just because he had no idea what to do next.

"Bold." Voldemort acknowledged. "Do you remember what happened the last time we dueled, brat?"

"Yes, I seem to remember escaping, multiple times." Harry said, and his wand hand began to twitch. "Why? Are you proposing a proper wizards duel?" Harry questioned, and Voldemort's eyes narrowed.

"I can think of no better end to suit The-Boy-Who-Wouldn't-Die."

"Who's your second then? I'll let you pick first." Harry declared. If he could get Voldemort angry enough, maybe he could push him over the edge?

"I need no second." Voldemort announced coldly.

"Everyone needs a second, it's in the rules," Harry said helpfully.

Voldemort simply stared at Harry a moment, before finally declaring: "Lucius." The blonde man eagerly stepped forward to his Lords side.

"And you, Potter?"

"I choose Severus Snape." He said simply, not even having to think about it. Snape stepped forward, and in a normal situation, would have smirked at been chosen over Weasley.

"WHAT!" Ron shouted, not caring that Voldemort was in the room. "But I'm your best friend!"

"And you're also shit at dueling. The most powerful wizard in the world is right in front of us, and all you can care about is your wounded pride!" Harry retorted and Ron looked thoroughly chastised.

"You admit, I am the most powerful then." Voldemort said the question as a statement.

"Yes," Harry said simply. "and you also have the biggest ego," He muttered under his breath. "This is so surreal." He said out loud.

"Reality tends to be Harry, now focus or we're all dead." Snape deadpanned.

"Are you ready to meet your parents?" Voldemort said, smirking as he did so.

"No idea." Harry said, not wanting to give Voldemort the satisfaction of an emotional answer. "I'm ready."

After a few moments, both men began to cast their spells, when there was a huge rumbling sound, making the rooms inhabitants wobble. Everyone looked at the floor, and all of the objects in the room started shaking.

'Of all the times to get an earthquake," Harry seethed, and turned back to look at Voldemort who had his wand pointing into the air.

"_Molior Propugnaculum_!" He said, and there was an indescribable feeling that passed through all of them. Suddenly, all of the rumbling stopped, and everyone but Harry and Voldemort himself had been knocked to the floor.

Everyone getting up, Ron raged and tried to cast a blasting curse at Draco. Nothing happened. Ron stared at his wand and tried again. Still nothing.

Harry looked around the room. Voldemort had his hand over his face, perhaps trying not to show how much power that spell had taken. Lucius and Draco were uselessly trying to cast curses at the Weasley's. Hermione was standing opened mouth, strangely enough, right next to Snape, who was also looking rather shocked.

Harry felt confused, and did the first thing that came to mind. He pointed his wand at Voldemort and shouted; "_Expelliarmus_!"

"That's not going to work, brat." Voldemort suddenly said, startling everyone in the room.

"Why not?" Harry demanded.

"Because that is the nature of the spell." Voldemort said simply.

"Elaborate?" Harry asked, and tried to sound polite, although he had no idea why.

"_Molior Propugnaculum,_ a protection spell. There can be no acts of violence, or purposeful magic inside it's radius."

"How are we supposed to get out then?" Harry exclaimed.

"It can only be dispelled with it's counter spell, from the outside, which I only taught my most _trusted_," Voldemort gave Snape a taste of his own medicine with a death glare. "Inner circle members. Namely, Lucius, Severus and Bellatrix."

"Great. So our only hope is that bitch?" Harry said despairingly.

"I would presume Albus Dumbledore also knows the counter spell."

"Wow, that's even better!" Harry said sarcastically. "What would happen if I walked over there right now and punched you?" He asked venomously.

"I suspect you would be thrown back from me before you managed it." Voldemort smirked and Harry scowled. Harry looked around the room. There was a barrier of light just in front of the actual walls of the room. Lucius and Draco approached Harry, and Hermione, Ron and Ginny quickly came beside him.

"This is all your fault," Lucius sneered. "How did you even get here anyway?"

"A vision." Harry said simply.

"No doubt helped by the Mudblood." Draco seethed, glaring at Hermione.

"Don't call her a Mudblood," Ron roared in defense of his friend.

"I'll call her what I like, Weasley." Draco did a perfect impression of his fathers sneer.

"Leave it Ron," Hermione pleaded.

"I won't leave it! When we get out of here…" Ron said threateningly.

"_If _we get out of here," Snape added pessimistically.

"Indeed, we seem to be stuck here. No thanks to you," Lucius said accusingly, directed at Snape.

"I'd thank the Dark Lord for our current situation, not me." Snape said with a forced calm.

"Malfoys don't 'thank', we express gratitude." He said with pride, making Snape and Ron snort.

"I don't think I've ever seen that," Snape commented.

Ginny stepped forward, a huge scowl on her face. She angrily pointed her finger in Lucius's face. "No, next time you 'express gratitude' let me know so I can take a picture. It may end up in the next Care of Magical Creatures class. You know, when we're studying Blast-Ended Skrewts." She said furiously.

Everyone was completely silent in the face of Ginny's scornful comment.

"How… dare you!" Lucius said lowly. "I won't be insulted by a filthy little blood traitor!"

"ENOUGH!" Harry yelled, causing both parties to back down. "This is getting us nowhere. We can't do magic, and we can't beat each other to death either. We're stuck together until the bitch releases us, after that, we can kill each other all we want!" Harry scowled and threw a pointed glare at Voldemort. "But for now, lets just leave it."

Both Lucius and Draco glared at Harry before they both sloped off.

"I've never seen magic like that before," Ginny commented, trying to calm down and change the subject.

"That's _old_ magic," Hermione said. "Very powerful magic."

"Hermione, stop complimenting him." Ron snapped.

"Oh just because you can't appreciate a bit of complex magic doesn't mean I can't." She said angrily.

"This is not the time for arguing guys!" Harry chastised. Lucius and Draco were sitting in the far corner, murmuring to each other. Voldemort had moved to the other corner, and was glaring at Harry. Ron, Hermione and Ginny seemed to have gravitated towards each other and Snape was still standing, inspecting their new prison, jabbing his finger at the barrier of light, only to have it ripple at his touch.

"I didn't know such a spell existed," Harry said, walking over to where Snape was stood.

"It's dark, ancient magic, Harry. Very powerful, as Miss Granger said."

"How can a protective spell be dark?" Harry questioned.

"It essentially bends the will of the people inside of it. You can't do any magic, or anything with malicious intent." Snape explained.

"Why'd Voldemort have to go and do this?" He muttered to himself.

"I suspect he wanted to protect himself, and put more power into the spell than he intended." Snape rationalized.

"I suppose so. Are you going to come and sit with us then?" He asked cautiously. Snape eyed the others equally as cautiously. Finally, he acquiesced and sat down on Harry's left, his right being an empty space.

"Why are you all ganging up on me?" Ron whined.

"Because, we're trapped in a prison of ancient magic, with the darkest and most powerful wizard for centuries, and all you're worried about, is your stomach!" Hermione said, obviously annoyed.

"I only asked if you had any food," Ron muttered and Harry shook his head.

"Hermione, you know before we came down here, what happened?" Harry asked, remembering the looks on all of their faces.

"Don't ask." Ron said bitterly.

"Oh shut up Ron, It was funny!" Ginny laughed, earning the group glares from the Malfoys.

"So what happened then?" Harry asked again.

"Well, Snape was wrong for once." Ron said smugly and Hermione's scowl deepened.

"Sorry sir." She offered in Ron's stead to Snape. "We went round the back, and there were two Death Eaters." Hermione explained, ignoring an increasingly red faced Ron. "So, Ron 'commanded' that Ginny and I take one, and he'd take the other."

"This is going to end badly," Snape muttered so only Harry could hear.

"We wait until the Death Eaters separate, and then Ginny and I successfully stun ours. We hear a commotion, and what's happened? Ron has stunned the Death Eater, but the bastard managed to cast the _Conjunctivitis Curse_, first! So, what was Ron doing? Shooting off curses and hexes randomly because he couldn't see!"

Ginny and Harry started laughing. "He hit Hermione with a _Jelly-Fingers Curse_, and she kept dropping her wand." Ginny informed them, and they heard snorts from the other two corners of the room.

"That's enough," Hermione snapped, and everyone knew not to mention it again, everyone but Ron that is.

"But it wasn't my fault," Ron whined and Hermione scowled.

"You don't just cast curses like that randomly!" Hermione said angrily.

"But I needed to make sure I got him!" Ron insisted.

"You had already stunned him!" She shrieked and Ginny, Harry and Snape shuffled back slightly.

"I didn't know that, I was blinded!" Ron argued.

"Ron if you don't shut up, I'm going to go and sit with Voldemort, I bet even he'd be better company than you." Harry said threateningly.

"You wouldn't!" Ron gasped.

"Watch me." Harry spat, annoyed with his best friend, and true to his word, he stood up and began to move to the corner where Voldemort was sitting.

"Ron! That was the worse thing you could of said, you know whenever you say that he does it anyway!" Hermione shrieked at Ron, who was now staring despondently at the ceiling.

Harry huffed at Hermione and sat down right in front of his arch enemy, crossing his arms and glaring at him. "Tell me, if I try and punch you, and it knocks me back, will it knock me out?"

"And you think that would be a wise course of action, considering whose company you now hold, brat?" Voldemort questioned and glared right back at him.

"Probably not, but I wouldn't have to listen to them." Harry conceded. There were a few moments of an awkward silence before Voldemort spoke again.

"You thought to defeat me, when you cannot stand those you call your friends?" He asked Harry, who sniggered.

"Yeah I did, and still do, when Bellabitch comes and gets us out of here. We never finished our duel," Harry said cheekily, taking a risk.

"Bellabitch?"

"You know, Bellatrix, I'd like to torture her," He muttered, remembering Sirius all over again.

"Perhaps you should be in Slytherin."

Harry lowered his voice. "Oh I nearly was, I'm only in Gryffindor because I begged the sorting hat not to put me there."

Voldemort looked at him a moment. "You are a very stupid boy, choosing Gryffindor over Slytherin."

"If you're going to call me names, I'll call you Tom, and I know how much that pisses you off." Harry smirked.

"You wouldn't." Voldemort glared and growled warningly, before realizing he made the same error as Ron.

"Watch me… Tom." Harry smirked again. "Don't tell anyone else that, about Slytherin, not many people know." Harry commented, and got up, returning back to his group.

"See, told you I would." Harry said smugly, looking at the shocked faces of Hermione, Ron and Ginny.

"I can't believe you did that, Potter!" Snape hissed.

"Harry, and anyway, it's not like he could of done anything is it?"

Snape opened his mouth to say something, and promptly closed it again.

"What are we supposed to do now?" Ron asked, and the group thought for a moment.

"There's nothing we can do, we just need to wait for Bellabitch." Harry replied. "Although, I'm sure we'll all die then." He added thoughtfully.

"How cheerful." Ginny said and rolled her eyes. Hermione had brought out her satchel and was bringing out everything that was inside.

"Miss Granger," Snape began on seeing the amount of potions she was bringing out. "Did you steal my _entire_ stock?"

"I did," She said sheepishly.

"You couldn't just have brought the ones you thought useful?" He asked, slightly exasperated.

"I didn't have time to look at the labels," She admitted. "You walked in just a few seconds after."

Finally finished setting out the various potions, and to Ron's delight, the wrapped pumpkin pasties, sandwiches, cauldron cakes, chocolate frogs and practically the whole of Honeydukes.

"Professor, why are there eight vials of Veritaserum?" Ginny asked, curiously examining the many potions.

"Because, the full moon has just past, and that was the latest batch. It is an improved version of Veritaserum. You are only compelled to tell the truth, when you have to agreed to before hand. For example. If Miss Granger consumed the potion, and I asked her whether her hair was brown, she could lie. However, if I said, tell me the truth, and she had said she would, and then I asked, she would be compelled to be honest." He said, giving her a disdainful look, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"I suppose we could eat now," Hermione commented, and being the Gryffindor she is, she got up, and walked over to the Malfoys. "Mr. Malfoy, Draco," She acknowledged. "Are you coming to eat?" She asked politely.

"And get poisoned?" Lucius asked.

"If it was poisoned, why are we eating it?" She stated, and Lucius looked over at Draco, who was eyeing up the pasties.

"Very well. Come on Draco." They both got up, and walked over to the group, sitting down and helping themselves.

"How is it that you have so much food?" Lucius asked, shocked on basically seeing enough food to stock Honeydukes.

"It's where me and Harry hide things from Ron," She confessed, bringing out seven bottles of butter-beer. "Harry bought me the satchel for my birthday."

"It must have cost a fortune," Draco said, approvingly.

"I did," Harry interjected. "It was the best one they had." He finished proudly.

"You hide things from me?" Ron asked, obvious hurt in his tone.

"You'd eat it all." Harry stated simply, ignoring the look of pure hurt on Ron's face.

"I wouldn't." He said, turning on puppy-dog eyes, which everybody ignored.

"You would," Ginny said helpfully, earning her a scowl from her brother.

The group all inched closer to the food, enjoying it. Harry leaned in a lowered his voice. "What's your bet I can get Tom to have some cauldron cake?" He said, a malicious gleam in his eye.

"Who's Tom?" Draco asked, doing a perfect impression of Ron and spitting crumbs everywhere.

"Manners Draco!" Lucius reprimanded.

Harry rolled his eyes. "Voldemort, who else would it be?" Harry asked, and looked at Draco incredulously.

"You'll never do it," Draco grinned.

Harry picked up a slice, and walked over to where Voldemort was sitting, watching them intently.

"Aren't you hungry, _Tom_?" Harry asked, fully expecting a death glare, which he received.

"I wouldn't sully myself with such foods," Voldemort said disdainfully.

"You never had cake and such on the Hogwarts express then?" He asked, disbelievingly. Voldemort had no reply to that. "Come on, stop being so miserable!" Harry said cheerfully. "What do _you_ have to be miserable about?"

"I've unwittingly protected my mortal enemy and his stupid friends from harm, expended a huge amount of magical energy, and discovered one of my best followers is actually a spy. I've also discovered that my other best follower," Voldemort threw a glare at Lucius. "Will abandon me at will, for a piece of cake." Voldemort spat bitterly.

"The cake is good!" Harry said defensively. "And anyway, if anyone is miserable don't you think it should be me? So, as soon as Bellabitch lets us out, I've got to fight the duel of my life, the results of said duel changing the future for the entire wizarding world." Harry narrowed his eyes when he got no response. "So, stop being so bloody selfish and have some cake!"

Voldemort opened his mouth to no doubt spit something venomous out, and Harry forcibly shoved the cake into his mouth. Voldemort quickly chewed and swallowed the cake, and Harry could see the fury behind his eyes.

"Don't," Voldemort began growling, reaching out to grab Harry, only to remember their prison. He pulled his hands back and continued. "you ever do that again." He finished.

"Lighten up," Harry rolled his eyes. He knew full well as soon as Bellabitch opened their prison, he and the others would most likely die, probably really painfully now. He should be entitled to have some fun right?

"The Dark Lord, does not 'lighten up'." Voldemort scowled.

"If you say so," Harry said, getting ready to go back to the group, who were watching with their mouths open, not a pretty sight in Ron's case as it was filled with cake. "_Tom_." He said with a smile, relishing the chance to taunt his enemy without consequence. Harry quickly turned around and gracefully fled back to the group.

"No one but you, Potter, would have the courage to shove cauldron cake into the Dark Lord's mouth." Lucius said, and Draco nodded.

"I can't believe he actually ate it!" Ginny exclaimed.

"Harry, that was quite possibly the stupidest thing I have _ever_ seen _anybod_ydo." Snape hissed.

"I agree with Professor Snape, how could you?" Hermione said furiously.

"Hermione, why do you keep taking the bad guys side?" Ron asked, irritated.

"What do you mean?" She quickly whipped around to face him, and she looked livid.

"You keep agreeing with Snape of all people, and you complimented Voldemort _twice_!" Ron explained, and quickly regretted it.

"I merely commented on the fact it was extremely complex and difficult magic. I keep agreeing with _Professor_ Snape, because he's right!"

"Calm down! Not everyone likes all that complicated magic stuff, I swear It'll give you a heart attack from the excitement one day," He grumbled.

"You are so insensitive!" She growled.

"And you're so bloody hormonal!" Lucius, Draco, and Harry sniggered at this, while Hermione looked so affronted and Ginny was fuming.

"If I could slap you," Hermione began lowly. "I wouldn't. I'd kick you in the balls instead." She finished, eliciting a wince from all the men at the thought of it.

"Will you all be quiet?" Voldemort's voice boomed as he came up to the group, anger evident in his blood red eyes.

"Oh, hello Tom!" Harry said cheerfully. "Have you come for more cake?" He asked sweetly.

"Only you would dare," Snape muttered, and Harry had the most marvelous idea.

"We should play Truth or Dare!" He exclaimed excitedly.

"Oh no!" Hermione said. "Please no, Harry! Remember when you introduced that in the dorms? People were walking around offended for weeks!" She cringed at the memory, and was glad she had avoided the game.

"What's truth or dare?" Both Lucius and Draco asked.

The malicious gleam in Harry's eye brightened. "Simple, we find an empty bottle, spin it, and whoever it lands on, the person who span the bottle asks them Truth, or dare.

If they say truth, you get to ask them ANY question, and they have to tell the truth!" Harry smiled and laughed at the memory of the last game they'd played.

"And if they say dare?" Draco inquired.

"Well, then you get to dare them to do something. For example, say you asked me, and I said dare, you could… dare me to do… well anything really. Kiss people, eat earwax…"

"Urgh," Hermione screwed up her nose in disgust.

"It's a muggle game, and I think we should play! Harry said happily. "Who's in?"

Draco, Ron, Ginny and Harry put their hand up. Harry turned on his puppy dog eyes and directed them at Hermione. "Pretty please? With sugar? And a cherry?"

"Where does the cherry come from?" She asked cautiously.

"A muggle farm, so house elves didn't gather it." He explained and Hermione sighed.

"Fine I'm in." She put her hand up.

"Tell me, Potter, how do you ensure people are telling the truth?" Voldemort asked suddenly, making everyone jump.

"Well, you can't normally, but we have that new improved version of Veritaserum," He grinned.

"This sounds… interesting. Are you sure it's a game?"

"Well, it's more of a way of testing people's loyalties and such." Harry said quickly, realizing that Voldemort probably didn't play games. Voldemort appeared to think for a moment, before sitting down in the space on Harry's right.

"Lucius, Severus, you two shall join in as well." Voldemort said commandingly.

"Yes, my Lord," Lucius said quickly.

"I will not!" Snape said forcefully.

"Come on, live a little. I bet my mother would have done…" Harry trailed off, knowing that was a low blow.

Snape sighed. "Very well. But _only_ because we're all going to die afterwards." He said miserably.

Hermione rolled her eyes and handed out the Veritaserum. "I can't believe I'm playing truth or dare with the Dark Lord and Lucius Malfoy," She muttered and downed her dose in one.

Harry watched as everyone but Voldemort and himself took their dose. Snape passed him the remaining two bottles, and he handed one to Voldemort. "Bottoms up!" He said cheerily, and also downed his dose in one.

"Now, just to see if it's working as it should, Professor Snape," He said, turning to his left side. "Truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"What's your first name?"

"Severus." He responded immediately.

"Good! Now, who wants to go first?"


	2. Bonded Best Friends

**A/N: This is in no way to be taken seriously, written purely from a crazy dream I had! Will contain: Stupidity, Ron-Bashing, Ron being incredibly and repeatedly stupid, a hormonal Hermione, a raging Ginny, slight Ginny bashing, Dumbledore bashing, extreme silliness, a very sarcastic Harry and finally OOCness. This starts off fairly seriously, and there is an underlying story line, but it's mostly a parody, so please, enjoy!**

**Disclaimer; If Voldemort, Severus and Remus are dead, then I don't own Harry Potter or anything to do with the books, or films.**

**Update: 28/6/10, someone has just left a review saying there should be a slash warning. I didn't think I needed one but here we go just in case: This contains slash. Happy now?**

**One last thing: If you don't like the story, don't review and just move on. Constructive criticism is always good, don't just point out a flaw, please, tell me what you think I should do to improve it. This is **_**supposed**_** to be just a laugh, so please don't tell me things like "(Insert character name here) would never do that!" or "(Insert plot moment here) happened too quickly."**

**After that rather long A/N, please enjoy the story, and leave me a review telling me what you think!**

"I will!" Draco said immediately, bouncing in his place, looking very reminiscent of Hermione when she wants to answer a question.

"Draco. You are a Malfoy! Maintain some decorum!" Lucius said, scowling.

"Go ahead Draco," Harry said, placing an empty butter beer bottle in the center of their unlikely circle. "Spin the bottle."

Draco did as he was asked, and the bottle landed on Ginny.

"Truth or dare?" Draco asked grinning.

"Errr," Ginny thought for a moment. "Truth."

Draco smirked. "How many men have you kissed?"

"Nine." Ginny said, blushing.

"THAT many?" Ron practically screeched.

"Yeah," She muttered. "My turn!" She squeaked and reached out and span the bottle, it landed on Lucius. Ginny scowled.

"Truth or dare?" She asked.

"Truth, a Malfoy would never lower himself to do a 'dare'." Lucius said, sneering.

"Who's the most unlikely person you've ever fancied?" She asked, smirking.

"Molly Weasley," Lucius blurted, and everyone gasped.

"Father?" Draco exclaimed, wide-eyed.

"This was a terrible idea," Lucius growled.

Snape and Voldemort were smirking, Ron and Ginny looked horrified. Hermione was giggling, Draco was giving his father a disdainful look and Harry was laughing so much he thought he would burst.

"Blood traitors, Lucius?" Voldemort questioned. "I would have thought you'd have better taste."

"I do," He muttered.

"My mother?" Ginny asked incredulously.

"Yes, now be quiet!" Lucius snarled.

"Mrs. Weasley, Molly, Weasley Matriarch, _my mother_?" Ron asked again, as if he wasn't hearing Lucius properly.

"YES! I believe it's my turn now!" He said forcefully, and everyone came back down to earth.

Lucius scowled and spun the bottle, it landed on Snape. Lucius laughed. "Excellent. Truth or dare?" He asked maliciously.

"Dare." Snape said simply, and Lucius looked disappointed.

"I dare you to…" Lucius smirked maliciously, and whispered it Snape's left ear: "Tell the Dark Lord about Bellatrix's plans for him."

"Lucius are you mad?" Snape shouted, causing the Gryffindors of the group to snigger, even though they hadn't heard the dare.

"Perhaps, however, you have to comply." He smirked, and Snape pinched the bridge of his nose.

"My Lord," He addressed, looking directly at Voldemort. "Bellatrix has designs on you, and has told the rest of the Death Eaters that you are in love with her, and she is going to become your consort." Snape said with a blank face, knowing exactly how much this would anger Voldemort.

There was a sharp intake of breath as everyone stared at Voldemort. The usually pale face suddenly had a flash of color, and his brow furrowed in anger.

"What?" He said lowly, and Lucius and Draco were chuckling.

"She has told the rest of the Death Eaters, that you are in love with her, and she is soon to become your consort," Snape said slowly, automatically bracing himself for a _Crucio _he knew couldn't come.

"Did she now… However, I don't love." Voldemort said coldly and Harry burst out laughing.

"Oh come on, you love yourself enough!" Harry said boldly, causing the rest of their unlikely group's eye's to widen. "I bet she's going to start calling you Voldie-poo soon!" He joked and Voldemort's eyes darkened, something nobody believed possible.

"Are you trying to commit suicide?" Ron asked fearfully.

"Nah, come on then, Professor, it's your turn." Harry grinned.

"Seeing as though you have granted me to courtesy to call you Harry, and also the fact we're all going to die soon, I suspect it may be polite for you to call me Severus." Snape drawled, making it sound as though the very idea was abhorrent to him.

"Very well, _Severus_, It's your turn." Severus reached out, and span the bottle. It landed on Ron.

"Crap!" Ron muttered.

"Truth or dare, Weasley?" Severus sneered.

"Truth." Ron said quickly and looked wildly around the room.

"Have you ever stolen from my personal stores?" Severus questioned, causing Harry to laugh.

"Yes, several times." Ron stated and then cringed. "Why did I ever agree to play this stupid game?"

"Because, in Severus's words, you're a dunderhead." Harry interjected, still laughing. "Trust you to ask such a practical question," Harry said, addressing Severus.

"What question would you of asked?"

"I would have asked him who he fancied at the moment," Harry grinned.

"Of course _you_ would, I don't know why I bothered asking you," Severus retorted.

"Ron spin the bloody bottle already, I knew this would end in tears." Hermione said and Ron eagerly span the bottle.

This time, it landed on Hermione.

"Truth or dare?" He asked, flashing her a toothy grin.

"Dare." She replied, ignoring the look of disappointment on Draco's face.

"Urgh, I can't think of any dares!" Ron whined and leaned closer to her, and whispered: "Fine, I dare you to… run your fingers through Lucius's hair." He smirked and pulled back, expecting a horrified look.

"Is that it?" She said aloofly, standing up and moving over to Lucius.

"What do you think you're doing?" Lucius asked lowly, as Hermione moved closer towards him.

"My dare, so shut up." She rolled her eyes and put her hand on his head, and ran her fingers through his long, blonde hair several times. "Wow, silky!"

"What else did you expect?" Lucius asked proudly. Hermione pulled away and sat back down.

"That was a rubbish dare, Weasley." Draco whined.

"Well it's Hermione's turn now," Ginny reminded him. Hermione groaned and span the bottle, it landed on Voldemort.

"Shit," She murmured. "Truth or dare…?" She asked nervously.

"Truth."

"Erm…" She began nervously. What are you supposed to ask the Dark Lord? "Have you ever had a bath?" She blurted out and everyone looked at her as though she was mad.

"I have." Voldemort said icily, and Hermione stared right into those red silts and shuddered.

"God Hermione, couldn't you think of anything more interesting than that?" Harry questioned, raising an eyebrow.

"Well I'm _so_ sorry that I had no idea what to ask the _darkest_ most _powerful_ wizard that has ever lived!" She huffed.

"See there you go again, complimenting that bad guys!" Ron moaned. "You never compliment me," He complained.

"Do something compliment worthy and we'll go from there," She retorted.

"I believe it's my turn." Voldemort said simply. "Lucius, spin the bottle for me." Lucius of course complied and span the bottle, it landed on Harry.

"Fate." Harry said, smirking.

"Truth or dare, brat?"

"Truth."

"Do you fear me?" Voldemort asked quickly, he'd obviously already thought of his question.

"Nope." Harry said happily and smiled. "Did you think that I would?"

"Yes. I also think you are a foolish boy," Voldemort said simply and Severus nodded his head.

"Oi! You're supposed to be on my side!" Harry said with false hurt directed towards Severus.

"I can be on your side, and still think you are foolish, Harry." Snape said snidely.

"Whatever," Harry rolled his eyes and span the bottle and it landed on Ron again.

"Truth or dare?" Harry said innocently, he knew exactly what he wanted to ask Ron and hoped to god he wouldn't pick dare.

"Truth." Ron blurted and Harry beamed.

"I stand by my earlier question, who do you fancy most at the moment?"

"Hermione." Ron said blushing.

"No way!" Ginny gasped and Ron nodded. "But you treat her so badly!"

"Your treatment of Miss Granger _is_ appalling," Severus agreed and Hermione blushed.

"I thought you were going to say Lavender or something," Draco admitted.

"That's so sixth year," Harry said mockingly. "I didn't think you were going to say Hermione though!"

"I am still here you know." Hermione said, annoyed at being spoken about like she wasn't there.

"Sorry! But seriously, Ron, Hermione?" Ginny asked incredulously.

"You have awful taste, Weasley." Lucius said smugly.

"If he has awful taste, then what's your taste like? Didn't you say you fancied Molly Weasley?" Severus reminded him and he scowled.

"Never thought I'd see you coming to Hermione's rescue." Harry commented, causing Hermione to blush again.

"Just shut up!" Ron yelled. "My turn." He reached out and span the bottle, it landed on Draco.

"Truth or dare?"

"Dare." Draco grinned.

"I dare you to eat three slices of cauldron cake at once," Ron announced, and at Draco's horrified look added; "It's easy."

"For a pig like you maybe!" Draco shot back causing Ron to snort… just like a pig. "Point proven." Draco smirked.

He reached to where they had moved the food, and took three, medium sized slices of cauldron cake. "Go on!" Ron egged him on and both Lucius and Severus rolled their eyes.

Draco quickly shoved the pieces in his mouth and gagged. Ginny cackled and pointed.

"Have you ever thought about becoming a Death Eater Ginny? You looked rather similar to Bellabitch then." Harry deadpanned, and her face immediately fell into a scowl.

A few more moments of chewing, and Draco finished off the cake, and opened his mouth to show everybody.

"This game is turning my son into a savage!" Lucius raged.

"Rather a savage than a spoilt brat," Ginny muttered, earning her a glare.

"I'm having fun! What about you Tom?" Harry asked, turning to his right.

"It's… amusing." Voldemort conceded, leading Harry to cheer.

Before Harry could say anything more, Draco span the bottle again, and it landed on his father.

"Truth or dare, father?"

"Truth." He said, eyes narrowing in suspicion.

"Awww," Draco sighed disappointedly. "You won't do a dare?"

"No I won't, now ask the question." Lucius replied, strained.

"Out of these people, who would you kiss. Bellatrix, Minerva McGonagall or Madam Pomfrey?" Draco asked with a malicious gleam in his eye very much like Harry's.

"I would kiss Poppy," Lucius said, causing a chorus of "Ewwwwws!" from the Gryffindors, and his son. "I wouldn't sully my mouth with Bellatrix even on YOUR orders, my Lord." Lucius quickly added. "Not that she would let me, she only has eyes for one man at the moment." Lucius smirked.

"Enough!" Voldemort quickly interjected.

Lucius smirked again and span the bottle, it landed on Hermione.

"Wonderful, the Mudblood." Lucius drawled.

"Leave the insults out of this, Lucius," Snape suddenly said, earning him a trademark sneer.

"Truth or dare?" He asked Hermione.

"Truth then." She sighed.

"Do you ever feel reproachful towards yourself for being a mudblood?" He asked innocently.

"Yes, I often feel I am not worthy of my magic." She said sadly, and a strange sense of silence infiltrated the room.

"Miss Granger. I do not give compliments, however despite your blood status, you have the capability to be a very powerful witch." Severus drawled, obviously trying to sound apathetic.

"Thank you sir," She said quietly, and reached out to spin the bottle, it landed on Harry.

"Truth or dare?"

"Dare!"

"You couldn't pick truth?" She asked exasperated, and Harry shook his head. "Fine, I dare you to stand on your head for five minutes."

"Wow, how difficult," He replied sarcastically. He stood up, and proceeded to stand on his head, hands supporting his weight. Five minutes ticked by in utter silence, no one knowing what to say, until Harry was done.

"My turn then," He reached out and span the bottle, landing on Ginny.

"Truth or dare?"

"Dare!"

"I dare you… to kiss Draco!" He grinned and both Draco and Ginny looked horrified.

"If Voldemort doesn't kill you, I'll do it myself!" She screamed.

"You wouldn't dare steal my kill away from me, blood traitor." Voldemort growled warningly.

"Awww Tom! I didn't know you cared!" Harry said, trying to sound as cheerful as possible, just to annoy Voldemort.

"I don't. Complete the dare." He said, glaring at Ginny.

"Fine." She got up, marched over to Draco, and leant down, planting a chaste kiss on his lips, before pulling away.

"I feel so cheated!" Harry complained.

"What? You never said it had to be a French kiss," She shot back, smirking. Once back in her seat, she span the bottle again, and it landed on Severus.

"Truth or dare, Professor?"

Severus thought for a moment. "Truth."

"If you had to kiss either me or Hermione, who would you pick?" Ginny asked, laughing as she did so.

"I'd pick Hermione," He said blankly.

"Don't you dare!" Ron snarled protectively.

"Oh shut up, you don't own me, and I doubt Professor Snape is going to be kissing me anytime soon," She said icily, trying to hide her embarrassment and increasing blush.

Severus rolled his eyes again and span the bottle, it landed on Voldemort.

If Severus Snape were any other man, he would have gulped. "Truth or dare, my Lord?"

"Dare." Came the reply, and everyone's eyes went wide.

"My Lord, I dare you to…" Shit! What could you dare the Dark Lord to do? "To say something nice about somebody in the room." He said finally. Everybody's jaw dropped at the sheer audacity of the question, only Harry would normally do something like that.

"Severus…." Voldemort sneered, before realizing he had to do the dare anyway. "Very well." He turned to Harry. "Harry, you are incredibly lucky."

"Close enough," Harry shrugged.

"Lucius, spin the bottle for me."

Lucius again, complied with his Lord's wishes, and it landed on Ron.

"Truth or dare?" Voldemort asked, glaring at the red-headed boy.

"Truth," He gulped, and started sweating.

"Did you ever truly believe Harry could defeat me?"

"No. I thought we were all going to die painful deaths."

"WHAT?" Harry, Hermione and Ginny screamed, and Voldemort smirked at the outcome of his question.

"You scumbag!" Harry spat. "I thought we were _best_ friends! We took the best friend bond and everything!"

"We still are!" Ron pleaded.

"I don't think so." Harry said coldly. "I Harry James Potter, hereby break the Best Friend Bond I made with Ronald Bilius Weasley." There was a feeling of magic in the air, and there was a red glow from Ron, followed by a short, sharp, snapping sound.

"How could you?" Ron asked, obviously upset.

"No! How could _you!_ We took a best friend bond, because that would cement our friendship, not to mention the magical benefits! You know, when you're around I'm more powerful and vice versa."

"That's old magic." Voldemort commented.

"Yeah, Hermione looked it up." Harry said off-handedly. "And anyway, the fact that I could break the bond shows how it meant nothing in the first place!"

"You know what? I think Tom would make a better best friend than you, and he keeps trying to kill me!"

"I…"

"Ron, I'm disappointed in you," Ginny said quietly.

"Please, Harry, I," Harry raised a hand and cut Ron off.

"Not interested."

"Harry, I didn't mean anything by it!" Ron pleaded again, and Harry had a wicked idea to get Ron angry.

"Maybe I should get a best friend bond with Tom! I bet it'd mean more!" He hissed.

"You wouldn't!"

"FUCKING HELL RON! Didn't you learn from last time?" Hermione screamed, she knew what was coming next, and so did everyone else.

"Watch me." Harry smiled and turned to Voldemort. "You'll be my best friend, right?"

"I will no-" Voldemort began before Harry interrupted him.

"Brilliant!" He grabbed Voldemort's hand and shook it vigorously, keeping it in his own. "I Harry James Potter, hereby declare that Tom Marvolo Riddle, also known as Lord Voldemort, is my best friend." Magic thrummed in the air, and there was a green glow around their hands.

"Wow, I didn't think it was going to work!" Harry gasped.

"Strong emotions! You idiot!" Hermione cried.

"You've taken that monster as your best friend?" Ron said angrily.

"Looks like it yeah," Harry shot back spitefully.

"I don't understand," Draco blurted out.

"A best friend bond is a type of old magic that bonded two wizards together. The idea behind the bond is that, as the brat said, when one is around, the other is more powerful." Voldemort drawled, sounding bored.

"You have the have strong, emotions about the other person for the bond to work. It could be love, or hate, but it must be strong." Hermione added, glaring at Harry. "Otherwise, it doesn't work. I mean, the magic can't differentiate different emotions, but it can tell whether they are strong or not. I found this in a book in the restricted section, I thought it would help Ron and Harry." She admitted.

"Ok ok, but I thought bonds needed to be broken by both wizards?"

"Normally, yes. However, in the best friend bond, if one wizard breaks the bond, and there has been a betrayal, then the bond breaks." Hermione continued, feeling happy now she was using her extensive knowledge.

"Does magic decide what is a betrayal or not?" Draco inquired.

"No, the wizard does. For example, if they were spies on opposing sides or something, and they needed to kill each other to keep their cover, then that's not a betrayal. So basically, it's up to the wizards."

"Miss Granger, have you memorized the whole book?" Severus asked seriously.

"I just have a good memory, sir,"

"Oh my god, did that just happen?" Ginny finally asked, gasping.

Voldemort chuckled, and everyone stopped, Severus was sat opened mouth, like he was about to say something, Ginny gasped again, and Lucius paled.

"Lord Voldemort chuckled!" Draco exclaimed, shocked. "I've only heard him do that once! And that was when he had Bellatrix under the Cruciatus curse!"

"Draco! You speak of our Lord as if he is not here," Lucius quickly chastised.

"What's got you tickled then Tom?" Harry laughed.

"I am not 'tickled'" He said angrily. "I merely thought you denouncing the Weasley boy, breaking a very strong bond with him in the process, and then binding us together as best friends was highly amusing."

"Harry. The exponential increase of your stupidity astounds me. You've just given the Dark Lord a weapon against you," Severus seethed. "Now, he's going to be much more powerful due to your bond!"

"I didn't think of that," Harry admitted. "I didn't even think it would work! It was supposed to be a joke!" Harry turned to face Voldemort "That's why you haven't broken it then."

"Harry, I wouldn't have thought of increasing my power that way, had it not been for your 'joke'." Voldemort smirked and Harry scowled at his admitted stupidity. "Why the long face, _friend_?" Voldemort raised his left arm and draped it over Harry's shoulder.

Everybody was gaping at the two, causing Voldemort to smirk more.

"Harry, how could you let the man be your bonded best friend?" Ron raged.

"Awww, come on. I'm sure he's a lovely person really!" Harry said sarcastically.

"Lets just play the stupid game!" Ron yelled, causing most people to jump.

Ron reached out and span the bottle, it landed on Lucius.

"Truth or dare?"

"Truth." Lucius said automatically

"Are you always going to say truth?" Harry asked.

"A Malfoy would-"

"Never lower himself to do a dare," Harry rolled his eyes.

"Do you love Narcissa?" Ron asked.

"I do." Lucius smiled at the thought of his wife.

"Ron, you're terrible at this game," Hermione said scathingly.

Lucius span the bottle, and it landed on Harry again.

"Truth or dare?"

"Hmmm, truth."

"Do you hate Ronald Weasley?" Lucius asked and smirked, making sure the question was specific and copied Ron's question to him.

"Yes," Harry said venomously, throwing a pointed glare at Ron, who paled. Harry scowled and span the bottle, it landed on Draco.

"Truth or dare?"

"Hmm… dare."

"Swap clothes with Ginny." Harry grinned.

"WHAT?" Both Draco and Ginny screeched.

"You have to swap clothes with Ginny, I'm sure that awful slutty dress will look perfect on you!" Harry said with exaggerated excitement.

Both glared at Harry, before moving to the corner of the room. Everybody respectfully looked away, and three minutes later they came back, Draco now dressed in said slutty dress.

"Draco!" Lucius said, horrified and Hermione, Ginny and Ron started laughing. Both Severus and Voldemort sniggered.

"This is so humiliating," Draco cried.

"Give us a twirl!" Harry finally laughed.

"Go to hell, Potter!" Draco hissed. "Never in a thousand years will I 'twirl' for you. Nothing can make me twirl." He finished defiantly.

Harry thought for a moment, before inspiration struck him. He turned to his right, and Voldemort shifted his arm slightly. "Tom?"

"No." Voldemort said sharply, knowing exactly what Harry wanted.

"Come on, we're best friends now! Best friends are supposed to be nice to each other!" He said sweetly and smirked and Voldemort tossed him a disdainful look.

"Malfoy," Voldemort began, turning his glare on the younger Malfoy. "Twirl."

"But-" Draco spluttered.

"Obey our Lord, Draco." Lucius said, cringing and looking away.

Draco cringed himself, and then complied, twirling around twice for the group. "Are you happy now?"

"Yup! Come on then, your turn." Harry said happily.

Draco scowled and span the bottle, it landed on Hermione.

"Truth or dare?"

"Truth." She said, still stifling laughter at the state Draco was in.

"If you had to kiss any man in this room, who would you kiss?"

"Severus Snape." She immediately responded, and gasped. "Stupid truth serum!" She raged.

"OH MY GOD!" Ginny screamed. "He's the guy you've been moping over!"

"You'd kiss Snape? Before any other man in the room?" Ron asked clearly extremely upset.

"YES!" She cried out in frustration, going bright red with embarrassment.

"It seems the mudblood is rather taken with you," Lucius sneered at Severus, who was showing no emotion what so ever.

"That's her… choice." He finally said, avoiding looking at Hermione.

"Severus, I hadn't known you were so popular with the students." Voldemort sniped.

"He's not," Ginny laughed. "Whenever we discuss teachers we fancy, he's NEVER on the list!" She cackled and Harry was instantly reminded of Bellabitch.

"SHUT UP!" Hermione roared, and even Voldemort went quiet.

Harry chuckled. "Not scared of anything but Dumbledore eh?" He whispered to Voldemort. "Yet you pale into silence when Hermione yells."

"I have a very painful death planned for you," Voldemort seethed, and used his arm to shake Harry, who laughed.

"My turn," Hermione said, with false calm. She span the bottle and it landed on Ginny.

"Truth or dare?"

"Truth, I'm not kissing Draco again!" She shouted, missing the slight hurt that flittered on Draco's face.

"Seems Lucius isn't the only one who fancies a Weasley." Harry commented to Voldemort, lowering his voice so only he would hear.

"I shall have to examine my followers tastes more, in the future." Voldemort responded.

"Ok," Hermione began, thinking of a question. "That time when I walked into the girls dorm, and you all went quiet, what were you talking about?" Hermione asked, she'd obviously wanted to know about that for awhile.

"We were talking about you, and about the fact you seemed to be moping around after guy, and you were eating a LOT of chocolate. Lavender also said you were fat, ugly, bushy-haired and the man you were moping after wouldn't look twice at you." Ginny blurted and looked guilty. "Looks like that mystery was solved, though!" She winked at Severus and laughed nervously.

"How could you?" Hermione looked tearful.

"Very easily it seems," Severus snarled and Ginny had the sense to look sheepish. "Miss Granger, might I suggest you find better, more loyal friends?" Hermione nodded. Harry knew what was coming next. Whenever Hermione got upset, she got angry afterwards.

"Yeah, you know what? I don't want to sit with either of you," She said sharply to both Ron and Ginny. She got up, and went over to Lucius, who was sitting next to Severus.

"Lucius, move over please." Strangely, Lucius immediately moved and Hermione took his place. Everyone shuffled along one.

Draco was sitting next to Ginny, who was now sitting by Ron. There was a huge space, and then there was Voldemort, Harry, Severus, and the circle was complete.

"You don't mind do you sir?" Hermione asked nervously.

"Not at all," Severus said quickly, trying not to seem nice.

"Who's turn is it?" Harry interrupted.

"Ginny's." Ron said. He looked upset. Harry scowled, although he conceded Ron did have quite a bit to be upset to be upset about. He'd lost his best friend, even though it _was_ his fault. The woman he fancied, wanted Severus. Harry had to stifle a laugh at that, he had no idea!

"Truth or dare?" Ginny said, and Harry quickly snapped out of his thoughts. Ginny had spun the bottle, and it had landed on Severus.

"Dare."

"I dare you to kiss Hermione!" Ginny screamed and giggled girlishly.

"Great idea Ginny!" Harry beamed enthusiastically.

"Oh my god," Hermione muttered, the color of beetroot.

Severus rolled his eyes and turned to his left. Hermione was looking at the floor, seemingly determined to ignore what was happening.

Severus gently coaxed his index finger under her chin, and raised it so she faced him. Before she had any chance to do anything, Severus had captured her lips with his own. She froze for a moment, but soon responded, enjoying the tortuously slow movement of his lips on hers. She felt his tongue brushing on her lower lip, and she gratefully granted him entrance.

Wolf whistles rang out through the room. "Go for it Hermione!" Harry called out.

Severus pulled back, lips twitching in amusement, while Hermione looked, and felt breathless.

"Umm… Sir…" Hermione spluttered, embarrassed.

"I think, as I said to Harry, considering what position we're in, it would be polite for you to call me Severus."

Hermione nodded meekly, and took deep breaths. He was an _amazing _kisser!

"Come on Hermione, how was _that_?" Ginny shrieked."I'll never tell," She said, wearing a smile that said 'I know something you don't!'

Ginny looked disappointed, and Severus reached out and span the bottle, which landed on Draco.

"Truth or dare?"

"Truth."

Severus's eyes narrowed, and Draco knew he was in trouble. "When you were ten years old, and you visited my place of residence, did you or did you not break a VERY expensive blood crystal vial?" He asked quickly, and Harry got the feeling he had been holding that grudge for a long time.

"I did, and I did it on purpose because you called me an insolent brat." Draco said quickly. "Oh no…"

"Oh yes!" Severus responded venomously and smirked triumphantly.

"Draco! You told me you didn't do that!" Lucius raged, turning to his son.

"I did." Draco said guiltily.

"Severus, I apologize for not believing you at the time." Lucius offered and turned back to Draco. "Your mother will hear about this!" He hissed and Draco hung his head shamefully.

"You've been holding that grudge for a long time, haven't you Severus?" Harry commented.

"I have." He said proudly.

"My turn!" Draco squeaked and span the bottle, it landed on Voldemort.

"Crap!"

"Why does everyone do that when it lands on you, Tom?" Harry wondered out loud. "I wouldn't do that."

"Excuse me Potter, but not all of us wish to die painfully." Draco drawled. "Truth or dare, my Lord?"

"Truth."

"If you had a dog, what would you call it?" Draco asked nervously.

"Salazar." Voldemort answered immediately. "A dog?" He asked, glaring at Draco.

"And this is why nobody asks you or dares you to do anything embarrassing." Harry sighed. "That glare could wither stone."

"As it should be," Voldemort said proudly. "Harry, spin the bottle for me."

"What?" Harry asked, not sure he'd heard correctly.

"My Lord, I thought that was my duty?" Lucius asked, obviously hurt.

"It was," He replied coldly. "However, I now have a 'best' friend to do it for me. Harry, spin the bottle."

Harry smirked. "Of course, _friend_." Harry reached out and span the bottle, it landed on Ginny.

"Truth or dare?"

"Truth." She answered nervously.

"Are you in love with Harry Potter?" He asked coldly, knowing full well what the answer would be.

"Yes, I've loved him for a long time and I think he's wonderful." She blurted and blushed wildly.

"I won't resort to the clichéd oh my god," Hermione began. "And it's not exactly surprising, seeing as though you follow him around everywhere."

"Indeed. I do not think I've ever seen you _away_ from him," Severus commented.

Harry looked around nervously, this could get awkward.

"How can you love him Ginny?" Ron spoke for the first time in a while. "He's never even kissed you, or anything.""Hermione loves Professor Snape!" She shot back and Ron looked angry.

"I…" Hermione began and looked to her right, where Severus was looking at her, eyebrow raised.

"Come on, back to the game!" Harry said quickly, if Ginny confronted him now, it would be extremely difficult. Ginny reached out and span the bottle, it landed on Ron.

"Truth or dare?"

"Ummm, dare."

"I dare you to go and sit on Lucius's lap, for three turns." Ginny smirked.

"You're _supposed _to be my sister!" Ron complained

"And you were _supposed _to be Harry's best friend!" Ginny shouted. Ron grumbled, got up, and ignoring the disgusted look on Lucius's face, he sat down on his lap.

**Hope you're all enjoying the story so far, I very nearly didn't post it as I thought people would hate it! This is just a warm up, there's SO much more to come…**

**Teasers: Kisses, fights, seduction, duets… and more!**

**The next few chapters are already written, so expect another update soon.**

**Thanks to the people who put the story on story alert, and on their favorites! ****Extra special thanks to the people who reviewed, this early update is for you! Also, special dedication to XTimeGirlX, who is amazing, and is also **_**very**_** persuasive. Please, review and let me know what you think, pretty please? With a cherry from a muggle farm? :D**


	3. The First Fight

**A/N: This is in no way to be taken seriously, written purely from a crazy dream I had! Will contain: Stupidity, Ron-Bashing, Ron being incredibly and repeatedly stupid, a hormonal Hermione, a raging Ginny, slight Ginny bashing, Dumbledore bashing, extreme silliness, a very sarcastic Harry and finally OOCness. This starts off fairly seriously, and there is an underlying story line, but it's mostly a parody, so please, enjoy!**

**Disclaimer; If Voldemort, Severus and Remus are dead, then I don't own Harry Potter or anything to do with the books, films or anything but the bare bones of the plot.**

**Update: 28/6/10, someone has just left a review saying there should be a slash warning. I didn't think I needed one but here we go just in case: This contains slash. Happy now?**

**One last thing: If you don't like the story, don't review and just move on. Constructive criticism is always good, don't just point out a flaw, please, tell me what you think I should do to improve it. This is **_**supposed**_** to be just a laugh, so please don't tell me things like "(Insert character name here) would never do that!" or "(Insert plot moment here) happened too quickly."**

**After that rather long A/N, please enjoy the story, and leave me a review telling me what you think!**

"For the next three turns, if the bottle lands on Lucius, you can pick which one you want." Harry announced. "Take your turn." He said icily to Ron, who span the bottle. It landed on Draco again.

"Truth or dare?"

"Hmmm, truth."

"Do you fancy Moaning Myrtle?" Ron asked, attempting to raise an eyebrow, and ending up looking like he was making a "Come hither" face.

"Yes!" Everyone but Voldemort gasped. "Shut up," He muttered. "And stop looking at me like that Weasley! I'd rather kiss Hermione than you!" He spat.

"That could be arranged," Harry said innocently.

"Oh no, don't you dare!" Hermione shrieked.

"You will _not_ do that, Harry," Severus sneered, and Harry gave him suspicious look. Severus _had_ been acting a bit weird when it came to Hermione…

His thoughts were interrupted by a tap on his left shoulder, where Voldemort's hand had been resting. "Who is this 'Moaning Myrtle?" He asked suspiciously.

"Er, you know that girl you killed, in the girls bathroom, with the basilisk?" Harry said tentatively.

"Yes," Voldemort acknowledged.

"Her ghost. All she does is cry all the time," Harry mumbled. "Draco, take your turn." Harry said a little louder.

Draco span the bottle, and it landed on Harry.

"Truth or dare?" He said, with a malicious smirk on his face.

"Truth." Harry said quickly, not trusting Draco with a dare.

"If you had to kiss either Ron, or Lord Voldemort, who would you pick?"

Everyone's jaw dropped, including Voldemort's.

"I'd kiss Tom, because I'd die soon after and I wouldn't have to be reminded of it all the time." Harry said quickly. "Knowing Ron he'd tell everybody and it would be really embarrassing."

"Oh my god," Ginny squealed girlishly.

"You'd rather kiss the Dark Lord than your former best friend?" Severus asked incredulously.

"Yes. We've all taken Veritaserum, remember? So it's not like I can lie either." He replied.

"Yes, yes, I'm not _stupid_ Harry, merely… surprised." Severus retorted.

"I'm SO gossiping about that when we get back!" Ginny exclaimed.

"I doubt we'll be getting back," Ron added bitterly. Hurt pride clearly on show. "Harry, you would SERIOUSLY kiss, VOLDE-FUCKING-MORT, before me?"

"Yes I would. Why, do you want me to kiss you?" Harry asked teasingly.

"No!" He spluttered.

"Tell me, Harry, should we leave here today, and at the inevitable final battle, end it all with a kiss?" Said an icy voice from his right side. Oh shit, Harry had forgotten he was there.

"No, because - hang on, are you teasing me?" Harry asked suddenly.

"What do you think?" Voldemort replied sarcastically.

"I'm thinking that kissing you is more Bellabitch's area, and that I should have never suggested this game." Harry muttered.

"I wouldn't kiss Bellatrix even if she handed me Albus Dumbledore on a plate." Voldemort said disgustedly. "Oh, and Harry? If we had never played the game, we wouldn't have bonded as best friends. What a shame that'd be."

"And that would be the greatest human tragedy of all time," Harry responded equally as sarcastically.

"I'm afraid not brat, that was the birth of Ronald Bilius Weasley." He retorted coldly.

There was a collective gasp around the room.

"That was… amazing my Lord! Such an insult…" Lucius said, awe-struck.

"I must admit, that was very good." Severus said grudgingly.

"Ok, even I have to admit, that was really insulting." Ginny conceded and Hermione nodded.

"I agree with Ginny, which is surprising."

"Anyway!" Harry snapped. "It's my turn." He span the bottle, and it landed on Severus.

"Truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"If you had to be trapped inside a magical prison, where you can't do magic, or speak to anyone else, out of all the people in this room, who would you choose?" He asked desperately, hoping that he would pick Hermione and they'd gossip about someone other than him.

"I would pick Hermione, as she is highly intelligent, we have similar interests and she would be better company than any of you." He said simply, before quickly looking away.

"Oh my god!" Ginny shrieked again.

"Do you not know any other words?" Voldemort asked, irritated.

"Sorry," She said quickly.

"Don't you dare go anywhere near her, you greasy bat!" Ron suddenly interjected, red faced and shaking with anger.

"Jealous, Ron?" Harry asked.

"Yes! Very!" Ron yelled, and suddenly clapped his hand over his mouth.

"Why?" Hermione suddenly asked, and everyone stared at her.

"Because you obviously like the bat a lot! Judging how he keeps looking at you when he thinks nobody else is looking at him, he isn't that adverse to you either!" The words spilled from Ron's mouth and everyone looked shocked, even Voldemort had a questioning look in his eyes.

"Why can't you feel that way about me?" He asked pitifully.

"Because, you were more like a brother, and I thought we were like family. You had the best friend bond with Harry, and everything was going fine. I didn't know you secretly didn't believe in him. I've never, and will never feel that way about you." She said, feeling a sudden rush of sympathy for the idiot.

"But you feel like that about _him_!" Ron shouted, and everyone but Voldemort became more uncomfortable.

"Can we not do this right now?" Hermione pleaded.

"I suggest you forget about it, Weasley," Severus said lowly.

"I will not leave it!"

"Ron, Hermione can fancy whoever she wants, it's not like Professor Snape fancies her back or anything." Ginny stated and Severus shifted uncomfortably at said statement.

"Shut up and stay out of this," Ron warned.

"I will not! You might be my brother, but you can be such a fucking prick." Ginny said defensively.

"And you can be so bitchy, now shut up!" Ron spat.

"Don't you talk to her like that!" Draco roared and everyone stared at him.

"Why do you care?" Ron sneered.

"Malfoys defend people's honor," Draco said spitefully. "We are honorable," Ron snorted.

"How dare you snort at our values?" Lucius suddenly yelled, and the whole room descended into chaos. Draco and Ron were yelling at each other, Ginny was flinging insults at her brother, who was entirely focused on Draco. Lucius joined Ginny in shouting at Ron. Harry sighed and looked over at Hermione.

She was whispering something in Severus's ear, and his lips were twitching in amusement.

Harry sighed. "What's the world coming to Harry?" He felt himself being pat on the shoulder by the hand that was resting there.

"I know! This is ridiculous."

"I am inclined to agree with you there."

"Wow, the great Lord Voldemort agrees with the Boy Who Lived!" Harry said sarcastically. "Now we really know where the world is." Harry shook his head at Voldemort's smirk.

"In my clutches?"

"You wish!" Harry retorted, and turned back to the group. They were all exactly how he'd left them. Hermione was still whispering to Severus, who was now also whispering back, Lucius, Draco and Ginny we're still screaming at Ron, and Ron was screaming at the world in general.

"Tom, do something." Harry begged.

"I'm not sure what you expect me to do." Voldemort admitted.

"Awww, and I thought you were supposed to be the most powerful wizard in the entire world!" Harry said with false sadness.

"I am brat," Voldemort said angrily.

"Do something then." Harry argued. Voldemort glared at him. Harry smiled innocently.

"When I get my magic back," Voldemort muttered. He removed his arm from Harry, and stood up.

"BE QUIET!" He roared and everyone stopped and turned to face the darkest wizard that ever lived. Smirking at his victory, Voldemort sat back down, resuming his previous position, and draping his arm over Harry's shoulders once more.

Everyone stared at him for a few more moments, before the arguing broke out once again. Harry laughed at the affronted look on Voldemort's face.

"You ain't that frightening without your crucios. You're losing your touch!"

"If I could hit you…" Voldemort growled warningly.

"You love me really!" Harry smiled brightly.

Voldemort muttered something about flaying and burning under his breath and Harry looked over to Hermione. As soon as he did, she pulled back from Severus and winked at Harry. Harry gave her questioning look and she smirked, Severus soon joined her.

Hermione rubbed her eyes, and summoned every sad thought she had. "Just… just stop! Please!" She suddenly shouted in a pleading tone, causing everyone to look at her. She suddenly started sobbing and threw herself at Severus.

Everyone gasped and she increased her false crying. Severus slowly put his arms around her, and rubbed her back, doing his best to hide his smile. "I just want everyone to stop fighting!" She sobbed.

"Now look what you've done!" Draco spat spitefully and went over to Hermione. Ginny gave Ron a disgusted look and also went over to Hermione, who was still happily in Severus's arms.

"He's just an idiot, forget about him." Draco said soothingly, and Lucius was amazed at his sons caring. Ron quickly got up from Lucius's lap.

"I'm so sorry, Hermione…" Ron began and moved towards her. Lucius also stood up and stepped in front of him, menacingly. Ron backed down and scuttled back to his place.

Hermione's head was resting on Severus's shoulder, and she looked at both Harry and Voldemort, and winked again.

"She should be in Slytherin." Voldemort declared.

"I know," Harry whispered . "Even Lucius defended her in his own way!"

"A true miracle." Voldemort drawled.

"I feel better now," Hermione finally sniffed, pulling back from Severus. "Thanks Draco," She smiled and gave him a quick hug.

Ginny frowned and went back to her place.

"Your turn then!" Harry smiled at Severus, who reached out and span the bottle, which landed on Hermione.

"Fate!" Harry said cheekily.

"I remember you saying the same thing about Voldemort," Hermione said, raising an eyebrow, and Harry shut up.

"Truth or dare?"

"Dare."

"I dare you to…" He knew exactly what he should dare her to do. He whispered in her ear. "I dare you to reaffirm your friendship with Miss Weasley." He pulled back and smirked at the questioning look on her face.

"Ginny, are you sorry for gossiping about me?" Hermione suddenly asked.

"Yes!" She said immediately. "I didn't actually do that much gossiping, it was mainly Lavender." She admitted.

"I accept your apology, and we'll be friends, _if_ you owe me something."

"I owe you one then!" Ginny said, smiling.

"I'm glad that's all sorted," Harry started. "But what about your dare?"

"That _was_ her dare," Severus rolled his eyes.

"That was a rubb- OH!" Harry said, realizing what Severus had done. "You sneaky bastard."

"I'd prefer the compliment without the 'bastard'. But close enough." Severus sighed.

"It's your turn Hermione." He commented, and she reached out and span the bottle. It landed on Draco.

"Truth or dare?"

"Hmmm, dare!"

"I dare you to duet 'Don't go Breaking my Heart' with Ginny." Hermione grinned devilishly.

"NO WAY!" Ginny shrieked.

"What's that?" Draco asked cautiously.

"This is going to make my son look like a fool," Lucius muttered.

"I rather think that happened when he was dared to swap clothes." Voldemort said indifferently.

"A muggle song. I have it on a portable walkman," She said cheerily, bringing it out of her satchel and handing it to Draco. "Ginny already knows it. Listen to it, and then you have to sing it with her and Ginny, you owe me one!"

"Fine!" Ginny scowled, she'd been well and truly played.

Draco's brow furrowed and he put on the headphones and began to listen. "OH HELL NO! And after I just comforted you and everything! I thought we were becoming friends!" Hermione smiled sweetly at him, and Draco just sighed.

Severus leant to his left and whispered something in Hermione's ear. Harry watched as she whispered back, and Severus smirked. Draco began memorizing part of the song.

Harry leaned over to Severus. "You planned that scene with her didn't you?" He whispered.

"Of course I did. Do you think I'd let someone fling themselves at me like that if I wasn't prepared?"

"You would if it was Hermione." Harry smirked and Severus sent him a death glare, which Harry ignored.

"Right, I'm going to kill you for this Hermione, and after I just stuck up for you!" Draco suddenly said spitefully.

"I decide who kills who," Voldemort reminded him sternly, and Draco looked sheepish.

"Weasley?" He asked, and Ginny scowled.

"I'm only doing this because I want to be your friend again." Ginny huffed.

"Yeah, just get in the middle of the circle, and thank god I brought my karaoke C.D!" Hermione said happily, bringing out the C.D and a set of speakers.

"I'll never be able to thank you enough for the satchel, Harry!" She beamed.

"I take it the satchel is dragon hide, and judging from the jealous look Lucius is giving it, I would also say it was the bottomless one for sale in-" Severus began and Harry cut him off.

"Yes, it's _that_ one." Harry sent him a pleading look, he didn't want Hermione to know what shop it came from, she'd never forgive him otherwise.

"Ah," Severus acknowledged. "Might I ask why you purchased it for her?"

"Yeah, I thought she could use it to carry around all her books, but we use it for hiding things. I mean, she found a way to get the walkman to work even through Hogwarts's magic!" Harry said proudly.

"Okay, it's all set up!" Hermione smiled brightly. "Ready?"

Both teenagers nodded, ready to accept their humiliation. Hermione pressed what they presumed to be the on button, and the music started.

"Don't go breaking my heart," Draco crooned, sounding surprisingly good, despite looking extremely reminiscent of a drag queen.

"I couldn't if I tried," Ginny sang, equally as good.

"I bet she will," Harry muttered.

"Honey if I get restless," Draco continued, looking at each of the spectators in turn, who were all sniggering at him, due to the dress.

"Baby you're not that kind." Ginny sang and Harry started bobbing along.

"He so is," Hermione whispered, causing Harry to giggle and nearly miss the next line.

"Don't go breaking my heart," Draco crooned again, and sent a glare Hermione's way as he did so and all Harry could think about was seeing as though they swapped clothes, they should of swapped lines too.

"You take the weight off of me," Ginny smiled, getting into the song, despite who she was singing it with.

"Honey when you knock on my door,"

"I gave you my key,"

"Why not use an unlocking charm?" Voldemort innocently deadpanned, causing Harry to choke on his laughter.

"Nobody knows it," They sang together, starting to sound fantastic, and Harry all but forgot about the fact Draco was wearing a dress.

"When I was down,"

"I was your clown,"

"Nobody knows it," They sang together again, and Ron grumbled.

"Right from the start," Draco crooned again, moving a little closer to Ginny who was living for the moment, and had her eyes closed.

"I gave you my heart, Ooooooooooh! I gave you my heart!" She sang, opening her eyes and looking directly into Draco's, causing Lucius's own eyes to narrow in suspicion.

"So don't go breaking my heart," Draco moved closer again.

"I won't go breaking your heart," Ginny smiled, putting some power into her voice. Hermione, Harry and even Ron were bobbing in time to the music now.

Harry and Hermione even started clicking their fingers too.

"I still say she will," Harry whispered to Voldemort.

"Don't go breaking my heart!" They both sang powerfully together, lowering their torso's in time with their singing.

"And nobody told us," Draco crooned, he was completely into the song now, and enjoying it.

"`Cause nobody showed us."

"And now it's up to us babe," Draco smiled, he and Ginny were face to face now.

"I think we can make it…" Ginny sang perfectly and Harry was impressed.

"So don't misunderstand me,"

"You put the light in my life."

"Oh you put the sparks to the flame!" Draco put a bit more power to this line and the effect was brilliant.

"I've got your heart in my sights." Ginny sang softly, a perfect contrast to Draco's powerful singing in the previous line.

"Nobody knows it!" They sang together, closing their eyes and completely losing themselves.

"When I was down," Draco sang tenderly.

"I was your clown." Ginny smiled again, and Severus rolled his eyes.

"Nobody knows it, nobody knows it!" They sang together again, and Ron had joined them in clicking their fingers. Harry _swore_ Severus's foot seemed to be twitching in time to the music, but he couldn't be sure.

"Right from the start," Draco crooned again.

"I gave you my heart, Ooooooooooh! I gave you my heart!" Ginny belted out causing Hermione to whoop.

"Don't go breaking my heart," Draco sang again, building up for a crescendo.

"I won't go breaking your heart," Ginny sang tenderly, and took a deep breath.

"Don't go breaking my heart!" They both sang powerfully, raising their voices at the last note.

They finished and Hermione, Harry and even Ron clapped vigorously. Severus and Lucius clapped four times, and Voldemort didn't do anything.

"That was amazing!" Harry cheered and both Ginny and Draco blushed.

"That… wasn't bad," Lucius admitted. "Despite it being a muggle song."

"What did you think, Severus?" Hermione asked and everyone looked to see what his reaction would be.

"It was… passable." Draco let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding.

"What do you reckon Tom?" Harry asked, turning to his right.

"Your voices are fair. The song, however, was not." Harry rolled his eyes.

"Come on then, Draco, your turn _again_. God, if I didn't know we couldn't use magic, I'd say you were rigging this." Harry sighed.

"I wish!" Draco said angrily, pointing at the dress he was wearing. He scowled and span the bottle again, this time, it landed on Harry.

"Truth or dare?"

"Whichever one I pick, you're going to do something awful," Harry muttered. "Truth."

"If you had to choose either to save Severus, or Albus Dumbledore, who would you save?"

"I'd save Severus, because not only does he treat me better than Dumblewhore, he's more useful anyway."

"Harry I hate it when you use that nickname!" Hermione cringed.

"Dumblewhore?" Voldemort questioned, and Harry turned round to answer him, only to see a slight twitch of his mouth, anyone else would be convinced they imagined it.

"Yeah, did you know he had my Dad's journal, and NEVER gave it to me?" Harry said, his outrage at Dumbledore becoming more apparent.

"Harry, I think you should drop that," Ron said seriously.

"I don't," Ginny interjected. "It was spiteful to keep it from you."

"There must have been a reason," Ron tried to rationalize, but ended up sounding ridiculous.

"There was no reason," Severus answered distantly. "He merely never saw fit to give Harry his fathers possessions."

"Anyway!" Harry angrily intervened before more arguing started. "My turn." He reached out and span the bottle, and it landed on Voldemort.

"Yes!" Harry screamed, jumping up and jarring Voldemort's arm.

"Next time you do that, warn me so I can move my arm first," He said scathingly as Harry sat back down.

"Then where would the fun be?" Harry rolled his eyes. "Truth or dare Tom?"

"Dare."

"Alright then. I dare you to hug someone!" Everyone but Harry and Voldemort shuffled back.

"Hug someone?" Voldemort asked, as though Harry were mad.

"That's what I said." Harry said happily.

Voldemort scowled, but reached over to Harry, enveloping him in an awkward hug, which Harry cheerfully returned.

He pulled back, and Harry was laughing. "You give wonderful hugs! Now, not that I don't appreciate said excellent hug, but why'd you hug _me_?"

"Because you were closest." Voldemort said stonily. "And you were the one to dare me to do such a ridiculous thing. There is no way I would let you get away with such impudence."

"Have I just seen Lord Voldemort, the Dark Lord, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, You-know-who, give _Harry Potter_ a hug?" Lucius asked, mouth agape.

"I can't believe that," Draco muttered.

"Yeah, well they're best friend bonded now aren't they?" Ron spat spitefully. "Tell me _Potter_, when we get released, are you going to run off and join him?"

"It'd serve you right if I did," Harry scowled. "But, no I won't."

"That's a shame, Harry." Voldemort said wistfully.

"Awww, are you going to miss me when you kill me?" Harry asked teasingly.

Voldemort glared at Harry. "Spin the bottle for me, brat."

Harry complied and span the bottle, it landed on Lucius.

"Truth or dare?"

"Truth, my Lord."

"Are you loyal to me?" Voldemort asked straight away.

"Yes, always." Came the quick response, and Voldemort seemed satisfied.

"Wow, such an unpredictable question." Harry drawled sarcastically.

"Is it just me, or is Harry becoming more like Professor Snape?" Ginny said suddenly and Harry gasped at her.

"Yeah, they are _both_ very sarcastic," Draco agreed with Ginny.

"And they keep insulting people!" Ron added bitterly.

"I've already said this," Hermione rolled her eyes.

"I am NOT becoming more like Severus! Spin the damn bottle Lucius." Lucius span the bottle, and it landed on Ron.

"Truth or dare?" He sneered.

"Dare."

"I dare you to dance." He said, smirking.

"Is that it?" Ron asked tentatively.

"No. I dare you to dance in a muggle female fashion." He finished looking very proud of himself.

"You're a bastard!" Ron said, outraged.

"Actually, my mother and father were married when I was conceived so, technically, that isn't true, however, I do understand the sentiment." Lucius smiled evilly.

"Harry do something!" Ron cried, and turned to his former best friend.

"Even if I could, I bloody wouldn't." Harry smirked. "Hermione, put some music on will you?" Harry looked over to Hermione, and nearly did a double take. The last time he looked at her, she was directly in the middle, between Lucius and Severus. Now, both Severus and Hermione seemed to have gravitated towards each other, their legs almost touching.

Harry resisted the urge to bring this to everyone's attention, as Hermione put a CD on, and music began to play.

"Get up Weasley," Lucius smirked and Ron looked like he was about to cry.

"Please, anything but this!" Ron cried out, now standing in the middle of the unusual circle.

"Just do it and hurry up Weasley." Voldemort said, glaring at the red headed boy.

Ron slowly began to move to the music, bobbing on the spot. Harry, Ginny, Draco and Hermione booed.

"I'm trying!" He hissed, and raised his arms slightly, curled his hands into fists, and began shaking them in front of his chest.

"This is so humiliating." He sobbed.

"At least you're not wearing a dress," Draco spat while Harry laughed at his former best friend.

"Swing those hips Ron!" Hermione called out, and Severus sniggered, as did Lucius.

Ron started sobbing, standing with his feet apart, and then bringing them together again.

"That looks like something ABBA would do," Hermione commented.

"Is this ABBA a person?" Harry jumped at the whisper in his right ear.

"You made me jump!" Harry exclaimed, ignoring Ron's cries and terrible dancing.

"You were expecting someone else perhaps, _friend_?" Voldemort sneered and once more draped his arm over Harry's shoulders, for effect.

"No, you just made me jump. I've not got super senses you know!" Harry scowled. "Anyway, ABBA was a pop band." Harry explained quickly, pausing only to laugh at Ron raising his arms above his head, repeatedly crying "This is so humiliating!"

"Pop?" Voldemort inquired.

"It's a muggle thing," Harry offered.

"Put this 'ABBA' on your musical thing." Voldemort said suddenly, and everyone stopped.

"I don't think you'd like it," Hermione laughed nervously.

"I never said I would. I merely commanded you to put it on," Voldemort said coolly. "The Weasley boy can dance to that."

"Put Dancing Queen on!" Ginny shrieked excitedly.

"Dancing Queen… that sounds… appropriate." Severus commented with a smirk.

Hermione quickly found her ABBA CD, and selected the right track.

"Please, don't Hermione!" Ron pleaded.

"Sorry, Lord Voldemort's orders. I'm not Harry, so I don't think I would get away with disobeying them so easily." Hermione smiled, and the music started.

"I love this one!" Ginny smiled and started swaying and singing along with the track.

"I already hate it," Lucius muttered and shuddered, gracefully putting his hands over his ears.

"As long as I don't have to duet it." Draco sighed.

Hermione also started singing along to the track, and Ron started pointing, and moving his arm in a sweeping motion.

"Dancing queen! Young and sweet, only seventeen!" Hermione and Ginny sang together, and Ron's sobbing got louder as he swung his hips more.

Severus, Harry and Lucius sniggered at the red headed boy, as he began to shake his arms again.

"Come on, do something different!" Ginny called out.

Ron shot her a look that could kill, and pointed in the air, bringing it back down repeatedly in a diagonal line.

"Wrong day Ron, today's a Friday, not a Saturday." Harry snorted.

Ron let out another sob and raised his arms above his head again, twisting and turning his body fluidly. "Please, can I stop now?" He suddenly cried.

"That's rather up to Lucius I think," Harry smirked.

"Yes, I tire of you now." Lucius waved his hand dismissively, and Hermione turned the music off, leading to a disappointed groan from Ginny.

"You know," Harry began, as Ron sulked back to his place. "We've been playing quite a while now, I think we should have a quick break." Everyone but Voldemort nodded in agreement.

**Super special thanks to everyone who has put this on alert and on their favorites! Extra massive thanks to everyone who has reviewed! I'll do my best and put some of those dares in there for you all. The next two chapters are already written, so expect another update soon, and please, continue to read, enjoy the story and leave a review!**

**Teasers for chapter four: Seduction, an unlikely rescue and the clapping of hands...**

**This story is dedicated to XTimeGirlX, without her, this story wouldn't be here!**


	4. A Rescue from Seduction

**A/N: This is in no way to be taken seriously, written purely from a crazy dream I had! Will contain: Stupidity, Ron-Bashing, Ron being incredibly and repeatedly stupid, a hormonal Hermione, a raging Ginny, slight Ginny bashing, Dumbledore bashing, extreme silliness, a very sarcastic Harry and finally OOCness. This starts off fairly seriously, and there is an underlying story line, but it's mostly a parody, so please, enjoy!**

**Disclaimer; If Voldemort, Severus and Remus are dead, then I don't own Harry Potter or anything to do with the books, or films.**

**Update: 28/6/10, someone has just left a review saying there should be a slash warning. I didn't think I needed one but here we go just in case: This contains slash. Happy now?**

**One last thing: If you don't like the story, don't review and just move on. Constructive criticism is always good, don't just point out a flaw, please, tell me what you think I should do to improve it. This is **_**supposed**_** to be just a laugh, so please don't tell me things like "(Insert character name here) would never do that!" or "(Insert plot moment here) happened too quickly."**

**After that rather long A/N, please enjoy the story, and leave me a review telling me what you think!**

Harry yawned, and tried to shrug off Voldemort's arm. "Is there a reason you've got your arm draped over me? I can't get up!" Harry complained.

Voldemort glared at him, but removed his arm. Lucius, Draco, Ginny, Hermione and Severus had sauntered off to where they had moved the food, and were helping themselves to more butter-beer and cauldron cake. Well, everyone but Severus, who was taking dignified sips out of his bottle, and sending scowls at the cake.

"I'm not hungry," Harry said absent-mindedly.

"Then why did you suggest a break?" Voldemort asked curiously.

"To stretch I suppose." Harry said cheerfully. "I could do with a drink though…" He added thoughtfully, before getting up and going over to the others.

Ron had gone to the far corner of the room, and was pouting. Voldemort shot him a disdainful look, before moving over to Harry, and the rest of their unusual group.

"Sheesh, I only came to a get a drink, what are you, stalking me?" Harry joked as Voldemort came up beside him.

"If I was 'stalking' you," Voldemort began. "I'd be out of sight, and deathly silent."

Harry snorted, and Voldemort chose to ignore it. "More importantly, when do you think Bellabitch is going to come?" Harry asked, taking a swig of butter-beer.

"Soon, she was sent on a mission before you… arrived. She has been gone for quite some time." He informed. "Why?"

"I'd like to know how long it is before I die," Harry admitted.

"Who says you're going to die?" Voldemort asked quietly.

"You've said so several times!" Harry argued jokingly. "Anyways, we've still got a duel to fight." Harry gave his best friend-enemy a cheeky smile, before walking away, intent on stretching his legs.

Lucius and Draco were stood together talking and eating in the corner opposite Ron. Hermione and Severus seemed to have gravitated towards each other again, and were talking quietly by the food. Voldemort seemed to have the exact same idea as Harry, and was walking the boundaries of their prison and was currently near Draco and Lucius.

"Hi Harry," Ginny popped up from behind him, making him jump.

"I wish people would stop making me jump!" He said gasping.

"Sorry." She muttered and there was a brief, but awkward silence. "I'm sorry you found out like that," She said quietly, and Harry silently pleaded she wasn't talking about what he thought she was.

"Found out about what?" He asked innocently.

"You know… Voldemort asking me…" She trailed off.

"Oh. That." Harry looked around awkwardly.

"Did you know?" She asked hopefully.

"I sort of thought you might fancy me or something," Harry mumbled, becoming more embarrassed by the second.

Ginny blushed. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"Because," He looked around again, everyone was exactly where they had been the last time he looked, except Voldemort seemed to have gotten closer to where he was standing.

"I didn't want to make things awkward." He lied. This wasn't really the best time to tell her he didn't like her in that way.

"How would it have made things awkward?" She pressed.

"Well, with Ron and everything…" Harry lied again. Thank god for the improved version of Veritaserum!

"He's not a problem now is he," She said quietly, moving closer to him. Harry gulped.

"Nothing's really a problem anymore is it? I mean, Lord Voldemort's going to kill us as soon as he gets his magic back." Harry said quickly.

Ginny moved closer and was now almost pressing herself against him. "Isn't that all the more reason to grab onto what you've got?" She asked, voice husky and licking her lips.

Harry had no idea what to do. So, he lunged forward and enveloped Ginny in a huge hug. "Of course you're right!" He said cheerfully. "Grab onto what you've got, and the people you love as family." He said happily, swinging around so he faced the other way, maybe he could mouth something to Draco…

"Or more than family," She whispered.

"More than family?" He squeaked, squirming ever so slightly.

"Hmmm." Ginny murmured in his ear, they were swaying even more now. "You kissed Cho in fifth year," She commented and Harry was desperately looking around.

"I did," He gulped, and made them sway more, as if that could stop her.

"Tell me the truth?" She was using the improved Veritaserum properties, she was clever. Harry couldn't refuse to tell the truth, he'd have to say he would, and then the Veritaserum would take effect… damn. She should be in Slytherin.

"I'll tell you the truth." Harry said slowly, sending pleading looks all around the room.

"Do you like me, Harry?" She breathed.

"Of course I like you," He spluttered.

"Good." She said quickly, and moved in for the kill.

Suddenly, Harry found a pale, unnaturally long hand placed over his mouth, blocking it from Ginny's assault. Her mouth stopped millimeters away from the hand, and she stepped back and gasped.

"Leave." Voldemort growled warningly, and Ginny fled, not so gracefully, stumbling as she did so, causing Severus, who had turned to look at Ginny after hearing her gasp, snigger.

Harry twitched his mouth under the hand, and it elegantly withdrew.

"If I didn't know you'd hate it, I'd probably give _you_ a hug, I'm THAT grateful!" Harry smiled. "I wish she would just get the hint I don't like her in that way." He sighed.

"I could always go and inform her…" Voldemort offered with a smirk.

"No!" Harry said firmly. "You'd make it worse." Harry paused. "And I say that like it's an actual option." He groaned.

"I offered, it is an option." Voldemort replied sternly.

"And why would you do such a nice thing for me?" Harry asked cautiously.

"Who says it would be a nice thing?" Voldemort retorted.

"Well, I don't want to go out with her, and you've offered to run her off, I'd say that was a nice thing." Harry replied, narrowing his eyes in suspicion. "You've got a secret plan."

"Obviously. It'd be rather hard to be a Dark Lord without one."

"Dealing with you is just infuriating!" Harry huffed. "I mean, I never get a straight answer, and you're the most self-satisfied person I have EVER met."

"I never thought you would be such an awful liar, brat." Voldemort said coldly.

"Here we go," Harry muttered. "Ok, what am I lying about?"

"You say I am the most self-satisfied person you have ever met?" Voldemort asked.

"Yes…" Harry trailed off, tone laden with suspicion.

"However that cannot be true."

Harry rolled his eyes. "Why?"

"Because you've met Lucius Malfoy." Voldemort informed and Harry spluttered before bursting out laughing.

"You know, you can be quite funny when you want to be." Harry laughed.

"I was being funny? I thought I was being truthful." Voldemort deadpanned.

"Your humor is wasted on the Dark." Harry shook his head, still laughing.

"You forget, I AM the Dark." Voldemort proudly declared.

"You have a huge ego." Harry accused. "Bloody big head."

"Big head? That's rather childish. I thought you might have gone with something along the lines of 'Bastard' or 'Prat' or…"

"Alright we get the picture!" Harry cut in. "Doesn't stop you from being an actual big head though." He murmured. "You know just for that, I'm determined to make you say something childish now." Harry announced.

"You'll fail. You fail at most things, don't you Potter?" He sneered.

Harry faked a yawn. "Boring, and definitely not childish."

"You are purposefully trying to annoy me now, aren't you?"

"Yes!" Harry smiled. "Is it working?" Voldemort glared at him. "You wouldn't tell me if it was." Harry observed.

"I suggest you cease this stupid quest to get me to say something childish." Voldemort advised.

"And if I don't want to?" Harry questioned cheekily.

"_Find _the want to." Voldemort scowled.

Harry thought for a moment. "Nah, I don't think I will. Thanks for the advice though!" He beamed.

"Anytime." Voldemort responded sarcastically.

"See! You're so polite." Harry said mockingly. "Are you in actual fact, the Lord of the Light, and Dumblewhore is actually the Dark Lord?"

"That would be rather ironic." Voldemort noted.

"And probably true…" Harry muttered.

"Only in your wildest dreams." Voldemort snorted.

"Nah, only the best ones!" Harry grinned and there was a brief moment of silence. "You know, I think you'd look good in pink." Harry said thoughtfully.

Now it was Voldemort's turn to be shocked. "What?"

"In pink!" Harry repeated. "Or deep purple. I'm thinking of the kind of robes Dumblewhore wears." Harry commented.

Voldemort sighed. "I'm going to regret asking you this, but why are you thinking of that?"

"I was just imagining you as Lord of the Light." He grinned. "I thought you might wear similar robes to Dumblewhore."

"If I wore such robes, they would be dark emerald green. Or black." Voldemort said warningly.

"Aha, so you admit you're secretly Lord of the Light then!" Harry said victoriously.

"No!" Voldemort raged, leading to the rest of the room looking in their direction.

"See, now you've drawn attention to yourself." Harry chastised. "And they say I'm an attention seeker."

"You are!" Voldemort snarled.

"Sure I am! But you're worse." Harry grinned.

"Fine, fine, I'll say something childish, if only to shut you up!" He hissed. "You're a stupid scarhead."

"Yes!" Harry screamed, jumping in the air.

"You'll be the death of me." Voldemort murmured.

"Only if Dumblewhore gets his way," Harry winked. "So, why don't Dark Lord's do fun then?" Harry questioned.

Voldemort paused for a moment. "I don't have an answer for that." He eventually conceded.

"What? No witty retort? And you call yourself my best friend," Harry tutted mockingly.

"You forget, I _am_ your best friend." Voldemort retorted, equally as mockingly.

"Oh yeah." Harry rolled his eyes. "I'm going to go and see Draco and Lucius." Harry announced, walking away from the Dark Lord without giving him a backwards glance.

"Can I sit with you two a minute?" He asked tentatively.

"Of course," Draco said regally, and Harry looked for Lucius's approval, which he gave with a nod.

"Potter, may I ask why you are not sitting with the blo-" Lucius looked over to his son who was glaring at him. "With the Weasley girl."

"Call me Harry. And err, about that… she just came on to me, VERY strongly."

"Really?" Draco asked, obviously trying to hide the disappointed look on his face.

"Yeah, she came and apologized that I found out she's in love with me through Voldemort asking her, then she went all… weird." Harry shuddered, he loved Ginny a lot, but as a sister only.

"You mean kept trying to get you to kiss her?" Draco asked incredulously.

"Yeah… but I don't like her in that way." Harry answered honestly.

"So what happened then? All I saw was Ginny practically running away, and then you talking with the Dark Lord." Draco asked.

"Well, she said something about grabbing onto what you've got, so I just hugged her and said the same thing about people you love as family."

"Go on," Lucius encouraged.

"Then she tried to kiss me, but Tom covered my mouth with his hand, so she couldn't."

Draco gasped. "Wow, are you two like, proper best friends now?" He said jokingly.

"We're bonded best friends, but I doubt we'll be discussing boys, singing along to "I will always love you," and doing each others hair anytime soon." Harry drawled sarcastically. "Well, if he had any!" Harry added as an after thought, and then laughed. "Seriously though, we're all going to die when Bellabitch comes and releases us. All us Gryffindors anyhow, and probably Severus too."

"I didn't think of that," Draco said quietly and looked at the floor.

"I think, us three, we've gotten along alright so far haven't we?" Harry asked hesitantly.

"If you'd asked me that but this morning, I would have laughed and crucio'ed you into St Mungos." Lucius strained, as thought admitting it was physically paining him.

"I would have said the same." Draco added.

"Yeah…" Harry trailed off. "It's not very likely we're all going to survive this is it? That's why I'm making the most of it, and playing this game. Do you think it's likely, Lucius? That I'll survive? I don't think luck will help me here."

"It doesn't seem likely, Harry." Lucius admitted, and the unlikely trio all stared wistfully at the floor.

"I'm going to go and see Hermione," Harry said, raising himself from where he had been sitting. "See you soon."

Both Draco and Lucius mumbled and Harry went over to where Severus and Hermione were quietly talking to each other.

"What are you two up to?" Harry asked suspiciously.

"Well, I'm complaining about Ron, and Severus is listening politely." Hermione joked.

"Contrary to what Hermione thinks," Severus said, sending a glare her way. "We were actually discussing the likely hood of escape."

"I don't think there is one." Harry confessed.

"There has to be something," Hermione said desperately. "I mean, it's alright playing truth or dare and having a laugh, but when Bellabitch comes…"

"It seems you have started a trend, Harry," Severus smirked.

"AS I was saying, before I was interrupted," Hermione glared at Severus. "When she comes, and Voldemort gets his magic back, what are we supposed to do?"

"Have Ron distract him?" Harry asked hopefully.

"If only it were that easy." Severus muttered.

"You know, this has been absolutely crazy. Playing truth or dare with the Dark Lord? Who expected that to happen?" Harry said unbelievingly.

"Certainly not me, I've never played the game in my life." Severus added.

"You know what? This is all my fault, I should of come on my own." He cursed himself inwardly.

"How would you have got here?" Hermione asked incredulously.

"Ummm." Harry had to admit she'd got him there.

"We wanted to come! Well, I did anyway, Ron obviously didn't," She shot the red headed boy a glare. "It doesn't matter now, anyway does it?"

"I wish there was something I could do," Harry sighed.

"There isn't anything, Harry, and it isn't your fault either." Severus said soothingly, making Harry go wide-eyed with shock. "Mention I spoke to you like that to _anyone_ other than Hermione, and I might just forget my promise to protect you." He snarled.

"Spoke to me like what, Severus?" Harry asked innocently, winking.

"Better." Severus nodded in approval.

"Did you see what happened with Ginny?" Harry asked, changing the subject and suddenly, Severus sniggered loudly.

"I didn't, and when I asked Severus he wouldn't tell me, said it would be better coming from you." Hermione frowned. "She was crying a minute ago though." She said, inclining her head to an upset looking Ginny in another corner.

"Basically, she just tried to kiss me, and Tom put his hand over my mouth so she couldn't." Hermione gasped. "Whatever you say, don't say oh my god, I've had enough of that from Ginny," He said warningly.

"Why'd he do that?" Hermione asked after calming down slightly.

"I don't know. Go and ask him." Harry shrugged.

"Do I look suicidal?" She asked, wide-eyed at the thought of asking Voldemort.

"I've never seen a suicidal person before, I have no measure to go against." Harry smirked.

"You could always try looking in the mirror, Harry," She retorted.

"I knew there was a reason I liked you," Severus said proudly.

"And you say I'M becoming more like Severus," Harry mockingly tutted.

"I never said it was a bad thing," Hermione blushed.

"Oh really?" Severus purred in her ear.

"Oh my god, Ron's hair just turned blue!" Harry cried out, desperate to distract them both. Hermione and Severus quickly whipped around, only to find the idiot still had his trademark red hair. Severus prepared a witty retort about being color blind, only to find Harry all the way across the room.

"And how, pray tell, does he think he will get away with that?" Severus demanded to no one in particular.

"One, because he's Harry and he seems to have his sarcastic head on, and two, because we're all going to die soon, he's probably trying to fit in as much teasing as possible," She sighed. "He's always wanted to do that," She tutted. "It didn't help you were speaking like that in my ear and I was blushing," She blushed again at her comment.

"So," He purred again. "Speaking to you like this, repels him? I shall have to do it more often."

"Are you guys going to come and sit down or what?" Harry shouted, and an extremely embarrassed Hermione turned and saw everyone else had resumed their positions in their circle.

She scuttled back to her place quickly, while Severus settled on a dignified walk.

Severus lowered himself between Harry and Hermione. "Who's turn was it?" He questioned.

"Mine!" Ron piped up, and span the bottle, which landed on Ginny.

"Truth or dare?" He asked hesitantly.

"Dare." She grinned.

"I dare you to French kiss Malfoy." He smirked.

"Which Malfoy?" Draco asked hopefully.

"Lucius Malfoy, she's already kissed you," He spat spitefully.

"Why do I keep getting dared to kiss people?" She screamed.

"Because you like it really," Ron hissed.

"How could you…" Ginny cried, upset.

"That was uncalled for!" Draco roared, and Ginny's crying increased, she turned to her right and hugged Draco, sobbing into his shoulder.

"Ron…" Harry shook his head. "She's your sister."

"Like you care," Ron retorted. "You made her cry earlier!"

"Actually," Harry started.

"That was me." Voldemort finished coldly and Ron paled.

"Oh." Ron said sheepishly. "Ginny, I shouldn't of said that…" He started.

"Damn right you shouldn't!" She said angrily.

Harry turned to his right. "Tom?" He whispered while Ron kept attempting to comfort Ginny, who was retreating further and further into Draco's side.

"Brat?"

"You know after Bellabitch releases us?"

Voldemort's eyes narrowed. "Yes?"

"Can you make Ron's death extra painful or something?" He said spitefully and Voldemort laughed. Properly laughed and everyone stopped.

"If that's what you want. I think I can manage that boon for my _best friend_." He said honestly, although the best friend endearment was sarcastic.

"Just get on with the dare," Ron muttered. "I hate this game."

Ginny scowled, and wiped the tears away from his cheek, got up and walked over to Lucius.. "Sorry Mr. Malfoy," She offered, before reaching down, placing a hand on his cheek, and her lips on his.

Harry wolf whistled as they deepened the kiss, and Hermione gasped at how Ginny was really going for it. They stayed like that for several moments, tongues caressing and exploring, before Ginny finally pulled away. "Can I sit between you two?" She asked Draco. He nodded eagerly, and Draco moved to his left. Lucius had a dazed expression, and was tracing his lips with his fingers.

"Why is everyone moving away from me?" Ron whined as Ginny sat down between the two Malfoys.

"I think you can figure that out Weasley. While the smell is terrible, there are other reasons too," Draco snarled.

"I couldn't have said it better myself, Draco." Harry smirked at the horrified look on Ron's face.

"Anyway!" Ginny huffed. "It's my turn." She reached out and span the bottle, it landed on Hermione.

"Truth or dare?"

"Truth."Ginny sighed. "I had a really good dare lined up as well! Fine, how many guys have you kissed?"

"Two, but Harry has kissed me before…" she trailed off.

"Harry kissed you?" Voldemort asked incredulously, his eyes narrowing.

"Yeah… but anyway, I myself have only kissed two men, romantically." she amended.

"Only the two?" Severus asked from the side of her.

"Yeah, Viktor Krum and…" she inclined her head towards Severus.

"I thought you'd have kissed more than that Hermione! We'll have to set you up with someone." Ginny added thoughtfully.

"You will not!" Hermione yelled angrily.

"But," Ginny started.

"No buts, not interested. It's my turn, I hope I get you so I can dare you to do something stupid." She added and spun the bottle, it landed on Draco.

"You again?" She sighed. "Truth or dare?"

"Truth," He said quickly.

"Who's the person you fancy most at the moment?" Hermione asked, copying Harry's question to Ron.

"Copycat," Harry muttered.

"I've never heard of such a creature," Voldemort snorted from the side of him.

"It's a muggle phrase," Harry explained. "Didn't you hear things like that in the orphanage?"

"No." Voldemort said quickly.

"Ginny!" Draco blurted out.

"Really?" Hermione asked incredulously.

"Veritaserum!" Draco said angrily.

"I had no idea," Ginny blushed. "You're really nice Draco…" She trailed off awkwardly.

"Yes?" Draco encouraged, eyes full of hope.

"But I'm in love with Harry, and he already said he likes me so…" Ginny smiled.

"Crap," Harry whispered and Draco looked crushed.

"She is rather oblivious isn't she?" Voldemort commented.

"I wish I'd taken you up on that offer of running her off now," Harry grumbled to himself, not aware he'd said it out loud.

"You just have," Voldemort said coldly and before Harry could stop him, he stood up.

"It's my pleasure to tell you, blood-traitor, that Harry doesn't 'like' you in that way at all. In fact, I stopped you from kissing him due to the pleading looks he was sending around the room." Ginny looked heart-broken. "Just now, actually, he asked _me _to tell you this, as he doesn't have the courage to do it himself." Voldemort smirked at the now crying form of Ginny, and sat back down.

"That was cruel!" Harry said angrily.

"You love me really," Voldemort drawled sarcastically, mocking Harry's earlier words.

"Harry!" Harry sighed, an angry Hermione was the last thing he needed. "Is that true?"

"Is what true?" He asked innocently.

"Don't evade the question," She snapped. "Did you really just ask Voldemort, _Voldemort _of _all _people, to tell Ginny that?" She exclaimed, fire in her eyes.

"Errr… I kind of did, yes." Harry admitted. "It's Tom's fault though!"

"I fail to see how this can be in any way my 'fault'." Voldemort said coolly.

"Look, basically, I just muttered something and Tom took it literally!" Harry pleaded.

Hermione sighed. "I've already lost a friend today, I'm not losing another one. Just… be gentle! She is REALLY in love with you." She chastised.

"I think we understood that when she tried kiss him." Voldemort interjected.

"Ginny, I'm sorry." Harry said to the crying girl. "I love you," She looked up hopefully. "But as my sister, nothing more."

Ginny sighed. "I suppose being your sister is better than being nothing." She sniffed, and wiped her tears on the swapped robes she was wearing.

"Who's turn is it?" She sighed.

"Draco's," Hermione informed her. Draco reached out, and span the bottle. It landed on Ron.

"Truth or dare?" Draco hissed.

"Shit, truth."

"Have you ever resented Harry for his fame?" Draco sneered.

"There have been loads of times where I have." Ron blurted.

"I knew it!" Draco said, vindicated.

"Urgh, today has been the worse day." Harry muttered.

"It's not exactly been a brilliant day for me, either." Ron hissed.

Ron glared at Harry for a moment, before reaching out and spinning the bottle, which landed on Severus.

Ron's eye gained a wicked gleam. "Truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"Would you _ever_ willingly kiss Hermione?" He asked. Now, hopefully, Hermione would see that he'd never willingly do anything with her.

"I would." Severus replied coldly, before glaring at Ron. Everyone apart from Voldemort gasped.

"Oh-" Ginny started.

"Don't say that!" Voldemort growled at Ginny. Apparently, even Dark Lord's got fed up of the words 'Oh my god'.

"Severus… Hermione Granger?" Lucius said wide-eyed.

"Molly Weasley?" Hermione retorted, and Lucius scowled.

"Moving swiftly on!" Harry announced and Severus span the bottle, it landed on Lucius.

"Truth or dare, or shouldn't I bother asking?" He drawled.

"A Malf-"

"Lucius, don't lie. Is Draco not also a Malfoy?" Voldemort said suddenly.

"Of course he is, my lord." Lucius responded.

"Draco has done dares. Therefore, there is no reason for you not to pick dare." Voldemort glared at him and Lucius knew exactly what he had to do.

"Dare then." He grumbled.

"I dare you to…" Severus thought for a moment. What would annoy Lucius the most? "I dare you to allow Harry to ruffle your hair."

Lucius looked horrified.

"You… you…" Lucius spluttered.

"Greasy git? Dungeon bat? Bastard? Tosser?" Harry helpfully supplied.

"Traitor?" Voldemort added venomously.

"Get over it," Harry sighed and rolled his eyes.

"Dark Lords do not 'Get over it'," Voldemort scowled.

"Excuse me, but do you mind not advising people on how to insult me?" Severus asked, exasperated.

"Sorry," Harry offered, smiling. "Come on then Lucius, time to mess up your hair!" Harry grinned.

"I'll do anything, just not that hair! I'll even say please!" Lucius pleaded. Well, it was more like he begged, but a Malfoy would never lower themselves to begging.

"Sorry, blame Severus." Harry said cheerfully, getting up and making his way over to Lucius.

"How could you?" Lucius asked, turning his attention to Severus.

"It was rather simple, you picked dare, and I dared you." Severus responded sarcastically.

"But why?" Lucius whined.

"In future, perhaps you should examine your own tastes before criticizing others." Voldemort said in Severus's stead.

"Anyway!" Harry interjected angrily. "Ready Lucius?"

"I thought we were getting along well," He muttered.

Harry laughed, "We are!" Before Lucius had time to react, Harry already had his hand tangled in the older mans hair, knotting it together. Harry was _sure_ he had heard a whimper there somewhere as well. With his other, free hand, Harry ruffled the top of Lucius's head. After a few moments, he pulled back, his work well and truly finished.

"Harry, you've done a good job!" Hermione beamed and Lucius scowled.

Lucius gingerly raised a hand to his head, and felt the damage that was done. His once long, flowing, and silky hair, was now ruffled, stuck up and tangled. "Oh my word…" He muttered.

"That was a pretty cruel dare," Ginny commented.

"Severus can be quite cruel!" Harry remarked with a laugh. "What do you think Tom?"

"I think you accomplished your goal."

"Wow, I won your approval!" Harry smirked.

Voldemort scowled. "Are you happy Severus?" Harry asked, turning to his left.

"I'm never 'happy'," He sneered.

"You seemed happy enough when you were snogging Hermione." Ron muttered, earning him a patented death glare.

"Enough." Voldemort said suddenly. "Lucius, take your turn."

Lucius, still scowling, reached out and span the bottle, which landed on Voldemort.

"Oh no…"

"See? I told you so! Everyone says something like that!" Harry exclaimed.

"So they should." Voldemort replied.

"Truth or dare, my lord?"

"Dare."

"Come on Lucius, don't be a wimp! Dare him to do something embarrassing for once!" Harry encouraged.

"My lord, I dare you to…" Lucius trailed off. Harry rolled his eyes and turned to his left. "Severus pass this along, and get Hermione to as well. Tell Lucius to dare him to sing 'If you're happy and you know it' with actions!" Harry pulled back, smirking.

Severus thought for a moment, before carrying out the instructions.

Harry suddenly found himself being pulled right up to Voldemort's side, pressing into his leg. "What did you just do?" He whispered threateningly.

"Nothing!" Harry smiled innocently, and moved to shuffle away, only to be held back.

"You are not going anywhere. You stay glued to my side, until we're done. No more whispering!" He growled.

"You're cruel." He said, eyes narrowing.

"I AM the Dark Lord, what else did you expect?" Voldemort smirked.

"How does that go?" Lucius inquired, and Harry quickly turned his attention to him.

Hermione sighed, and whispered something more in Lucius's ear.

"I'm going to die a very painful death," He muttered. "My lord, I dare you to sing, 'If you're happy and you know it.' along with the actions to said song.

"This is your doing!" Voldemort hissed, turning to the boy he was holding against his side.

"Obviously. I take it you know the song then?" Harry said happily.

"I once received a joke muggle birthday card, singing said song." Voldemort said coldly.

"Get on with it then." Harry sighed.

"Is he really going to do it?" Ginny said excitedly.

"I don't get what's so bad about the song." Draco muttered.

"Wait and see Draco." Harry winked. "Remember to stand up!" Harry reminded the scowling Dark Lord.

"Harry, you seem to be becoming the very definition of a dunderhead." Severus chastised.

"It was Lucius who dared him to do it!" Harry insisted, smirking.

"Be quiet!" Voldemort boomed, now standing.

"Go on Tom! I'll even clap along with you." Harry said cheerfully with a bright smile.

"If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands." Voldemort muttered, and clapped his long, pale hands together.

"Come on, louder!" Harry said.

"If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands." Voldemort sang, much louder, causing Draco to stifle a giggle. Voldemort clapped his hands together again, and Harry had a feeling he was imagining crushing him between them.

"If you're happy and you know it, then your face will surely show it, If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands." Voldemort sang and once more clapped, this time, Harry clapped too, causing Voldemort's scowl to deepen.

Hermione, Ginny, Ron and Draco were now laughing openly, while Harry was now pretending to be a conductor.

"If you're happy and you know it, stomp your feet." Voldemort sang deeply, and complied with the song's instructions.

"If you're happy and you know it, stomp your feet." He repeated, and even Lucius and Severus were sniggering openly.

"If you're happy and you know it, then your face will truly show it, if you're happy and you know it, stomp your feet." He stomped said feet extra hard for emphasis. He was _not_ happy.

"Come on, smile Tom!" Harry laughed, and tears were running down Hermione's and Ginny's cheeks.

"If you're happy and you know it, shout 'Hurray'" He sang and then muttered; "Hooray."

"It says shout," Harry pointed out helpfully.

"If you're happy and you know it, shout 'Hurray'" He repeated and shot a glare at Harry. "HOORAY!" He yelled and everyone paled.

He smirked before singing; "If you're happy and you know it, then your face will surely show it, If you're happy and you know it, shout 'Hurray'" "HOORAY!" He yelled again, and Draco cowered slightly.

"If you're happy and you know it, do all three." Voldemort reverted back to his scowl, but did the actions anyway.

Hermione, Ron and Ginny were still laughing, and Draco had settled back into sniggering with the other Slytherins.

"If you're happy and you know it, do all three." He sang again, clapping his hands, stomping his feet, and then shouting "HOORAY!"

"If you're happy and you know it, then your face will surely show it, If you're happy and you know it, do all three." He finished and clapped his hands, stomped his feet, and screamed "HOORAY!" for the last time.

"You were wonderful Tom!" Harry said helpfully, while applauding the Dark Lord enthusiastically.

**Hope you all enjoyed the chapter! Thanks to everyone who has put this on alert, or their favorites you're amazing, but SUPER HUGE thanks to everyone who has reviewed, you guys keep me writing, and you're all the most fantastic people! Any questions, or if you want to know about the next chapter or whatever you want, send me a message, I'll always reply.**

**Now for an important bit: I want to know, what all of you want in the story. I've got hundreds of idea's for every character, but I'd love to know who you want to see more of! Do you want more Voldemort and Harry being sarcastic with each other? Or do you want more of another character? Please let me know in a review, so I can start writing again! :D**


	5. Spontaneous Revenge

**A/N: This is in no way to be taken seriously, written purely from a crazy dream I had! Will contain: Stupidity, Ron-Bashing, Ron being incredibly and repeatedly stupid, a hormonal Hermione, a raging Ginny, slight Ginny bashing, Dumbledore bashing, extreme silliness, a very sarcastic Harry and finally OOCness. This starts off fairly seriously, and there is an underlying story line, but it's mostly a parody, so please, enjoy! **

**Disclaimer; If Voldemort, Severus and Remus are dead, then I don't own Harry Potter or anything to do with the books, or films.**

**Update: 28/6/10, someone has just left a review saying there should be a slash warning. I didn't think I needed one but here we go just in case: This contains slash. Happy now?**

**One last thing: If you don't like the story, don't review and just move on. Constructive criticism is always good, don't just point out a flaw, please, tell me what you think I should do to improve it. This is _supposed_ to be just a laugh, so please don't tell me things like "(Insert character name here) would never do that!" or "(Insert plot moment here) happened too quickly."**

**After that rather long A/N, please enjoy the story, and leave me a review telling me what you think!**

Voldemort sat back down and pulled Harry to his side again. "No more whispering," He warned again.

"I know, I know! Now come on, it's your turn."

"Spin the bottle for me then." Voldemort said coolly. Harry did so, and it landed on himself.

Now it was Harry's turn to scowl again.

"Truth or dare, you impudent brat?"

"If I pick dare, you're going to make me do something horrible!" Harry said quickly.

"Isn't that part of the fun?" Voldemort asked.

"Fine, dare then."

"I dare you to the kiss the Weasley boy, properly, not on the cheek." Voldemort declared.

Harry laughed. Which infuriated Voldemort. "Is that it?" Voldemort scowled and Harry rose from his place. "Although I'm not happy I have to kiss _Ron_." He added thoughtfully.

He walked over to the red headed boy, coaxed him to stand up, and quickly started kissing him. Ron froze, but soon relaxed. Harry quickly pulled away and smirked. "I thought you said you didn't want to kiss me?"

"I don't!" Ron spluttered. "Please, forgive me Harry?" He asked pitifully.

"Nope." Harry smiled, and pulled away. He took his place in between Severus and Voldemort.

Harry quickly leaned over to his left before Voldemort could react. "Severus, whisper "I'll whisper what I like, thank you. Love Harry" To Hermione and have her pass it on." He quickly managed to instruct, before he found himself being pulled to Voldemort's side again.

"I said no whispering!"

"Alright, in future, don't pull me like that!" Harry argued.

"I will continue to pull you like that, and treat you like a naughty child, if you carry on acting like one." Voldemort said simply.

"Do you have some kind of fatherly instincts you want to carry out?" Harry laughed.

"There's nothing fatherly about Lord Voldemort," Ron interjected.

"I'm sure there is… _somewhere_." Harry said thoughtfully. "What are you going to do then? If I carry on whispering things, put me on your lap and tell me off?" He said mockingly.

"Just for _that_, then I will." He declared and Harry's eyes went wide. He'd been joking, and somehow, he didn't think Voldemort was in on the joke.

After watching the exchange, Severus eventually leaned over to Hermione, and whispered something.

"What have you done?" Voldemort asked accusingly.

"Sorry Tom, I couldn't possibly tell you without silencing charms around us, and we don't have our magic…" Harry teased.

'_Then speak in Parseltongue! Now tell me what you've done,'_ He demanded in said language, as he watched Hermione whisper something to Lucius, who smirked.

'_I hate speaking like this.'_ Harry muttered and observed Lucius whispering to Ginny.

'_Frankly, brat, I don't care, now tell me what you've done.'_ He hissed.

"Wait and see." Harry stressed, as Ginny whispered the message to Draco.

"I'm not a patient man." Voldemort growled. Draco reluctantly whispered something to Ron.

"The fact you're a man is debatable in itself." Harry retorted and Severus spluttered.

"Must you insist on making a painful death for yourself?" Severus asked.

"Looks like it." Harry smiled as he watched Ron approach Voldemort.

"If you think you can come near me…" Voldemort said lowly.

"Lord Voldemort…" Ron gulped and whispered in the Dark Lord's ear. "I'll whisper what I like thank you. Love Harry."

Ron quickly backed away, and Voldemort turned to a smiling Harry.

"You… you are the most impudent, annoying person I have _ever_ had the immense misfortune to meet." Voldemort breathed. "Have you ever considered turning Dark? I'm quite sure we could use your skills to annoy Dumbledore to death." He asked seriously.

"Nope! Right, my turn!" He said cheerfully, and spun the bottle. It landed on Hermione.

"Truth or dare?"

"Truth." Hermione declared and Harry sighed disappointedly.

"And I had such a good dare."

"What was it?" She asked cautiously.

"I was going to dare you to duet 'I Got You Babe' with Severus." He deadpanned.

"Thank god I picked truth then!" She spluttered. "He would have killed me!"

"I highly doubt that, Hermione." Severus said from her side. "Although I do not like the idea of myself dueting any song. Would you kindly erase that thought from your mind?" He sneered, but without the same malice as he usually did.

"I'll think about it," Harry said thoughtfully.

"He won't," She muttered. "Come on, what's my question then?"

"If you had to kiss one female, who would you kiss?"

"I'd probably kiss Luna, because she'd keep it quiet, unlike some gossips I could mention." Hermione said, shooting a Severus-worthy glare at Ginny.

Draco gasped.

"What? She's already admitted she'd gossip about others!" Hermione huffed. She reached out and spun the bottle, which landed on Ginny.

"Truth or dare?"

"Truth, I'm bloody sick of kissing people!" Ginny said angrily.

"What's the cruelest thing you've ever willingly done, while being at Hogwarts?" Hermione inquired.

"I was dating Dean, and I saw him kissing this Ravenclaw girl," She began blushing. "I got really angry and spread three rumors about him."

"I don't remember that?" Harry asked, puzzled.

"You were in the hospital wing," Hermione supplied helpfully and Harry looked sheepish.

"Do you have a permanent bed there?" Voldemort asked from his right side.

"No, but I should," Harry admitted. "Anyway, why do you care? You're always the one to put me in the hospital wing in the first place!"

"How can that be true? I only returned in your fourth year."

"Hmmm lets think, Qurriel? Chamber of secrets? Wormtail?" Harry reminded him.

"Perhaps, however, not _directly _me."

"It's the same thing," Harry muttered. "Carry on Ginny." He said to the red headed girl, who was waiting impatiently.

"The first rumor I started, was that he had a really small… err… member." She blushed.

"We were laughing about that in the common room for weeks," Draco laughed at the memory.

"The second rumor, was that he had Puliktonitus." Ginny said, looking very ashamed of herself.

"Wait, that's NOT true?" Ron asked angrily. "I've avoided him since you told me that!"

Hermione shuddered in disgust. "Ginny, that's disgusting. Even when it's not true!"

"I know! The third rumor was that he was dating Seamus secretly." She muttered.

"And that's not true either? The rest of the Slytherins are going to be so disappointed," Draco sniggered.

"That was rather cruel," Severus commented.

"Did you, like Harry, beg the sorting hat not to put you in Slytherin?" Voldemort asked seriously.

"What?" Ginny exclaimed.

'_Thanks a bunch you bastard,' _Harry seethed in Parseltongue.

'_You're very welcome.' _Voldemort replied.

"Stop hissing to each other!" Ginny said furiously. "You know nobody else can bloody understand you."

"Really?" Voldemort asked sarcastically.

"Yeah, I was under the impression that Parseltongue was a universally understood language and everyone could speak it!" Harry said, equally as sarcastically.

"Stop ganging up on me! You're like a bloody double team for crying out loud, are you both Dark Lords?" Ginny scowled.

"He wishes I was!" Harry laughed.

"I do not 'wish'." Voldemort said indifferently.

"Sure you do. Anyway, Ginny, your turn!" Harry said happily. Ginny reached out and spun the bottle, it landed on Ron.

"Truth or dare?"

"Errr, dare then."

"Seeing as though you're so greedy, I dare you to lick the floor three times." Once again, everyone but Voldemort gasped.

"But the floor's dirty!" Ron cried.

"Is stating the obvious your only talent, Weasley?" Severus sneered.

"Indeed, I have yet to see any other talent," Lucius said smugly.

"Just do it, Ron," Harry rolled his eyes.

Ron whimpered slightly, but did as dared, and licked the floor, grimacing at the taste. "That's disgusting," He said, retching.

"Two more to go!" Harry said cheerfully.

"Are you always this optimistic?" Voldemort asked, eyes narrowing.

"Nope!" Harry replied, and Ron licked the floor again, screaming in disgust.

"It tastes like old, dry blood!" Ron spat.

"That'll be Bellatrix's fault." Voldemort said apathetically.

"I'd might have known she had something to do with it," Harry muttered, and Ron licked the floor once more.

"That was the worse thing I've ever tasted." He declared, rubbing his tongue on his robes.

"Where'd you get a dare like that from, Ginny?" Hermione questioned suspiciously.

"Harry," She blushed. "He taught me some really nasty ones!"

"Harry." Hermione, Ron and Draco groaned at the same time.

"What?" He replied innocently.

"Let's just get on with it," Ron said forcefully and spun the bottle, which landed on Harry.

"Truth or dare?"

"I'd pick dare if I didn't know you'd come up with something either totally unoriginal, or crap. Truth."

"If you had to kiss either Hermione or Ginny, who would you kiss?" He asked, hoping Harry would say Hermione and upset Ginny.

"I'd pick Hermione because I love them both, but kissing Ginny would be weird." He repeated his earlier words.

"You're not interested in either of them then?" Draco asked.

"No, I love them both, but as sisters and nothing more." Harry responded happily, and then grinned.

"You're not upset Ginny?" Ron asked, sounding very disappointed.

"Maybe a little," She confessed, and Harry knew this could get awkward, really quickly.

"My turn!" He said in a sing-song voice, hoping to distract people, and everyone but Voldemort shifted uncomfortably, Harry did the worst dares. He spun the bottle, and it landed on Lucius.

Harry thought for a brief moment, and turned to his right. "Tom, make Lucius pick dare again."

"Why?" Voldemort asked cautiously.

"Because it'll be funny!" Harry promised and smiled. He turned back to Lucius, who was looking as worried as a Malfoy was allowed to be.

"Truth or dare?"

Lucius looked over to Harry, who Voldemort was still holding against his side. Voldemort was glaring at him, and Lucius inwardly gulped, he knew exactly what he had to do.

"Dare."

"Yes!" Harry screamed, triumphantly. "Thank you Tom. But… can you let me get up and not make me sit on your lap?" Harry asked hopefully. "I don't actually want to be treated like a naughty child." Harry elaborated.

"Say please." Voldemort said innocently.

"Please." Harry asked politely, slightly annoyed Voldemort was making him go through all of this. He could tell what was coming next.

"Not good enough." Voldemort smirked and Harry suppressed the urge to roll his eyes.

"Pretty please." Harry asked through gritted teeth.

"Pretty? Still not good enough."

"Will the most powerful, charismatic, amazing Dark Lord, who is also my best friend in the entire world, let me up and not pull me onto his lap, please?" Harry said sweetly.

"Much better." Voldemort announced.

"Promise me you won't pull me on your lap then." Harry insisted.

"I promise not to pull you onto my lap." Voldemort repeated.

"Good!" Harry smiled and Voldemort released him from his hold. Harry jumped up and went over to Lucius.

"I dare you to moon Tom." He whispered and pulled back, smirking.

"What's that?" Lucius asked, confused.

Harry sighed. "Pull down your robes and show him your arse, and shake it in his face for a minute, minimum!"" He whispered again.

"HARRY POTTER!" Lucius bellowed. "You are the evilest child in the _entire_ world!" He seethed.

"I've been saying that for seven years," Severus murmured.

"I heard that Severus!" Harry shouted over his shoulder. "Are you going to do the dare or not?" He demanded.

"Fine!" Lucius scowled, and Harry moved back to his place. He was about to sit down, when suddenly, Voldemort pulled him into his lap.

"You promised!" Harry said angrily.

"I lied." Voldemort said simply. "You're a brat, I'm going to treat you as such," He smirked, and Harry scowled.

"Let me off!" Harry cried.

"Are you going to whisper things to people anymore?" Voldemort demanded.

"No! I swear on my magic." Harry said desperately, trying to squirm away.

Voldemort relinquished his hold on Harry, and pushed him to his side. He was still holding him there, however, preventing his escape.

"I'll collect on that if you do so again." Voldemort said coldly.

"Lucky for me I was crossing my fingers then isn't it?" Harry said happily.

"If frustration could kill…" Voldemort grumbled.

"You'd be dead?" Harry smiled.

"Am I doing this dare then?" Lucius interjected impatiently.

"Yes, I want to see what dare could possibly make you bellow like that," Severus interjected.

Lucius approached Voldemort, and unfastened his robes.

"What is the meaning-" Before Voldemort could finish, Lucius had turned around, arse on show, and was shaking it in front of Voldemort.

"I'm so sorry, My Lord." Lucius pleaded, still shaking.

"How _dare _you do such a mark of disrespect to me! Desist this at once!" Voldemort hissed.

"I can't, My Lord, I must do this for thirty more seconds." Those thirty seconds were the slowest of Lucius's life.

"_You_," Voldemort began with barely contained rage. "You, are in for the most painful torture session of your life!" He spat venomously and Lucius seemed to forget he was a Malfoy, and whimpered.

"That's a nice arse Lucius!" Harry called out, sniggering.

The thirty seconds were up, Lucius hurriedly pulled his robes back on and sat down.

Nobody could contain their laughter, and even Severus was chuckling openly.

"You make the cruelest dares!" Ginny cackled.

"Thank you!" Harry smiled and bowed his head.

"My Lord, please let me be present when you kill this horrible boy?" Lucius pleaded.

Voldemort merely glared at him.

"My turn then," Lucius muttered, and spun the bottle, which landed on Draco.

"Oh crap," Draco breathed.

"Truth or dare, son?" Lucius had a malicious look in his eyes.

Draco gulped. No way could he pick truth. "Dare, please, father."

"Oh now you remember your manners!" Lucius exclaimed sarcastically. "Miss Granger, do you have any makeup in that satchel of yours?"

"Yeah, Ginny decided it would be a great place to hide her things from people like Lavender." She replied happily.

"Excellent. Draco, my heir, I dare you to let Granger and the Weasley girl have free reign on you with their makeup." He declared.

"I thought you were my father and you loved me!" Draco cried, bottom lip quivering.

Lucius shrugged.

"Lucius, I didn't know Malfoy's shrugged!" Harry said, surprised.

"We don't. However, these are unusual circumstances." He conceded.

"How could you?" Draco sobbed.

"It's alright Draco, we won't do anything _too_ extreme," Ginny grinned and Hermione sat in front of Draco, Ginny's makeup bag on her lap.

"Don't worry, Ginny's really good at makeup!" Hermione smiled encouragingly.

"You are evil!" Draco cried again.

Harry chuckled as he watched Hermione and Ginny show Draco the red lipstick they had just brought out.

"I didn't think Lucius would want to humiliate Draco like that," Harry said absently to himself.

"Lucius is a very cruel man," Voldemort commented.

"I can think of worse dares…" Harry trailed off, grinning.

"Why does that not surprise me?" Voldemort asked nobody in particular.

"Because, despite us being worst enemies and absolutely despising each other, we know each other very well." Harry beamed.

"I don't despise you."

"Awww, really?" Harry said with false cheer. "That's ok, I love you too! When shall we arrange the wedding for?" He asked sarcastically.

"Thirty-first of October, Halloween." Voldemort responded, equally as sarcastic.

"What a good date," Harry agreed. "I'll wear blood red in your honor! Hmmm, I'll have to buy a dress, I can't see you wanting to fulfill the brides role … who shall we invite?" He said with exaggerated excitement.

"My Inner-Circle of course," Voldemort mockingly stated, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Harry quickly glanced at the girls, who had secreted Draco off into a corner to work on him, joined by Ron and Lucius, who just wanted to laugh at Draco.

"Minus maybe Bellabitch, I think she'd kill me." Harry eventually laughed. "I'd want the Weasley family there, and all of the Gryffindors of course…" Harry trailed off.

"-Draco stay still!" They both heard Ginny shriek, and Lucius laughing.

"And who'd give you away?" Voldemort asked mockingly after a moment.

"Oh, Dumblewhore for sure! I mean, he's like a grandfather to me, even when he's training me to kill people and doesn't give me my fathers things, he's such a wonderful man." Harry sighed dreamily. "What about you?"

"I can think of nobody more fit for best man duty than my most favored inner-circle member, Severus Snape." Voldemort drawled.

"Of course, I mean, he's the most trusted as well right? He could _never_ be a spy either!" Harry nodded enthusiastically. "What do you reckon Severus?"

"I wasn't listening," Severus admitted. "What were you two talking about this time?"

"Oh don't you know? Tom just declared his undying love for me, we're planning to get married!" Harry said excitedly. "He wants you to be his best man."

Severus coughed and spluttered. "What?" He asked, clutching his chest like he was having a heart attack.

"What I just said," Harry rolled his eyes. "Are you going to be best man or not?"

Severus gasped, before sighing. "Are you mocking me, Harry _James _Potter?" He asked seriously, making sure to put emphasis on his middle name, like it was all his fathers fault.

'_Let's see if we can give him a scare,'_ Harry hissed in Parseltongue, and Voldemort nodded.

"No, he isn't, Severus." Voldemort said forcefully from Harry's side.

"I must be seeing and hearing things," Severus muttered, waving his left hand in front of his face. "Maybe I put too much of…" Severus trailed off mumbling to himself. "Harry!" He suddenly cried out.

"Yes?" Harry asked, trying to stifle his giggles.

"Are you seeing things? Perhaps purple spots?" Severus said desperately and Voldemort was chuckling.

'_Shall I play along?'_ Harry asked the chuckling man that was still holding him against his side.

'_See how far you can go.'_ Voldemort commanded.

"Are you talking in Parseltongue?" Severus asked worriedly.

"No." Harry shook his head. "We asked you if you were alright, Severus. You look very pale," Harry said with false concern.

"Can you see anything… unusual then?" Severus asked quickly, throwing glances at the others in the corner, not wanting to cause mass-panic.

"I thought I saw you smile a minute ago," Harry confessed, while being slightly shaken by Voldemort.

"It may be worse than I thought…" Severus murmured, panicking now.

"So, Tom, what about flower arrangements? I was thinking pink roses." Harry asked, slight giggles seeping through his speech.

"If that's what you want, Harry." Voldemort said resignedly.

"My Lord, Harry, I'm afraid to say I think I made a grave error with the Veritaserum." Snape hurriedly said, looking guilty.

"Oh really?" Harry asked, with false surprise.

"Yes, It seems to be having the effect of auditory hallucinations." Severus said worriedly. "I could of sworn you were both discussing the flower arrangements of your wedding, and before, that Harry said you had declared your undying love for him."

"-Lucius, you're in the way!" The three of them heard Hermione complain, loudly, and it took a moment for Harry to realize what he was doing before he got distracted.

'_I think we've put him through enough stress for now,' _Harry eventually smiled. _'Are you going to tell him, or shall I?' _He asked in Parseltongue.

'_I shall do it.'_ Voldemort stated and cleared his throat.

"Severus, you did hear that." Voldemort said coldly.

Severus's eyes widened. "Harry?"

"We were being sarcastic and decided to see if we could give you a heart attack," Harry laughed loudly, causing the others who we're currently either giving a make over to, or teasing Draco, to look at the three of them.

"You… you… I can't believe you went along with that!" Severus said lividly at the Dark Lord.

"I was bored, and I thought it might amuse me. Would it please you to know that it worked?" Voldemort asked with a smug smirk on his face. Severus growled and started to purposefully ignore the two banes of his existence

"You know, I never thought you would be so sarcastic." Harry directed at Voldemort. "I thought you'd be much more serious."

"You can be sarcastic and serious." Voldemort said indifferently.

"As much fun as sarcastically planning our wedding was, I think we'll stay best friends, what do you reckon?" Harry asked chuckling.

"Agreed."

"Shake on it?" Harry asked seriously, and held out his hand.

Voldemort tilted his head, but eventually placed his long pale hand in Harry's and shook gently.

"We should of gotten somebody to take a picture, it could go in a wizarding museum or something!" Harry said excitedly. "'Dark Lord and Boy Who Lived shake hands!' that could be the caption!"

"Are you purposefully trying to annoy me… _again_?" Voldemort hissed.

"Yup. I'll stop now though, what were you going to say earlier, by the way?"

"I don't despise you… I detest and hate you with every fiber of my being."

Harry pouted. "That's not a very nice thing to say about your best friend." He pretended to be upset. "And I thought we were getting along brilliantly. We even pranked Severus, and shook hands! We could have been the next double act! You know, like the Weasley twins, or the Lestrange brothers."

"The day we become like the Lestrange brothers, is the day Albus Dumbledore goes an hour without a lemon drop." Voldemort said disgustedly.

"What are they like then?" Harry asked curiously, looking at the corner where Draco and the girls were. Lucius and Ron were still trying to get a good look at him.

"I'll say nothing, in fear I'll run out of adjectives."

"Aw come on, they can't be that bad!" Harry said, nudging Voldemort with his right shoulder.

"Don't nudge me again!" Voldemort scowled.

"Tom, you're no fun unless you're being sarcastic!"

"Dark Lords do not do 'fun'."

"You know you keep saying that, but why would you keep playing the game if you weren't having fun?" Harry questioned.

"Be quiet." Voldemort hissed warningly, not having a retort to that.

"Sorry, I'm incapable of that, ask Severus," Harry offered helpfully.

"Severus, can you not control the boy?" Voldemort asked, exasperation creeping into his tone.

"My Lord, I must disappoint you, for I cannot. I doubt anyone can." Severus said truthfully.

"Hey! I can be controlled. Why don't you ask Dumblewhore for lessons?" Harry spat spitefully.

"You _really_ don't like Albus do you Harry?" Severus asked, shaking his head.

"Do you?" Harry retorted.

"I… don't." Severus conceded.

"I'd ask you, Tom, but I already know what the answer would be." Harry laughed. "What's taking them so long?" Harry complained, looking over to where Hermione and Ginny were still slapping makeup on Draco.

"Probably making him look ridiculous. Hopefully, anyway. They sent me away." Lucius said frowning, taking his place back in the circle. Ron quickly scuttled over soon after and also resumed his place. "Did we miss anything?"

"Only the birth of a new Dark Lord…" Severus muttered under his breath.

"He's just upset we pranked him. Severus, you're a very bitter man." Harry teased.

"Naturally." Severus seethed.

Lucius gave them all questioning looks.

"I can't believe you'd let Draco get made over by those two, he's going to look like a drag queen!" Harry said, trying to change the subject.

"What's a drag queen?" Lucius asked, confused by this latest muggle term.

"You don't know?" Harry asked excitedly.

"I wouldn't have asked if I did," Lucius said, getting annoyed with Harry now. "Tell me what a drag queen is!"

"A drag queen is a man, usually gay but not always, who dresses up as a woman. They wear wigs, and a large amount of makeup. Sometimes they mime to pop songs and such." Harry supplied helpfully. "Regretting the dare now?" He asked cheekily.

"Oh," Lucius mumbled.

"Be thankful Harry here didn't get to dare your son, he would have done much worse." Severus offered.

"We're done!" Ginny sang. "Are you guys ready?" She called out.

"Yes, yes, just bring him out already!" Harry yelled excitedly.

The sight that greeted them was something they never expected to see.

Draco moved towards them, lips full and red, with darker lip-liner around them. His cheeks were paler, yet with a rosy blush, his eyelashes full and black, very pronounced. Not to mention the stupid amount of black eyeliner around them.

"Wow…" Harry gasped.

"Oh Lord… what have I done?" Lucius mumbled.

"You dared your son to let himself be made over by Granger and Weasley." Voldemort said in a very matter of fact way.

"I don't think he meant you when he said oh Lord," Harry informed him.

"I am his only Lord," Voldemort insisted angrily.

"It's just a figure of speech. God, you get really possessive with people."

"Excuse me, but you seem to have all forgotten about me!" Draco screamed and everyone stopped and stared at the boy. He now, as Harry thought, looked like a bad drag queen.

"Hermione, Ginny, you did a great job!" Ron encouraged.

"Don't be a suck up," Ginny scowled and Ron whimpered.

Draco sniffed and sat back down. Ron started laughing.

"Shut up Weasley!" Draco yelled.

"I'll shut up when you aren't a spoilt brat, so, long story short, I'm not going to shut up." He sneered.

"Ron, stop being so antagonistic!" Hermione chastised.

"Why? It's not like I have any friends or anything is it? You've all gone over to the Dark, and when we get back, I'm going straight to Dumbledore and telling him everything!" Ron threatened.

"We're not getting back, you idiot!" Both Harry and Hermione shouted, and again, the room descended into chaos.

"Ron, you're being such an idiot!" Ginny screamed.

"Ginny, you're being such a slut!" Ron mocked.

"That was-" Draco began.

"Uncalled for?" Ron asked.

"Damn right! If she's a slut, then what are you?" Draco said furiously.

"A bloody prat." Hermione muttered.

"Why is everyone ganging up on me?" Ron asked pitifully.

"Because, as always, my son is correct, and you deserve it. You shouldn't say such things about a lady, let alone your sister." Lucius interjected.

"Here we go again." Harry mumbled and everyone started shouting at each other.

"This is to be expected with such a group." Severus offered helpfully.

"Oh shut up you overgrown bat!" Ron yelled.

"You're trying my patience, Weasley." Severus said lowly.

"I don't care, what can you do? Take points off?" Ron snorted. "And you, Hermione, you're not much better! You've gone Dark!" He spat spitefully.

"I have not!" She cried out, upset by such an accusation.

"You have, you're with bloody Potter, and Snape!" Ron snarled. "If Ginny wasn't Dark too, I'd say you were the Darks slu-"

"Do _not _finish that sentence." Severus snarled suddenly, getting up and moving over to where the others had been arguing.

"These are some pretty furious fireworks." Harry commented idly.

"I despise fireworks." Voldemort said bitterly.

"Are we the only two who aren't in the argument then?" Harry laughed, looking over to the rest of the group who were flinging insults at each other furiously.

"-Spoilt brat!" Ron yelled again.

"-Blood traitor!" Lucius spat.

"It does seem that way. Strange, I believe others would have placed bets on it being us arguing." Voldemort said thoughtfully.

"And instead, we've gotten along rather well." Harry laughed.

"-Bastard!" Hermione shrieked.

"Bat lover!" Ron snarled.

"Some people are so childish…" Harry mockingly chastised.

"I heard that!" Ron screamed over his shoulder.

"I'm getting sick of this arguing, I mean, look, even Hermione and Severus joined in this time!" Harry huffed. "I'm not going to bother asking you to do something, you made it very clear last time with your failed attempt that you're useless without _crucio_."

"Are you purposefully trying to be insulting? Or does it happen naturally?" Voldemort seethed.

"A bit of both," Harry admitted cheekily. "Will you let me get up?" Harry turned to face Voldemort, who sent him a glare that would make even Severus Snape gulp.

"Maybe not then…" Harry sighed. "GUYS!" He yelled, and everyone stopped and look at him. They didn't start arguing again.

"This is getting us nowhere! Let's just sit down, and carry on playing." Harry instructed and everyone grumbled, but acquiesced and resumed their places.

"Unlike some people," Harry began. "I don't need a torture spell to make people listen to me." He beamed and Voldemort scowled.

"Drag queen Draco, hey that's a good nickname!" Harry said happily at his discovery. Draco shook with anger.

"Don't call me that!"

"Drag queen Draco, it's your turn." Harry smirked and Draco just sighed and reached out to spin the bottle, it landed on Severus.

"Truth or dare?"

"I'll do a dare." Severus said after a moment of thought.

"I'll take over from Draco." Lucius grinned evilly.

Severus frowned. "Can he do that?"

"If Draco agrees," Harry shrugged. "Can your father take over for this turn?" Harry asked Draco.

"Of course," He nodded, but looked slightly disappointed.

"Harry, you _do_ realize what you've just done, don't you?" Severus asked, exasperation evident in his tone.

"Eh, given Lucius an opportunity to get his own back on you?" Harry asked innocently.

"Yes," Severus said through gritted teeth. Harry merely beamed at him. "That's exactly what you've done. I'm starting to agree with the Dark Lord calling you a brat." Severus grumbled and Lucius cleared his throat.

"Severus, we've been friends for a number of years now."

"Get on with it Lucius," Harry complained, earning him a glare.

"You humiliated me, and despite our friendship, that cannot go unpunished." He finished dramatically. "Severus Snape, I dare you to spontaneously create, and then recite a piece of romantic poetry to Hermione Granger."

Draco muttered a 'Yes!' under his breath at Severus's horrified look.

"I'm going to take it, you both think revenge is very sweet." Harry asked laughing.

"Very!" Draco said, smiling.

"Revenge is always sweet." Lucius intoned.

"Go on then, do your dare!" Harry laughed.

"Did Harry tell you to dare me to do this, Lucius?" Severus asked accusingly.

"Harry is forbidden from whispering anymore dares to people." Voldemort said coldly, indicating how he was holding Harry against his side to prevent it.

"Wouldn't surprise me if he was telepathic," Severus grumbled. "Romantic poetry?"

"Yes, I suppose, if Harry wishes to help you, he could give you some sort of prompt," Lucius offered generously.

"You're so generous, Lucius." Severus drawled. "Harry give me the prompt."

"I'm sorry, I'm forbidden from doing anything by my ultra possessive best friend here," Harry said apologetically.

"As long as you don't whisper," Voldemort conceded.

"A prompt?" Harry asked eventually.

"Yes." Lucius nodded.

"'I'm lost in….' and then Hermione's features." Harry grinned.

"Excellent!" Draco cheered. "Thanks Harry!"

"Are you _sure_ you're not a Dark Lord?" Severus asked Harry seriously.

"Pretty sure, yeah." Harry smiled.

"Come on, do the dare already!" Ginny said excitedly.

Severus turned to his left, were Hermione was already blushing. "I'm lost in the deep pools that are your big, brown, eyes, and I wish you'd tell Miss Weasley that her open mouth is attracting flies."

Ginny quickly closed her mouth.

"I'm lost in the brown bushy curls that are your hair, while I'm glaring at Lucius, for suggesting this stupid dare." Lucius snorted.

"I'm lost in the pale beauty that is your skin, I think we're both wishing that Harry would stop that ridiculous and inane grin." Ginny, Harry, Ron and Draco laughed quietly at this, and even Lucius and Voldemort sniggered.

"I'm lost in your perfectly chiseled cheeks, I'm also wondering how Harry can be so immensely annoying whenever he speaks." Harry laughed at this.

"I'm lost in the perfect sculpture that are your curves, thinking of when I get my magic back, what torture Draco deserves." Everybody but Draco sniggered.

"I'm lost in our shared love of books, and I want nothing more than to make Mr. Weasley stop giving you those disgusted looks." Ron looked _very _guilty.

"I'm lost in your intelligence, your skill to beguile, and I hope someone will have the courage to tell Lucius the truth about his sense of style."

Lucius scowled at the subtle insult.

"I'm lost in our shared love of knowledge and learning, and judging by the look that Miss Weasley just gave Harry, somebody needs to tell her to stop yearning."

Ginny blushed violently, and Harry looked horrified he hadn't noticed.

"And finally, I am simply lost in nothing but you, and I wish you could convince Harry to stop antagonizing You-Know-Who." He finished and everything was silent for a brief moment.

"That was…" Harry breathed.

"_Supposed_ to be romantic!" Draco moaned. "He didn't do it properly!"

"It was humiliating enough, Draco." Lucius told his son firmly.

"Hermione, did you find that romantic?" Harry asked the blushing girl.

"Very!" She said enthusiastically.

"Really?" Severus purred from the side of her.

"Enough!" Harry interjected. "There you go, Draco, she found it romantic so you can't really say anything."

Draco opened his mouth to protest.

"I suggest you forget about it." Voldemort said lowly, startling the young Malfoy. "Now."

"Yes, My Lord." Draco squeaked and looked nervous.

**I hope you all enjoyed reading this chapter! I quite like it, for once. Special thanks to everyone who has the story on their favorites, or on alert. Super huge, massive thanks to everyone who was reviewed, and if you haven't, why not? Nah, just kidding, but please, let me know what you think in a review!**

**So, I've listened, and I think the general opinion is that we need more Lucius, and more Voldemort/Harry. You'll be pleased to know, that's exactly what is happening. Don't worry, the other characters won't be left out or forgotten. But from the next chapter onwards, you'll be seeing more of them.**

**If anyone has any specific dares, or truth questions they want, let me know in a review, and I'll do my best to put them in!**


	6. Nightmares and Bad Mental Images

**A/N: This is in no way to be taken seriously, written purely from a crazy dream I had! Will contain: Stupidity, Ron-Bashing, Ron being incredibly and repeatedly stupid, a hormonal Hermione, a raging Ginny, slight Ginny bashing, Dumbledore bashing, extreme silliness, a very sarcastic Harry and finally OOCness. This starts off fairly seriously, and there is an underlying story line, but it's mostly a parody, so please, enjoy!**

**Disclaimer; If Voldemort, Severus and Remus are dead, then I don't own Harry Potter or anything to do with the books, or films.**

**Update: 28/6/10, someone has just left a review saying there should be a slash warning. I didn't think I needed one but here we go just in case: This contains slash. Happy now?**

**One last thing: If you don't like the story, don't review and just move on. Constructive criticism is always good, don't just point out a flaw, please, tell me what you think I should do to improve it. This is **_**supposed**_** to be just a laugh, so please don't tell me things like "(Insert character name here) would never do that!" or "(Insert plot moment here) happened too quickly."**

**After that rather long A/N, please enjoy the story, and leave me a review telling me what you think!**

"Your turn Severus," Harry said helpfully and the potions master scowled, but reached out and spun the bottle, which landed on Ginny.

"Truth or dare?"

"Hmmm… truth."

Severus thought for a moment, and then smiled wickedly. "Have you ever talked about somebody behind their back, and if you have, who?"

"Yeah! Loads of times! I talk about Ron and Harry a lot, Hermione sometimes, and even Draco a couple of times." She blurted and clapped her hand over her mouth.

"You talk about me behind my back?" Ron raged.

"Yeah," She admitted.

"Don't start Ron." Harry said seriously.

"That's probably the most sensible thing you've said since you arrived here." Draco laughed.

"What do you say about me?" Ron asked angrily.

"I don't have to answer that!" Ginny said with false cheer. "My turn!" She squeaked.

"Not so fast!" Harry called out, and she froze.

"What's up, Harry?" Ginny asked, trying to keep the excitement out of her voice.

"What do you say about _me_?" He questioned.

Ginny mumbled something that was unintelligible. "I don't have to answer that either." She finally said, looking more than guilty.

Harry turned to his right and opened his mouth to speak to Voldemort. "And don't go asking your _best friend_ to get me to tell you either, I'm not telling!" Harry scowled.

"Were you really going to ask me to retrieve the information from her?" Voldemort smirked.

"Damn right I was. We're _supposed_ to be best friends now, best friends do things for each other!" Harry huffed.

"I see. What have you done for me?" Voldemort asked seriously.

"You see you're so- what?" Harry asked, only in the middle of his sentence realized what Voldemort had said.

"I hate to say it, but Lord Voldemort's right, he's done quite a bit for you, and you've done nothing for him." Hermione smirked, and Harry was instantly reminded of Severus. Damn they suited each other too well.

"I don't like where this is going." Harry grumbled. "Just, repeat the question, Tom." Harry asked.

"What have _you_ done for _me_?" Voldemort repeated, slowly and deliberately.

Harry thought for a moment. Voldemort did kind of have a point.

"Erm…" Harry trailed off. This was getting awkward.

"I think, Harry, you'll find the answer is nothing." Lucius supplied happily.

"Ok, ok!" Harry said angrily. "Tom, what have _you_ done for _me_?" Harry repeated his question back to him, causing him to scowl.

"A great many number of things." He insisted.

"Such as?" Harry pressed.

"You asked me to make Draco Malfoy twirl, you practically pleaded with me to stop the first argument, which I attempted. Then, I saved you from Weasley trying to kiss you, because you _begged _me. You asked me to make sure Lucius picked dare, _and _I also told the Weasley girl you didn't like her." Voldemort informed him. "I helped you to annoy Severus as well." He added as an after thought.

"I didn't ask you to help me prank him!" Harry argued, looking a bit sheepish.

"I still did it." Voldemort replied coldly.

The rest of the group were trying to hide their sniggers.

"What's this about pranking Severus?" Hermione asked suspiciously.

"Well," Severus began.

"Don't tell her, I'll never hear the end of it!" Harry moaned. "She'd take it seriously!"

"Harry, you wound me." Voldemort said dramatically.

"Isn't that the point?" Harry asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Perhaps if you see it from Dumble-" Voldemort said, before being cut off by Harry.

"Dumblewhore?" Harry sniggered and Hermione cringed again.

"I hate that," She grumbled.

"It is rather crude," Severus agreed with her.

"As I was saying," Voldemort began again. "If you see it from Dumbledore's point of view, yes, that is your point."

"Lets not get into this," Harry interjected and scowled. He turned as much as he could, within Voldemort's clutches to his left. "Severus, promise me you won't tell anyone how we pranked you."

"Harry are you embarrassed by me? I thought you wanted us to be a… what did you call it? Double-team." Voldemort asked seriously from his right side.

"Oh yes, I'm very, very embarrassed by you. In fact, I think I'd simply die of shame if Severus told everyone." Harry said, being sarcastic, but trying to seem at least a little genuine.

"I'm hurt." Voldemort declared theatrically.

"Good." Harry scowled. "And anyway, you were being sarcastic too. So you can't really say anything." Harry finished triumphantly. "Now, Severus, please promise."

"I shall promise no such thing." Severus smiled evilly.

"If you ever cared about my mother, you would." Harry said, forming false tears in his now puppy dog eyes.

"Unfortunately for you, 'puppy dog eyes' have _never_ worked on me. I will promise nothing, and you shall have to hope that I choose not to reveal you and the Dark Lord's choice of sarcastic joke, it was in rather poor taste."

"He started it! You…" Harry began to argue.

"Bat?" Severus supplied helpfully and Harry could only nod. "Highly unoriginal Harry." He admonished.

"I want to know what's going on." Ginny declared, and Draco, Lucius and Ron nodded in their agreement.

"Look, basically, Tom and I were being sarcastic, and we played a rather cruel joke on Severus."

"What joke?" Ginny asked eagerly.

"We were plann-" Voldemort began before Harry cut him off, again.

"Shut it!" He growled warningly.

"God. You two bicker like an old married couple," Ginny groaned.

"No… just… no." Harry said, scrunching up his nose.

"Surely I'm not _that_ bad, Harry." Voldemort said, pretending to be upset.

"I wouldn't know, and anyway, we shook on the fact we're best friends." Harry argued.

"True." Voldemort conceded.

"What's all this?" Both Lucius and Hermione asked suspiciously.

"Nothing!" Harry snapped. "Ginny, take your bloody turn already." Harry growled, getting annoyed now.

"Ok! Calm down, Harry." Ginny breathed.

"Now who's the angry idiot?" Ron said, grinning from ear to ear.

"Still you." Both Hermione and Harry spat spitefully.

"Were you two separated at birth?" Lucius questioned.

"No, now spin the bottle." Harry said forcefully. Ginny frowned, but complied and reached out and spun the bottle, it landed on Voldemort.

"Fu-" She began.

"From now on, anybody who swears or otherwise says something just because they land on Tom, has to complete one of _my_ super evil dares." Harry commanded.

"Truth or dare…?" Ginny asked nervously.

"If I say truth, you'll no doubt ask what the brat and I did to antagonize Severus." He observed and Ginny blushed, was she really so obvious? "Dare."

"I dare you to fart." She blurted and then cringed. Severus's eyebrow shot up.

"Fart?" Severus asked incredulously. "I'm going to presume Harry also taught you that one." He said snorting.

"He did." She blushed violently, and everyone turned their attention to Voldemort.

"Come on Tom, such an easy dare." Harry smiled.

"Just how many dares have you taught this girl?" Voldemort asked accusingly.

"Quite a few," Harry grinned maliciously. "That was one of the tamer ones, so get on with it!"

Voldemort scowled, and then concentrated, suddenly, there was an almighty explosion of what smelt like, to Harry at least, deadly toxic gas.

"Oh my…" Ginny coughed in disgust before she could finish the annoying phrase.

"Tom…" Harry spluttered, along with Lucius and Severus, while Hermione, Ron and Draco took the less dignified approach of retching and coughing.

"You dared me." Voldemort's eyes narrowed. "Perhaps in future, this experience will make you think twice about it."

"Yeah, next time we'll get you to burp instead." Harry scrunched up his nose in disgust once more.

"I highly doubt that."

"We'll see." Harry winked, trying to forget about the awful, disgusting smell that was still traveling around the room.

"Seriously though, what have you been eating?" Ginny finally asked.

"My Lord, that was rather… poisonous." Lucius said tentatively.

"That's probably how he likes it," Ron mumbled to himself.

"Oh shut up." Harry moaned.

"I'm getting rather annoyed with you, Weasley." Lucius said suddenly.

"I doubt he's exactly enamored with you either," Harry said sarcastically.

"What's enamored mean?" Ron asked, confused.

"You don't know?" Lucius asked disbelievingly.

"I wouldn't have asked otherwise." Ron snapped.

Lucius merely rolled his eyes.

"Look Ron, you've been really horrible to Ginny, and everybody else." Hermione began to explain.

"She fancies Draco, that's like wanting to snog an actual dragon or something." Ron said smirking, thinking he was funny.

"God Ron, you're so bloody facetious." Hermione sighed.

"And what the hell does that mean?" He raged.

"It means she thinks you're very handsome and funny." Lucius quickly explained, and Ron completely missed the smirk on everybody else's face.

"You really think that Hermione?" Ron said eagerly.

Hermione narrowed her eyes at Lucius, who smiled at her evilly. She sighed. "Yes, that's exactly what facetious means, so I do think that, yes."

Ron looked ecstatic. While Harry could see Severus was trying very hard not to sneer or snigger.

"Come on then Tom, your turn!" He said cheerfully, trying to change the subject.

"Spin the bottle for me then." Harry rolled his eyes, but reached out and spun the bottle, which landed on Hermione.

"Truth or dare?"

Hermione gulped. "Dare."

Voldemort thought for a moment. "Brat, I do believe it's time I collected on our 'best friend' status." He smirked.

"Oh no," Harry muttered. "What for?" He asked cautiously.

'_Parseltongue,' _Voldemort hissed and Harry's eyes narrowed and his brow furrowed.

'_Why do I get the feeling I'm not going to like this?" _He questioned.

'_Because you're not. Think of the mostly ghastly dare for her that you can.' _Voldemort instructed.

'_You're evil.' _Harry sighed.

'_Thank you very much. Dumbledore can't have trained you well, if you're complimenting the ones he purports to be your enemies.' _Voldemort commented, causing Harry to finally scowl.

'_Dare her to do something embarrassing, surely you can think of something? Why do you need my help?'_ Harry asked, already knowing what the answer would be.

'_You do keep complaining that my dares are not good enough. So, think of one. You know her better than I.' _

Harry thought for a moment. What would embarrass Hermione more than anything?

'_Dare her to tell Severus the best dream she's ever had about him. I think, considering how close they're sitting, she'll find that the most embarrassing thing in the world at the moment. That's what you wanted isn't it?' _

Voldemort inclined his head slightly in affirmation.

'_There you go then. Now you can't say I never do anything for you.' _Harry hissed.

Voldemort tilted his head side-ways, before seemingly approving Harry's dare and reverting back to English.

"I dare you to tell Severus the best dream you've ever had about him."

"That's not fair!" She cried out, and jumped to her feet, startling the rest of the room. "Harry gave you a hint, Harry how could you do this to me?" She asked, upset with her supposed best friend.

"Well, he _is_ kind of my best friend! You were very quick to point out I never do anything for him." Harry pointed out this fact himself, and Hermione opened her mouth to fire off a retort, but found none. She closed her mouth again and glared angrily at Harry before sitting back down.

"I'm sorry, Hermione." Harry pleaded and she sighed.

"Fine! You're lucky you're my brother in everything but blood." She grumbled.

"I find myself curious to know what sort of a dream about myself could provoke such a reaction." Severus stated from her side while she shuffled back towards him.

"It starts off we're in the potions lab," She mumbled.

"Louder!" Draco encouraged.

"Shut up!" She roared and Draco cowered slightly, causing Lucius to send him a glare.

"You're a Malfoy, show some backbone!" Lucius chastised.

"I give you my essay, and then you give it an O, and say it's the best you've ever seen." Hermione continued.

"Completely out of character," Ron commented spitefully.

"That's why it's a dream." Ginny groaned. "Go on." She encouraged.

"Then, you smile at me, and I offer to show you the formula I've been working on to improve the taste of Skele-Gro."

"That definitely sounds like you." Harry chuckled.

Hermione shot him a dirty look. "So then, you come up to my room…" Draco gasped and Lucius's brow furrowed.

"Come on, get to the dirty bits!" Ginny grinned.

"Yeah, we want all the gory details!" Harry added.

"I don't want to hear all about the traitor." Lucius grumbled.

"That night, you come into my room, brew the potion and then cast a spell to remove all the bones from your arm. You test the potion, and you say it's very accomplished, and the taste is much improved." She blushed.

"And then?" Severus encouraged. Hermione leaned into him and started to whisper in his ear. Nobody could hear anything she was saying.

Harry watched as Severus's lips twitched in amusement.

"I wonder what she's saying." Harry wondered quietly to himself.

"I believe you'd rather not know." Lucius offered.

Harry looked at Severus again, and watched as his eyes went very wide, and he shifted in his place.

Eventually, Hermione stopped whispering, and blushing violently, she pulled away from him. Then, a most unexpected thing happened. Severus smiled.

"Did I just see Severus smile?" Harry asked, amazed.

"Truly a miracle." Lucius drawled spitefully. "I believe the last time Severus Snape showed any signs of being more human than bat was…" Lucius looked to the ceiling, as if thinking. "On further thought, I don't think there ever has been a time." He said cuttingly.

Severus scowled and glared at Lucius, who was now wearing a smug smirk. Severus turned to Hermione. "Perhaps that could be arranged." Severus said quietly to her, causing her to start fanning herself with her hand.

"Come on Hermione, you can tell me, I'm like a sister to you! Tell me all the dirty bits!" Ginny whined.

"I will not. Live with it." She eventually said, and in such a tone, that everyone knew that was that, nobody would dare mention it again, not even Ron.

"My turn!" She said happily, and reached out and spun the bottle, which landed on Ron.

"YES!" She screamed. "Revenge!" She cackled evilly.

"You seem to have undergone a personality transplant." Lucius laughed at how happy Hermione was, and Ron gulped.

"Whatever option you pick, you're fucked." Harry said spitefully to Ron.

"Thanks for your support." Ron sneered.

"Hey, I don't have to give you support anymore. You're not my best friend!" Harry said happily.

"No, that _creature _is instead." Ron spat.

"Awww, don't talk about Tom like that!" Harry chastised. "He's really a wonderful snake." He finished sarcastically and Ron sniggered.

"One day…" Voldemort muttered.

"One day, you might be more human than snake, until that day, I think you're more of a snake." Harry supplied helpfully.

"Just get on with it Hermione." Ron interjected bitterly.

"Truth or dare?" She asked, with a malicious smirk on her lips.

"Truth," Ron spluttered and looked worried.

"Name five embarrassing things about yourself or that has happened to you." She smirked.

"Every night I put silencing charms around my bed because I cry out 'Mummy!' in my sleep." Ron immediately blurted out.

"One," Hermione counted and everyone, including Voldemort sniggered.

"I still wet the bed." Ron mumbled, tears forming in his eyes.

"Two." Hermione counted again, and everyone started sniggering louder.

"When I was seven, Dad brought home these muggle things called 'tampons'." Hermione gasped at that. "Fred and George took some and said you wore them up your nose. We went to Diagon Alley for a shopping trip, and they gave me two and I stuck them up my nose. I walked around all the shops with them until Mum found me and went ballistic." Ron cringed and a single tear fell.

"Three!" Hermione laughed, and even Severus was laughing openly. Harry was in hysterics, and Voldemort was trying to suppress his own laughter.

"I got Lavender to steal your pillow two months ago, and I sleep hugging it close to my chest and smelling it." He mumbled.

Hermione spluttered. "So that's where it went!" She raged. "Oh and four, just one more Ron!"

"Two weeks ago, all the boys in the dorm were discussing their 'size' and I was the smallest one." Ron wailed and burst into hysterical tears.

Harry and Voldemort laughed outright at Ron, Hermione had her head in Severus's lap, trying to muffle her laughter. Draco and Ginny were also clutching each other, and Lucius was holding his sides as though they were about to burst.

"Oh god," Harry managed to strain out, before clutching Voldemort in an attempt to steady himself. Voldemort didn't notice, as he too, was in a fit of laughter.

"You are truly pathetic." Lucius sneered through his now sniggering.

"Ron!" Ginny giggled. "Hermione well and truly got her own back." She beamed.

"Foolish boy," Voldemort managed to say after a few moments, his laughter now reduced to sniggers.

"I'll say!" Harry agreed, also coming back to reality, and quickly letting go of Voldemort. "Now, who would you say was worse, Tom?"

"The Weasley boy." He quickly said.

"Was that compliment?" Harry asked, mockingly.

"Closest thing you'll ever get to one." Voldemort said thoughtfully.

Harry smirked. "I'm a good influence on you, I doubt this time yesterday you'd give _anyone_ a compliment."

"You are _not_ an influence on me." Voldemort denied.

"Suuuuure." Harry raised an eyebrow. "Come on Ron," He addressed the big, red-headed baby who was still sobbing.

They all heard an almighty sniff, and Ron reached out and spun the bottle, it landed on Harry.

"Truth or dare?" He asked bitterly, scowling at his former best friend.

"Hmmm." Harry teased. "Truth."

"Ginny help me out," Ron whined.

"Ok," She replied and Harry gasped. She grinned and Harry scowled. "Ask him if he had to make one person in the room his slave, who would it be and why." Ginny smiled.

"If you had to make someone in this room your slave, who would it be and why?" Ron repeated. "Thanks Ginny!" He beamed. "Am I forgiven now?"

"Hell no, I just wanted some revenge on Harry." She giggled.

"I'd make Tom my slave, because it would be funny. First I'd make him clean Hogwarts on his own, in Dumblewhore's robes." Harry responded eagerly. "Then, I'd make him cook for me, just to see if he's capable of doing human things." He smirked.

"Me?" Voldemort asked incredulously from his side.

"Yes. You." Harry said slowly. "Happy, Ron?"

"No. I thought it'd be something embarrassing." He moaned.

"Poor you. I feel _so_ sorry for you!" Harry mocked and then grinned. "My turn."

Everybody but Voldemort looked worried.

Harry reached out and spun the bottle, it landed on Ginny.

"Truth or dare?"

"Dare." She blurted out without thinking. "No wait, truth!"

"Too late!" Harry cried happily, and immediately thought of a hundred cruel dares. He opened his mouth to speak, but caught sight of Draco, who was looking pleadingly at him. "Give me a few minutes, Ginny." Harry said tentatively.

"Don't you dare go all snake-like on me!" She shrieked.

'_Have you seen the look Draco is sending me?' _Harry quickly switched to Parseltongue to talk to his _best friend_, while sending a smug look at Ginny who was grumbling under her breath. The rest of the group started looking around the room. Severus and Hermione were whispering to each other quietly,

'_The one saying, don't make Weasley do anything embarrassing, or the one pleading with you to make her do something with him?' _Voldemort deadpanned and Harry snorted.

'_Help me push them together.' _Harry hissed.

'_How very evil of you. I'm going to presume you meant in a relationship fashion, instead of the more natural, violent way I was thinking of.'_

'_Can you go five minutes without thinking of something violent?' _Harry rolled his eyes.

'_No.'_

'_Thought not. I suppose it's better than thinking about sex every three seconds like Hermione says men do.'_

'_Who said I don't think about that?' _Voldemort said seriously and then smirked. Harry scrunched up his face in utter disgust.

"BAD MENTAL IMAGE!" He screamed in English and everyone gasped at him.

"What were you two talking about?" Hermione asked suspiciously.

"Sex." Voldemort said apathetically, and everyone, including Severus expressed disgust on their face.

"I hate you," A bright red Harry mumbled under his breath. "I hate you so, _so_ much."

"I love you too." Voldemort said sarcastically.

"Ginny, I dare you to make out with Draco and sit in his lap until I tell you to get off." Harry quickly said, still staring at the floor.

"Where's Harry and what have you done with him?" Ginny asked, completely bowled over. "The _real_ Harry would have done the worse dare possible!"

"You don't think the dare is horrible then?" Lucius questioned, raising an eyebrow.

"Not really," Ginny said off-handedly. "I like Draco." Everyone but Ginny saw the light in Draco's eyes light up when she said that. Ginny smiled and took his place on Draco's lap, her new seat sighing contently under her weight. Draco mouthed a silent "Thank you!" to Harry, who smiled at him.

Lucius rolled his eyes. "This is has easily been the most humiliating event for my family in generations." He moaned.

"If you say so," Harry rolled his eyes. "Come on Ginny, time to kiss Draco!" He grinned.

Ginny gave an almost shy smile, before turning in Draco's lap.

Draco smiled at her, before she quickly put her hand on his cheek and had pulled him into a kiss.

"Go Ginny!" Hermione called out.

"Go for it!" Harry cheered.

They carried on, and Ginny was beginning to enjoy herself, despite who she was kissing. Hermione looked to her right, and saw a very bored looking Severus. "Come on, aren't you going to cheer on your god-son?" She whispered teasingly.

Severus turned to her with a raised eyebrow, before she gently nudged him in the ribs.

"Whooo. Go Draco." Severus drawled sarcastically.

Ginny and Draco pulled away from each other, breathless, and both bright red.

Mimicking Ginny's question to her, Hermione asked, "How was that?" With a smirk on her face.

"Not bad," Ginny breathed and tucked some hair behind her ear. "My turn." She smiled and reached out and spun the bottle, which landed on Lucius.

"Truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"What is the silliest nightmare you've ever had, that has actually scared you?"

"Harry definitely didn't teach her that one, way too tame." Hermione noted.

"Hey! I can be tame." Harry said defensively.

"Be quiet!" Lucius snarled. "Can you not think of another question?" He asked pleadingly.

"Why? Is the answer really embarrassing?" Ginny asked, smiling at the blonde man.

"Yes!"

"No then, I can't think of another question. Now answer the question!"

"There was a death eater meeting." Lucius began, already cringing.

"Go on." Ginny encouraged.

"And then the Dark Lord sent everyone but Severus and I away."

"Hermione's happy then, Severus is in there!" Harry teased.

"Shut up!" Hermione shrieked, embarrassed.

"Excuse me, but I believe I was talking?" Lucius said, annoyance clearing showing in his tone.

"Sorry," Hermione and Harry offered graciously.

"Apology accepted." Lucius gave a little nod. "The Dark Lord calls us both forward, and then tortures me."

"Are you sure this is a dream and not a memory? That sounds EXACTLY like the kind of thing Tom would do." Harry groaned.

"Be quiet, brat." Voldemort hissed from the side of him.

"Make me." Harry grinned, and before he could react, Voldemort had put his left hand in front of his mouth.

Harry tried to cry out in anger, but was muffled.

"Continue," Voldemort ordered coldly.

Harry made a few more attempts at speech, and squirmed to try and release himself from Voldemort's grip, before giving up entirely and settling himself into something between a scowl and a frown.

"As I was saying. After my torture, the Dark Lord demands that Severus steps forward. He does so, and our Lord promotes him to my spot as second in command." Lucius shuddered while Severus sniggered.

"The Dark Lord turns to me, and tells me that he cannot afford to have yet another Gryffindor ruin his plans. I ask him what Gryffindor, and he laughs and says "You." I look down, and I'm wearing Gryffindor red robes, with a gold trim." Lucius cringed. "Suffice to say, I woke up screaming." He finished.

Hermione, Draco, Ron, Ginny and even Severus laughed. Harry also tried to laugh, only to find the hand over his mouth clamp down on him. Voldemort sniggered, and Lucius looked thoroughly humiliated.

"If Severus were not a traitor, I might be tempted to do just that." Voldemort said, sending a death glare to Severus, which the potions master expertly ignored.

"Well, I must say, I'd probably do a better job of being second in command than you. How many Deatheaters did you lose in raids last month?" Severus asked innocently.

"Their stupidity cost them their lives, not my strategy." Lucius said with false calm.

"Of course, of course." Severus said quickly. "I never said you were a hopeless strategist, merely implied it." Lucius scowled at the now smug potions master.

Suddenly, the whole group heard muffled cries, and turned their attention to Harry, who was now, again, squirming and attempting to get out of Voldemort iron grip.

Voldemort thought for a moment, and then removed his hand from Harry's mouth.

"You…" Harry breathed deeply, glad to have more air. "You, are… awful!" He raged. "Why did I ever take that best friend bond with you?" Harry asked nobody in particular.

"Because you're crazy." Ron supplied. "I wouldn't have held you like that, or covered your mouth!"

"Only because Harry is stronger than you." Ginny said helpfully.

"You should break the bond and be friends with me again!" Ron said excitedly, ignoring Ginny. He knew what he'd lost when that bottle had landed on him, and he was determined to get it back. Even if it meant no more arguing.

"Hmmm, I wouldn't go that far…" Harry said thoughtfully.

"No. You won't." Voldemort snarled.

"Don't tell me what to do." Harry said lowly.

"They're having their first best friend fight!" Hermione said eagerly. "I wonder what it's going to be like…"

"I think, that perhaps, we should move away…" Severus advised.

"I'm loathe as I am to say I agree with the traitor, I have to say that I do." Lucius grudgingly admitted.

"Do you three mind?" Harry said impatiently. "I'm right here and I can hear every word you're saying."

"Sorry." Hermione said quickly.

"Anyway, what was I doing?" Harry pondered out loud. "Oh yeah, I was having a fight!" He said sarcastically.

"I only put my hand over your mouth to shut you up. You didn't seem to mind it when I was using said hand to rescue you from the slut." Voldemort said seriously.

"Don't call Ginny a slut!" Harry roared.

"I really don't see what you're getting so angry about." Voldemort said coldly.

"You are so annoying." Harry breathed angrily.

"And you talk too much." Voldemort sighed, and placed his hand over Harry's mouth again, leading to muffled curses and shouting.

"Lucius, spin the bottle." Voldemort commanded.

"Yes, My Lord." Lucius quickly obeyed and spun the bottle, which landed on Severus. This was an excellent opportunity to get back at Severus for all the things he's done.

"Truth or dare?"

"Truth," Severus responded quickly.

"What's the stupidest mistake you've ever made while making a potion?" Lucius asked, and smirked. This was going to absolutely kill Severus.

"I was making a Wolfsbane potion, and accidentally grabbed a present-"

"Someone gave you a present?" Ginny asked incredulously.

"It has been known." Severus sneered. "It was Christmas day last year," Severus remembered.

"You were making a potion at Christmas?" Draco asked, with the most horrified look on his made over face.

"Yes!" Severus snapped angrily.

"How many presents do you get?" Draco asked eagerly, changing the subject slightly.

"Previously? Or this year." Snape inquired.

"Why? Did the number change?" Hermione asked questioningly.

"Yes." Severus said resignedly.

"This year then." Draco decided.

"Four."

"That many?" Ron snorted, and received several dirty looks for his comment.

"And how many in previous years?" Ginny asked.

"Three."

"Draco," Lucius suddenly said and turned to his son, who still had a lapful of Ginny. "Do _not_ tell your mother about this question. She will insist on sending Severus thousands of presents, even when she discovers he is a traitor." He said bitterly.

"Yes, father." Draco intoned monotonously.

"Carry on with the story," Ginny whined.

"I accidentally grabbed a present from-"

"Who do you get presents from?" Draco asked and Severus sighed.

"If I answer, will you stop your incessant questioning?" He asked, exasperated.

"But I'm making up for Harry!" Draco insisted. "He can't speak at the moment, so I thought I should ask more questions for his benefit."

There was a muffled noise from under Voldemort's hand. The Dark Lord leaned his head down to hear what Harry was trying to say. "He says Draco should ask two more questions." Voldemort said indifferently. "And that I'm a dickhead." Voldemort informed the group, which led to everybody but Voldemort, Severus and Harry sniggering.

"Fine, two questions, now hurry up." Severus sighed again.

"Okay, first question, who do you get presents from?" Draco asked after calming down.

"Albus, Minerva, Lucius and Narcissa, and this year, one present from a mystery person." Severus answered honestly.

Only Harry noticed the slight reddening of Hermione's face. He wanted to call it to attention, but of course, his cries came out muffled and he gave up.

"Last question, what did these people get you this year then?" Draco asked excitedly, he liked presents.

"Albus bought me a rather large box of lemon drops. Minerva continued with her customary extra-large package of Honeydukes chocolate, and your mother and father bought me a cloak clasp."

"That was nice of them." Ginny observed.

"You'll find us a rather generous and kind family, actually." Lucius said seriously. "Well, with our _loyal_ friends." He added.

"Stop being so bitter." Ginny interjected.

"Betrayal _is_ by nature, bitter." Lucius said sternly.

"What did the mystery person buy you?" Draco asked, ignoring his father.

"It was strange, really. A set of unbreakable vials, with a little gift note from the apothecary." Lucius opened his mouth. "Before you ask, the note said: 'Because I know you don't actually have a sweet tooth, I hope you have a merry Christmas for once.'"

"So you have no idea who sent you those vials?" Ginny asked.

"None at all. At first I thought it may have been Narcissa, however the vials are made of silver imbued glass, not crystal or anything more expensive."

"It wasn't us." Lucius said accusingly.

"Who else would buy you a present?" Draco piped up.

"I… don't know. However, I am most grateful to whomever did so, they have been extremely useful."

Ginny had been watching Hermione for a few seconds now, and saw a spark of joy in her eyes when Severus said he enjoyed those vials. This got her thinking… could Hermione have sent the vials? That was definitely a question that needed asking.

"As fascinating as that story was, you never answered the question, Severus." Voldemort suddenly said, making Draco jump.

"Are you going to let Harry go?" Lucius inquired.

Voldemort tilted his head, as if contemplating whether he should. He gave a slight nod, before lifting his fingers away from Harry's mouth, while still keeping his wrist firmly on his cheek, giving his hand the appearance of a flap.

"You bastard!" Harry yelled furiously. Voldemort quickly put his hand back firmly over Harry's mouth.

"Perhaps not." He said apathetically.

"Nobody does that to Harry," Ron spat bitterly.

"It seems as though I have." Voldemort replied.

"He's going to be so angry with you," Hermione warned.

"He wasn't already?" Lucius commented.

"Lets just carry on." Draco sighed.

"I'll start again. This last Christmas, I was making Wolfsbane potion, and I accidentally grabbed the Honeydukes chocolate Minerva gave me." Severus said bitterly. "And I didn't notice."

"Why not?" Draco asked.

"No more questions! Let me finish, please." Severus said quickly, before defensively adding: "I was tired." After Draco gave him a look.

"That was my fault." Voldemort interjected.

"Yes," Severus answered through gritted teeth, that Christmas raid had been hard. He scowled at nobody in particular before continuing.

"In my haste to make the potion before Albus came to collect it, I had not cleared the desk beforehand. After I put the chocolate in the potion, it turned the most violent yellow color. Naturally I wondered what had gone wrong. However, I persisted with putting the next ingredient in the mixture. However, instead, I grabbed some lemon drops from the open box, and put those in instead."

"You must have been really tired." Hermione said sympathetically.

"I was," Severus admitted. "When the potion started to bubble, I realized I must have made a grave error. I immediately cast a diagnostic spell, and discovered my mistake. There was no time to start over. So rather than tell Albus what had happened, when he made his annual visit, I dressed myself in death eater robes, and told him the Dark Lord had called for me. He expressed his sympathy and escorted me as I left the castle."

"Where did you go instead?" Hermione asked.

"The Three Broomsticks." Severus muttered.

"How come she can ask questions, and I can't?" Draco whined.

"Because she's Hermione." Ginny giggled and she received two death glares from her best friend and potions master.

"Spin the bottle, Severus." Hermione rolled her eyes, and Severus obeyed. It landed on Ron.

"Truth or dare?" Severus asked, giving the red-headed boy a disdainful look.

"Truth." Ron responded, trying to return the look, but failing miserably.

Severus thought for a moment, before coming up with the perfect question. "What's the cruelest lie you have ever told a woman?"

"I told Lavender Brown that I loved her, and wanted to put something nasty in Hermione's pillow, that's why she was so eager to get it for me." Ron said guiltily.

"Wow, I hate Lavender and I think that's an awful thing to do." Hermione frowned.

Harry said something, that was muffled by Voldemort's hand.

"I know!" Ron said sheepishly. "I feel bad about it." He admitted.

"Oh Ron, there is something human in you after all." Ginny sighed.

There was another muffled cry.

"My Lord, what is he trying to say?" Lucius asked tentatively.

Voldemort sighed, and leaned down again to hear what Harry was trying to say.

"I'm afraid, my _friend_, you cannot bite me. We're in our magical prison, remember?" Voldemort said after a few moments.

More muffled cries.

"He says the Weasley brat has more human in him than I ever possessed in the first place," Voldemort drawled, sounding bored.

Harry said something again, and the rest of the group were watching the pair with intense interest.

"And apparently, I'm an awful person, and he'd rather be best friends with Bellatrix than me." He repeated. "Oh Harry, I'm so offended." He said sarcastically.

"Let him go," Ron said quietly.

"Hmmm, I think not. He's _my_ best friend now." Voldemort smiled evilly, and Ron shuffled towards Draco and Ginny.

"Face it, Ron, you've lost him." Hermione sighed.

"Yeah, to a monster." Ron sighed.

Harry said something yet again.

"I'm getting rather tired of having to translate things for you, brat." Voldemort said, slightly exasperated, but once again leaned down.

"He says he'd still rather be best friends with me than you. So that means, that even Bellatrix is ahead of you." Voldemort said smugly.

"Yeah right." Ron snorted.

"Harry, if I release your mouth, do you promise to repeat what you just said?" Voldemort questioned, and Harry nodded.

Voldemort again moved his hand in like a flap, keeping his wrist firmly anchored on Harry's cheek.

"I said," Harry said, gasping at the fresh air. "I would pick Bellatrix over you two at the moment! And Ron, I'd still pick Tom over you any day. Even if he is a bastard and a horrible-" Harry was promptly cut off, again, by Voldemort's hand.

"He is going to be SO mad at you." Hermione laughed.

"You think?" Ron snorted.

"I do tend to think a lot," Hermione admitted. "Not that I expect you to understand, I mean, you've never done that, have you?" She said spitefully, and Severus chuckled from her side.

"You're becoming very sarcastic and insulting, Hermione." Lucius said, impressed.

"Is that a compliment?" She asked, surprised.

"Why, yes, yes it is." Lucius smiled charmingly.

"Thank you." Hermione blushed.

"Are you all going to play happy families now?" Ron said bitterly.

"I used to love that game when I was a kid!" Hermione cried out, getting questioning looks from the purebloods.

"It was a card game," She offered apologetically. "Lord Voldemort," She began nervously. "What are you going to do with Harry?"

"Isn't everybody enjoying the peace and quiet?" He asked, with a huge smirk on his face. "I believe I'll keep him like this for a few more turns." He said thoughtfully.

"Spin the bottle, Ron," Hermione sighed.

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I hope you all enjoyed that chapter! You can look forward to a twist in the next one...

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Thank you to everyone who has this on their favorites or alerts, you're awesome! Massive thanks to everyone who has reviewed, you're all amazing, and completely make my day!

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Now, you all have a kind of choice. Originally, this story had seven chapters. It's since been extended to ten, and I have more planned after that, if people want me to continue? Or would you all prefer for me to get on with the ending. I have literally hundreds of idea's left, and as they say, save the best till last... Please, let me know in a review whether you want me to finish the story up at ten, or continue with my idea's! All opinions and views are greatly appreciated!

**Just as an extra little thing, this parody isn't just about Truth or Dare questions, it has an under-lying plot, and parings, even though it's a parody. There IS a story behind it. Everything I put in the story has a purpose, none of it is, or will ever be merely filler or incessent chattering. Hope that clears up a few things for people.**


	7. Collaborations and Kisses

**A/N: This is in no way to be taken seriously, written purely from a crazy dream I had! Will contain: Stupidity, Ron-Bashing, Ron being incredibly and repeatedly stupid, a hormonal Hermione, a raging Ginny, slight Ginny bashing, Dumbledore bashing, extreme silliness, a very sarcastic Harry and finally OOCness. This starts off fairly seriously, and there is an underlying story line, but it's mostly a parody, so please, enjoy!**

**Disclaimer; If Voldemort, Severus and Remus are dead, then I don't own Harry Potter or anything to do with the books, or films.**

**Update: 28/6/10, someone has just left a review saying there should be a slash warning. I didn't think I needed one but here we go just in case: This contains slash. Happy now?**

**One last thing: If you don't like the story, don't review and just move on. Constructive criticism is always good, don't just point out a flaw, please, tell me what you think I should do to improve it. This is **_**supposed**_** to be just a laugh, so please don't tell me things like "(Insert character name here) would never do that!" or "(Insert plot moment here) happened too quickly."**

**Just to make sure everyone is aware of this, while Truth or Dare? Is a big part of the story, there is also an under-lying plot there, even the moments that are not to do with the game, they are just as important. Hope that's cleared a few things up for people! Now please, enjoy and review the chapter!**

**This chapter is longer than usual, and I can promise they won't all be this length. The chapter starts off kind of seriously, but there's a reason for it all!**

Ron frowned at his non-progress with Hermione and Ginny, and spun the bottle. It landed on Voldemort.

"Truth or dare?" He asked nervously, biting back a swear word. He had no doubt Harry would follow through his threat to make however swore when they landed on Voldemort a reality.

"Truth."

"Why are you _really_ holding Harry against your side?" He asked suspiciously.

"Because I've simply had enough of his whispering and advising people on dares." Voldemort answered honestly, and Ron looked disappointed.

"Did you think it was for some other reason?" Voldemort sneered.

Ron mumbled something under his breath, and there was a muffled cry from Harry.

"Spin the bottle for me then." Voldemort instructed, and released Harry's body slightly, enough for him to lean forward and do as he was told. Harry spun the bottle, and it landed on Draco and Ginny.

"I get to choose which one I wish to ask, don't I?" Voldemort asked Harry, who nodded.

"Draco, truth or dare?""Truth, my Lord." Draco responded respectfully.

"What are your true, honest feelings on mudbloods?" Voldemort questioned.

"I don't actually care about blood status as much as my Father." Draco admitted. "I've always secretly admired Hermione for being so intelligent even though she is a muggleborn." He blurted and looked thoroughly embarrassed.

"Awww, Draco." Ginny sighed dreamily. "I didn't know you were so different from your father." Everybody who had been looking at Draco, suddenly remembered Lucius, and turned their attention to him.

To say he looked shocked was an understatement.

"This is going to get awkward." Hermione mumbled.

Lucius cleared his throat. "I… had no idea you felt that way Draco." He admitted, and frowned.

"You're really angry." Draco observed, and shifted slightly.

"I can understand… Hermione. She is a very accomplished witch, and I also admire her intelligence." Hermione blushed at this, and Severus scowled; only Harry and Lucius saw this.

"Well, I think its lovely you are your own person, and not an extension of your father." Ginny said proudly, jerking Lucius out of his thoughts. She turned in Draco's lap, and gave him a peck on the cheek.

"Awww." Hermione sighed.

"This is purely romantic drivel." Severus complained.

"I think this game is having an influence on me." Lucius muttered to himself.

"I think a good influence." Hermione offered, and moved away from Severus to sit nearer Lucius. "I think, it takes a strong man to deviate from his beliefs, even for one person. I'm glad that you can admit you can admire me." Hermione smiled at the blonde man and put a comforting hand on his arm. Severus's scowl deepened and his death glare was turned on Lucius, but only Harry was observant enough to notice this.

"If you want to know a secret," Hermione said, lowering her voice slightly, only Lucius and Severus could hear her. "I quite admire you too. Even when I thought you were an utter bastard, I'm glad that's not the case, though." She said thoughtfully, Lucius looked up and saw Severus's most accomplished death glare.

This gave Lucius an idea. Severus had been instrumental in Harry's nasty dares, and passing along messages and so forth. He'd dared Harry to mess up his hair, something that was unforgivable. Not to mention the fact he was a traitor. Lucius scowled at that thought. Severus is a traitor. He would never have thought it. He thought Severus was loyal as they came. Obviously, he had been wrong. That was also something that was unforgivable.

He'd gotten a little revenge on Severus already, with the poetry. But that wasn't enough. What did Severus care most about? At the moment, Lucius would have to say Hermione. A wicked idea came to him. Flirt with Hermione. Lucius suppressed a smirk at this thought. A wicked plan, he wanted to see how far he could push Severus. After all he deserved it.

"Thank you." Lucius said quietly, and stared at the floor.

"I think, today has been rather shocking for everyone." Hermione said, raising her voice back to its previous level.

"I think we all agree with that." Draco agreed.

Hermione shuffled back slightly, but not to her previous position against Severus, rather in the middle of the two men.

While everyone else was staring wistfully at the floor, Harry watched as Severus's hand slowly crept over to his left side, and he placed said hand on Hermione's side. She shuffled back up against him at his gesture, causing the potions master to smirk.

Harry wanted nothing more than to point this out to the rest of the group, but of course, anything he said was muffled and nobody could understand him. Well, except Voldemort and Harry doubted his best friend would want to translate a whole observation about the unlikely couple.

"Sometimes," Hermione began, barely more than a whisper that only through Harry's improved senses could he hear. "I wish Ron could be brave and admit when he's wrong." She said sadly to Severus, who frowned and a concerned look flashed on his face.

"My turn." Draco said, bravely breaking the silence that had infiltrated the group. He reached out and spun the bottle, which landed on him.

"Looks like it's you then." He joked to Ginny. "Truth or dare?"

"Truth." She said thoughtfully.

"Who is a better kisser, me or my father?" He asked eagerly, hoping he knew exactly what the answer.

Ginny looked awkwardly around the room.

"Well?" Draco asked expectantly.

"Your father," She blurted out and looked horrified by her admission.

Draco looked utterly crestfallen, while Lucius looked rather smug, and was preening.

"This is going to end in tears," Severus muttered.

"Looks like it'll be Draco's." Hermione replied.

"We can only hope." Ron interjected venomously.

"It seems your red-head prefers the company of your father." Voldemort said coldly, addressing Draco.

"You can get off now." Draco mumbled to the girl who was sitting in his lap, and Ginny complied and resumed her place between the two Malfoys, looking extremely sheepish.

Harry tried to speak again, gaining Voldemort's attention, who leaned down to hear what his best friend was saying.

"This is getting tiresome. I think you might have been less annoying when you could speak." Voldemort stated.

"Why don't you let him go then?" Ron said spitefully.

Voldemort pointedly ignored Ron.

"I suppose it's my turn now." Ginny said quietly, disliking the new, uncomfortable mood of the group, its times like this when you need Harry to inject something light-hearted into the situation. She reached out and spun the bottle, it landed on Harry.

"Looks like chaos and frustration will have to be released." Voldemort said indifferently, and completely removed his hand from Harry's mouth.

Harry gasped for air. "YOU TWAT!" He screamed at his best friend. "We were getting along fine, and then you go and do that! You are an absolute bastard, and I despise you." He seethed, and Voldemort just sat there, doing and saying nothing. "And now what do you do? Nothing. I want nothing more to do with you." Harry hissed, and completely ignoring the rest of the group, he stormed off to the far end of their prison.

"Oh dear, it seems I have upset my best friend." Voldemort sighed. "I'll go and retrieve him." He said resignedly. He rose from his place, and elegantly strode over to where Harry was sulking.

"Harry…" Voldemort started.

"Oh. It's you." Harry said blankly.

"There's really nothing to be upset about," Voldemort began.

"It's nothing to be upset about?" Harry scowled. "You held me hostage, and held your hand over my mouth for bloody ages!" He raged. "I think there are quite a few reasons to be upset."

"I only did it so you wouldn't whisper anymore. You have to admit, you were being rather infuriating." Voldemort argued.

"I suppose." Harry admitted grudgingly. "I was only having a bit of fun before I die a very painful death."

"Oh? And who is planning to deliver this painful death?" Voldemort inquired.

"You will." Harry stated simply. "Or if you're too slow, Lucius will." He grinned.

"I have no objections to you annoying everybody else," Voldemort began.

"I don't want to hear it." Harry insisted.

"I'm not going away until you come back to the group." Voldemort stated, standing his ground.

"If you want to have another argument, go ahead, you know I'll win." Harry snorted.

"I'm sure you're a very stubborn person. However, remember who you are speaking to." Voldemort finished.

Three minutes passed in complete silence, no one daring to make a sound. Eventually, Harry sighed.

"Here's the deal. You don't pull any tricks like that again, and I won't annoy you too much." He offered.

"That's a rather unfair deal." Voldemort frowned. "But I'm going to presume it's the best I'll get. I accept."

"Good." Harry smiled. "To be honest, I was actually finding it a bit hard to stay angry with you." He laughed. "I blame the best friend bond."

"I'm forgiven then?"

"Go on then." Harry said, mockingly rolling his eyes. "Let's go sit back down." He said, and headed back to his seat, closely followed by Voldemort.

"Are you two friends again then?" Hermione asked.

"That sounds strange," Harry commented.

"Strange?" Voldemort inquired from his right side.

"It sounds strange, us, being friends."

"We've taken the best friend bond." Voldemort stated.

"I suppose." Harry sighed. "So in answer to your question, Hermione, then yes, I guess we are."

"Good, I didn't want to have to deal with a sulking Harry Potter and I doubt Lucius would want to deal with a pissed off Dark Lord." Hermione laughed, while the friends in question scowled at her.

"Truth or dare then?" Ginny asked.

"Hmmm. Truth."

"You never pick dare," Ginny moaned.

"That's because I'm clever," Harry winked. "Come on, ask the damn question already."

"If you had to have sex with a male in the room, who would it be?" Ginny asked, and squealed girlishly.

"I taught you that one," Harry groaned and rolled his eyes.

"That's a good one!" Hermione giggled.

"As long as it isn't me," Severus grumbled.

"Don't worry, it's not! I wouldn't go after somebody else's woman or man," Harry said winking at Hermione and then fully expecting Severus to say something. He didn't.

"Come on then, who would it be?" Ginny prodded.

"Well, it wouldn't be Ron, he's just… awful." Ron's face fell at the insult.

"Lucius, Draco or…" Ginny started and then trailed off when she realized what she'd just asked.

"It wouldn't be Draco." Harry said thoughtfully.

"That's all well and good but come on, but stop stalling!" Draco complained.

"If Tom looked human, then it would be Tom. But since he's currently more snake, I'd pick Lucius." Harry decided.

"Oh my god!" Ginny and Hermione squealed together.

"I thought I told you to stop that!" Voldemort growled and turned to his left. "Lucius?" He asked incredulously.

"Have I hurt your pride?" Harry asked mockingly.

"Oh yes, I'm absolutely devastated." Voldemort deadpanned.

"Well, the choice is pretty obvious. Out of you two, I'd definitely pick Lucius." Hermione said.

"I'm glad you all find me so irresistible." Lucius said smugly. "If I had to pick between the women in the room, I'd definitely pick you too, Hermione." He said seductively.

Hermione blushed and spluttered something that sounded like a "Thank you,"

"Harry, spin the bloody bottle." Severus spat.

"Calm down!" Harry said, laughing and received a scowl in return. He smiled at Hermione, and reached out and spun the bottle, which landed on Hermione.

"Truth or dare?"

"Dare." She said bravely.

"That was a very courageous choice to make." Lucius noted.

"Yes it was!" Harry grinned maliciously. "I dare you to… use the letters in Lucius's name to spell out things about him!" Harry announced.

"Oh Harry… Seamus told me about that one…" Hermione looked upset.

"I know! He picked Ron and spelt out Repulsive. Obtuse. Numbskull." Harry laughed.

"Yeah, and since then you keep reminding me of it nearly every day!" Ron huffed.

"You have to admit, it's pretty funny." Harry said seriously.

"Let's just get on with the dare." Hermione snapped.

"Lucius," She addressed turning to her left. "Luscious," She began thoughtfully, causing Lucius to preen again and Severus to scowl. "Unpredictable. Cautious. Influential. Uncompromising and… Selfish" She finished.

"I rather like the first five," Lucius began. "_Especially _the first one, however, I don't agree with selfish." He declared.

"You think Lucius is luscious?" Harry teased.

"You didn't seem to find him so repulsive a minute ago." Hermione retorted.

"Yeah, but I didn't have much of a choice." Harry huffed.

"You could have chosen Voldemort." She shot back.

"Yeah, I'm really going to pick snake-face." Harry said sarcastically.

"Snake-face?" Voldemort said darkly.

"You can call me scar-head if you want." Harry offered off-handedly.

"I'm not that childish." Voldemort said, eyes narrowing.

"Excuse me." Lucius interrupted. "But I want to hear how Hermione thinks I'm selfish." Harry frowned, but didn't say anything more.

"Well…" She said, becoming embarrassed and blushing.

"Hermione was merely telling the truth," Severus interjected coldly.

Lucius scowled at his former friend.

"I thought Lucius was your friend? You've been rather rude to him." Hermione observed.

Severus spluttered slightly, and looked horrified at her defense of Lucius.

"Come on; let's just carry on before something bad happens." Harry interjected. Hermione furrowed her brow, but reached out and spun the bottle, which landed on Lucius.

"Of all people…" Severus seethed.

Harry leaned across to his left and whispered in Severus's ear. "Jealous, are we?"

Severus didn't have an honest answer for that, so he settled with grumbling something about nasty blonde bastards under his breath.

"Truth or dare?" Hermione asked, ignoring the whispering and grumbling.

"I'll do a dare." Lucius said cautiously.

"I dare you to imitate someone in the group, and the person who guesses right; you have to kiss on the lips!" She said excitedly. "Lavender said _you _did that one, Harry." She smirked.

"I'm glad you've picked up a few things," Harry chuckled. "I taught her that one, and she used it on me."

"It could be worse," Draco offered to his father.

"I'm not going to guess." Ron said disgustedly.

"It's always obvious, so really, it's the person that shouts it out first." Harry offered.

"Go on then, Lucius." Hermione smiled.

"And after I admitted I admired you," Lucius said through gritted teeth.

"Sorry!" Hermione said apologetically.

Lucius cleared his throat. "Four thousand points from Gryffindor for smiling and looking remotely happy."

Everyone immediately knew who it was, but stayed quiet to see more from Lucius. Severus scowled again.

"Come on that should be obvious." Lucius complained.

"Carry on!" Hermione eagerly instructed.

"I'm unable to be nice to anybody, because I'm so pessimistic and sarcastic. I only get four Christmas presents a year and two of them I despise. I'm a traitor and a spy, and I'm Harry Potter's dare accomplice; I'm a cruel, sadistic person and take great pleasure in watching first-years cry." Lucius said mockingly, and everybody stayed quiet again.

"I still have no idea," Ginny said sarcastically.

"Well, I thought you'd be the first to answer, seeing as though you _loved_ kissing my father so much." Draco said spitefully and Ginny's face fell, making Draco regret what he'd said.

"I always wear black, and have absolutely no fashion sense." Lucius continued to drawl, getting really involved in the spiteful insulting. "I'm excellent at whispering and conspiring against people, and all the students call me the greasy dungeon bat-" Lucius was about to continue before Harry cut him off.

"I've had enough of this." He said angrily. "I know why Hermione can't stick up for Severus, because then she'd have to kiss you, but I'm not going to let you insult him like that." He seethed.

"Defending his honor are we?" Voldemort asked from Harry's side.

"Damn right. Nobody else will." Harry answered firmly. "You're imitating Severus, Lucius." He said, and got up and moved over to where Lucius was sitting, and before the blonde man could do anything, Harry was kissing him roughly.

Like Ron, Lucius froze under him, but soon responded to Harry's insistent tongue. Although Harry had to admit, Lucius was _much_ better than Ron, and if Lucius were a woman, he'd probably have been really enjoying this. But no, he was only doing this so he'd stop picking on Severus.

"That's so sweet of Harry," Hermione said approvingly as her best friend pulled away from Lucius, who looked completely and utterly stunned.

Harry threw a disdainful look at Lucius, before sitting back down. He turned to his left. "Are you happy now?" He asked Severus.

"I'm never happy." He repeated, despite the fact he was smirking.

"Of course not." Harry winked.

"That was such a nice thing to do Harry." Ginny commented.

"Hermione couldn't do anything and somebody had to do something. Gryffindors stick up for their friends." Harry huffed.

"Are you friends with Severus now?" Voldemort asked incredulously.

"I'm friends with you, aren't I?""I'm a special case." Voldemort said, scowling.

"Keep telling yourself that, one day, you might even believe it." Harry said sarcastically.

"What was that like then?" Hermione asked teasingly.

"Well, I'd rather kiss a woman. But I suppose it was alright." He said shrugging. "Although I can see why you picked him over Draco," He winked at Ginny and she blushed.

Draco looked livid.

"Why is everybody commenting on my father's kissing prowess?" He said furiously.

"I was just teasing Ginny," Harry said quickly.

"I don't want to hear it." Draco said, scrunching up his face.

"Don't worry yourself, Draco, I don't wish to steal your red-head away from you." Lucius drawled. "Hermione on the other hand…" He smiled evilly.

"Enough!" Severus snapped angrily.

"Fight!" Harry, Ron and Draco screamed eagerly. As both Severus and Lucius stood up and squared up to each other.

"Magical prison." Voldemort reminded them all.

"-I've had just about enough of you." Lucius seethed.

"Oh." Harry said disappointedly, and Ron and Draco groaned.

The sounds of the men's argument were drifting back to the group.

"-Says the arrogant man who flirts with women despite being married." Severus said coldly.

"I don't know why you'd think Severus would fight with Lucius over that comment." Hermione said incredulously. "I think Severus is just being impatient. It probably didn't help when Lucius was insulting him like that." Hermione said evenly.

"Oh come off it Hermione, of course Severus would fight over you." Harry said, frowning.

"And why would that be?" Hermione asked curiously.

"-Teenage girls attentions are always so fleeting." Lucius mocked.

"Do you really need to ask that?" Draco said unbelievingly.

"Errr, yes I think I do." Hermione insisted. "Just because I… doesn't mean he does." She pointed out.

"He keeps looking at you!" Ron spat.

"Harry keeps looking at Voldemort, doesn't mean he wants to snog him within an inch of his life." Hermione said furiously.

"Do you want to snog me within an inch of my life, Harry?" Voldemort asked from his side.

"Not really, I was just looking to see whether you could shed your skin." Harry said indifferently.

"I can't." Voldemort replied, equally as indifferently.

"Have you ever tried?" Harry questioned, pointedly ignoring the heated debate between Severus and Lucius, and Draco trying to convince Hermione that Severus is fighting over her.

"I can't recall ever doing so. But I presume I can't." Voldemort replied thoughtfully.

"Hmm." Harry responded.

"-I might be a spy, but I'd rather be Albus Dumbledore's pawn than the Dark Lord's slave." Severus said venomously.

"-I'm more than a slave!"

"Oh yes, you're so much more than a slave. You're quite clearly the Dark Lord's best friend." Severus said cuttingly.

"Oh look, they're talking about you." Harry said off-handedly. "Apparently, Lucius is your best friend."

"Lucius is merely a tool." Voldemort said coldly. "More to the point, I already have a best friend."

"-Hermione, I swear, he only started getting annoyed with father because he was flirting with you!" Draco said, exasperated.

"He was flirting with me?" Hermione said, outraged.

"And they say she is the smartest witch in Hogwarts." Draco rolled his eyes.

"Was he really _flirting_ with me?" Hermione asked Harry.

"It did kind of look like that." Harry mumbled.

"One would have to be blind to not see that." Voldemort commented.

"Tom, you're not making this any better." Harry scowled.

"I was under the impression that being the Dark Lord, my job is to make everything worse." Voldemort said seriously.

"I hate it when you outsmart me." Harry grumbled after a moment of not finding a retort.

"You hate it most of the time then?" Voldemort smirked.

"Shut up or I'll hug you." Harry threatened.

"You wouldn't!" Voldemort hissed, and then realized his mistake. "Harry, don't!"

"Best friends hug each other!" Harry smiled, and wrapped his arms around Voldemort, who frowned. Harry squeezed slightly, and smirked at Draco, who had his mouth wide open.

Hermione, Ginny and Ron were watching with amazement, and Severus and Lucius were too busy arguing to notice.

"You've had your fun, now let me go." Voldemort sighed, and Harry did as he was told for once.

"See, you give amazing hugs. If I get you and you say dare, I'm going to make you hug Severus, maybe that will cheer him up!" Harry said happily.

"Good luck with that," Draco sighed, indicating to the argument.

"Anyway," Hermione said loudly, bringing the non-arguing group back to earth. "Severus is fighting with Lucius because Lucius was insulting him, not because of flirting, or any comments or _anything_." She said firmly.

"For god's sake, Hermione, I never thought I'd say this, but listen to Draco!" Harry cried out.

"Severus doesn't like me in that way!" She said angrily.

"Is that what you really think?" A quiet voice from behind her said, and she jumped up.

The group quickly looked to Lucius, who looked rather angry, but resigned. Lucius took his place back in the circle.

"You don't like anyone." Hermione said, after regaining her senses from standing so close to Severus.

"Severus, snog her already so she'll shut up." Harry moaned.

Severus smirked, and laid a hand on Hermione's cheek, before complying with Harry's order. Hermione gasped slightly when she felt Severus's lips on hers, before she quickly began kissing him back, passionately. She could feel the very air leaving her lungs as their tongues began caressing each other.

"Ewww, ok that's enough, nobody should see Professor Snape snogging." Ginny said disgustedly.

"I think if Hermione gets her way, there'll be a lot more snogging to come." Harry said cheerfully.

Severus and Hermione pulled away from each other. Hermione was bright red, and even Severus looked a tiny bit flushed.

"I'm not even going to ask how that was; it's written all over your face!" Harry laughed.

"All this romance is repugnant." Voldemort declared with a disgusted voice.

"You're just sad because you're on your own." Harry chastised.

"You don't seem to have anyone." Voldemort noted.

"I don't, but that doesn't make me sad. Just think, when Bellabitch comes, you'll have someone then!" Harry said cheekily.

"Are you trying to make me sick?" Voldemort asked seriously.

"Not _this _time. I wonder what color your sick would be…"

"Harry stop being so disgusting!" Ginny shrieked.

"Black I reckon." Draco said, sniggering.

"Black sounds like a good bet." Harry agreed.

"Can we continue with the game, please?" Lucius spoke for the first time.

"Only if you apologize to both Severus, and Hermione." Harry said firmly.

"I shall do no such thing!" Lucius said, horrified at the prospect.

"Tom, back me up." Harry whined.

"Lucius, apologize. Now." Voldemort demanded.

"Severus, Hermione, I am most sorry for my actions, will you both forgive me?"

"No."

"Yes." Hermione looked at Severus when he said no, and Severus looked at Hermione when she said yes. "Severus, just forgive him." Hermione said pleadingly, turning on her own version of puppy dog eyes.

"I forgive you Lucius." Severus said quickly.

"I thought you said puppy dog eyes didn't work on you!" Harry demanded.

"I didn't think they did," Severus grumbled.

Harry scowled at him for a moment, before having an idea.

"We've been playing a long time now; I reckon we should swap places to liven things up a bit!" Harry said excitedly. "Everyone stand up." Everybody stood up as ordered, and Harry smirked.

"Ok, Tom you can sit back down where Lucius was sat." Voldemort looked at him suspiciously, but sat in his new place.

"Lucius, on his left. Draco sits next to him, then Ron, sit next to Draco… and don't give me that look!" Harry demanded, and Ron scuttled off to his new place. "Ok, now, Ginny sit next to Ron," Ginny grumbled, but also took her new place.

"Hermione, sit next to Ginny, and Sever-" Before Harry had finished, Severus had already headed over to where Hermione had taken her new seat. "Ok… I'll go and sit next to Severus."

"I don't think so." Voldemort interjected. "You can come and sit in between Lucius and me."

"Fine," Harry sighed, and Lucius shuffled along a bit to make room for him.

Their unlikely circle was now complete. On Harry's right was Lucius, then next him, Draco, then Ron, Ginny, Hermione and Severus, leaving another large gap between. Then finally, on Harry's left, sat the Dark Lord.

"That's better." Harry nodded.

"I suppose it's a good thing you can no longer whisper to Severus." Voldemort conceded.

"I agree my Lord." Lucius said approvingly.

"Well, I'm not happy!" Draco huffed. "I'm sitting next to _Weasley_."

"And you think I'm happy I'm sitting next to _you_?" Ron sneered.

"Let's not argue… again." Harry groaned.

"We've done enough arguing." Hermione said firmly. "Lucius, it was your turn." She informed him.

Lucius took a deep breath and spun the bottle, which landed on Ginny.

"Truth or dare?"

Ginny looked around the room wildly. "Truth."

Lucius grinned. "Earlier in the game, you mentioned you talk about people behind their backs…" He began before Ginny's gasp cut him off.

"Oh no, don't ask me about that!" She pleaded.

"What do you say about Draco?" He finished.

"Are you purposefully trying to upset your son?" Harry asked disbelievingly

"Not exactly, I merely wish to make him see that the Weasley girl is not suitable for him." Lucius insisted.

"And what would you and Narcissa do if he brought her home?" Harry questioned.

Lucius sighed. "Narcissa would be ecstatic, even if the girl is a blood traitor, and I would insist he chose somebody else."

"Narcissa never struck me as the type to be so accepting. She struck me more as the type that would welcome Ginny with open arms, and then poison her dinner." Harry said thoughtfully.

"That _does_ sound like the type of thing she would do." Voldemort agreed.

"When you're both finished trying to predict my wife's actions," Lucius gave Harry a disdainful look. "There is one word that will explain her behavior perfectly." Lucius explained and then rolled his eyes.

"What would that be?" Draco suddenly asked from his father's side.

"Grandchildren." Lucius said resignedly. Draco coughed and spluttered, while Ginny went bright red at the implication.

"Oh!" Harry said knowingly. "Is she one of those mothers who want Grandchildren as soon as possible?" Harry asked cheekily.

"Yes." Lucius admitted grudgingly. "Now come on, Ginerva, answer the question."

"Ooooh, Ginerva!" Harry teased. "You've gone up in the world."

"Although considering where you started from, that isn't saying very much at all." Lucius mocked.

"What was the question?" Ginny squeaked, trying to stall for time.

"Stalling tactics won't work." Lucius chastised. "You mentioned you talk about Draco behind his back, what do you say?"

"There are three of us," She blurted out. "We all think Draco is really sexy." She explained, becoming increasingly embarrassed. "But because we're all Gryffindors, we can't really go around shouting about it."

"Who are the other two?" Draco asked, now doing a perfect impression of his father's preening.

"Lavender and Katie." Ginny said quickly, and then closed her eyes, tightly.

"LAVENDER?" Ron screamed.

"Yeah…" Ginny trailed off apologetically.

"But… but… we were dating!" Ron wailed.

"Says the man who's been mooning after Hermione." Harry pointed out.

"I didn't do it openly." Ron spat. "DRACO MALFOY!" He screamed incredulously.

"Yes?" Draco answered innocently.

"I'm going to bloody kill you." Ron seethed, and got up and approached Draco.

"Ron! We're in the magical prison!" Hermione cried out, but she was too late, as Ron had already thrown a punch at Draco.

If Harry had blinked, he would have missed it. As soon as the punch came within millimeters of Draco's nose, Ron had been thrown back against the barrier, and was now unconscious.

"I did warn you all." Voldemort said irritably.

"I know you did," Harry sighed. "Ron's just an idiot."

"What are we going to do about him?" Hermione asked.

"I don't know." Harry admitted. "Are you all right, Ginny?" He asked tenderly.

"Yeah, the bastard deserved it." She huffed. "I mean, he was going to punch Draco, _just_ because Lavender fancied him." She frowned. "And he doesn't even actually LIKE Lavender!"

"Severus, can't you do something?" Hermione asked the man at her side.

"I do not wish to waste-" Severus began, before seeing Hermione looking at him hopefully.

"Very well." He sighed. "Pass me my other potion, in the green bottle, the one you _stole_." He elaborated almost teasingly, causing Hermione to smirk. She passed him the green bottle, and he rose from his place.

Harry, Draco, Ginny and Hermione got up to follow him.

"Come on Tom." Harry said, picking up Voldemort's hand and attempting to drag him up.

"And why do you need me?" He asked suspiciously, half-resisting Harry's efforts.

"Because when he wakes up and see's you, the Weasel might faint again." Harry grinned maliciously, and Voldemort finally allowed himself to be dragged towards the unconscious red-head, making a note to himself to call the red-head Weasel.

"I simply adore the fact I've been left completely on my own." Lucius said sarcastically, before deciding he might as well go and follow the rest of the group.

Severus was hunched over Ron, with Hermione hovering anxiously at his side. Harry and Voldemort were hanging back, watching the scene unfold and Lucius and Draco were smirking from the sidelines.

Severus administered the potion. "He should be fine in a few minutes." He explained, getting up. "As long as he doesn't receive a shock…"

"And what happens if he receives this shock?" Harry asked curiously.

"He'll most likely faint, and due to the potion I have given him, there may be some strange behavior." Severus said thoughtfully.

Harry leaned and whispered in Voldemort's ear. "Go up to him, and when he wakes up, in a really deep voice, say, "Welcome to your nightmare." Harry pulled back, grinning.

"You are a very evil, malicious, manipulative brat." Voldemort said. "I knew there must have been a reason I was starting to like you." He said, mimicking Severus's words.

"Severus said that to Hermione." Harry frowned.

"I know. I heard."

"But… you were ages away!" Harry stated, confused.

"I see and hear a great many things." Voldemort said, smirking. "Now, hush, the Weasel is waking up." Voldemort said hurriedly, and bent over the form on the floor.

Ron felt groggy. His eyes felt stiff, and sore, as though he hadn't opened them for years. There was something in the back of his mind, telling him that waking up and opening his eyes was not a good idea. He chose to ignore this, and opened them anyway.

Slowly, he began to see the world around him. The first thing he saw, was Hermione's face. His mouth broke out into a wide grin, before her face disappeared and was replaced with a snake-like face with scarlet eyes.

"Welcome to your worst nightmare." Voldemort's voice growled, and Ron shrieked girlishly, and fainted.

"My Lord, that was most definitely _not_ a wise course of action." Severus reprimanded.

"It was not _my_ course of action." Voldemort said coldly.

Severus looked up, thinking, before he came to the most likely conclusion.

"Harry."

"Yes, Severus? Can I help you?" Harry whistled innocently.

"You told Lord Voldemort to do that?"

"Well… I didn't _tell_ him per se," Harry smiled. "I suggested it, and he followed it through. Nobody can make Tom do anything." Harry pointed out.

"Not true." Hermione argued and then started ranting about how Severus knew best.

Harry rolled his eyes; obviously Hermione would back up her… Harry had to suppress a snort. Boyfriend.

"-Severus wouldn't advise against a shock-" Hermione continued.

Harry tuned Hermione out again, and couldn't help but think that was a totally ridiculous title for Severus.

"Hermione," Harry began. "Is Severus your boyfriend?" He asked cheekily, and stopped the ranting woman dead in her tracks.

"Umm…" She spluttered.

"I think a more adult term would be suitor, or paramour." Severus interjected irritably. "I'm not anybody's 'boyfriend'." He insisted.

"A more archaic term, you mean." Harry said, earning him a scowl.

"That's beside the point." Hermione huffed, secretly pleased at Severus's words. "Why did you do it?"

Voldemort sighed, attracting everybody's attention. "Harry did nothing, if you care to remember, it was I that gave the Weasel a shock. Stop giving Harry all of the credit."

Lucius cleared his throat. "If I might interrupt…"

Severus raised his hand. "No, you may not." Lucius growled in annoyance and Severus smirked at his small victory.

"Look, this is getting us nowhere. Let's keep playing and when Ron comes round-" Harry began, before the sound of moaning from the floor distracted them all.

"It seems he's waking up." Lucius commented.

"Stating the obvious is _supposed_ to be Harry's skill." Severus said cuttingly.

Harry rolled his eyes. "If you two could stop your battle to be alpha male." He said disapprovingly.

"You've been with Lupin for far too long." Severus muttered.

"Actually, it's also a muggle-term of phrase." Harry said smugly. "Now, there can only be one alpha male-" Harry began.

"And if you want to use such crude language that would be me. Now, somebody attend to the Weasel." Voldemort sneered, and went back to his seat. Everybody stared at him a moment.

"We'll look after Ron, everyone else go and sit down." Hermione ordered, and the rest of the group, bar Severus, went back to the circle.

"Fancy yourself as an alpha male do you?" Harry asked teasingly as he sat down next to Voldemort.

"I don't fancy anything-"

"Except Bellabitch, obviously."

"We had a deal that you would not annoy me too much."

"Is mentioning Bellabitch too much?" Harry asked teasingly.

"Far, far too much." Voldemort's brow furrowed.

"Father, what did Severus mean when he said 'strange behavior'?" Draco questioned, deciding to be the sensible one in Hermione's absence.

"I'm going to presume the potion was one of his own creations, considering where Hermione stole it from. I've only ever taken one of Severus's own potions once and while the effects were…" Lucius pinched the bridge of his nose, as though he was in great pain. "Brilliant and without side-effects," He admitted grudgingly. "The taste was vile."

Harry agreed. "He makes all of the potions for the hospital wing, and they taste horrible. I think he does it on purpose." Harry supplied.

"We should ask him about it on the next truth question." Ginny said excitedly.

"That's a good idea." Draco agreed, and Lucius and Voldemort rolled their eyes.

"You're becoming very childish, Draco." Lucius stated.

Draco opened his mouth angrily, before the groups attention was attracted by Ron, Hermione and Severus returning.

"How are you feeling Ron?" Harry asked.

"Not bad, thanks mate." Ron said cheerfully. "Hermione and her boyfriend-" Severus scowled at this. "-Helped me out."

"You sound rather happy about that." Ginny asked suspiciously.

"We're all friends' right? I should be happy for her!" Ron beamed and hugged Hermione.

"Strange behavior indeed." Harry laughed.

"I did warn you." Severus snapped. "The potion is one of my own creations. It works as a power-enhancer. He would still be a lifeless form on the floor, due to the nature of the prison, had I not given it to him."

"A power-enhancer?" Voldemort asked, intrigued.

"I didn't think it would matter, considering none of us can use magic." Severus sighed, and the trio took their places in the circle.

"How long is this going to last?" Harry asked tentatively.

"Two hours at the most." Severus admitted.

"So, he's acting very cheerful and very un-Ron like." Harry observed. "Anything else?"

"He's forgotten who I am, obviously." Severus sneered as Ron smiled at him. "I don't know what other effects might appear."

Harry took a deep breath. "Let's carry on playing then."

Ginny reached out and spun the bottle, it landed on Harry.

"Truth or dare?"

"Truth." Harry smugly.

"Pick dare!" Ginny whined.

"Nope." Harry smiled and Ginny looked disappointed. "Look, I'll pick dare next time." Harry offered diplomatically, and Ginny looked happier.

"What's the biggest lie you've ever told me?" Ginny asked suddenly.

"The time when you were going to that party in Hogsmeade, and you were wearing that purple dress. You asked me whether it made you look slutty or not, and I said no, when actually, I thought you looked like a middle-age prostitute." The words fell out of Harry's mouth and he had no control over them. He cringed.

"How could you…" Ginny said tearfully.

"He didn't." Voldemort pointed out.

"That's an awful thing to think about your friend!" Draco said, shocked.

"I agree with Draco," Ron said angrily and everyone, including Voldemort gasped.

"What?" Ron asked, confused.

"Nothing!" Harry quickly said. "You're right, I'm sorry Ginny." Harry said apologetically.

Draco glared at Harry. "Ron, move over." Ron complied with Draco's instructions and swapped with Ginny, so now Ginny was sitting next to Draco.

"You should hug her!" Harry encouraged.

"I should?" Draco asked quietly, and Harry nodded. Draco took a deep breath, and enveloped Ginny in a hug, which was gratefully received.

"Awww!" Harry exclaimed.

"I'm happy for you Ginny." Ron said cheerfully, and Harry shuddered. Seeing Ron being happy for Ginny, even though it seemed as though she was going to end up with Draco? Weird.

"Let's just continue." Severus said quickly, and looked annoyed, until Hermione put a comforting hand on his arm. Then he looked smug. Harry resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

He reached out and spun the bottle, which landed on Hermione.

"Truth or dare?" He asked.

"Truth!" She said quickly.

"Wise move." Harry approved and immediately knew what he wanted to ask her. "Did you send those potion vials to Severus?"

"Yes, I knew all the teachers thought he liked chocolate, but I've never seen any wrappers in his bin, so I assumed it wasn't true." She quickly said and then blushed violently.

"That was you?" Severus asked, amazed.

"Yeah, but I wasn't going to tell you." Hermione said angrily, glaring at Harry, who merely shrugged.

"Why not?" Severus frowned.

"I didn't think you'd use them, let alone like them." She said quietly.

"I enjoy them very much, and will continue to do so, especially now I know who they are from." Severus gave her one of his rare smiles, and she blushed even more.

"Love is in the air!" Harry sang, earning him patented death glares.

"Oh shush!" Hermione said angrily, and reached out and spun the bottle; it landed on Harry once again.

Harry frowned, this wasn't good, and he'd said he'd do a dare…

"Truth or dare?" She asked, smirking.

"You know it's got to be a dare." Harry moaned.

"Oh yes." Hermione smirked again. "Right everyone, over there!" She pointed to the far corner and Harry and Voldemort began to stand up.

"No," Hermione quickly said, blocking the two friends off. "Not you two."

Voldemort scowled, while Harry had the good grace to look slightly scared.

"This is going to be terrible." Harry said worriedly.

"I simply wonder why I'm not allowed to be involved." Voldemort said suspiciously, and they both strained their ears to hear the echo's of conversation.

"-Not good enough." They heard Lucius's voice complain.

"Yeah, it's a terrible idea, shut up Ron." They heard Hermione moan.

"Sounds like the usual things." Harry sighed.

"Is Weasel always stupid?" Voldemort asked honestly.

"Pretty much," Harry shrugged again.

"-That's EVIL Ginny!" Hermione's cackle echoed throughout the prison.

"-It's perfect." They heard Draco say, he sounded amused.

"I'm getting a bit worried now." Harry frowned and then yawned. "That's a good question, actually. What happens when we're all tired and want to sleep?" Harry questioned.

"Enough beds for everybody inside the prison will appear." Voldemort informed him. "It's designed to be a prison without the need for guards. So if by some unfortunate accident, we are still here in the morning, food will appear." He explained. "Although I'm going to presume it will be terrible slop." He added as an afterthought. "People can enter, but not leave. That's how it's designed." He elaborated at Harry's confused look.

"-Will he go through with it?" They heard the worry in Severus's voice as it drifted back to them.

"-Harry won't but-" Their voices all became more quiet and Harry and Voldemort could no longer hear what was going on.

"It seems they've factored you into their evil plan." Harry laughed.

"I hope not." Voldemort sneered.

Harry watched as Hermione glanced back at them and winked.

"This is bad." Harry decided.

"Have you only just figured that out?" Voldemort said sarcastically.

Harry opened his mouth to spit out a retort, but the rest of the group made their way back over to them.

"Here we go." Harry muttered.

"Right. We've all had a discussion, and we've decided you've been horrible to all of us."

"Or, you've helped somebody else be horrible to us." Draco added and Hermione nodded in agreement.

"You've done some awful, awful dares, humiliated most of us and have embarrassed us all, without ever being embarrassed as much as us. None of us can think of anything to upset you… individually."

Harry didn't like the sound of that.

"So, we all collaborated." Severus continued for Hermione.

"Why was I not involved in this?" Voldemort said angrily.

"Because you're biased, you're his best friend." Ginny explained.

"Lord Voldemort is _not_ biased." Voldemort said coldly.

"Perhaps, perhaps not." Lucius said evasively. "Together, we have all thought of one of the cruelest dares we can. There were a fair few ideas."

"Some of them better than others," Hermione said, throwing a pointed look at Ron, who looked sheepish and stayed silent.

"I hope you agree with us that Harry deserves something nasty." Hermione addressed Voldemort.

"I do…" He said cautiously.

"So you'll co-operate. Hopefully." Hermione said nervously. "Harry, we all dare you to French Kiss Lord Voldemort."

Both Harry's and Voldemort's eyes went wide.

"Fuck." Harry breathed.

"Maybe when you've finished kissing," Ginny said cheekily.

"Oh no…" Harry looked wildly around the room, his eyes landing on Voldemort, who looked equally as shocked.

"Tom would never let me." Harry laughed nervously.

"I suppose, you _do_ deserve it." Voldemort interjected, smirking.

"No, Tom, no." Harry pleaded.

"You've been dared, Harry, no escape." Lucius said maliciously.

"FORKED TONGUE!" Harry screamed at the top of his lungs.

"You want to see it?" Voldemort offered, and then stuck out his _forked_ tongue for all to see. Causing Hermione to close her eyes and scrunch up her nose.

"Oh fuck no." Harry breathed, and stood up. "That's disgusting."

"You shouldn't be so insulting to him; you're going to be kissing in a minute." Ron spoke for the first time with a vague amusement in his voice.

"I think we should stop playing now," Harry laughed nervously, while he started backing away.

"I don't think so Harry." Severus smirked, and Voldemort stood up, everybody's eyes now firmly on Harry.

"I thought we were all friends!" Harry raged.

"We thought so too." Hermione smiled. "You've done some nasty things, Harry." She said apologetically.

"I got you Severus!" Harry pointed out, as the whole group began moving towards him, including Voldemort.

"Maybe..." Hermione said cautiously, but didn't stop her approach.

"Let's just get it over with. You're making it worse." Voldemort said coldly, and started advancing on Harry.

"Fuck!" Harry yelled, and ran.

He just ran.

"This is going to be difficult." Hermione said.

"You shouldn't have dared him then." Voldemort snarled, and started stalking Harry's movements.

As Voldemort got closer, Harry ran again. "Don't come near me Snake-Face!" He yelled, angrily.

"I don't like this anymore than you do." Voldemort sighed.

"Doesn't look like that from where I'm running!" Harry yelled over his shoulder as he traced the boundaries of the prison.

"Lucius, Severus, hold him down." Voldemort instructed. Severus didn't comply, while Lucius joined Voldemort in essentially chasing Harry around the room.

"Lucius don't please!" Harry begged as he dodged Lucius's grasping hand, and bolted across the room.

The part of the group that was not chasing Harry, were laughing hysterically.

"I'm sorry, Harry! But you deserve it." Lucius said, becoming slightly out of breath. "How do you have so much stamina?" He demanded after Harry dodged his grasp again.

"I don't know!" Harry called over his shoulder, and then suddenly ducked when Voldemort tried to grasp him with two arms.

"Brat! Stop making this difficult!" Voldemort yelled.

"I'll make it as difficult as I bloody want you bastard!" Harry screamed, and his speed seemed to increase.

"Harry, please, stop running and just kiss him." Severus said suddenly, causing Harry to stop, and Voldemort envelop him tightly in his arms.

"I've got you!" He growled. "No escape."

"Why isn't the prison stopping you from doing this?" Harry raged.

"Because there is no intent to hurt you." Voldemort explained. "Lucius come and hold him down." Lucius quickly hurried over, and Voldemort let Harry go into Lucius's awaiting arms.

"Lucius, I think you are _so _sexy." Harry purred seductively, causing Lucius to gasp and loosen his grip, allowing Harry to escape.

"Lucius you vain…" Voldemort yelled in frustration.

"I'm sorry, my Lord." Lucius said quickly, and scuttled back to the group.

"Harry, come on, do the dare." Draco laughed.

"Yeah! You've dared us; we've got our own back." Ginny giggled and leaned on Draco, who had his arms around her waist.

"I've done so much for you," Harry seethed, dodging Voldemort again. "I got Severus and Hermione together and now you two, and this is how you repay me!"

"It won't be that bad." Ron moaned.

"FORKED TONGUE!" Harry screamed again.

Ron pulled a face, and had to admit to himself, that wouldn't be a pleasant experience.

"Severus, go and help Lord Voldemort." Hermione said pleadingly.

"Hermione…" Severus started.

"I'll give you a kiss if you do." She hinted and Severus had entered the fray before she could blink. Ginny smirked at this.

"Severus, not you too!" Harry whined.

"For once, I'm actually sorry." Severus admitted, as he moved to block Harry's next move. He was much better at the chase than Lucius.

"I stuck up for you!" Harry complained.

"I know, and I'm dreadfully sorry. You're making this hard, Harry." Severus said resignedly.

Harry was begging to tire now, as he ducked under Voldemort outstretched arm once more. He breathed deeply, and quickly zigzagged around the two men.

"Harry." Voldemort said sternly, before having a wicked idea that stemmed from Harry's own ploy against Lucius.

"What?" He yelled, dodging Severus. Damn that brat was agile.

"I once heard Bellatrix saying you were very handsome, and she wanted to have 'fun' with you when I captured you."

Harry stopped dead in his tracks and turned around, a horrified look on his face. Voldemort quickly took this opportunity and rushed towards Harry, who dropped to the floor in defeat, he laid down, trying to catch his breath.

"Oh no," Harry breathed.

"Oh yes." Voldemort smirked before kneeling over Harry.

"Just to clarify, before you snog me…" Harry began.

"Yes?" Voldemort questioned.

"Bellabitch didn't actually say that, did she?" He asked worriedly and Voldemort laughed.

"No. She didn't."

"Oh, that's good." Harry breathed and he scrunched his eyes shut as tight as he could.

"Open your eyes." Voldemort demanded.

Harry opened them to see Voldemort's smirking face staring right back at him.

"You're an awful friend." Harry said scathingly.

"I know." Voldemort said simply, before Voldemort slowly began to descend on Harry. Harry scrunched his eyes shut again as he felt Voldemort's breath on his face. Just as he felt the tip of the forked tongue on his lip, there was an almighty bang.

"WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?"

Harry gulped. Voldemort and Harry, without moving from their… compromising position, slowly turned their heads to see Bellatrix standing in the wide open door, not gaping at the prison, or the fact there were Gryffindors, or that Severus was kissing Hermione, or Draco or Ginny, or anything. She was staring at Voldemort effectively straddling Harry, forked tongue on the brat's lips.

**I bet you all hate me now! I hope you've enjoyed the most important chapter to date, any questions, message me and I'll get back to you as soon as I can. For the record, I don't know if Lord Voldemort actually has a forked tongue, but for all intents and purposes, he does in this story as a homage to my good friend XTimeGirlX (She know's what I'm talking about :P)**

**You can expect the next update in around four days, unless I get loads of reviews, then I'll post the chapter ahead of my schedule, since it's already written.**

**Hope you all continue to read, enjoy and review! Thanks to everyone who has this on alert, or on their favorites. You guys are awesome! Super massive thanks to everyone who has reviewed, you guys are absolutely amazing, I continue posting this for you!**

**Super special thanks to XTimeGirlX, who has been amazingly awesome as usual. Also more special thanks go to The Dark Lady Voldemort666, who has also been fabulous!**


	8. Simply Unforgettable

**A/N: This is in no way to be taken seriously, written purely from a crazy dream I had! Will contain: Stupidity, Ron-Bashing, Ron being incredibly and repeatedly stupid, a hormonal Hermione, a raging Ginny, slight Ginny bashing, Dumbledore bashing, extreme silliness, a very sarcastic Harry and finally OOCness. This starts off fairly seriously, and there is an underlying story line, but it's mostly a parody, so please, enjoy!**

**Disclaimer; If Voldemort, Severus and Remus are dead, then I don't own Harry Potter or anything to do with the books, or films.**

**Update: 28/6/10, someone has just left a review saying there should be a slash warning. I didn't think I needed one but here we go just in case: This contains slash. Happy now?**

**One last thing: If you don't like the story, don't review and just move on. Constructive criticism is always good, don't just point out a flaw, please, tell me what you think I should do to improve it. This is **_**supposed**_** to be just a laugh, so please don't tell me things like "(Insert character name here) would never do that!" or "(Insert plot moment here) happened too quickly."**

**After that rather long A/N, please enjoy the story, and leave me a review telling me what you think!**

**I'm absolutely amazed by the response to the last chapter, you guys are amazing! As promised, here is an extra early update.**

"This isn't what it looks like!" Harry cried out suddenly, breaking the silence.

"This is exactly what it looks like." Voldemort said coldly.

"How… dare _you_!" Bellatrix raged, and began rushing towards the prison.

"No! Don't come in you'll-" Before Voldemort could finish, Bellatrix had entered the prison.

"Trap yourself here." Voldemort finished darkly, and realized Harry had squirmed away from him, and Bellatrix was now advancing on Harry, wand out.

"_Crucio_!" She screamed, and of course, nothing happened. She stared at her wand in confusion. "_Crucio_!" She screamed again.

"Bellatrix, you are a foolish woman!" Lucius seethed. "You've entered the prison." Her eyes widened in realization. "No magic. No nothing." He finished, sending his dirtiest look to his sister in law.

Realizing what she'd done, Bellatrix flung herself at Voldemort's feet.

"You have disappointed me." Voldemort declared coldly, not bothering to tell her to rise. "Because of…" Voldemort trailed off, he didn't want think of it as jealousy. "Your impatience, you have condemned us all to the prison."

"Don't be so dramatic, Tom." Harry said, coming up at his side. "Surely there's got to be someone else?"

Voldemort thought for a moment. "I can think of no other…"

"Rodolphus can help." Bellatrix said suddenly. "I taught him the spell, just in case. I didn't trust Severus." She tried to explain.

"Well, you can't deny she was right not to." Harry laughed.

"Perhaps, however, this does beg the question of how we're going to escape." Severus interrupted.

Voldemort scowled. "Why is everything going wrong…?" He muttered.

"Cheer up Tom." Harry said gently from the side of him.

Voldemort opened his mouth to shoot off a retort, before the form at his feet started speaking. "Forgive me, My Lord, but what are _Potter_ and his little gang of Gryffindors doing here?" She asked, adding venom to the word Potter.

"They came to kill me, and failed." Voldemort said indifferently, as though it was nothing. "Something happened, and I cast the prison to protect myself. I unwittingly protected the others as well, and since then, we've been playing a game."

"You were all playing a game, My Lord?" She spluttered.

"We were playing truth or dare." Harry grinned.

"I didn't ask _you_." She seethed.

"That's fine. Severus, can I come over with you two?" He called out to the potions master.

"Of course you can." Severus nodded curtly.

"I'll go where I'm wanted." He sneered and with a parting dirty look, Harry left his best friend and went over to Severus and Hermione, who seemed to have gravitated into their own corner.

"Harry! You still owe me that kiss!" Voldemort shouted after him.

"Yeah, yeah!" Harry called over his shoulder, hiding his smirk from Voldemort. He was pleased Bellatrix had interrupted the dare.

"Kiss?" Bellatrix was looking up into Voldemort's face now, and she looked… heartbroken.

"Yes." Voldemort said coldly. "And wipe that disgusting look from your face." He sneered; it was a very strange thought indeed to think of Bellatrix Lestrange heartbroken.

"Forgive me, My Lord." She replied humbly.

"You can stay here until I decide what to do with you." Voldemort instructed, and began to walk over to Harry, Severus and Hermione. Lucius, Draco, Ginny and Ron were all talking with each other. Well, except Ron, who seemed to be gazing at Bellatrix.

"Harry," Voldemort said, becoming up behind him.

"Hi Tom, are you done with your consort?" Harry asked cheekily, and then grinned.

"Must you talk about Bellatrix like that? You're making me ill." Voldemort shuddered.

"Sorry," Harry offered. "What are you going to do about her then?" He asked, curious.

"I really don't know." Voldemort admitted.

"I know exactly what we should do." Harry declared, with a malicious smirk on his face. That brat was evil.

"Oh no, Harry don't." Hermione pleaded. "She's a horrible, vile person."

"So is Tom, but he's my best friend." Harry smiled.

"Harry James Potter." Severus said sternly.

"Yes dad?" Harry answered mockingly, and then smirked at Severus's puzzled expression.

"Dare I say you would have been much better off as Severus with a father?" Voldemort added.

"I don't know, I can't really comment." Harry said thoughtfully.

"When you're quite finished discussing my merits as a father," Severus finally said. "Harry, are you planning to tell Lord Voldemort what I think you are?" He asked seriously.

"Seeing as though we're both so similar, according to Hermione, I probably am, yes." Harry admitted.

"It will end badly, I can see it coming." Severus warned.

"Isn't this going to end badly anyway?" Harry countered. "And anyway, if you keep talking to me like I'm a naughty child; I'll start calling you dad… permanently." Harry warned, and Severus kept his mouth closed.

"What do you think we should do with Bellatrix then?" Voldemort asked his friend.

"You can order her to join the game." Harry grinned and at Voldemort's completely shocked and horrified expression he added: "Come on, it'll be fun!"

"Do you define 'fun' as pain? Because if you do, I dare say I'll make you have so much 'fun' you'll be screaming for weeks." Voldemort seethed.

"You don't mean that surely!" Harry asked with mock surprise.

Voldemort thought for a moment. "Maybe I do, and maybe I don't." He conceded. "I'm only going to ask you this once: are you _sure_ you want me to order Bellatrix to play? If somebody asks her the wrong question, you may end up… traumatized." Voldemort said thoughtfully.

"Just go ahead and do it." Harry moaned.

"Have I ever told you how much I hate you?" Hermione said suddenly. "This is going to be awful!" She complained.

"Not lately. Then again, you've been rather preoccupied with your… suitor." Harry said innocently.

"Are you coming or not?" Voldemort demanded, and Harry quickly followed him over to where Bellatrix was on the floor.

"Bellatrix, stand up." Voldemort commanded, and she immediately did so. "Do you wish to redeem yourself in my eyes?" Voldemort asked coldly.

"Of course, My Lord, I'll do anything." She said quickly, nothing was more horrible to her than disappointing Lord Voldemort.

"You shall play our game." Voldemort declared. "Harry, go and assemble the group." He ordered, and for once, Harry didn't argue.

"Everybody back to the circle, the game resumes!" Harry shouted. He received questioning looks from everyone who didn't know who was joining them, but they all sat back down in their previous places.

"Play your game?" Bellatrix repeated.

"Did you hit your head on your mission? Or are you just being ignorant?" Voldemort spat.

"You're very cruel to her." Harry said, and if it had been anybody but Bellatrix, he would have said that disapprovingly.

"It keeps them in line." Voldemort said indifferently, and sat back down. Harry also sat back down. Bellatrix looked unsure of herself for a moment, before sitting down next to Voldemort, who scowled.

'_Harry,' _Voldemort hissed urgently_._

'_What now?_' Harry sighed, and everybody silenced and started looking at them._ 'They're all looking, probably thinking we're conspiring against them.' _Harry said jokingly.

'_You control where everybody sits.' _Voldemort stated.

'_In a way I suppose…' _Harry trailed off suspiciously.

'_Good, now move Bellatrix away from me.' _Voldemort ordered.

'_Now why would I do that?' _Harry asked teasingly.

'_You keep saying we're best friends, which means you should help me if I ask you too.' _Voldemort said confidently.

Harry looked at him for a moment. _'Ok.' _He said grudgingly.

"Ron," Harry shouted out to his former best friend, who stopped his conversation to answer him. "Come and sit next to Bellatrix, in between her and Voldemort." Harry demanded.

"Of course I will!" Ron said eagerly and Bellatrix sneered at him.

"Now you swap with me." Voldemort instructed, and Harry sighed, but swapped places with Voldemort.

Ron blushed slightly as he sat down next to Bellatrix. He leaned over to his right. "She's beautiful. Is she single?" Ron pulled back looking anxious, while Harry suppressed the urge to retch.

'_I dare you to tell him she is.' _Voldemort hissed from his other side._ 'Perhaps it will distract her from… other men.'_

'_You are sick.' _Harry said in a very matter of fact way.

'_Thank you.'_ Voldemort said, and Harry took a deep breath and turned back to his left.

"Yes Ron, she is." Harry lied.

"Awesome," Ron grinned, and turned back to Bellatrix, who looked more than uncomfortable.

"How does this game work then?" She questioned, with a disgusted look on her face.

"You'll have to figure it out; I'm not going to let him bore us all with the rules again." Lucius said quickly. "Are we playing or not?" He demanded.

"We are." Harry said quickly.

"Before we start," Voldemort began.

"What?" Harry questioned, turning to face Voldemort.

"You never finished your dare."

"Look I'm not kiss-" Before Harry could even finish, Voldemort's non-lips were on his own, forked tongue pushing against them, demanding and dominating. Harry pursed his lips as much as possible, refusing to allow that tongue anywhere inside.

"It's supposed to be a French kiss!" Draco complained, and was joined by a chorus of agreement from everybody but Bellatrix, who looked like her world had come crashing down around her.

Harry reluctantly opened his mouth slightly, and Voldemort wasted no time in establishing himself in there, prodding Harry's tongue with his own. Harry stayed as still as possible, refusing to partake in the kiss.

"Harry, you have to join in." Hermione demanded. Harry pulled completely away.

"Not in a million years." He said stubbornly.

"That was a terrible kiss, Harry." Voldemort complained. "Worse I've ever had."

"Had many have you?" Harry retorted.

"A fair few and that was easily the worst."

"Don't insult my kissing skills." Harry growled warningly.

"I did that jokingly once," Hermione remembered. "Then he kissed me until I admitted he was brilliant." She confessed and went bright red. Severus scowled deeply at the thought.

"I can't insult what wasn't there in the first place." Voldemort said off-handedly, and got more than he bargained for, as Harry literally grabbed the front of his robes, and pulled him down into an angry, rough kiss.

Harry didn't hold back, and was assaulting Voldemort's tongue with his own, which had already begun a battle for dominance.

Harry could vaguely hear wolf-whistles, and he swore he heard a sob in there somewhere too. He tried to ignore them, and focus on winning the battle for control.

"Wow, Harry! You'd think you actually fancied him!" Draco called out.

Harry was losing, and rather than suffer Voldemort's inevitable victory, he hurriedly pulled away and hoped everyone would be satisfied with it. There was no way in hell he was doing that again. Voldemort might want that, but he didn't.

"Are you all happy now?" He said furiously.

"Lord Voldemort sure is." Ginny laughed, and Harry looked to his friend, and saw a dazed expression on the man's face.

"Satisfied with that Tom?" Harry asked smugly, and Voldemort merely nodded meekly.

"That's good, because you won't be getting another one." Harry said firmly.

"He looks disappointed." Draco laughed along with Ginny, Hermione and Ron, while Severus and Lucius merely looked amazed.

"I feel so sorry for him." Harry drawled sarcastically. Harry turned to his right, and Voldemort still looked rather dazed. "Are you going to sit there looking like that forever?" He asked teasingly, and Voldemort cleared his throat.

"I'm not," Voldemort said hurriedly. "Let's continue the game." He huffed, but nobody was paying attention to him, all eyes were on Ron and Bellatrix.

"So, you've got a pretty name." He said shyly.

"And your sister has a pretty face; it would be _such_ a shame if something happened to it. I'm good at disfigurements." She said spitefully.

"Aunt Bella!" Draco cried out.

"What?" She asked innocently.

"Ginny is with me." He said firmly, and put his arm around her for effect.

Bellatrix looked shocked, but soon dispelled the look from her face. "I see." She said distantly. "And you approve of this Lucius?" She asked; disdain for Ginny clear in her voice.

"I don't have much choice as we're currently trapped here." He said scathingly, glaring at her like it was her fault.

"She's fiery." Ron whispered to Harry, who was startled by the sudden conversation.

"That's one way of putting it." Harry frowned.

"I like her," Ron grinned. "Do you know her? What does she like?"

"Don't you remember her?" Harry asked, puzzled.

"Should I?" It was Ron's turn to frown now.

"No." Harry said quickly. "I don't know what she likes." Harry admitted.

"Fat lot of good you are then." Ron declared, and went back to looking at Bellatrix.

"I'm going to spin the bottle now, if you lot want to stop glaring at each other." Harry announced, and reached out and spun the bottle, it landed on Draco.

"Truth or dare?"

"Truth, but before you ask, can I ask a question?"

"Err, that's not how it works, but go on." Harry joked.

"How can we make sure Aunt Bella tells the truth?" Draco asked, nervously glancing over at the woman in question.

"No idea. Tom?" Harry turned to his right.

"Bellatrix, take an oath of truth for me." Voldemort commanded.

"Yes My Lord." She said immediately.

"I thought we couldn't do magic?" Harry questioned suspiciously.

"Fortunately, Bellatrix's entrance seems to have weakened the barriers slightly. We should be able to do non-offensive, wandless magic." Voldemort explained. "Bellatrix Lestrange, do you vow to tell the truth whenever it is asked of you?"

"I do, My Lord." Bellatrix responded, and there was a soft light around her.

"She'll tell the truth now." Voldemort said blankly.

"Good." Harry said happily. "Now, Draco, you picked truth right?"

"Yes." Draco hurried to answer, and Harry didn't bother to mask his disappointment.

"What's the thing you hate most about your Aunt?" Harry asked wickedly, and Bellatrix immediately scowled.

"I hate it when she calls me Drakey-poo and insists on trying to bake. I'm always scared she'll put poison in it." Draco said quickly, and clapped his hand over his mouth.

Bellatrix looked hurt. "I thought you liked it when I baked Bella's Chocolate Explosion!"

"The only thing that explodes is my kitchen." Lucius grumbled.

"Shut up Lucy." She growled. "Drakey-poo…" She addressed her nephew, looking upset.

"I hate you Harry. I'm glad we dared you to kiss Lord Voldemort." Draco spat.

"Tell me about that." Bellatrix demanded, a demented, but hopeful gleam appearing in her eyes.

"Harry's been horrible to all of us, daring us to these really nasty things!" Draco complained enthusiastically. "So we all got together and decided he should kiss him." Draco smirked.

"Oh!" Bellatrix smiled dementedly.

"We also now share a best friend bond." Voldemort interjected.

"WHAT?" Bellatrix screamed.

"Are you trying to get me killed?" Harry hissed.

"Not yet." Voldemort smirked.

"They took the best friend bond." Ron informed her. "I can't remember why though…"

Bellatrix shot Harry an absolutely filthy look.

"Jealous, are we Bella?" Lucius chuckled. Bellatrix went bright red, and Harry was shocked that was even possible.

"Indeed, you told everybody you were to be my… what was it?" Voldemort asked Harry.

"Consort. Severus said she told everyone she was going to be your consort." He laughed.

"You're not." Voldemort coolly informed her, causing her face to fall.

"You are too gorgeous to be just a consort." Ron informed her, and blushed violently.

"And you are far too ugly to be anything but a mangled piece of flesh." She said, sneering at him.

"You should like him then." Severus muttered.

"What was that Sevvy?"

"Nothing." He quickly said.

"Very fiery. I _really_ like her." Ron grinned to Harry, who nodded meekly; he wasn't sure whether he liked the new Ron. He wasn't such of a bastard, or a pig, but he was… weird.

"At least it only lasts two hours…" Harry mumbled to himself.

"Truly a shame." Voldemort said honestly from his side.

"How did you know what I was thinking?" Harry said accusingly.

"It's fairly obvious." Voldemort pointed out.

Draco sighed and spun the bottle, which landed on Bellatrix.

"Truth or dare?"

"I'll pick dare." She said cautiously.

"Aunt Bella, I dare you to…" Draco trailed off nervously. "Harry help me out!" He whined.

"No fucking way." Harry said stubbornly. "Everyone but Severus and Tom can go rot after that horrible dare." He said firmly.

"Why not Severus?" Voldemort asked, amused.

"Because he was actually _sorry_." Harry explained. "Go on Draco, you have to dare her to do something." He grinned.

"Aunt Bella, I dare you to give Lord Voldemort a hug…?" he said tentatively.

"We've had that one." Harry moaned.

"Well I'm sorry if I'm not the dare king like you." Draco said sarcastically.

Ron looked disappointed, while Voldemort looked furious. Bellatrix eagerly stood up and moved over to where Voldemort was.

"I hate this game." He seethed while she bent down and enveloped him in a huge hug. Harry was sniggering, as was the rest of the group, while Ron merely looked jealous.

"That's enough." Voldemort demanded, and she quickly retreated back to her place.

Voldemort scowled, but then had a wicked idea. "Harry?"

"Tom?"

"Hug me."

Everyone gasped.

"What?" Harry spluttered.

"I want you to hug me, a sympathy hug." Voldemort elaborated, trying to hide his smug smirk at Bellatrix's upset face.

Harry looked at him suspiciously. "Why?"

"Because I asked you nicely. Do you want me to say please? I thought we were friends." Voldemort pretended to be upset, and Harry quickly caught on to what he was doing.

"Of course, we're the best of friends!" Harry said happily and hugged Voldemort tightly, who to everyone's shock, and Bellatrix's horror, Voldemort hugged him back.

"Thank you, Harry. A simply marvelous hug."

'_You're so cruel.' _Harry hissed, amused by his best friends actions.

'_She deserves it.'_

'_I never said she didn't.' _Harry shot back and smirked.

"Are you two finished?" Ginny asked.

"Yeah, I think it's Bellabitch's turn." Harry supplied, and smiled at the woman, who was now glaring at him.

"Bellabitch, spin the bottle." Voldemort commanded, and she looked devastated he'd adopted the name.

"Yes!" Harry cried out victoriously. "I knew I'd get you to be more childish!"

"Is Harry always so…" Severus trailed off, trying to find the words.

"Yes." Hermione said simply, and sympathetically.

She looked upset, but did as her Lord demanded, and spun the bottle. It landed on Severus.

"Ok, now you have to ask him whether he wants to answer a question, or do a dare." Hermione explained.

"I didn't ask for your help you filthy little-"

"Do _not_ finish that sentence." Severus snarled.

"Sevvy?" Bellatrix asked, confused.

"Oh, you aren't aware." Lucius smiled evilly. "Severus is actually a traitor. A spy for Dumblewhore." Lucius suddenly became aware he'd said whore instead of dore, and immediately gasped at his error.

Harry laughed. "Yes! I knew I'd get people to say that! Now I just need Severus and Tom to say it." He grinned.

"Sevvy? A spy?" Bellatrix asked incredulously.

"Yes." Severus informed her. "Now play the game."

She sneered at him. "Truth or dare?" She asked, remembering what Draco had said.

"Truth."

"Are you really a spy?" She asked again, a disbelieving look on her face.

"Yes. What a brilliant waste of a question." He said cuttingly.

"How do you know he's telling the truth?" She questioned.

"We've all taken Severus's Veritaserum." Draco interjected and Severus rolled his eyes, and spun the bottle. It landed on Lucius.

"Truth or dare?" Severus asked, obviously planning something dastardly.

"Truth," Lucius said quickly.

"Have you ever betrayed Narcissa? And if you have how many times?" Severus drawled spitefully.

"I have, and I've lost count how many times." He blurted out.

Draco didn't look surprised.

"Aren't you upset Draco?" Ginny asked from his side.

"Not really." He shrugged. "I've seen him snogging other people plenty of times."

"You purebloods are _so_ weird." Harry said, bemused.

"I never knew about any of this!" Bellatrix yelled. "I'm going to tell Cissy!"

"You wouldn't." Lucius said, half pleadingly.

"Oh I would, and I will!" Bellatrix seethed.

"Oh dear. Seems you're in trouble now, Lucius." Severus said smugly.

"You…" Lucius started.

"Amazingly handsome man?" Hermione put in, joining her paramour in smirking.

"Lucius, just leave it." Harry advised, and the blonde man scowled, but heeded the advice.

"Awww, seems the little mudblood has a crush on you, Sevvy." Bellatrix said mockingly.

"Bit more than a crush." Draco laughed. "Didn't you see them snogging earlier?" He asked his aunt, who looked enraged.

"Just what has been going on here?" She demanded to no one in particular.

"Hell." Lucius muttered, and reached out and spun the bottle, which landed on Voldemort.

"Truth or dare, My Lord?"

"Truth."

Lucius had to think of something that would upset Bellatrix, if she was going to tell Narcissa, he was going to make her life hell for it.

"If you had to save either Harry or Bellatrix, but you could only pick one, which would you pick?" He asked, and Bellatrix smiled, knowing exactly what the answer would be.

Voldemort tilted his head. "I would pick Harry." He said simply.

Bellatrix gasped.

"Really?" Harry asked, surprised.

"The last time you nagged me for something, I believe you said we were best friends, has that changed?" Voldemort asked indifferently.

"Nope." Harry said happily.

"Awww!" Ginny and Hermione sighed together. "They're actually friends!"

"My Lord, you would actually pick _Harry Potter_?" Bellatrix asked, bottom lip quivering.

"I've already said that I would. Besides, he is more amusing than you, and certainly more powerful."

"Good thing I'm leaving the war then." Harry declared and Voldemort opened his mouth to protest. "And don't you dare change my mind." He said defiantly.

"I would pick you over him any day." Ron said shyly to Bellatrix.

"I would pick poison over you." She retorted, and Ron merely grinned.

"Thank god she isn't interested in him." Harry muttered.

"You can never know what Bellatrix will do from one second to the next." Voldemort said gravely. "Now spin the bottle for me."

Harry did so, and it landed on Ron.

"Truth or dare?" Voldemort asked, and Ron smiled.

"Hmmm, go on then, truth."

Voldemort thought for a moment. "If you had to kill somebody in this room, for personal reasons only, who would it be?"

"I'd kill _you, _so Bellatrix couldn't mope after you." Ron seethed.

"Oh my god…" Harry murmured, and Voldemort looked shocked but quickly recovered.

"Don't say that!" He hissed at Harry. "I've had enough of the Weasley girl saying that."

"You'd attempt to kill the Dark Lord, just so I'd pay you more attention?" Bellatrix asked the red-head at her side.

"Yeah…" Ron trailed off.

"That's… flattering." Hermione said tentatively, everybody was beginning to be a little freaked out by Ron's strange behavior.

"Hermione, don't encourage him." Severus cringed.

"Just spin the bottle Ron." Ginny said quickly, trying to change the subject.

Ron frowned, but did so anyway and spun the bottle, which landed on Ginny.

"Truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"Have you ever had a crush on a teacher?" Ron asked, winking at Hermione.

"Yes! In third year, when Professor Lupin taught us DADA." Ginny sighed dreamily.

"My godfather?" Harry spluttered.

"The werewolf?" Lucius asked incredulously.

"He's so… rugged." Ginny said, smiling.

"I thought you fancied me?" Harry said, frowning.

"Oh I do, but I'm pretty happy with Draco right now, so I'm sorry, but I have to turn you down. You're still a really brilliant friend though!" She said apologetically, and then smiled.

Harry looked flabbergasted.

"Seems like you've been rejected." Voldemort said, sniggering along with the rest of the group.

"You'll have to be content with kissing the Dark Lord, and _not_ my girlfriend." Draco said smugly.

"Humph. Like I'd want to kiss him again anyway, he was absolutely _rubbish_." Harry lied. Well, he didn't want to kiss Voldemort again, but not because he was rubbish, which he wasn't.

"I'll have you know that I am a brilliant kisser." Voldemort said defensively, trying to hide his hurt pride.

"Have I hurt your pride?" Harry teased.

"Would you be surprised if I said yes?" Voldemort retorted.

"I'd be surprised that you'd admit it, not that your pride was hurt." Harry said thoughtfully. "Anyway, let's carry on with the game."

Ginny reached out and spun the bottle, which landed on Hermione.

"Truth or dare?"

"Dare."

"I dare you to… well, I'd dare you to snog Professor Snape, but you like doing that." Ginny said pulling a face. All her dares involved kissing or doing something weird.

Hermione just blushed.

"I dare you to slow dance with him in the middle of the circle." Ginny suddenly said. "To a really cheesy song, for ten minutes at least!" She added as an afterthought.

"Ooooh! I like that one!" Harry said enthusiastically .

"I have to agree with Harry, that's a pretty good one." Draco agreed, and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

"Drakey-poo!" Bellatrix said angrily. "Put her down, you don't know where she's been."

"I know where she's going though." Draco said, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

"Bad mental images all round." Ron cringed, and everybody nodded.

"Anyway!" Hermione interrupted. "Severus won't dance with me." She pointed out.

"I will if you desire it of me." Severus said quietly.

"Oh…" Hermione said, blushing.

"Ok, enough with the soppy romance." Ron interjected, what song is cheesy enough Hermione?"

She thought for a moment. "Unforgettable, Nat King Cole. I suppose that's the cheesiest thing I've got… do I look like a cheesy person?" Hermione huffed.

"I haven't heard that one." Ginny said suspiciously.

Hermione rolled her eyes, and pulled a well-used set of headphones out of the satchel. She unplugged the magical speakers, and replaced them with the muggle headphones, passing them to Ginny.

"Did you say wandless magic would work now?" She asked Voldemort.

"It should. As long as it's not offensive."

Hermione smiled, and muttered something at the walkman. She tentatively put the headphones on her head, and then smiled. "Perfect." She grinned, and then passed the headphones over to Ginny.

"How does she get them to work through the wards?" Bellatrix asked accusingly.

"I have no idea. She is a rather talented witch." Lucius pointed out.

"My Lord?" She asked, as if Voldemort would have all of the answers.

"I'm afraid I have as much knowledge as Lucius on this matter. I can sense it is very complex magic, however. Very advanced." He said approvingly.

"Hold up there, Tom, someone might think you were giving her a compliment."

"I gave you some compliments." He stated.

"Yeah, but I'm your best friend." Harry said teasingly.

"Is that good enough Ginny?" Hermione asked her friend, who had been listening intently.

"I guess so, I do like the song though!" Ginny said enthusiastically.

"I bet he's going to step all over your feet." Draco laughed, and Severus sent him a death glare.

"Nah, I bet Severus is going to be an amazing dancer." Harry said encouragingly, and then paused. "Has anyone seen him dance before?"

"He didn't dance at my wedding." Lucius said thoughtfully.

"I've not seen Sevvy dance either." Bellatrix pouted.

"Do you dance?" Ron asked hopefully.

"If I did, it wouldn't be with a freckled carrot." She said insultingly.

Ron sighed dreamily. "I think I'm in love." He whispered to Harry, who sat bolt up right.

"With Bellabitch?" He hissed.

"Don't call her that," Ron growled warningly.

"Fine." Harry frowned, and then decided telling Voldemort was the best thing to do. He spared Hermione a quick glance, as she was setting up her music. The others were right, it was complicated magic, getting muggle electronics to work through wards.

'_Tom,' _He hissed in Parseltongue.

'_Whatever it is, the answer is no.' _Voldemort responded firmly.

' _Who says I wanted anything?'_

'_You have that look in your eye, and you frowned a moment ago.' _Voldemort sighed. _'What do you want then?'_

'_Ron think's he's in love with Bellabitch.' _Harry told his friend, who coughed and spluttered, causing everyone to look at him.

"Are you alright, My Lord?" Bellatrix asked worriedly.

"I'm perfectly fine, and need no assistance." Voldemort answered coolly.

'_It'll only last two hours. We should make the most of it.' _Voldemort eventually smirked.

'_I don't think I like where this is heading.' _Harry's brow furrowed.

'_You helped to push Draco and the Weasley girl together…' _Voldemort trailed off suggestively.

"HELL NO!" Harry screamed in English.

"What's he done now?" Hermione sighed at Voldemort's smirk, and Harry's disgusted look. "I'm going to presume it's either to do with kissing, something… more than kissing, or he's asked you to do something cruel to someone else."

"Or maybe all three!" Ginny piped up.

"Most likely the third." Severus observed and Draco nodded in agreement.

"Are you all taking bets now?" Harry snapped.

"Sorry." Hermione and Ginny said quickly.

'_I won't do it.' _Harry said defiantly.

'_Then I shall have to do it myself.' _Voldemort declared.

'_As long as I'm not expected to help.' _Harry sighed, there was no point in trying to argue against him, Harry knew he'd lose.

"Ok, I'm ready." Hermione said, and Harry noticed she was already bright red.

"I can't believe I'm going to dance in front of everyone." She moaned.

"At least it's with Severus." Harry pointed out.

"Everyone stand up then, give them some room." Draco instructed, and everybody stood up and moved to the side.

"Not really what I had in mind, but I suppose it can be forgiven." Ginny said cheekily as everyone moved to one side of the room.

Severus was standing next to Hermione, in front of everybody else. Draco and Ginny we standing together, with his arm around her waist, Lucius and Bellatrix were standing together, with the latter trying to lean to be nearer Voldemort, but being blocked by an eager Ron, who was staring at her dreamily.

Harry and Voldemort were, of course, standing together, watching intently, and most likely ready to gossip at a moments notice. Not that Voldemort would ever admit that, Harry thought to himself.

"Ok Ginny, press play." Hermione said, becoming even more red.

Ginny winked, and kneeled down, pressed play and the music began to flow through the room.

"Unforgettable… that's what you are…" Severus extended his hand to Hermione, who took it quickly, and they started dancing.

"Awww," Draco and Ginny cooed.

"Unforgettable… though near or far…" They started dancing closer, and Harry could see the wide smile on Hermione's face.

"How long do you reckon before Severus smiles?" Harry whispered to Voldemort.

"Two minutes."

"One minute." Harry countered.

"You're on." They shook hands, and continued to watch the couple.

"Like a song of love… that clings to me, how the thought of you does things to me, never before, has someone been more…" The voice crooned.

"Unforgettable… in every way." Severus smiled as Hermione moved even closer to him.

"I win!" Harry grinned, and Voldemort growled.

"And forever more,"

"And forever more…" Ron sighed and moved closer to Bellatrix, who moved away from him.

"That's how you'll stay,"

"That's how you'll stay…"

"That's why darling, it's incredible, that someone so unforgettable, thinks that I am unforgettable too…" The two voices crooned together, in perfect harmony, and a sense of peaceful bliss descended on the room.

Hermione and Severus were just swaying now, utterly content in each others company.

"I think they make a good couple." Harry muttered to his best friend.

"As much as it pains me to admit, I think so too."

"You're getting better at admitting things." Harry smiled.

"Don't get used to it." Voldemort said warningly.

"Wouldn't dream of it." Harry sniggered.

"No never before, has someone been more…" The female singer started again, and Ron was looking nervous for some reason.

"I wonder why Ron looks nervous," Harry wondered out loud.

"Unforgettable." The voices sang together, and Severus's hand had lowered on Hermione's back.

"In every way,"

"In every way." Voldemort looked at Ron, and he too saw that he was looking nervous.

"And forever more,"

"And forever more,

"I think perhaps, he'll ask Bellatrix to dance." Voldemort whispered, and Harry had to stop himself from gasping.

"That's how you'll stay,"

"That's how you'll stay."

"That's why darling, it's incredible, that someone so unforgettable, thinks that I am unforgettable too." The voices finished, and Ginny, Draco, Lucius and Harry applauded, and the song started again.

Severus and Hermione didn't stop dancing, as instructed, although, they didn't look sad about it.

"May I have this dance?" Draco asked Ginny, grinning. He extended his hand to her.

"Of course you can." She blushed, and eagerly took it. Draco led her to the floor, and they began to dance in the same manner as Severus and Hermione.

"Looks like this will turn into a party." Harry laughed softly.

"I can think of nothing worse." Voldemort grumbled.

They both became aware of Lucius moving towards them. "Forgive me for interrupting you both. However, I needed to get away from the Weasel and his… attentions on Bellatrix." Lucius shuddered. "It was getting rather creepy. No man should give her those dreamy looks."

"I agree." Harry nodded.

"I think they would be the perfect couple." Voldemort said coldly, and Lucius staggered backwards.

"My Lord, do you have a fever? Are you perhaps, sick?" Lucius asked worriedly.

"I'm completely fit and well." Voldemort scowled. "Lucius, Harry refuses to have anything to do with my plan." He threw and accusing look at his best friend. "You will assist me."

"Of course, My Lord. Anything." Lucius said quickly.

"You will help me put Bellatrix and the Weasel together." He declared.

"Bellatrix will never go for that!" Lucius spluttered.

"Knowing Tom, she will." Harry groaned.

"Not willingly. It'll distract her, at least." Voldemort argued.

"I suppose…" Lucius said unsurely.

"Don't look now, but I think he's about to ask her," Harry cringed, and the three of them carefully approached Ron and Bellatrix so they could hear what was going on.

"So…" Ron began nervously. "Willyoudancewithmeplease?" He asked quickly, and Bellatrix looked at him, confused.

"If you have something to say," She sneered. "Say it clearly."

"Will you dance with me please?" Ron asked pleadingly.

"No. Go scuttle back to hole." She said disgustedly.

Ron looked defeated.

"Bellatrix." Voldemort said coldly.

She jumped and immediately threw herself to the floor, much to Ron's dismay.

"Rise." Voldemort commanded. "The Weasel asked you to dance with him?"

She stood up. "He did, My Lord." She said quickly.

Voldemort smirked, and Harry and Lucius both shared a look. "Do you wish to please me?"

Bellatrix's eyes lit up at the notion. "Yes My Lord!" She said excitedly.

"Dance with him." He commanded, and her face fell.

"My Lord…"

"Are you going to disobey me?" He said threateningly, and she quickly shook her head.

"No, My Lord." She mumbled, and Ron grinned.

Ron stepped in front of her. "Dance with me?" He asked seductively, extending a hand.

"Yes, of course." She said angrily and through gritted teeth, but Ron didn't care, and eagerly led her to what they had christened the dance floor.

Harry was standing back with Voldemort and Lucius as they watched the scene before them.

Hermione and Severus were completely involved with each other, and nobody would be surprised if they suddenly started snogging right there and then. Ginny and Draco were shamelessly close together, with his hands groping her arse. Harry smirked at this. Finally, Ron and Bellatrix were dancing, not closely, but not for a lack of trying on Ron's part.

"Have I ever told you, that your eyes twinkle like captured starlight?" Ron said shyly to the mad woman he was dancing with.

"You haven't. Have I ever told you that your eyes would look good hanging out of their sockets?" She said innocently.

"No, you haven't." Ron sighed, utterly happy in her company.

"They look strange." Harry shuddered.

"Bellatrix _is_ strange," Lucius muttered.

"I didn't expect everyone to get up and dance." Harry observed.

"I place the blame entirely with the Weasley girl." Voldemort seethed.

Their attention was once more brought back to Ron and Bellatrix.

Ron slowly lowered his hand onto her arse. Bellatrix scowled and quickly reached back with her own hand, and placed his hand back to it's previous place.

"Keep your hands to yourself." She snarled.

"It's hard when you're so beautiful." Ron said cheekily.

"Are you going to keep paying me these ridiculous compliments all night?" She sneered.

"I'll keep paying you compliments until the day I die." Ron replied, smiling.

Harry cringed. "It's so…"

"Unnatural." Lucius said quickly. "Nobody should want her that much." He said, scrunching up his face in disgust.

"That's why darling, it's incredible, that someone so unforgettable…" The song drifted back to the trio, and Harry sighed.

"I don't have anyone to dance with, I'm jealous." Harry pouted, looking at the three couples.

Lucius cleared his throat. "That can be easily rectified." He grinned, and stepped in front of Harry.

"Would you please give me the honor of this dance?" He gracefully extended his hand.

Harry smirked. "Why yes, I will."

"Where do you think you're going?" Voldemort hissed as Harry took the extended hand.

"I'm off to dance with Lucius!" Harry called over his shoulder.

Voldemort scowled. He was left all on his own.

**Sorry! Poor Lord Voldemort! So, what does everyone want to happen after that? :P**

**I hope it was alright for you all, and I really hope you've enjoyed the chapter!**

**Edit: I just received a review saying: "Isn't it impossible for him to lie because he's taken Veritaserum?" No, because, as mentioned in previous chapters, it's a different version of Veritaserum, which only makes you tell the truth, if you've agreed to tell the truth beforehand. If people have questions, they should sign in so I can answer them, it's just easier than editing chapters.**

**I never thought I'd get so many reviews, so, a super special thanks to everyone who did, you totally deserved this extra early update. Unfortunately, this now means I am ahead of schedule, so I have no idea when the next update will be. **

**Extra special thanks to XTimeGirlX, and The Dark Lady Voldemort666, who have both been really supportive and amazing!**


	9. Sugar Highs and Sleeping Arrangements

**A/N: This is in no way to be taken seriously, written purely from a crazy dream I had! Will contain: Stupidity, Ron-Bashing, Ron being incredibly and repeatedly stupid, a hormonal Hermione, a raging Ginny, slight Ginny bashing, Dumbledore bashing, extreme silliness, a very sarcastic Harry and finally OOCness. This starts off fairly seriously, and there is an underlying story line, but it's mostly a parody, so please, enjoy!**

**Disclaimer; If Voldemort, Severus and Remus are dead, then I don't own Harry Potter or anything to do with the books, or films.**

**One last thing: If you don't like the story, don't review and just move on. Constructive criticism is always good, don't just point out a flaw, please, tell me what you think I should do to improve it. This is **_**supposed**_** to be just a laugh, so please don't tell me things like "(Insert character name here) would never do that!" or "(Insert plot moment here) happened too quickly."**

**Update: 28/6/10, someone has just left a review saying there should be a slash warning. I didn't think I needed one but here we go just in case: This contains slash. Happy now?**

**After that rather long A/N, please enjoy the story, and leave me a review telling me what you think!**

"I'm not dancing closely with you." Harry warned as he and Lucius began to dance.

"Of course not," Lucius agreed, and they began to move in time with the music.

"So, why are you so keen to dance with me then?" Harry asked suspiciously.

"I'm not. You were merely complaining that you had nobody to dance with," Lucius noted. "So, if you wish to be correct, it was you who was keen to dance with me." Lucius said smugly.

"Hey! I could of danced with Ginny." Harry said defensively, and then looked at Draco and Ginny, who were now snogging.

"Maybe not then." Harry muttered.

"Jealous?" Lucius asked honestly.

"No," Harry answered. "Ginny is like a sister, nothing more."

"Unforgettable…" The voice crooned again, and Lucius took this opportunity to twirl Harry around.

Suddenly, all attention was drawn to Bellatrix, as she let out all almighty shriek.

"Don't you dare step on my foot again!" She bellowed and Ron looked sheepish.

"You know, _I can _actually dance." Harry sniggered.

"Can you now?" Lucius asked raising an eyebrow.

"Hermione can too, I think she just likes being so close to Severus." Harry answered thoughtfully.

"Where did you learn to dance?" Lucius asked, moving them both around the floor.

"Yule Ball." Harry cringed.

"Ah," Lucius acknowledged, and spun Harry around again, giving him a clear view of everything that was happening.

Severus and Hermione were almost melting into each other, which made Harry smile. Maybe Severus wouldn't be so… abrasive now. Harry suppressed a snort, like that would ever happen. 'Although, it might be nice to see Severus smile once in a while.' Harry thought to himself.

Next, he looked at Draco and Ginny, and they were still snogging furiously. Well, at least Ginny wasn't pining for him anymore, in fact, she'd basically rejected him earlier!

Harry rolled his eyes as he saw Draco's hand move back up to her chest. Harry turned his attention on Ron and Bellatrix, who were still dancing, and they seemed to have gotten just a tiny bit closer.

He remained dancing with Lucius until the song finished and then started again. Harry smirked for no particular reason, and then Ron started speaking.

Harry strained his ears to hear what he was saying, but couldn't hear above the music.

"Lucius," Harry hissed in his ear.

"What?"

"Move closer to Ron." Harry instructed and Lucius frowned, before doing as asked.

"-If beauty were sunlight, you'd shine from a million-light years away." Ron said seductively, trying to make it up to her for standing on her foot. Bellatrix scowled, but said nothing and both Harry and Lucius cringed.

"That was terrible." Harry whispered.

"Don't you like that one?" Ron pouted.

"I don't like you at all." She said scathingly.

"Did you hear that?" Ron said loudly, and urgently, causing even Draco and Ginny to stop snogging and look at him.

"What?" She asked, confused.

"That was the sound of my heart breaking." He answered shyly.

"That was worse." Lucius cringed again.

"Where does he get these from?" Harry asked, amazed at his former best-friends… cheesy-ness.

"I have no idea." Lucius drawled.

"Do you know anything?" Harry teased.

"I know the Dark Lord trying to murder you with his glare." Lucius noted, causing Harry snap his head in the Dark Lord's direction.

He was scowling.

"Oops. He's rather possessive with his friends, isn't he?" Harry laughed.

"He doesn't have any other friends." Lucius noted, bemused.

"I suppose…" Harry said thoughtfully. "Hey Tom!" He shouted, and Voldemort's scowl deepened.

"If you wanted to dance with me that badly, you should of asked! I didn't know you'd miss me so much." Harry shouted sarcastically.

"Who says I wanted to dance with you?" Voldemort growled, approaching him.

"Your scowl did." Harry informed him cheekily.

"Well I don't." Voldemort sneered.

"Suit yourself." Harry shrugged, but Voldemort made no movement. "Go away, you're obstructing us." Harry said cheerfully.

"Please tell me you didn't just tell the Dark Lord to go away." Lucius muttered.

"I didn't tell the Dark Lord to go away." Harry repeated. "So if you don't want to dance with me, why are you still here?" Harry questioned.

"Well, I wouldn't want to take you away from Lucius, as you obviously like him so much." Voldemort said sarcastically. "Are you his best friend now?"

"Oh yeah." Harry answered equally as sarcastic. "We're planning on going on holiday together, and then we're thinking of setting up a clothing shop in Diagon Alley." He continued. "He's even thinking of making me Draco's honorary godfather."

Voldemort rolled his eyes. "You're being very sarcastic."

"You can talk!" Harry spluttered.

"Not nearly as much as the Weasley girl." Voldemort said, smirking.

Harry sniggered, and then went back to dancing with Lucius.

"Still here, Tom? Was there something else you wanted?"

"It's been ten minutes." Voldemort said coldly.

"So it has." Harry said off-handedly, and took another look around the room. Everyone else was still dancing.

"Doesn't look like anybody is in a hurry to stop though." He said thoughtfully. Voldemort just glared at him.

"Fine," Harry sighed. "Thanks for the dance, Lucius."

"My pleasure, Harry." Lucius said, and then let Harry go completely.

Harry smiled at him, and then moved over to where the music was coming from. He reached down, and turned it off, leading to disappointed groans from Ron, Draco and Ginny, and a muttered, "Finally," from Bellatrix. Harry smirked, and looked around the room. It was getting late, and the room was starting to darken.

"Let's not do that again in a hurry." Harry said.

"Oh I don't know, I rather enjoyed that." Draco said, smirking.

"You would." Harry rolled his eyes. "You were groping Ginny most of the time! And as her friend, I have to object to that." Harry said jokingly. "Don't you agree, Ron?"

"Agree about what?" He suddenly said, having not heard anything they were talking about.

"If you would stop moping after Bellabitch for a minute and listen," Harry said, exasperated. "You would know that Draco was groping Ginny the whole time they were dancing."

"Oh." Ron said blankly. "As long as she's happy," He eventually shrugged.

"I like this new Ron!" Ginny said enthusiastically.

"Me too," Hermione agreed. "Is there anyway to make this permanent, Severus?" She asked hopefully.

"Perhaps… with extensive research." He drawled, and everybody could see the cogs whirring in his mind.

"Let's not talk business." Harry interjected. "Severus, as much as I love you now, you're still really boring when you're talking about potions." He yawned, although the yawn was an honest one.

"Harry James Potter!" Severus hissed.

"I hate it when people do that." Harry muttered. "If you call me by my full name again, I'll start calling you Dad, I did warn you." Harry warned again.

Severus spluttered for a moment, but gave up.

"OH MY GOD!" Harry screamed suddenly, causing everyone to look at him, and Voldemort to come up next to him.

"Is something the matter?" Voldemort asked quickly, trying to covertly check Harry over to make sure he was unharmed.

"I just had a really weird thought. If Severus adopted me, and then he and Hermione got married, Hermione would be my step-mother." He cringed.

Hermione blushed at the implication.

"You screamed just for that?" Voldemort said furiously. "Not to mention the fact you said _those_ words again, haven't I told you all to stop saying that?" He seethed.

"Were you worried about me?" Harry teased.

"Not really." Voldemort said coldly. "However, as your best friend, something that affects you will undoubtedly affect me."

"So you were looking out for number one." Harry said knowingly.

"Of course." Voldemort said proudly.

"I think, a wise course of action would be to continue the game." Severus said sagely.

"I suppose." Harry yawned again. "Everyone back to the circle then." Everybody hurried back and resumed their previous positions. The only changes being that Draco had his right hand on Ginny's thigh, and Ron had shuffled closer to Bellatrix.

"It's my turn, and you better hope it doesn't land on you Ginny," Hermione seethed, trying to be angry with her.

"Oh come off it, Hermione. You loved dancing with Professor Snape. I don't know why though," She said, and scrunched up her nose at the thought.

Hermione mumbled something unintelligible, but reached out and spun the bottle, which landed on Draco.

"Truth or dare?"

"Truth." He said quickly.

"If you were a woman for a day, what would you do? And describe it, in full detail." Hermione questioned.

"Oh yeah!" Harry grinned. "Hang on, where did you get that one from? I didn't teach it to you…" Harry trailed off suspiciously.

Hermione just looked at him incredulously.

"I'd get up, and then wait until all the other girls had gone." Draco started. "Then I'd read all of their diaries to see what they said about me."

"Draco! That's so evil." Ginny chastised.

"It's something you'd do." Harry interjected and he and Voldemort started sniggering.

"I can just imagine the girl doing that," Voldemort started. "I can almost imagine her swapping all of the diaries around." He added as an afterthought.

"That sounds like Ginny," Harry laughed. "I bet she'd write things in the diaries…" Harry started before Voldemort cut him off.

"And then post them around the school." Voldemort finished, and Harry laughed harder.

"Stop picking on me!" Ginny wailed. "It's not fair! You two are like an eviler version of Fred and George."

"Thank you!" Harry said cheerfully, and bowed his head.

"You want us to be compared to those… beasts?" Voldemort sneered.

"How do you even know-" Harry started to question, before Bellatrix growled deeply, attracting the groups attention.

"Perhaps Bellatrix will tell you the tale if you ask her nicely." Voldemort said, smirking.

"Come on! Tell us!" Draco whined.

"Don't hold back now, Tom, what happened?" Harry pressed.

"It is her tale to tell." He said coldly.

"Well, at least we all have a truth question to ask her." Harry sighed. "Carry on Draco."

Draco rolled his eyes. "Then I'd go in the girls prefect bathroom." He said tentatively.

"And then?" Hermione questioned.

"And then the day would be up, so that's it." He blushed.

Ginny scowled.

"He is his fathers son." Severus said indifferently.

"I can see Lucius doing that." Hermione agreed, throwing the two blondes a dirty look.

"Lucy _did_ do that." Bellatrix added in, smugly.

"Too much information!" Harry interjected.

"Draco, spin the bottle before Harry becomes hysterical." Voldemort commanded.

"Yes, My Lord." Draco said quickly, and then reached out and spun the bottle, which landed on Severus.

Draco grinned.

"Truth or dare?"

"Dare." Severus said bravely.

Draco thought for a moment. "Harry…" He started.

"No." Harry said firmly, a glowered at Draco.

"Fine!" Draco said loudly. "I dare you to… speak in rhymes for five turns." Draco finished confidently.

"This should be funny!" Ron sniggered. "Don't you think Bella?" He asked hopefully.

"I think you should be tortured, and I'm more than happy to do it." She seethed.

Ron just sighed and continued to gaze at her.

"That's a clever dare, Draco." Ginny said approvingly.

"Thanks." He blushed.

"Ok, enough of the blushing." Hermione interrupted.

"Says the girl who blushes every time Severus so much as says one word to her." Harry rolled his eyes, and Hermione looked sheepish.

"Speaking of Severus," Harry said, and looked over to the potions master, who was keeping his mouth firmly shut. "It's your turn."

Severus scowled and spun the bottle, which landed on Bellatrix.

"Truth or dare? And Draco, I'm going to torture you for this, I swear!" Severus raged.

Everybody but Severus and Bellatrix sniggered.

"Dare." She said eventually, knowing that if she said truth, they'd all ask her about those Weasley beasts.

"I dare you to tell the Dark Lord why Pettigrew is terrified of you," Severus sneered and then remembered he had to rhyme. "And don't tell him anything untrue." Severus finished quickly, and inwardly cringed.

"That was _bad_." Harry sniggered.

"Be quiet Harry," He snapped, and realized his mistake. "Now come on Bella, don't tarry?"

"Nice save." Ron said approvingly.

"Why is he terrified of you?" Voldemort asked, addressing Bellatrix.

"I caught the rat muttering to himself how much he liked my chest. I tortured him and said that the Dark Lord wouldn't like him looking at his property." Bellatrix finished, and looked at Voldemort hopefully.

Voldemort just sat there.

"Go on Tom, do you like Wormtail looking at your property?" Harry teased.

"You shouldn't talk about yourself like that," Ron said to Bellatrix. "You are so much more than property!" Ron insisted. "Although, you do have a great chest!" He added cheekily.

"Ronald Weasley!" Hermione shrieked.

"I'm only being honest," Ron winked at Bellatrix, who was pointedly ignoring him and still looking hopefully at Voldemort.

"It is not my property." Voldemort announced coldly. "And it never will be." He finished.

Bellatrix's bottom lip quivered.

"Don't go upsetting her like that!" Ron growled. "You _ever_ speak to her, or about her, like that again, and I'll bloody kill you." He spat.

Nobody said a word.

After a minute of absolute silence, Harry was courageous enough to speak.

"Tom?" He asked tentatively.

"You may say it." Voldemort said blankly.

"Oh. My. God." Harry breathed.

"I can't believe Ron just threatened to kill Lord Voldemort," Hermione said quietly. "Severus, has somebody slipped him a love potion or something?" Severus closed his eyes.

"Pass me the potions, and I shall check, and don't leave the pile in a wreck." He eventually said, this time remembering to rhyme.

Hermione stood up and went over to where the potions were, and started searching.

"You have a love potion?" Lucius asked suddenly.

"I was experimenting to see whether I could make love potions work on the first person the drinker sees." Severus trailed off trying to think of a rhyme. "I accomplished it with my expertise." He said confidently.

"This rhyme thing is already doing my head in." Harry moaned.

"And it's not even you doing the rhyming. You are a very empathic person, Harry." Voldemort said sarcastically.

"Oh yes," Harry began smirking, he'd thought of the perfect retort. "That's why whenever you look at Bellabitch, I can feel the love radiating from you." He said sarcastically. "I'm very empathic, like you said." He smiled.

Harry looked over to where Bellatrix was, expecting to see a death glare, instead she looked hopeful. Harry was confused for a moment, before realizing Bellatrix hadn't heard his subtle sarcastic voice properly before.

'_Bellatrix thinks I was being honest.' _Harry hissed in Parseltongue.

'_She is delusional.' _Voldemort hissed back, disdain lacing his tone.

"I bet he's telling him off." Draco said loudly, and Ginny and Ron furiously nodded in agreement.

'_I'll leave you to tell her then.' _Harry smirked. _'Consider it a… when is your birthday?' _Harry suddenly questioned.

'_Thirty first of December. Why?' _Voldemort asked curiously.

'_Consider it a late birthday present then. You'll have to return the favor if I'm still alive for my birthday.' _Harry teased.

'_All well and good, but what is an early birthday present?' _Voldemort pressed.

'_Do you have short-term memory loss? Telling Bellabitch I was being sarcastic.' _Harry rolled his eyes.

'_A most satisfactory present then.' _Voldemort drawled mockingly. _'Truly, this must have cost you an absolute fortune.'_

'_Oh yes, my entire fortune, actually.'_ Harry responded, equally as sarcastic, and both he and Voldemort smirked.

"Ha! You lose!" Hermione called out victoriously, while he had been speaking to Voldemort, she had found the potion, and returned it to Severus, who was now checking it intently.

"What's going on?" Harry questioned.

"We were taking bets on whether he was telling you off, or being sarcastic with you." Draco complained. "Ron, Ginny and I bet the former." He said bitterly.

"Well, I'm pleased we are both such amusement to you." Voldemort said sarcastically, but with an accompanying death glare.

"Forget about it," Harry said quickly. "Did someone slip Ron a love potion or not?"

"That would be the only logical explanation for his… desire." Lucius sneered at Bellatrix, who was still looking hopeful.

"Or perhaps they are destined for each other?" Voldemort said mockingly.

"Don't tell me you believe in all that soul mate crap?" Harry guffawed.

"You do not?"

"Like hell I do." Harry huffed. "Can we just get back to what we were doing, please?" Harry said impatiently.

"I haven't taken any love potions!" Ron insisted. "Bellatrix is the most beautiful woman in the world, how can any of you not desire her?" He questioned angrily.

"Please tell me some of the potion is missing…" Harry muttered.

"Unfortunately, it is all there. This is the strange behavior to do with the prison, which is making him care." Severus said dejectedly.

"Hey, you managed to rhyme without trying then, it must be coming natural to you." Harry laughed.

Severus scowled at him.

"See! I told you." Ron said proudly, and then turned to Bellatrix. "My love for you is totally the real deal." He purred. "You'll love me in time." He said to her, smiling.

"I'll love you when you're screaming in pain and begging me to let you die," She said cuttingly.

"If that's what it takes." Ron sighed dreamily.

"This is getting too weird." Harry muttered. "Tom, make Bellabitch take her turn." Bellatrix looked to Voldemort, and still carried that hopeful gleam in her eye. "And put her out of her misery already." Harry moaned.

"She'll be more miserable now." Lucius murmured, and Draco nodded. "Whatever you do Draco, do not tell your mother Harry Potter was the one to finally convince our Lord to tell Bellatrix to fuck off." Lucius finished and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Language!" Harry mockingly chastised. "But seriously, Tom, just do it." Harry sighed.

"Bellatrix." Lord Voldemort started.

"My Lord?"

"Contrary to what my best friend thinks, I'm not sorry to say, that I do not, and will never love you." He said coldly.

"Cruel Tom, cruel." Harry said, shaking his head.

Ron glowered at Voldemort, before trying to embrace Bellatrix.

"Now look what you've done." Harry sniggered as Bellatrix kept pushing Ron off her.

"Her delusions did that to her." Voldemort said indifferently. "Bellatrix, you may still win my favor, now take your turn." He instructed, and with one last dirty look at Harry, she reached out and spun the bottle, which landed on Lucius.

"Truth or dare?"

"Truth."

Bellatrix thought for a moment. "Have you ever disobeyed our Lord's orders?" She finally asked.

"Yes, I have avoided several raids he instructed me to be a part of, because I didn't feel like going." Lucius cringed as soon as the words fell from his mouth.

"You… disobeyed me?" Voldemort said darkly.

"Calm down, Tom." Harry said to his friend. "Just torture him later, when you've killed us all." Harry said cheerfully, and Voldemort settled on sending many a death glare to his second in command.

"My turn then." Lucius said sheepishly, and spun the bottle, which landed on Harry.

"Truth or-"

"Dare!" Harry said quickly.

Ginny whispered something in Draco's ear, who then whispered something in Lucius's ear.

"Hermione, do you have any sugar in that satchel?" He eventually asked.

Hermione reached out to where her satchel was, and starting looking inside of it. After a moment, she pulled out a half bag of sugar.

"Do you have everything in there? Apart from the clothes that you wear?" Severus asked from her side.

"I like to be prepared!" She said defensively.

"And what does the sugar prepare you for?" Voldemort asked sardonically.

"Making emergency tea." She insisted.

"Do you have a whole kitchen secreted in there?" Bellatrix asked her, disdainfully.

"No. I couldn't fit the sink in." Hermione responded sarcastically.

"She's learning!" Harry said approvingly. "Severus is a good influence on her." He smiled. "Why did you want sugar anyway?" He asked Lucius.

"I dare you to eat as much sugar as you can." Lucius declared.

"Who the hell taught you that one?" Harry asked incredulously, and then he remembered the whispering beforehand.

"Ginny." He growled. He was getting rather annoyed with her.

"It was me." She said proudly. "Now just do it."

"This is going to end horribly." Hermione cringed.

"Why? Surely it is no worse than… eating a pie?" Severus cringed again.

"You're terrible at rhyming," Hermione giggled. "And anyway, even if Harry only has a bit of sugar, he gets high on it." She shuddered as a bad memory came back to her.

"Oh no…" Severus muttered quietly under his breath, this time getting away without rhyming.

"Pass me a spoon and the sugar then." Harry sighed.

"I don't think you should do this." Voldemort stated from his side, as Lucius passed him what he asked for.

"I have a choice do I?" Harry retorted.

"When you become sick, don't expect me to come and clean up after you." He shook his head.

"That's fine. When you finally learn how to shed your skin, don't expect sympathy presents or hugs." Harry warned, and took a big spoonful of sugar, and shoved it into his mouth.

"Go Harry!" Ron called out. "You should be more enthusiastic, Bella." He said softly.

"I will _never_ be enthusiastic about that little-"

"Bellatrix." Voldemort growled warningly. "Do not finish that sentence if you value your continued existence."

"I'm sorry, My Lord." She bowed her head, and look remorseful. A look that was instantly dispelled as Ron shuffled closer to her again.

"You know, I'm going to try every compliment in the world until I find one you like." Ron informed her.

"You do that." She said blankly.

"I will." Ron said proudly. "Let's start with, I should send an owl to the Veela council, they've lost their most attractive member."

"Have they now." She said indifferently, trying to ignore him.

"Of course they have, because you're right here in front of me." Bellatrix snorted. "No? You don't like that one either? Bill taught me that one." Ron pouted.

"Harry, just eat more sugar so we can move on." Hermione complained.

Harry did as he was told and shoveled another spoon full of sugar into his mouth.

"Ron keeps giving Bellabitch compliments." Ginny said, trying to hint at Draco to say something nice about her.

"They are not welcome." Bellatrix seethed.

"Oh come on! The Veela one was a good one." Ron teased.

"Ron and Aunt Bella are funny." Draco sniggered, and Harry shoved another spoonful in his mouth.

"-You really think that?" Hermione's voice suddenly said, attracting most people's attention.

She was blushing and Severus was whispering in her ear.

"Oi! You two!" Harry said, mouth full of sugar. "If you're going to talk dirty, say it out loud so I can hear it!" He complained.

"Just eat the sugar." Voldemort growled.

"Fine, fine!" Harry stated, and continued eating.

"Did Professor Snape just pay you a compliment?" Ginny asked Hermione accusingly.

"Maybe, maybe not." She said cryptically, trying to hide the heat in her cheeks.

"Your godfather seems to be good at compliments." Ginny said to Draco, being less subtle this time.

"I'm rather surprised. He has not paid anybody a compliment in a long time." Lucius sneered.

"Don't fight." Harry interjected again, shoving more sugar in his mouth.

"Bella, tell me what kind of compliment you would like." Ron whined.

"Your head on a plate, compliments of the rest of the Death Eaters." She snarled, and went back to sulking.

"Ron is making a real effort to make Bellabitch feel wanted." Ginny insisted again, getting exasperated with him for not getting the hint.

"I still can't believe that love potion was untouched." Draco noted. "Had enough yet, Harry?" He asked, smirking and completely ignoring Ginny's huff.

"Nope!" Harry cried happily, taking yet another spoonful of sugar.

"He is going to be _so_ hyper and he'll act really weird again." Hermione moaned.

"Come on, it'll be fun." Draco prodded.

"No it bloody won't." Hermione moaned, and then yawned, running her fingers through her hair.

"You know, I never noticed before, you actually have quite nice hair." Draco said thoughtfully.

"Oh so, Hermione gets a compliment, but not me." Ginny huffed.

"What are you on about?" Draco asked, confused.

"She means she wishes for you pay her a compliment." Lucius drawled, sounding bored. "I might I suggest that you pay her one? Before she destroys the room in her scorn."

"Ginny… your…" Draco trailed off awkwardly.

"Yes?" She prompted.

"Severus?" Draco asked hurriedly, and Ginny looked annoyed.

"Yes? And always remember, sometimes more is less?" Severus rhymed awkwardly.

"I'm still sick of that." Harry mumbled, and took more sugar, starting to feel sick.

"What should I compliment Ginny on?" Draco asked his godfather pleadingly.

"You're asking Professor Snape how to compliment me, right in front of me?" Ginny asked darkly.

"You wanted a compliment," Draco shrugged.

"I doubt Draco is going to be the most attentive boyfriend in the world." Hermione laughed, and even Ron took a moment to snigger, before going back to attempting to compliment Bellatrix.

"Hey! I can be attentive." Draco said defensively.

Lucius yawned. "Draco, just tell her you like something about her." Lucius complained.

"Ginny… you have…a nice arse?" Draco asked unsurely.

"You don't sound very sure of that." Ginny said spitefully, and Draco sighed.

"I can't win!" He groaned.

"Welcome to the world of dating." Harry said, and filled the spoon with sugar once more, before hovering it in front of his mouth.

"I'm starting to feel funny." Harry said meekly, before moving to eat the sugar.

Before he could blink, Voldemort had snatched the spoon away from him. "That's quite enough of that." He said forcefully. "Now it's your turn."

Harry rubbed his stomach, and reached out and spun the bottle, which landed on Ron.

"Truth or dare?"

Ron thought for a moment. "Dare." He said enthusiastically.

"I dare you to…snog Bellabitch." Harry finished.

"YES!" Ron screamed. "Oh yeah! Harry, I bloody love you!"

"Steady on." Harry said holding his hands up.

"I refuse to kiss this… this…" Bellatrix spluttered.

"Weasel?" Voldemort interjected.

"Idiot?" Hermione put in.

"Bastard?" Ginny said smugly.

"Freckled carrot." Bellatrix finished.

"Tom," Harry started in a whiney voice.

"I'm already doing it." Voldemort muttered to his friend. "Bellatrix, allow the Weasel to finish his dare."

"Yes, My Lord." Bellatrix, said, scrunching up her face in disgust at the very prospect.

"Like.. This is going to be so… weird." Harry said in a funny voice.

"What's wrong with him?" Voldemort demanded immediately.

"Sugar is like a muggle drug to Harry." Hermione explained. "He suffers some… strange effects."

"And you failed to mention this?" Voldemort seethed.

"Hey, leave off Hermione… she's too wrapped up in potions boy." Harry continued, twitching slightly.

"He could be like this for hours now." Hermione groaned.

"Just how many hours, until his mood sours?" Severus asked.

"Could be anything from five minutes, to five hours." Hermione sighed. "I have no idea how long, it's random."

"You know, I'm right here, and I can see you purple people talking about me!" Harry raged.

"Purple people?" Voldemort asked incredulously.

"Can't you see them Tom?" He asked worriedly, inclining his head towards Severus and Hermione.

"I can see them just fine, Harry." Voldemort reassured him.

"Good, because the yellow and red people wouldn't be happy about that." Harry said happily.

"Yes, Harry." Voldemort said patronizingly.

"I'm waiting to do my dare." Ron said impatiently.

"Ok, but be careful, she's only after your money." Harry warned.

"What money?" Lucius snorted.

"The magic money made of glass." Harry informed him and then looked thoughtful. "You know, I had this plant."

"A plant?" Lucius sighed.

"Yeah, I called it Lucius and it died." Harry said morosely. "I want Lucius." He pouted.

"I thought you said the plant died?" Draco questioned.

"I had a plant?" Harry asked, confused.

"Thanks a lot, Lucius." Hermione seethed. "Now we have to deal with a sugar-high Harry." Hermione said crossly. "Last time, he went up to Dumbledore and said he had a lovely beard." She cringed.

"What else did he do?" Voldemort asked, amused.

"Well-" Hermione started, but was cut off by an impatient noise from Ron.

"I'll tell you after he does this stupid dare." Hermione rolled her eyes.

"Finally." Ron moaned, and then turned to Bellatrix. "I'm going to give you the kiss of your life." He grinned.

"If only you were a Dementor, I might be fine with kissing you then." She said cuttingly.

"I love it when you insult me," Ron purred.

"I love it when I insult you too." She said sarcastically.

"They have something in common." Hermione snorted.

"Are you going to call me Ronnie-poo?" Ron asked hopefully, ignoring Hermione entirely.

"If that's what you want, I'm perfectly sure she will." Voldemort interjected, and wore a smug smirk at Bellatrix's horrified expression.

"Of course. Ronnie-poo." Bellatrix said through gritted teeth.

"Shouldn't you two be kissing already?" Harry said suspiciously.

"Yeah." Ron grinned, and moved to grab Bellatrix.

Suddenly Harry felt himself being turned around on the spot, so he was facing away from the couple.

"Hey! Tom!" Harry complained.

"Trust me, I believe you'd rather not see this." He said sympathetically.

Suddenly, all Harry could hear was "Ewwwww!" And two snorts.

"I don't think the red, yellow and purple people are happy." Harry laughed.

"No, I think they're rather disgusted." Voldemort said knowingly, and then when the rest of the group stopped making noises, Voldemort turned both Harry and himself back around.

"That was absolutely disgusting." Draco cringed.

"A bit like your skill at compliments." Ginny huffed.

"Hey! I said you had a nice arse." Draco argued.

"Tom, stop the red and yellow people arguing." Harry whined.

"Why does he refer to everyone as colors?" Lucius questioned.

"I have no idea. I seem to be purple." Hermione sighed.

"Harry," Voldemort began, and the brat in question looked at him. "What color am I?"

Harry studied his friend for a moment. "You don't have any color, you're just Tom." He shrugged. "You look like a snake, no need for colors." He added thoughtfully.

"You seem to be getting better at insulting people." Voldemort said, almost approvingly.

"Ron seems to be getting worse at compliments." Harry noted, ignoring Voldemort.

"Bella, If I had a flower for every time you made me smile, I'd have to have a _really_ big garden." He said seductively.

"Really." She said, sounding both bored and annoyed.

"Yeah…" Ron sighed dreamily. "My turn!" He squeaked, and reached out and spun the bottle, which landed on Hermione.

"Truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"Hold on." Voldemort interrupted. "You never told me what Harry did." He noted.

"I don't like talking about it." She said tentatively.

"No, you have to tell him, Hermione!" Harry said urgently. "He can keep the elephants away!"

"Oh yeah… the elephants…" Hermione trailed off awkwardly.

"Be extra quiet, because there's one next to Draco." Harry said warningly, pointing at Ginny.

"WHAT?" She shrieked.

"Be quiet." Voldemort growled. "Now, tell me what he did." He demanded.

"We went into Dumbledore's office." Hermione started. "He started telling him what a nice beard he had. Dumbledore said something to him, and Harry started singing twinkle twinkle little star. Although he changed the word star, to eye and made the lyrics insulting." Hermione said, going bright red. "Dumbledore thought you'd invaded his mind, and took him to the hospital wing." Hermione cringed. "Then he started yelling "Green people!" Whenever a Slytherin came in."

Everyone, even Bellatrix was sniggering now.

"Twinkle, twinkle Dumblewhore's eye, how I wonder how often you pry. Like an arsehole thinking your above, how I'd like nothing more than to give you a shove." Harry sang.

"That's enough." Voldemort said, raising a hand.

"And you have no idea how long this will last?" Draco asked Hermione, pleadingly.

"I'm sorry, blame Lucius." She pointed at the man in question. "And this is only stage one."

"Oh believe me, I do." Voldemort interjected scathingly, and even Lucius, being the Malfoy that he is, gulped. "Stage one?"

"Stage one." Hermione repeated. "Next, he'll go back to normal, but speak really quickly. Then, he'll go completely back to normal, without the symptoms of a crash." Hermione informed him. "He'll probably be sick though." She said knowingly.

"Whose turn is it?" Harry questioned, ignoring the fact that Hermione was talking about him.

"Hermione picked truth." Ginny said, scowling.

"Yeah, truth." Hermione repeated.

"What do you like most about Professor Snape?" Ron asked innocently.

"Red people are weird." Harry complained. "Especially the slutty one, and she's really two-faced." He commented idly, and Ginny spluttered.

"Draco! Stick up for me!" She demanded.

"He kind of has a point." Draco said sheepishly.

"The sugar seems to be reacting with the Veritaserum, making him blurt out whatever comes into his head." Lucius noted, amused.

"This is going to end in many a tear, I fear." Severus rolled his eyes at the rhyme and was glad this one would be the last.

Hermione sighed and looked over at Ginny. She has a wicked gleam in her eye, and an evil smile on her lips. Hermione's eyes narrowed, until Voldemort dragged her out of her thoughts.

"It would be a wise course of action to answer your question." He said, obviously becoming exasperated with the whole situation.

"I can't even remember the question," Hermione said, yawning again.

"What do you like most about Professor Snape?" Ron repeated.

"I like his voice!" Hermione said immediately. "It' so sexy, and deep and…" She sighed dreamily.

"I'm glad you find my voice so… enthralling." Severus purred in her ear, with her answer, his dare to rhyme for five turns now finished.

"Oi! Stop whispering, because it's like, so unfair, and it's weird and random and horrible so yeah stop it, and Ron that was a bloody terrible truth question, next time think of something different!" Harry said quickly.

"Here we go, stage two. Verbal diarrhea." Hermione sighed.

"I deeply regret daring him to eat the sugar." Lucius shuddered.

"Well, he seems to be going through the stages faster than usual." Hermione noted. "Anyway, my turn." She reached out and spun the bottle, which landed on Voldemort.

"Truth or dare?"

"Truth."

Hermione looked nervously around the room. "Do you have an Animagus form?"

"I do." He said blankly.

"What is it?" Harry piped up, intrigued.

"That wasn't part of the question." Voldemort smirked.

"I bet it's a kitten!" Harry said happily. "I like kittens, kittens are cute and cuddly." Harry rambled.

"It's not a kitten!" Voldemort raged.

"I don't believe you! Maybe it's a puppy!" Harry said excitedly.

"Harry spin the bottle for me." Voldemort instructed, and Harry, while still babbling about puppies, reached out and spun the bottle, which landed on a scheming Ginny.

"- I always wanted a brown one, because they'd be like so adorable and-" Everybody pointedly tuned Harry out.

"Truth or dare?" Voldemort sneered.

"Truth."

"Tom, don't ask her about the chamber of secrets, because that's boring." Harry interjected quickly.

Voldemort scowled. Now he had to think of another question. Bloody brat. Harry seemed to sense his annoyance.

'_Tom, you should totally ask her what the most dramatic and weirdest thing she's ever done for attention is, that will be funny, and so much better than something in second year.' _Harry babbled in Parseltongue.

"I understood about half of that." Voldemort said, frowning.

"I can't even remember what I said!" Harry laughed.

"Lord Voldemort, can you just ask me a question, please?" Ginny huffed.

Voldemort glared at her, before remembering what Harry said.

"What is the most dramatic thing you've ever done for attention?"

"It'll be the time she pretended to faint in potions." Severus sneered.

"Oh I remember that!" Ron cried out enthusiastically. "You'll laugh at this Bella." He grinned to the sulking woman at the side of him.

"She doesn't laugh, she cackles." Lucius said smugly. "Ginerva cackles very much in the same way." He said to Draco.

"I know." Draco groaned, and Ginny scowled at him.

"Perhaps she isn't as bad for Drakey-poo as I thought." Bellatrix teased.

"Can I answer the damn question now?" Ginny raged.

"Please do." Severus drawled.

"It was in potions-" Ginny began.

"I knew it." Severus snarled.

"Anyway. This bitchy Slytherin girl bet me I couldn't get Connor to pay attention to me."

"Who's Connor?" Lucius asked accusingly.

"Some Gryffindor boy." Ginny shrugged.

"He's gay!" Harry grinned.

"I know that _now_." Ginny huffed. "So I sent him a love note, which he ignored." She pouted. "I drew a lewd picture, which he ignored." She said crossly, and then yawned.

"All this yawning is becoming very annoying." Voldemort muttered. "No doubt the prison will conjure beds soon." Ginny looked annoyed, and continued telling the story, even though Harry and Voldemort were not listening.

"Good, I'm tired." Harry yawned again. "I feel fine now!" He informed his best friend.

"That's good. You were becoming bothersome." Voldemort smirked.

"How bothersome?" Harry pressed cheekily.

"I was considering trying to find a way to gag you." Voldemort said seriously.

"I sent someone to tell him I liked him, and he still ignored me." Ginny said heatedly.

"And then what?" Draco pressed.

"The Slytherin girl was getting too smug, so I pretended to faint." She said, throwing a sheepish look at Severus.

"And then Severus gave her detention for three months." Harry laughed.

"Why?" Voldemort questioned.

"Because, as the boy in question knelt next to her, and tried to revive her-" Severus started.

"Muggleborn." Harry informed Voldemort.

"She sat up and kissed him. Right in front of me." Severus finished furiously.

"And then Connor ran off and Professor Snape screamed at me." Ginny mumbled.

Draco, Hermione, Ron and Harry burst out laughing. While Lucius and Bellatrix sniggered.

"I still can't believe she did that in front of you." Harry smirked.

"Nor could I." Severus drawled, sending a glare Ginny's way.

"It's my turn." Ginny said hurriedly, and reached out and spun the bottle, which landed on Harry again.

"Truth or dare?" She asked, still scheming in her mind for the brilliant revenge.

"Truth." Harry said confidently.

"What do you and the other boys in Gryffindor _really _think of me?" She asked hopefully.

"We all think you're the biggest slut in the school, and we all have a betting pool who you'll bed next." Harry blurted out.

"You…you…" Ginny raged, and then turned to Draco. "Tell me the truth." She demanded, using the improved Veritaserum to her advantage.

"Of course." Draco said nervously, while Severus, Lucius and Hermione were sniggering in the background.

"Do you think that in Slytherin as well?" She asked angrily.

"We all think exactly the same everywhere." Draco squeaked.

"Seamus once drew a picture of you as a red bicycle with a face." Harry piped up, bravely taking the heat away from Draco.

Ginny turned and saw red, stood up and began approaching Harry.

Harry squealed girlishly and hid behind Voldemort. "You'll look after me, right Tom?" He said hopefully, as Ginny stopped, unsure of the situation.

"I suppose so." Voldemort said coldly, glaring at Ginny, who turned tail and went back to her seat, trying to think of an even crueler revenge.

Voldemort yawned, and on doing so, there was a loud bang, and four double beds and one single bed appeared in the room.

"I want the single." Harry said immediately, and everyone started eyeing up which bed they wanted.

"Actually, the bed locks to whoever touches it first and you can only swap if both people are willing. So might I suggest-" Voldemort explained and started to advise them, but everyone made a mad dash for the beds.

"Childish brats." Voldemort muttered, standing up.

Lucius had beaten Harry to the single bed, and was preening furiously, while Harry was trying to argue with him. Severus and Hermione had grabbed a double, with Severus also looking very smug. Draco was sitting on another double, trying to coax Ginny into sitting with him, and finally, Bellatrix was sat on the third double, pushing Ron away.

"-Lucius! I have no one to double with now! Who the hell am I supposed to sleep with? Ron?" Harry snorted. "He's a bit too preoccupied with Bellabitch."

"In case it has escaped your notice, I don't have a bed either." Voldemort scowled.

Harry turned around, and both and he Voldemort looked at each other, and then the final double bed.

"Tom," Harry started. "I want to join you, when this is finished." Harry said confidently.

Voldemort staggered at the shock, and blinked. When he opened his eyes Harry was already laying on the bed, grinning like an idiot.

"I am a fool for falling for that one." Voldemort said darkly.

"Damn right." Harry laughed.

"You always have a place in _my_ bed, My Lord." Bellatrix said seductively, while still pushing Ron away.

"You shall be sleeping with the Weasel." Voldemort commanded indifferently, and Bellatrix was so shocked, she didn't notice Ron climbing into the bed beside her.

"Yes, My Lord." She eventually mumbled.

"-Ginny, there's no where else for you to sleep." Draco argued.

"I'd rather sleep on the floor than with you." She seethed.

"But all I want is to wake up next to your beautiful face." Draco said softly.

"Don't tell me she's going to fall for that." Harry snorted, as Voldemort approached his bed.

"Draco, that's so sweet." Ginny cooed and laid down on the bed with Draco. She'd forgive Draco, of course, but Harry was another matter entirely. She still planned to execute her revenge on him.

"These bed's aren't very comfortable." Harry noted, bouncing on his slightly.

"It's not supposed to be." Voldemort rolled his eyes. "It's an automatic prison, in case you've forgotten." He informed him, standing next to the empty side of the bed.

"And what do you think you're doing?" Harry asked accusingly.

"This is the only space left." Voldemort said blankly, like it explained everything.

Harry guffawed. "Well, you are _definitely_ not sleeping with me." Harry said defiantly.

"I don't want to sleep with you, merely occupy one side of the bed." Voldemort argued.

"That's good, but I still don't want to sleep in the same bed." Harry insisted. "Go order Lucius out of his bed."

"That won't work, he wouldn't actually want to give it up to me." Voldemort countered.

"Then order Bellabitch out of hers."

"And sleep with the Weasel?" Voldemort snorted.

"You'll have to sleep on the floor then." Harry said stubbornly.

There was no way the brat would move on his own. Voldemort inwardly thought, he'd have to use his Slytherin cunning…

"But… it's cold on the floor. I am seventy one years old you know." Voldemort said quietly.

"In a new body." Harry reminded him, climbing into the bed and making a show of himself getting comfortable.

'That didn't go so well.' Voldemort thought to himself and frowned, he'd have to take a different approach.

"I thought we were best friends. Surely you can extend that to offering me one side of the bed?" He asked accusingly.

"Awww, Tom, we are friends!" Harry smiled. "But you're still not coming in the bed."

This was just ridiculous. He shouldn't be having this much trouble getting Harry to let him in the bed.

Harry could see Voldemort was deep in thought. 'Probably scheming on how he'll get me to let him share the bed.' Harry mused to himself, and took the moment of peace to sit up again and look around.

Severus and Hermione were in the bed, and she was snuggled up against him. Harry smiled inwardly at this, it was nice to see Hermione happy. Draco and Ginny were also inside the bed, although they weren't touching. Which, Harry thought, was probably for the best. Lucius was already asleep, to Harry's surprise, and Bellatrix was almost falling off the bed as Ron tried to hold onto her.

Harry couldn't help it, he laughed right out loud. Ron was going to get his memories back in the morning, that was going to be fun. Not.

"Tom, are you going to stand there glowering at me all night?" Harry finally said, staring at his friend.

"No. I suppose I'll have to sleep on the floor." This was a long-shot, and Voldemort knew it. But here went nothing: Voldemort put on his best hurt feelings look, a look, which admittedly, he hadn't used for a _very_ long time.

Voldemort looked hurt, and Harry immediately felt guilty.

Voldemort turned to go off somewhere. "Tom, wait." Harry called out, attracting everybody's attention.

"Yes?" Voldemort asked hopefully.

"Promise me you'll keep your hands to yourself, and you can have the other side." Harry grudgingly admitted.

"I promise."

"Swear on your magic." Harry insisted.

"I swear on my magic." Voldemort repeated, and climbed in beside Harry, who shuffled right to the other end of the bed, and turned to face away from him.

"No wandering hands." Harry growled again.

"No wandering hands." Voldemort repeated.

"Good." Harry said firmly. "Good night, Ron!" He called out.

"Night Harry!" Ron replied happily.

"Severus?" Harry called out.

"Yes?" The potions master answered.

"Don't have sex with Hermione, I'd rather not hear my honorary sister lose her virginity." Harry called out, and Harry could hear Hermione spluttering.

"I'm not quite sure how I'm supposed to respond to that." Severus admitted after a moment.

Harry sniggered quietly.

"And they say I'm evil." Voldemort chuckled.

"Just shut up and go to sleep." Harry said teasingly, before heeding his own advice and succumbing to slumber himself.

**I hope you've all enjoyed the chapter. ****Good news is I'm back on schedule! So, you can expect to wait around five days, or a week at the most to find out how Ron feels after getting his memories back, and waking up next to Bellatrix! Or I might be able to update if I get a lot of reviews, but otherwise, a week at the most.**

**Huge thanks to everyone who has reviewed, put this on their favorite's or has this on alert, you guys are all amazing!**

**Just as a warning, there won't be as much truth or dare in the next chapter, due to Ginny taking a very cruel revenge on Harry, and everybody having to deal with that.**

**Please, leave a review letting me know what you think!**


	10. Liquid Love

**A/N: This is in no way to be taken seriously, written purely from a crazy dream I had! Will contain: Stupidity, Ron-Bashing, Ron being incredibly and repeatedly stupid, a hormonal Hermione, a raging Ginny, slight Ginny bashing, Dumbledore bashing, extreme silliness, a very sarcastic Harry and finally OOCness. This starts off fairly seriously, and there is an underlying story line, but it's mostly a parody, so please, enjoy!**

**Disclaimer; If Voldemort, Severus and Remus are dead, then I don't own Harry Potter or anything to do with the books, or films.**

**One last thing: If you don't like the story, don't review and just move on. Constructive criticism is always good, don't just point out a flaw, please, tell me what you think I should do to improve it. This is **_**supposed**_** to be just a laugh, so please don't tell me things like "(Insert character name here) would never do that!" or "(Insert plot moment here) happened too quickly."**

**Update: 28/6/10, someone has just left a review saying there should be a slash warning. I didn't think I needed one but here we go just in case: This contains slash. Happy now?**

**This is the penultimate chapter, there will be one more full chapter after this, and then a short epilogue.**

Ronald Weasley was waking up. He hadn't yet regained his full senses, and was only vaguely aware of the body he was forcibly holding against him. He breathed deeply as he tried to remember what had happened the night before. Had he been drinking?

No, that wasn't possible. They were in the prison still. Suddenly, it dawned on Ron, he was _actually _holding onto someone.

His first thought that came to his sleep-addled brain was Hermione. He smiled broadly. "Hermione, I knew you'd lose interest in the bat." He mumbled into the frizzy hair, snuggling closer to the body.

"If you're going to latch onto me like a parasite, at least get my name right." Bellatrix seethed. "And I've never had any interest in said bat, nobody has. The mudblood is more than welcome to him." She finished.

Ron screamed.

"ARGH!" Harry was woken by the terrified scream of Ronald Weasley. Uh-oh. He shot out of bed, pleased to see Voldemort had kept his promise of no wandering hands and hadn't held onto him as he slept.

Ron was at the other-side of the room, while everybody else was just waking up. He suddenly remembered Ron would have gotten his memories back, this was going to end badly. Ron was shaking like a leaf, until he saw Harry.

"Help! Harry!" Ron cried, running into his arms. "The mad-woman must have had her wicked way with me." He said still shaking and shivering, and Harry let him go.

"I can assure you nothing wicked went on with you." Bellatrix sneered, getting out of the bed.

"Oh brilliant, now we have to deal with the moody Ron again." Hermione sighed, trying to prise herself away from Severus's possessive arms who were not letting her go without a fight.

"What does she mean?" Ron asked fearfully. "I can't remember anything since last night!" Ron said, breathing rapidly. "She must have slipped me a love potion!" Ron screamed at Bellatrix, who was doing a mixture of rubbing her face and scowling.

"She didn't." Harry snorted, remembering all the messing about they'd done to make sure he hadn't taken the potion.

"I remember trying to punch Draco," Ron babbled, ignoring Harry.

"You were thrown back into the prison barrier, and then Tom gave you a shock." Harry explained. "Then, Bellabitch arrived, and… well you sort of fell in love with her." Harry said, realizing how ridiculous this all sounded.

"I fell in love with her?" Ron asked incredulously, but also fearfully.

"Yes, and you were happy for Ginny and Draco, and Severus and Hermione too." Harry said apologetically, and the former couple came towards them.

"Morning, Ron." Ginny said cheerfully, pointedly ignoring Harry.

"Ginny! Draco, seriously?" Ron said exasperated.

"I suggest you just get over it." Lucius sighed, coming up from nowhere. "I have to." He frowned.

Ron just rubbed his face and moaned. "Harry, you _have _to tell me everything." He insisted. "I can't deal with this!"

"I suppose…" Harry said awkwardly. He looked around to see who could help him. The first person he looked to, was of course, his best friend, but Voldemort was still fast asleep, and Harry didn't fancy waking him up right now - who knows what he'd do? So he looked for his second best friend. Who now seemed to be, surprisingly, Severus, who seemed to have won the fight and had pulled Hermione back to bed with him.

Didn't look like they were getting up anytime soon either.

"Let's sit down then." He sighed, and registered the fact he was feeling a bit sick after all the sugar he'd had last night. Lucius, Draco, Ginny and Ron all sat down.

"Lucy, you take orders from Potty now do you?" She sneered.

"Rather him than you." He muttered, and Bellatrix scowled at him.

"Look, if you don't want to sit down, fine, go back to your bed." Harry said coldly, and started to ignore her.

"Just tell me what happened." Ron said pleadingly.

"Well," Harry began awkwardly. "You sort of danced with her, and gave her compliments, and you also threatened to kill Tom if he wasn't nicer to her." Harry said quietly, and Ron looked absolutely horrified. "And you kind of kissed her." Harry mumbled. "I wonder when the slop, as Tom called it, appears." Harry wondered out loud, drowning out the sniggering noises from the rest of their small group.

Ron looked like he was about to be sick.

"I don't think Ron's feeling so well." Ginny laughed.

"Would you be?" Lucius snorted, and Ginny had to concede that.

"We can make fun of him for the rest of his life." Draco grinned evilly.

"Lets not go that far, it wasn't his fault." Harry interjected.

"Have you forgiven me, Harry?" Ron asked, hopefully.

"No. But, I'm not going to fight with you." Harry answered honestly. "I don't want to fight with you anymore."

"Awww, how sweet." Draco said mockingly.

"There's a condition." Harry interrupted.

"Anything." Ron said immediately and pleadingly.

"You have to be happy for Hermione and Severus."

Ron looked gob smacked.

"And you'll make me your best friend again?" Ron finally said.

"No. Tom is my best friend, then Severus joint with Hermione, then Draco, then Lucius, then… you I suppose." Harry said thoughtfully.

"I'm not very high on that list." Ron whined. "You're better friends with Lucius than me?"

"At the moment." Harry grinned.

"Fine." Ron grumbled. "I'm hungry." He finally complained.

"Hermione?" Harry asked in a whiney voice.

"I'm very happy here thank you!" She called out, knowing exactly what he was going to ask.

"When did that toilet stall appear in the corner?" Ginny asked nobody in particular.

Harry looked to where Ginny was pointing, and sure enough, there was a toilet stall. "Well, I'd ask Tom but he's asleep." Harry shrugged. "I suggest we just use it incase it disappears."

So for the next twenty minutes, the part of the group that was already awake, took turns to go into the stall. Nobody saw Ginny stealthily steal two potions from Severus's pile.

When Harry was done with his turn. Severus and Hermione had grudgingly gotten up, and were now sitting down.

"Good morning." Harry cried cheerfully.

"It would be if I had stopped in bed." Hermione muttered, sending a pointed glare to Lucius, who had argued with them both until they had gotten up.

Harry chuckled and then looked to his bed, where Voldemort was still fast asleep.

"I'll go wake him up then." Harry grumbled, and the rest of the group looked fearful.

Harry approached the side of the bed where Voldemort was, stuck his hands in front of his face and began to clap. "Wake up sleeping beauty!" Harry said mockingly.

"Crucio." Voldemort mumbled, swatting the hands away.

"Oh no; I'm in so much pain." Harry drawled sarcastically. "I can barely move. I doubt I'll ever walk again."

"How it should be." Voldemort grumbled, only half awake.

"Get up then." Harry groaned. Voldemort groggily opened his eyes, and sent a half-hearted death glare to Harry.

"Your heart wasn't in that." Harry chastised.

"I have a heart?"

"I think you do." Harry teased.

"I don't. Get used to it." Voldemort sneered, but got up out of the bed.

"Severus, I feel sick." Harry moaned.

"I'm sorry Harry, I don't have anything for that. I sent the batch up for the hospital wing, and didn't keep any back." Severus said apologetically. "But perhaps, you should sit with Lucius, and be sick on him." Severus smirked.

"I might just do that." Harry moaned.

"You will not." Voldemort scowled.

"Jealous?" Harry asked teasingly, while rubbing his stomach.

"Oh yes, I'm incredibly jealous. In fact, I think I might die of heart break if you didn't sit with me." Voldemort declared dramatically.

"Well, I wouldn't want you to die," Harry said thoughtfully. "So, I'll sit with you. And anyway, we established a minute ago you didn't have a heart." He said teasingly.

Suddenly, there was a sharp crack, and nine bowls of…slop, and nine glasses of water appeared in the room.

"I told you it was slop." Voldemort muttered.

"There's still some cake left!" Hermione piped up, helpfully.

"NO!" Harry yelled, and everybody looked at him. "No more sugar." He shuddered.

"Yes, I don't think we want another episode like that." Voldemort said quickly.

"Ginny, go and fetch the stuff and pass it out." Harry said off-handedly, seeing as though she was closest.

"Yes, of course I will." Ginny beamed. She got up, and eventually managed to give everybody but Harry their food and drink.

"You've forgotten somebody." Harry said playfully, hoping she wasn't holding any grudges… although he knew that the hope was fruitless.

"Oh! Sorry, Harry." Ginny smiled, and Harry started speaking in Parseltongue to Voldemort.

Everybody was too preoccupied with their food to notice Ginny emptying the contents of one of the potions bottles she stole earlier into Harry's drink. She smirked evilly, that would teach him to say she was a slut. They'd all think he was a slut after this!

She carried over his bowl and drink, and passed them to him.

"Thank you, Ginny." Harry said happily.

"How can you sound so cheerful because you've received this…" Lucius dipped his spoon into the slop, raised it above the bowl, and poured the slop back into the bowl. "Slop." He finished, with a disgusted look on his face.

"What can I say, I'm hungry." Harry chuckled.

"You are very cheerful this morning." Voldemort noted, tentatively tasting his 'food'.

"Well, since Rodolphus didn't come in the night, I'm going to presume he'll come sometime this morning. So, today is the die I die." He said with amusement.

"And you're happy about that?" Lucius spluttered, spraying slop in front of him.

"Nah, I just want to spend my last hours annoying the hell out of everyone." Harry burst out laughing.

Voldemort sighed. "Just don't include me in that list." He warned.

"Oh no, too late Tom. You've already been included." Harry grinned.

"This is going to be a bad day." Voldemort said depressively.

Ginny was getting anxious, Harry hadn't taken a drink yet.

Harry took a spoonful of the mysterious slop, and tasted it. He shrugged. "It's not that bad."

"Wait until the aftertaste hits you." Severus shuddered.

Suddenly, there was an explosion of… some kind of horrible, vile taste in his mouth. "Urgh, that's disgusting." Harry spat.

"Welcome to prison life." Draco grumbled.

"I need some water after that." Harry declared, and Ginny inwardly cheered. Harry was going to drink the water, laced with Severus's special love potion, see her, and then fall in love with her. It wouldn't last long, she knew, but he'd humiliate himself all the same. He'd basically throw himself at her, and everyone else would think he was a slut. It was the perfect revenge.

Harry reached out and grabbed the glass of water, he put it to his lips, and then did exactly what Ginny didn't want him to do. Close his eyes.

Harry was taking a deep drink. "Just don't be sick after drinking all of that water." Voldemort said from his side, causing Harry to open said eyes and look at the Dark Lord, ready to spit out some retort.

"Oh fucking hell no." Ginny breathed under her breath.

Suddenly, Voldemort didn't look so… repugnant. Harry stopped drinking and put down the glass, shocked at this new thought.

"You've gone rather pale, Harry." Voldemort said suspiciously.

Harry merely nodded meekly, still shocked at the new thoughts that were entering his mind. 'God that man is _gorgeous_.' Harry thought inwardly. 'And so powerful…' Harry smiled dreamily. 'Where the hell are these thoughts coming from?' Harry suddenly came to his senses and panicked. Something was affecting him.

Voldemort narrowed his eyes, and continued eating his slop.

Harry continued to fight the unwelcome thoughts invading his mind. The words, disgusting snake-face, were replaced with absolutely perfect.

"Harry, you're pulling some rather strange faces." Severus whispered in his right ear, Voldemort was on his left.

"Go away." Harry waved his hand dismissively in Severus's face, and shuffled closer to Voldemort.

"Is there something you wanted?" Voldemort questioned.

"I've been looking all over for you." Harry grinned, and everyone looked confused.

"I've been right here the whole time." Voldemort snorted. "What would you be looking for anyway?"

"The man of my dreams." Harry said happily. "The most gorgeous man in the room."

"So, you were looking for me then?" Lucius asked smugly.

"No, you're disgusting." Harry snorted, and returned to gazing at a _very_ confused Voldemort.

"Shot down in flames!" Draco laughed at his father.

'Well, this isn't what I had in mind, but I suppose it'll do.' Ginny thought inwardly.

"I thought you said you were looking for Lord Voldemort?" Ron asked suspiciously.

"I was." Harry insisted, and everyone gasped at the implication.

"Harry, I think you must have caught something, or maybe the sugar hasn't left your system yet." Severus mumbled, and tried checking him over.

"I'm fine!" Harry insisted, and pressed himself into Voldemort's side. "Unless _you _fancy checking me over." Harry purred.

"This is weird." Draco said blankly and then shuddered.

"Severus, do something." Hermione said, frowning.

"Harry doesn't want me to do anything." Severus said worriedly.

"You know, your eyes are simply the most wonderful shade of scarlet." Harry said seductively.

"Why, thank you." Voldemort said smugly.

"My Lord! Don't encourage him." Severus reprimanded.

"I bet Bellabitch did something," Ron spat out.

"I did nothing." Bellatrix responded, looking _very_ upset.

"Nobody did anything." Harry tutted. "Honestly! I only want to admire the artwork."

"Ok, now we _know_ there is something wrong with Harry, he doesn't like art." Ron said with concern. "He'd never say anything was artwork!"

"Yes, otherwise he would be looking at me." Lucius pouted.

"You know, you are _so_ powerful." Harry continued to purr. "And clever, and… masculine."

"And here I thought you didn't like me." Voldemort smirked.

"I _love_ you." Harry said huskily. "I think you're wonderful." He said confidently.

"You wouldn't be the first." Hermione sniggered, looking at an absolutely devastated Bellatrix.

"Something is definitely up with Harry, he's not gay for one." Ginny piped up, trying not to look guilty, or that she was enjoying herself, which she was.

"Are you gay, Harry?" Voldemort asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Only for you." Harry responded, also raising an eyebrow.

"I think we should get him away from Lord Voldemort." Hermione whispered to Severus, who nodded.

"Harry, why don't you come and sit with Hermione and I in the corner?" Severus said coaxingly.

"I'd rather be with this handsome man here, sorry, Severus, but he's better looking than you." Harry said apologetically.

"What?" Severus spluttered.

"Don't worry, I don't think that." Hermione whispered in his ear, and he calmed slightly.

"Harry, I think you might be under the influence of sugar." Voldemort said, bemused.

"Looking at you is sweet enough." Harry said, smiling.

"Cheesy enough." Ron laughed.

"You came out with some right cheesy compliments to Bellabitch, hell, you even used the Veela council one." Ginny pointed out.

"It's a side effect." Severus explained. "When Weasley was shocked, the potion must have taken on the properties of a love potion." He said, a light bulb going off in his head. "So… Harry must be under a love potion, if he's saying the same ridiculous and quite frankly horrific compliments as Weasley did."

"Do you have a map?" Harry asked Voldemort.

"No, why?" Voldemort asked, confused.

"I keep getting lost in your eyes."

"Oh my god." Hermione, Ginny, Draco and Lucius laughed.

"Harry, that was a lovely compliment. Have any more?" Voldemort asked, trying not to snigger, what a brilliant opportunity to get Harry back and humiliate him by encouraging him, and when he returned to his senses, he could remind him of this until the day he died.

"That's cruel." Lucius chuckled.

"If you were a tear in my eye, I would not cry in fear of losing you." Harry sighed.

"I liked the one about my eyes better." Voldemort said thoughtfully. "Tell me about my eyes again."

"You're making it worse." Hermione chastised, and then a thought came to her. "Do you think he could have taken that special love potion by accident then?" She asked Severus.

"That's a good thought. We should check." He said quickly, and they both swept over to the potions pile.

"Your eyes are easily your best feature. They exude… danger." Harry continued, ignoring Severus and Hermione's frantic searching.

"I'm glad you like them." Voldemort said proudly.

"It's gone!" Hermione yelled, and Ginny tried to hide the blush in her cheeks.

"What about the antidote?" Lucius questioned.

"That seems to have disappeared as well." Severus said angrily.

"I don't know what they're all on about, my love for you is real." Harry purred.

"Oh yes? And how much do you love me?" Voldemort asked, genuinely wondering how strong the love potion was.

"I'll kill Dumblewhore for you." Harry grinned.

"If you find the antidote, don't bother giving it to him!" Voldemort shouted sarcastically to Severus, who scowled at his former master.

"Draco, come and help me drag Harry away from our Lord." Lucius sighed, getting up.

"Look, I keep telling you all, I'm fine! I'm just seeing how handsome, powerful, wonderful, intelligent and amazing Tom is." Harry said angrily.

"He's obsessed with you." Severus told Voldemort.

"I think I can see that." Voldemort chuckled.

"Who wouldn't be?" Harry asked honestly. "Tom, my lips are lonely…" Harry whined.

"I'm sure we can do something about that." Voldemort smirked, and moved towards Harry, only to be blocked by Severus.

"Severus!" Harry said angrily.

"Harry, you've taken a love potion." Severus tried to reason.

"I don't think so." Harry snorted. "Can we get back to the kissing now?" Harry huffed.

"I-" Voldemort began, before Draco, Lucius and Severus had picked up a struggling Harry.

"Hey!" Harry yelled.

"I'm sorry, Harry, you'll realize this is for the best in time." Severus said apologetically.

"He's under no threat from me." Voldemort said firmly.

"No, but you'd kiss him, or let him kiss you, just to humiliate him." Hermione pointed out.

"Perhaps a fair point." Voldemort eventually conceded.

They set Harry down in the opposite corner.

"Look, you guys are great friends for all looking out for me, but I haven't taken a love potion." Harry tried to use his cunning.

"It's because we're your friends we've brought you over here." Draco insisted.

"Hermione!" Severus called out, and she was at his side like a shot.

"Severus?" She answered.

"Get Weasley to help you find the antidote." Severus instructed. "It can't have gone far. The only person I know who steals from me, was in _my_ bed at the time." He purred, and Hermione blushed.

"Of course, what a brilliant time to flirt with her, Severus." Lucius snorted.

"I'll flirt with what's _mine_ whenever I like. You're only upset because she has no desire to flirt with you." Severus said coldly.

"All this arguing over Hermione is sweet and all, but come on, let me go." Harry said charmingly, as Hermione went back to the others. She started talking to Ron, who began looking around the room. Hermione immediately began interrogating Bellatrix, who was still looking upset, and was refusing to help.

"No." Lucius said firmly, and Harry tried struggling.

"Harry, you're making it difficult… again." Draco moaned.

"Well, there's a gorgeous man over there, and he was about to kiss me, but of course, I'd much rather stay with you three. I mean, you're treating me so well, holding me down, insisting I've taken a love potion." Harry babbled sarcastically. "I feel like the Minister for Magic with all the wonderful treatment I'm receiving."

"Who taught you to be so sarcastic?" Lucius asked accusingly.

"Watching Severus, and having a natural disdain for the world." Harry chuckled. "Now please, let me go so I can get back to Tom." Harry commanded.

"If we let you go, what are you going to do?" Draco questioned, receiving a death glare from his godfather, and an exasperated look from his father.

"I'm going to go pounce on Tom." Harry grinned.

"And that's exactly why we can't let you go." Lucius sighed.

"Perhaps Harry is intelligent enough to break the spell on his own." Severus said contemplatively.

"Or perhaps, Harry hasn't taken a love potion, and nor is he under a spell, and maybe, just maybe, he doesn't like you talking about him like he isn't here!" Harry declared crossly and then suddenly mellowed. "Isn't Tom lovely?"

"No!" Draco spluttered.

"Harry, you must realize you're obsessed with him." Severus reasoned.

"I'll start calling you Sev, or Sevvy if you keep me here." Harry warned, ignoring Severus's words.

"You do that." Severus said indifferently.

"I will, Sev." Harry said forcefully. "Do you think Tom would like roses? I mean, it's a bit difficult for me to get roses in here, but when I get out? Maybe I could sing him a song…" Harry continued to ramble, this potion was obviously stronger than Severus thought.

"You'd get the Dark Lord roses?" Lucius snorted.

"Yeah! But first, I'd kill Dumblewhore for him." Harry seethed.

"You should sell this stuff, Severus." Draco interrupted. "You'd make a fortune!"

"IT WAS YOU!" Hermione screamed, and everyone's eyes landed on Ginny Weasley.

"What was me?" She squeaked.

"You put the love potion in Harry's drink." Hermione said angrily.

"Did she now." Voldemort said darkly, and turned his glare on Ginny. "And here I thought it would have been Bellatrix putting something in MY drink."

"I would never do that, My Lord." Bellatrix pleaded.

"I'm sure you would, if you had the opportunity." Voldemort declared, and continued to glare at Ginny, who cracked under the intensity of it.

"Alright! Yes, it was me. Happy now?" She said guiltily.

"Hang on, what's she on about?" Harry questioned.

"We'll take you over there." Draco offered, and while still holding Harry back, he, Lucius and Severus gently brought him over to the rest of the group.

"Hey Tom!" Harry said dreamily. "Are your legs tired? Because you've been running through my mind." He grinned.

"What a lovely thing to say about me." Voldemort replied smugly.

"You're making it worse again!" Hermione complained, full of concern for her best friend. "Don't encourage him, you know he's going to absolutely hate you for it afterwards." Hermione said sagely.

"If he can ever look at him again." Ron laughed.

"Again, not helping Ronald." Hermione huffed.

"I can't quite decide whether that is better or worse then Weasley's attempts." Lucius interrupted, trying to stop the oncoming argument.

"Worse." Draco interjected. "Ginny, where's the antidote?" He asked firmly.

"I'll never tell." She said defiantly.

"Tom, you know we were planning our wedding yesterday? I think we should go with that." Harry said seriously. "Although, I think I want Sev to give me away." Harry said thoughtfully.

"Don't expect me to come." Bellatrix seethed.

"We wouldn't want you to." Harry said happily. "And I want-"

"Harry?" Hermione sighed.

"Hermione?"

"Shut up bridezilla." She growled.

"Yes miss." He replied sarcastically, and settled on gazing at Voldemort.

"Ginny, give us the antidote." Ron said pleadingly. "Why did you even do this?"

"Because he called me a slut." Ginny said indignantly. "I wanted to make him fall in love with _me_, not _him_."

"I'm going to refrain from comment." Severus said, with false calm.

"That's a big change." Ron snorted.

"So Tom, what color roses would you like? I'm thinking red to go with your eyes." Harry beamed, completely ignoring everyone but Voldemort.

"That would be fine, Harry." Voldemort replied, belatedly starting to realize they actually needed to get this antidote to him.

"Come on, Ginny, we need to get that antidote down him before Lord Voldemort humiliates Harry even further." Draco said angrily.

"Drakey-poo, don't be afraid to threaten her." Bellatrix said eagerly.

"I don't think I need to go that far." Draco snapped at his aunt.

"Fine!" She threw her hands up in the air, and then reached behind her, pulling out a small bottle.

"Give that to me." Severus snarled, snatching it out of her hand. "Harry, you need to take this." Severus said softly.

"What is it?" Harry questioned.

"It's…" Severus trailed off awkwardly.

"It's a potion that makes you look more attractive." Lucius blurted out.

"I don't know… would Tom like that?" Harry asked suspiciously.

"I'll love it, I'm sure." Voldemort responded, taking the potion out of Severus's hands and giving it to Harry, who eagerly took it, and downed it in one.

He grimaced at the taste, squeezed his eyes shit and fell back slightly, only to be caught by Lucius.

"Thanks Lucius." Harry groaned, and opened his eyes, to see Voldemort looming over him.

"Oh shit." Harry mumbled, scrambling away.

"See? I knew this would happen." Hermione huffed.

"Careful Hermione, you're pretty high up on that horse, I'd hate for you to fall off." Harry said sarcastically.

"I'll be the first to say welcome back Harry." Severus said, sounding relieved.

"Please, tell me this is a dream and that I didn't actually do all of the cheesy soppy stuff with Tom?" Harry begged.

"You did." Voldemort smirked.

"Thanks a bunch. You were a brilliant friend, by the way. Encouraging me like that." Harry said angrily.

"I'm the Dark Lord. Don't expect me to ever rush in and be your rescuing hero." Voldemort said warningly.

"Fine, and next time, don't expect me to help you out either." Harry responded coldly.

'Perhaps encouraging him wasn't the best idea.' Voldemort thought inwardly at how coldly Harry had just spoken to him.

Suddenly, Harry did something extremely unexpected. He turned around, and hugged Severus.

"If it wasn't for you, I might have _willingly _kissed Voldemort." Harry shuddered, and Voldemort's eyes narrowed as Harry said Voldemort instead of Tom.

Severus patted him awkwardly on the back.

"Thanks Sev," Harry smiled, and pulled away.

"Are you going to insist on calling me that?" Severus asked, raising _the_ eyebrow.

"Yeah." Harry smiled. "I have a question though." He said, frowning.

"Another one?" Severus asked, raising an eyebrow.

"That love potion she slipped me, that was your improved one, right? The love at first sight thing?"

"Yes." Severus said, brow furrowed, where was Harry going with this?

"It wasn't instant at all, I could feel my thoughts being altered." Harry insisted.

"Strange… It's worked on everybody else." Severus said curiously.

"Who else have you tried it on?" Harry asked, shocked.

"Argus Filch and Madam Pomfrey." Severus smirked.

"Severus!" Hermione started sniggering.

"I needed a test subject." He said coldly. "I told him it was a potion to improve the senses."

"You are evil." Harry laughed.

"I'm the evil one." Voldemort interjected, and Harry ignored him.

"You know, I think we should start playing truth or dare again." Harry said thoughtfully.

"I think we've played enough of that." Voldemort said forcefully.

"And what else are we going to do, Voldemort?" Harry said indifferently.

"Let's just all sit down." Hermione interjected.

"Good luck worming your way back into his good books." Ron sniggered at Voldemort, who glared at him.

Severus sat down, with Harry on his right. Next to Harry was Draco, then Lucius quickly sat next to his son, blocking him from Ginny. Ginny scowled, and sat down next to Lucius. Ron sat beside her. Bellatrix was sitting next to Ron, and there was a gap. Voldemort was sat after the gap, and then Hermione, who was sitting next to Severus, so the circle was complete.

"Whose turn was it?" Ron asked.

"Mine." Harry said gleefully, and spun the bottle, which landed on Draco.

"Truth or dare?"

"Dare." Draco said bravely, and braced himself.

"Don't you ever learn?" Lucius sighed at his son.

"No, he doesn't. I've lost count of the many times I've told him to cut ingredients one way, and he does it another." Severus responded quickly.

"Stop picking on him then." Harry sighed. "Draco, I dare you to play snog, marry, avoid, with Hermione." Harry finished.

"I love that game!" She squealed.

"Is this another muggle game?" Severus sighed.

"Yeah. It's easy though." She said eagerly. "Ok, Draco, out of the women in the room, you have to pick one to avoid, one to snog, and one to marry."

"That's easy." Draco snorted.

"But the problem's it'll create aren't." Harry sniggered softly to Severus.

"I'll avoid Aunt Bella,"

"Well, obviously, unless you're into incest." Harry snorted.

"Well, he _is_ a pureblood." Ron replied smugly.

"So are you." Voldemort pointed out.

"So anyway," Harry said loudly, ignoring Voldemort. "Carry on."

"I'd snog Ginny and marry Hermione." Draco finished.

"I knew it." Harry whispered.

"WHAT?" Ginny screamed, and everybody covered their ears.

"Yes, what indeed?" Severus snarled furiously.

"Well, you're a great kisser, Ginny. But, I can't see you as wife material." Draco shrugged. "But that's fine! We just won't get married." He interjected quickly at his girlfriends furious look.

"Sorry, Draco. But I wouldn't want to marry you." Hermione said gently.

"I bet you'd marry Severus though." Harry teased.

"Well, he hasn't asked, so I don't know." Hermione blushed. "It's a bit soon for that kind of talk anyway."

"Can we please move on from this terrible relationship love-in?" Voldemort sneered.

"Fine, Voldemort. Your turn Draco." Harry said coolly.

Voldemort scowled. Harry was going to take some winning round, especially if he wanted to convince him not to leave the war and to join his side instead.

Draco reached out and spun the bottle, which landed on Ron.

"Truth or dare?"

"Truth." Ron blurted.

"What do you think about Aunt Bella?"

"I think she's a horrible, mad, disgusting bitch… but she is kind of sexy, in her own way." Ron mumbled.

"No way!" Ginny gasped.

"Don't start with those compliments again." Bellatrix said warningly.

"I won't," Ron sneered at her, and reached out and spun the bottle, which landed on Bellatrix.

"It just had to be you." Ron said angrily.

"Just ask the question." She spat.

"Truth or dare?"

"Truth." She said quickly, and remembered why she had been avoiding truth too late.

"Ask her about Fred and George." Ginny interjected eagerly.

"As much as I hate to admit it, I happen to agree with Ginny." Hermione drawled, sounding rather like Severus.

"I didn't know couples began to sound like each other." Harry winked.

"Well, you didn't sound like Lord Voldemort when you were in love with him." Ginny snorted, thinking she was being clever.

"Ginny!" Hermione snapped.

"That's completely unfair on Harry." Draco said, throwing a glare at her.

"I'm not Harry's best friend anymore, and that's my fault," Ron started, "But that was an absolutely horrid thing to do to him." He sneering at her.

"I'm sorry." She mumbled.

"You are sorry you were caught." Severus said coldly. "Continue." He said to Ron.

"What happened with my brothers Fred and George?" He asked.

"Lord Voldemort had selected certain shops in Diagon Alley to be targeted." She immediately began.

"It wasn't amusing in the slightest." Lucius interjected bitterly.

"Carry on." Voldemort instructed, already starting to snigger.

"The two Weasley beasts came charging out of their shop at me."

"She had deviated from the plan, and was torturing bystanders." Lucius said crossly, and Bellatrix glared at him.

"The beasts started to duel me, until more Death Eaters arrived." Bellatrix said scathingly.

"You are forgetting the part where they enlarged your tongue to the size of a rug." Lucius added smugly.

"I thought you said it wasn't amusing, Lucius?" Harry giggled.

Bellatrix glared at the both of them. "The beasts ran back into their shop," She started again.

"So she blundered in after them." Lucius supplied helpfully, receiving yet another glare.

"I _followed_ them, when the entire shop went dark. I couldn't see the beasts anywhere." Bellatrix spat bitterly. "And then they escaped." She finished quickly.

"Oh Bellatrix, there was more than that." Voldemort said mockingly. "You missed out the part where you started screaming, and Lucius went after you." He smirked.

"The carrot asked what happened with the beasts, I told him." She said coldly. "He never asked for details." She pointed out.

"Who would have thought Bellabitch was smart enough to cheat the question." Hermione laughed.

"I knew she'd get out of it." Harry huffed. "So unfair."

Voldemort thought for a moment, this was the perfect opportunity to get back into Harry's good books. "If you don't wish to, Bellatrix, I shall inform Harry what happened to you." He said indifferently, but with a smirk.

Bellatrix looked horrified, and Harry eyed Voldemort suspiciously.

"She went into the shop, and as she explained, it was plunged into darkness. She traveled down one of the aisles, only to have one of the beasts pour something over her head." Voldemort explained, and everyone started sniggering at the witch. "She started screaming hysterically, and Lucius stormed into the shop, and also had something poured over him."

"Weasley's Wicked Goo!" Harry declared, and immediately started laughing.

"Oh my god," Ginny laughed.

"I told everyone to stop saying that!" Voldemort snarled ferociously.

"Oh my god." Harry repeated, and Voldemort glowered at him. "Just carry on." Harry said coldly.

"The 'goo' as you called it, made their skin glow… what color was it?" Voldemort sniggered.

"Bright orange." Lucius muttered, cringing.

"They've made a new one since then, it turns people blue now." Hermione interjected.

"How interesting." Voldemort said sarcastically. "So, their skin started to glow bright orange. Then, I believe they both headed into the back room."

"Do you have to tell Harry?" Lucius pleaded.

"Yes, I do." Voldemort said wearily. "They found themselves covered in powder, which promptly turned their hair florescent pink." Everybody but Lucius, Bellatrix and Severus laughed.

"And why aren't you laughing, Severus?" Hermione asked innocently.

"Because the Weasley's also covered them both in itching powder." Severus sighed. "I was the one who had to fix them." Severus glared at Lucius like it was his fault.

"So, bright orange skin, pink hair, and scratching themselves raw." Harry recapped with an amused smile on his face.

"Indeed." Voldemort nodded. "Not to mention the fact that they got away. Two of my most senior Death Eaters, and they were incapable of catching them." He said darkly.

"Why didn't Fred and George ever tell us about this?" Ron complained.

"Molly banned them from doing so. She had the most bizarre notion that it would give the rest of you ideas about doing the same." Severus supplied. "And of course, Bellatrix and Lucius have never mentioned it since Lord Voldemort-"

"I'm going to presume you tortured them." Harry interrupted, addressing Voldemort.

"Oh yes." Voldemort smiled evilly.

"I love how you have such a look of glee on your face as you say that." Harry said mockingly. "Bellabitch, it's your turn." She sneered at him and did nothing.

"Spin the bottle." Voldemort commanded, and Bellatrix eventually acquiesced, and spun the bottle. It landed on Harry.

"Wow, this day just keeps getting better and better!" Harry exclaimed sarcastically. "In fact, I might hazard a guess as to say this has been the best day of my life. I'm slipped a love potion, and my so called 'best friend' doesn't do anything; he actually encourages me to make a move on him!" Harry raged. "Oh but, never mind that, I mean, it's hardly worth getting upset over. No, I can honestly say this has been a brilliant day." Harry rambled. "And now it just gets better, I'm probably about to be humiliated again by the mad bitch herself." He seethed. "Oh but of course, none of this matters, because I'm going to die later anyway! This is an absolutely fantastic day. This hardly compares with _anything_ else that has _ever_ happened to me." Harry stopped and took a deep breath. "And to think I thought the night Lord Voldemort returned was the best night of my life, how wrong was I!" He finished dramatically.

"Well done." Severus said approvingly. "I couldn't have been more sarcastic myself."

"And that's saying something." Ron agreed.

Voldemort seemed to have found a shred of decency in him, and was looking slightly guilty, and Bellatrix looked stunned at the brat's outburst.

"Truth or dare?" Bellatrix asked quietly.

"Truth." Harry responded.

Bellatrix thought for a moment. This was a great opportunity to find out _exactly _what Harry felt about her Lord.

"What do you actually feel about Lord Voldemort?"

"That was a rubbish question. We all know what he's going to say." Ron complained.

"Harry, answer the question so we can move on." Voldemort said quickly.

"I like him, platonically, and he's my best friend, even if he is a bastard sometimes." Harry shrugged. "Were you expecting something different?"

"I think she likes the answer she got though!" Hermione giggled, at Bellatrix's almost gleeful, but demented look.

"I bet she still doesn't have a chance." Harry snorted.

"No, she doesn't." Voldemort sighed. "Perhaps I should consider replacing her." He sneered.

"Well, she's a delusional bitch, so I doubt she'll listen to you." Ron added.

"I'm tired of being insulted by some idiotic, freckled carrot!" She bellowed at Ron, and stood up.

"Fight!" Harry yelled encouragingly.

Ron also stood up. "You deserve all the insults!" He snarled. "You're a bloody mad bitch." He seethed.

"You DARE stand up to me?" She asked, shocked.

"Oh, I dare! Delusional cow!"

"Pathetic, sniveling worm!"

"Skank!"

"Worthless, witless, piece of Thestral shit!" Bellatrix screamed venomously.

Ron stood there, mouth open.

"Wow." Harry said approvingly.

"I'll concede that." Lucius said, also shocked.

"I think I'd rather be a piece of shit, than an insane, bitchy, unloved, whore like you. You have a husband, and you still throw yourself at Voldemort, who likes Harry more than you!" Ron said cuttingly, and then sat down.

"Wow. Again." Harry repeated.

Bellatrix and Ron were scowling at each other. Although Bellatrix would never, _ever_ admit it, she felt a begrudging piece of respect for him, for standing up and insulting her like that.

"Can I have my turn now?" Harry said impatiently.

"Take your turn then." Voldemort encouraged. Harry reached out and spun the bottle, which landed on Voldemort.

Harry grinned. "Truth or dare, Voldemort?"

"Dare." Voldemort said bravely, a small part of him registering he deserved some kind of punishment for encouraging, and as a consequence, upsetting Harry.

"Good choice." Harry said spitefully. "I dare you to take your turn, and then transform into your Animagus form for three full turns."

Voldemort's eyes widened. "No."

"You have to do it, you've been dared." Hermione supplied.

"Indeed, I'm afraid there are no other options." Severus smirked.

"I've always wondered what his form was." Lucius said thoughtfully.

"Doesn't anyone know?" Harry asked curiously.

"Nobody knows." Voldemort interjected, looking annoyed.

"Come on." Harry whined.

"I said no. I'm remaining resolute in my answer." He insisted.

"I'll be your best friend again if you do it." Harry offered.

'The brat just had to go and make this even more difficult.' Voldemort inwardly seethed. He wanted Harry on his side, if he was honest in saying he wanted to leave the war. No point letting an extremely powerful wizard going to waste.

"I'll start calling you Tom again." Harry offered again.

"Three turns. And I refuse to transform in front of anyone but you." He spat out.

"See? You can be an awesome friend when you want to be Tom!" Harry said happily. "Take your turn, and then we can go in the corner."

"That sounded wrong." Harry belatedly shuddered. "Just spin the bottle, Tom."

"In case you've forgotten, you're the one who has been spinning it for me." Voldemort drawled.

"Well, I'm not. Do it yourself." Harry snorted.

"Lucius-" Voldemort began.

"I'm sorry, My Lord, but I don't wish to get on Harry's bad side." Lucius said apologetically.

"You're more afraid of him than me?" Voldemort raged.

"You will torture me, My Lord. Harry will humiliate me, which is worse." Lucius cringed at the thought, and Voldemort huffed.

"Just spin the bottle." Harry rolled his eyes.

Voldemort scowled at his friend, and tentatively reached out and spun the bottle, which landed on Lucius.

"Excellent!" Voldemort said victoriously. "Truth or dare?"

"Truth." Lucius said quickly.

"Tell me one thing you don't want me to know." Voldemort demanded.

"There have been times when I have questioned your judgment on matters such as raids, targets and methods. Sometimes, I think you can be extremely stupid and short sighted." Lucius blurted.

"You're in trouble now." Harry laughed at Voldemort's absolutely livid expression.

"Lucius… you dare." Voldemort seethed.

"I don't feel like that anymore, My Lord!" Lucius pleaded.

"I shall deal with _you_ later." Voldemort said darkly.

"Yes, yes." Harry said, waving his hand dismissively. "Now come on, everyone look away while Tom transforms." Harry said eagerly.

"I'm going to regret this." Voldemort sighed, standing up and moving over to the corner with Harry. Everybody did as they were told, and looked away.

"And if I do this, you'll forgive me?" Voldemort asked, wanting to make sure he wasn't revealing his form for nothing.

"Yes." Harry said, smiling. "Now just do it already!" He demanded.

"What do you reckon the form will be?" Hermione asked Severus.

"I truly have no idea." He answered honestly.

"Lets take bets." Draco grinned. "I'm betting on a snake."

"Second." Lucius declared.

"Third." Ron agreed.

"Fourth." Bellatrix added, leading to suspicious looks from everybody. "Am I to be excluded?" She asked innocently. If she couldn't torture them physically, mentally would have to do for now.

"Ginny?" Draco asked his abnormally quiet girlfriend.

"Fifth I guess." She shrugged.

"Severus? Hermione?" Draco questioned.

"I think it will be some form of cat." Hermione declared.

"I'll second Hermione." Severus announced.

"Of course you will." Draco rolled his eyes. "Ssssshhh! He's transforming!" Draco said hurriedly.

The next thing the group could hear was Harry bellowing: "OH MY FUCKING GOD THAT IS SO CUTE!"

**Whatever could his form be? Huge thanks to everyone who has either reviewed, put this on alert, or on their favorites, you guys are all the most amazing people!**

**Special thank you to XTimeGirlX who has been amazing, as usual.**

**You can expect the final full chapter before the epilogue in about a week, perhaps a little longer.**


	11. No Regrets

**A/N: Please, enjoy the last, full chapter. There is a short epilogue after this, and then that's it! Story finished.**

**Disclaimer: If Severus, Voldemort and Remus are dead, then I don't own Harry Potter or anything to do with the books or films. Nor do I own any lyrics in the chapter.**

Everybody was looking at each other, extremely curious as to what could make Harry yell like that.

"Tom, you are simply adorable!" Harry cooed.

Voldemort had transformed into a medium sized, panther cub, with deep scarlet eyes, and a grumpy expression on his face.

Said panther cub, was now concentrating on trying to send Harry a message through their link.

"Don't give me that look, you look _gorgeous_! You are just so cute." Harry said, leaning down and picking the cub up.

"_I am not cute, I'm a Dark Lord, I'm anything but cute."_ Voldemort insisted through the mind link.

"Oh shut up, you are adorable!" Harry stroked his head, leading to an involuntary purr from Voldemort.

"I'm sorry, but you are just…" Harry grinned and stroked him again. "I bet the others are wondering where we've got to." Harry observed, and with the Panther Voldemort in his arms, he walked back over to the circle.

"He's coming back!" Draco said hurriedly, and what they all saw, surprised them immensely. Harry was carrying a baby panther cub in his arms.

"Oh. My. God." Both Ginny and Draco breathed.

"_Tell them I told them to stop saying that!"_ Voldemort raged in Harry's mind.

"Tom says stop saying that." Harry groaned, and took his place beside Severus, and put Voldemort in his lap, holding him close to his chest.

"We win then." Hermione announced, and both her and Severus smirked.

"Win what?" Harry asked, idly stroking Voldemort's head.

"We had a betting pool going." Draco whined. "The rest of us bet it would be a snake."

"I would have thought it would have been a snake." Harry said thoughtfully. "What did Bellabitch bet?" He grinned.

"Snake." She snorted. "I didn't think it would be a ickle cutesy kitten." She cooed, and Voldemort growled.

"I have to admit, he's rather a handsome creature." Hermione smiled. "Nothing compared to Severus, obviously." She added without thinking, making Severus smile.

"I'm so pleased you seem to like every aspect of me." He purred and kissed her on the cheek, making her blush wildly.

"Ok, that's enough! Nobody should see Professor Snape being affectionate." Ginny said disgustedly.

"Oh be quiet." Harry spat viciously.

"_You've become very… venomous since entering this prison." _Voldemort noted.

"Who can blame me?" Harry said angrily.

"Are you talking to him?" Bellatrix asked suspiciously.

"Yes, we have a mind link." Harry said off-handedly. "Whose turn is it anyway?" He questioned, as Voldemort got more comfortable on his lap.

"Mine." Lucius said quickly, and reached out and spun the bottle, which landed on Ginny.

"Truth or dare?" He asked, sneering at her.

"Truth." She replied hurriedly.

Lucius thought for a moment. "How many people have you slept with?" He asked, with a malicious gleam in his eye. A good, embarrassing question after she'd done that to Harry.

"Four." She blurted.

"Ginny!" Ron screamed. "You're only sixteen! Who the hell have you been sleeping with?" He raged.

"My turn!" She squeaked, ignoring Ron's cries. She reached out and spun the bottle. It landed on Severus.

"Truth or dare?"

"Truth." He replied immediately.

"Why does no one pick dare anymore?" Harry sighed.

"_Because not everybody is as foolish as you." _Voldemort pointed out.

"Oh be quiet you big baby." Harry cooed. "If you keep saying things about me, I'll cuddle you!"

"Aren't you already doing that?" Lucius asked, raising an eyebrow.

"But he's irresistible!" Harry insisted. "So cute…" He smiled, stroking Voldemort's head again.

"This is disturbing." Bellatrix declared.

"And you'd know all about that." Ron snorted.

"You know, I sort of like this bold Ron." Hermione said approvingly.

Severus gave her a funny look. "What kind of like?" He asked suspiciously.

"No need to be jealous, not in that way." She laughed.

"I wasn't jealous." Severus huffed.

"You were." Harry pointed out innocently.

"Enough!" Bellatrix interjected. "Sevvy, take your turn."

"Maybe there's not so much shit in the theory about lovers sounding like each other, going by Bellatrix." Harry muttered.

"_Please, refrain from using 'lovers' and Bellatrix in the same sentence." _Voldemort said, making sure Harry could feel his disgust.

"Come on then, let's stop getting distracted." Harry sighed. "Ginny, ask Sev a question."

Ginny scowled at Harry, before trying to think. What would embarrass him?

"Professor Snape, what's the most romantic thing anyone has ever said to you?" She smirked.

"I'm not friends with you at the moment, but that's pretty good one." Harry nodded.

"It'll be something Lily Evans said." Lucius snorted.

"I take it all back, I don't want to hear about romantic things my mother said." Harry said scrunching up his nose.

"Am I to answer this question, or not?" Severus said impatiently.

"Sorry, Sev, go on." Harry apologized.

"Hermione said I was her handsome hero." Severus said blankly.

"Awww." Harry smiled. "That is _so_ sweet."

"When did she say that?" Ron asked accusingly.

"When we were in bed." Severus smirked, taking a great amount of pleasure in look of pain on Ron's face.

"You were just waiting for him to ask that." Draco laughed.

"Of course." Severus agreed, sending another smirk Ron's way.

"I thought I was your hero." Ron whined, and all eyes turned to Hermione.

"Awkward." Ginny mumbled to Draco who nodded.

"Yeah, well," Hermione looked around the room wildly, as if an escape route would make it's self apparent to her. "Severus is my hero now." She said apologetically.

"This is getting much too… romantic." Lucius said disgustedly. "Severus, take your turn."

"You're being quiet." Harry said to the adorable creature on his lap.

"_Oh well, I really cannot fathom why. I've been forced to turn into this pathetic form, I'm sitting on your lap, and you keep stroking me and making me purr. Not to mention the fact I cannot be sarcastic with everyone, nor can I insult people, or command them to follow and abide by my rules. There's absolutely no reason for me to be quiet. I'm having the time of my life down here." _Voldemort said as sarcastically as possible… considering he was a cat, and he was speaking through a mind link.

"Wow, sarcasm overload there." Harry giggled. "Life isn't all that bad."

The cub on Harry's lap growled deeply at that.

"Truth or dare?" Harry snapped back into the conversation, and found that Severus had already spun the bottle, and it had landed on Hermione.

"That's great! He'll never ask her to do anything embarrassing." Harry moaned.

"I'll do a dare." Hermione grinned.

"Great. We all know what he's going to pick. He'll dare her to kiss him or something." Ron spat.

"Fortunately for me, Weasley, I don't need to dare Hermione to kiss me. She enjoys it of her own accord." Severus said coldly.

"I think you got beaten there, Ron." Harry laughed.

"I hate this prison so much." Ron muttered.

"Hermione, I dare you to create a poem about Ronald Weasley." He finished.

"Not very original, Severus." Lucius pointed out.

"Perhaps, perhaps not. However, the result should be highly pleasurable all the same." He smirked.

"A poem?" Hermione asked.

"A poem." Severus repeated.

"About Ron?" She asked again.

"About Weasley, yes." Severus said, becoming slightly exasperated.

Hermione stared ahead blankly. "It doesn't have to be a love poem, does it?"

"I'd be rather offended if it was." Severus said quickly.

"Good." Hermione smiled.

"Are you going to do your bloody dare or what?" Ron growled.

"I've got to think of it now!" Hermione shouted back. "Give me five minutes." She said, and got up, and scurried off into a corner.

Everyone sighed. Draco, Ginny and Lucius started talking to each other. Bellatrix resumed her new favorite pastime; glaring at Ron.

"Hey Tom," Harry started. "Can you roar?"

"_You do like asking difficult questions, don't you?" _Voldemort seethed inside his mind.

"I'll take that as a no then." Harry sighed.

"_I can roar!" _Voldemort insisted.

"Prove it." Harry smirked.

"_I will." _Voldemort declared.

The panther Voldemort stretched from his comfortable position in Harry's lap, and opened his mouth wide.

Only a pitiful little meow came out.

"Awww," Draco, Ginny and Harry cooed.

"So cute." Harry smiled.

"_I'm not cute." _Voldemort snarled through the mind link.

"You are!" Harry insisted. "Ok, anybody who thinks Tom is a gorgeous cat, say aye."

"Aye." Ginny, Draco, Lucius and Bellatrix piped up.

"_Wait until I get my magic back…"_ Voldemort said threateningly.

"Yeah, yeah." Harry said offhandedly.

"Does anyone know a word that rhymes with bastard?" Hermione shouted to the rest of the group, causing everyone to snigger.

"Why does everyone hate me so much?" Ron whined.

"I don't hate you." Harry said soothingly. "I just don't like some of the things you do." He explained.

"I, however, do hate you." Severus said proudly, and Lucius nodded in his agreement.

"Well, that's pretty obvious." Harry said earnestly, although he was muffling a laugh.

"_Do you mind not laughing? You are jostling me about." _Voldemort growled.

"Sorry!" Harry said, quickly calming down. "Are you done yet, Hermione?" Harry called out.

"Nearly!" She shouted back.

"Such a perfectionist." Harry rolled his eyes.

"If we had a future," Severus started bitterly, sending a glare to Voldemort. "Is this what it would hold for me?" He asked, trying to bring a sense of normality back to the situation.

"She'll take two minutes getting ready in the morning, but give her an essay, and she'll take two hours going through it." Harry shrugged. "She'll reread what she calls 'source material' about three times, no matter how long it takes, but tell her you're going to Hogsmeade, and she'll already be ready to go." Harry sighed. "That's just Hermione."

"I heard all of that!" She said crossly, coming back over.

"You're done then?" Lucius asked hopefully.

"I think so." She said thoughtfully. "Although-"

"No althoughs please!" Harry interrupted. "Just get on with it already!"

Hermione huffed, and sent a death glare his way. "Ronald Weasley is a curious fellow, Ronald Weasley never managed to turn his rat yellow. Ronald Weasley is an annoying git, Ronald Weasley talks nothing but shit." She began, and already everyone but Ron was trying to hide their laughter. "Ronald Weasley can be loyal and kind, but Ronald Weasley often talks from his behind. Ronald Weasley thinks he is hot, Ronald Weasley is really, really not."

"Oh my God…" Harry breathed, tears stinging his eyes.

"_I'll, for once, echo the sentiment."_ Voldemort agreed.

"Ronald Weasley can be as dumb as an ox, Ronald Weasley can barely cast a _nox_."

"I'm better at it now!" Ron sad defensively.

"Ronald Weasley can be a really good friend," Ron perked up as she said this. "But Ronald Weasley finds it hard to comprehend."

"What does that mean?" He asked, confused, and Lucius just sighed.

"I really wish Ronald Weasley could see, that Ronald Weasley really should be happy for me." She finished to applause from Severus, Harry, Ginny, Lucius, Draco and to her immense surprise, Bellatrix.

"Not bad… for a mudblood." She admitted through gritted teeth.

"See! I knew they'd end up best mates!" Harry sniggered. "Are you going to be taking a best friend bond like me and Tom?"

"I don't think so!" Both women spluttered at the same time.

Harry and Severus raised an eyebrow.

"Don't say anything!" Hermione said warningly.

"I wouldn't dream of it." Severus said quickly.

"Neither would I, I know what you're like when you're mad." Harry shuddered.

"What is she like?" Lucius questioned.

"Depends what kind of mad." Harry shrugged.

"I am right here you know!" Hermione huffed.

"What about, really angry kind of mad?" Draco said cautiously.

"She shouts, and then she'll insult you, and then five minutes later she'll feel really horrible and come running to you for forgiveness." Harry laughed.

"This is the most embarrassing…" Hermione muttered, trailing off.

"Upset mad?" Draco asked again.

"That's the one I don't like. She goes really, really quiet. Then she says, she's fine, and she just doesn't speak to you."

"Your friend goes quiet on you, and that upsets you?" Bellatrix snorted.

"Well, I wouldn't expect you to understand, you don't have any friends." Harry smiled happily.

"It's my turn." Hermione interjected. She reached out and spun the bottle, which landed on Ron.

"Truth or dare?"

"Dare. I can be a hero too!" He said defiantly, and Severus rolled his eyes.

"Speak backwards for three turns." Hermione said quickly.

"Easy that's." Ron said proudly.

"I can't believe you found a way to make him more annoying." Ginny sighed.

"Annoying not I'm hey." Ron said after a moment, his face the picture of concentration.

"I bet he can't keep it up." Harry laughed.

"Up shut." Ron moaned. "Turn my."

Harry was idly stroking a purring Voldemort, when a thought occurred to him. "You know, your dare was up one turn ago." He grinned.

"_I didn't notice."_ Voldemort said bewildered.

"That's your cat body betraying you." Harry laughed. "Are you going to turn back then?"

Harry realized is mistake too late, for Voldemort quickly transformed back into a human.

Harry now had a lapful of Dark Lord.

"Do you mind getting off my lap?" Harry said impatiently. "Your crushing me."

"As much as I like the idea of causing you pain, I think I will get off your lap." Voldemort said, and quickly stood up, and went back to his place.

"Now turn my have I can?" Ron interrupted.

"I suppose so." Harry sighed. "My laps cold now." He complained.

"I'm sure the Weasley girl won't mind filling it." Voldemort snorted.

"I'd rather have Lucius than her." He said, giving Ginny a dirty look. "Hell, I'd rather have Ron." He laughed.

Ron ignored everybody else, and spun the bottle. It landed on Harry.

"Dare or truth?"

"Hmm. Truth, I suppose."

"Says the man who was complaining nobody picked dare." Voldemort said, and Lucius and Bellatrix snorted.

"Hey! I can pick truth if I want." Harry said angrily.

"Me from kept you've secret one me tell." Ron finally managed to say, stumbling over the words a few times.

"I was supposed to be sorted into Slytherin, but instead, I begged the sorting hat to put me in Gryffindor." Harry blurted.

"God my oh!"

"STOP SAYING THAT!" Voldemort screamed, but was ignored in favor of Harry.

"Is that true?" Hermione gasped.

"Well, the Veritaserum does last twenty-four hours without the antidote, so it must be." Severus said suspiciously.

"Of course, as you know, I'm such a powerful wizard that I don't follow the rules of reality." Harry said innocently. "I'm immortal, unbelievably lucky, and I completely ignore the effects of potions." Harry said sarcastically.

"I think he might even be more sarcastic than you, Sevvy." Bellatrix sniggered.

"Sometimes I think you could be Severus's son." Lucius shook his head.

"I'm happy being a Potter, thank you!" Harry pretended to be offended. "Harry Snape doesn't have quite the same ring to it."

"A tiny piece of my soul just died at your momentous insult." Severus pretended to seethe.

"Sorry Sev!" Harry said apologetically. "I can't imagine ever been anything but a Potter." He said thoughtfully.

"Harry Weasley, Harry Malfoy, Harry Black or Lestrange, Harry Granger, Harry Riddle, are they not doing anything for you?" Draco mocked.

"Weasley?" Harry cringed.

"Maybe not." Draco offered.

"Harry Malfoy isn't bad." Harry grinned. "Which one of you lovely gentlemen is up for marrying me then?" He joked. "I'm just kidding." He amended at Draco's horrified look. "I couldn't be Harry Granger, Hermione is pretty happy with Severus." He said smiling at Hermione. "I wouldn't touch Bellatrix with a barge pole." He continued, scrunching up his nose in disgust.

"The feeling is more than mutual." She sneered.

"Only one option left then." Ginny said mockingly.

Harry laughed. "Sorry, Tom, I love you, but not like that. You hate your name anyway."

"Disgusting muggle name." He agreed.

"Plus, Harry Riddle doesn't have a ring to it either." Harry shook his head.

"Game the to back get we can?" Ron managed to splutter.

"Yeah… what were we talking about anyway?" Harry asked, confused.

"How you were nearly sorted into my house." Severus reminded him.

"Oh yeah! I'm a secret Slytherin." He grinned.

"I don't doubt it." Severus agreed. "Your turn then, Harry."

Harry reached out and spun the bottle, which landed on Draco.

Harry smirked. "Truth or dare?"

"Dare." He replied confidently.

"You really are an idiot sometimes, Draco." Lucius mumbled.

"Drakey-poo, that wasn't a good choice." Bellatrix chastised.

"No, it wasn't." Harry cried out happily. "I dare you to serenade Hermione, with the song, Witchcraft! And make it look like you love her!" Harry insisted.

"_Another_ muggle song?" Voldemort asked, a slight hint of exasperation in his tone.

"Another muggle song." Harry confirmed.

"I love that song." Hermione sighed.

"Serenade? You _do_ understand the definition of the word?" Severus said crossly from Harry's side.

"I might not be as well-spoken as you, Lucius or Hermione, but I do know what serenade means." Harry drawled.

"I'll get my music." Hermione huffed. "Looks like you have another song to learn, Draco." She smirked.

"I don't think I like the sound of this." Lucius said suspiciously.

"It's a good song!" Harry said defensively.

Draco sighed. "Father, it's got to be better than: "Don't go breaking my heart!"

"Promising sounds title the." Ron tried to say kindly, he was making an effort to be nicer now.

"Serenade." Severus muttered under his breath.

Hermione mumbled some incantation under her breath, and passed her walkman to Draco, who quickly put the headphones on his head.

"Is it a love song?" Ginny asked disappointedly.

"Oh Lord…" Draco breathed as he listened to it. "Sort of." He said meekly. Ginny was going to be pissed off at him for this…

"Harry, is it a love song?" Severus whispered in his ear.

"I suppose so." Harry whispered back. "I wouldn't worry, Hermione won't be interested in him." Harry smiled encouragingly.

"Can I even sing this?" Draco whined.

"I'm sure you'll find yourself more than capable. Now, stop whining." Voldemort snapped.

"Temper!" Harry mockingly chastised.

"Try not having a temper when you're playing a childish game, and haven't eaten any proper food." Voldemort grumbled.

"Does it have to be Hermione?" Ginny interrupted. "Can't he serenade me?" She asked pleadingly.

"Ummm… no." Harry smirked.

"You are a cruel boy." Severus said approvingly. "Are you sure you are not a complete Slytherin?"

"I'm half Slytherin, half Gryffindor." Harry grinned. "I'm happy where I am at the moment, thank you."

"Harry, I'm your best female friend, right?" Hermione asked suddenly.

"Of course." Harry said quickly.

"So why did you do this stupid dare?" She raged.

"Because I thought it would be embarrassing?" Harry smiled nervously.

"More likely he wanted to see the drama that will undoubtedly unfold." Lucius interjected smugly.

"Oh darn, you gave the game away." Harry pouted.

"Why am I even playing this stupid game?" Bellatrix muttered under her breath, glaring at Ron.

"To you told Voldemort Lord because." Ron supplied helpfully.

"Thanks for being so helpful." She snarled.

"Worries no." Ron smiled.

"Ron's acting a bit weird…" Harry said cautiously.

"Bat the than more me like will Hermione so nicer be to trying I'm." Ron tried to explain.

"I understood about half of that." Harry said, trying to decipher what his friend was saying.

"He says he's trying to be nicer to make the mudblood like him better than Sevvy." Bellatrix snorted.

"You thank." Ron declared.

"Your not welcome." Bellatrix put on a fake smile.

"Ok, I think I'm ready." Draco declared, taking off the headphones.

"Use a butter beer bottle as a microphone!" Ginny giggled.

Draco rolled his eyes, but picked up the bottle anyway.

"Ready then?" Hermione asked.

"I suppose, stand up then." Draco grimaced, and Hermione put the music on, and dutifully stood up.

"Those fingers in my hair, that sly come hither stare, that strips my conscience bare, it's witchcraft." Draco crooned, approaching Hermione.

"He's got such a dreamy voice." Ginny sighed, and Severus already looked like he could murder Draco.

"And I've got no defense for it. The heat is too intense for it, what good would common sense for it do…" He continued to sing, and captured a lock of her hair in his fingers, and started playing with it, while gazing at her adoringly.

"That looks realistic." Ginny frowned.

"Cause it's witchcraft, wicked witchcraft… and although I know it's strictly taboo!" He sang, and Hermione smiled.

"When you arouse the need in me, my heart says yes indeed in me, proceed with what you're leading me too." He crooned, blushing slightly.

Ginny looked angry, and Severus was snarling.

"Your eyes are going to turn green if you're not careful." Harry whispered in his ear.

"It's such an ancient pitch, but one I wouldn't switch, cause there's no nicer witch than you…" Draco smiled as he sang softly.

"I don't like the way he's looking at her." Ginny huffed.

"I'll agree with the Weasley girl for the first, and only time." Severus said lowly, keep his eyes firmly on Draco and Hermione.

"Stop being so jealous." Harry rolled his eyes.

"Poor Sevvy." Bellatrix laughed.

"Cause it's witchcraft, that crazy witchcraft, and although I know, it's strictly taboo! When you arouse the need in me, my heart says yes indeed in me, proceed with what you're leading me to." Draco continued to croon, softly caressing Hermione's cheek with the back of his index finger.

Severus writhed in irritation.

Voldemort, Harry, Bellatrix and Lucius were laughing their arses off. Ron was scowling, Ginny looked angry.

"It's such an ancient pitch, but one that I'd never switch, because there's no nicer witch than you." Draco finished.

Harry clapped vigorously. "Go Draco!"

"Yes, well, that's quite enough of that." Severus said firmly, as Hermione sat down beside him.

"You don't need to be so possessive." Hermione giggled.

"Forgive me if I rather like our current status, and wish to keep it that way." Severus said quietly, moving himself closer to her.

"Ok, enough soppy stuff." Harry interjected. "Draco, your turn," He tried to change the subject, only to have it changed back again.

"Do you like Hermione?" Ginny asked accusingly.

"Of course I do, she's a nice girl." Draco blurted.

"Well, maybe you'd like to go out with her instead then." Ginny huffed.

"I can't, she's with Severus." Draco moaned.

"Wrong answer!" Harry laughed, causing him to receive a glare from Draco.

"Harry is right, that is the wrong answer! So, you'd be with her, if she wasn't with Professor Snape?" She snorted.

"Ye- no!" Draco tried to plead.

"You nearly said yes!" Ginny shrieked.

"Tom, can you do a wandless silencing spell?" Harry asked pleading as Ginny continued to scream at a very scared looking Draco.

"No." Voldemort said apologetically. "I'm afraid not."

"Damn it." Harry grumbled.

"-And another thing, how come Professor Snape can pay compliments, and you can't?" She yelled.

"I hardly think it's fair to insult my sons compliment giving skills." Lucius said bravely.

"And you can shut up." She snarled.

"Yes, miss." Lucius said hurriedly, and immediately went silent and shuffled back from the circle.

"Ginny, my sweetheart, my angel, my lovely girl." Draco said soothingly. "I want you, not Hermione."

"At the moment." She huffed.

"Drakey-poo, just accept she is wrong for you." His aunt tried to say kindly, and ended up sounding rather demented.

"And you can shut up you bloody mad bitch." Ginny snapped, with immense venom and hatred.

"Ok." Bellatrix replied meekly, and like Lucius, backed away from the circle slightly.

"She can be rather scary when she's angry." Severus commented.

"Is she scaring you?" Harry quietly teased.

"No. But she scared Lucius and Bellatrix." He pointed out.

"I don't think I've ever seen such a ferocious girl." Voldemort supplied.

"Ginny." Hermione interjected, looking fed up.

"What?"

"I don't want him. You are more than welcome to him. I'm very happy spending the little time I have, with Severus." She rolled her eyes. "Come on, us Gryffindors only have a very limited time to live. We might as well enjoy it."

"I didn't think about that." Ginny said quietly.

"Shall we continue then?" Harry piped up.

"Yes. My turn." Draco hurriedly said, and spun the bottle. It landed on Bellatrix.

"Not again." He moaned. "Truth or dare?"

"Truth." She quickly said.

"If you had to pick to marry either Harry, Severus or Ron, who would you pick and why?"

"Good one." Harry said approvingly.

"I'd pick the freckled carrot, because he's the least annoying, and easiest on the eye." She blurted, and quickly clasped her hand over her mouth.

"Oh-" Harry began.

"Don't you dare say that." Voldemort said darkly, and Harry quickly shut up.

"Easiest on the eye? You fancy him?" Hermione asked, wide-eyed and in shock.

"No!" Bellatrix snapped. "Out of those three, he is the easiest on the eye. I didn't say he _was_ easy on the eye." She tried to explain.

"Well, I'm happy it wasn't me at least." Harry sighed.

"I'll agree with you." Severus nodded his head.

"Bella… Ronald Weasley?" Lucius asked, raising an eyebrow. "Surely, Severus would have been a better bet?"

"Well, it was pretend, so who cares?" She said crossly.

"Care I!" Ron piped up for the first time.

"You can speak normally now." Hermione reminded him.

"Thank God, that was getting so annoying." Ron breathed. "And like I was saying, I care! I don't want to marry her!"

"Bellatrix Weasley." Lucius said smugly. "I like that. It holds a certain…"

"Allure?" Severus added, sharing a smirk with Hermione.

"If you like." Lucius chuckled.

"I wish I'd asked something more sensible." Draco muttered.

"Where would the fun be then?" Harry sniggered.

"Away. Far away, where it should be." Voldemort said, completely exasperated.

"Bellabitch, take your turn already." Ron said coldly.

"With pleasure." She said with false kindness.

She reached out and spun the bottle, which landed on Voldemort.

"Truth or dare, my Lord?"

"Truth." He replied instantly.

Bellatrix looked around for inspiration. "Who do you hate most out of your followers?"

"What a waste of a question. You could of asked him anything." Harry laughed, and Severus sniggered.

"Indeed, I find myself agreeing with my best friend. A waste. I would have told you the answer without you wasting your question."

"Well? What's the answer then?" Harry asked.

"At this present moment in time, I hate… Bellabitch the most." He said thoughtfully. "However, before, I hated Lucius. Abandoning me for a slice of cake, indeed." He huffed. "Other times, I hate Wormtail." He sneered.

"Oh, I hate him too." Harry agreed.

"If you two are done comparing notes on who you hate?" Hermione interjected.

"Harry, spin the bottle for me."

"You did it yourself last time!" Harry argued.

"Well, you can do it for me this time, can't you." Voldemort said innocently.

Harry acquiesced and spun the bottle, which landed on Hermione,

"Truth or dare?"

"Truth." She said confidently. "I did a dare last time."

"Harry, think of some dastardly question for me." Voldemort demanded.

"Why does everyone always turn to me?" He huffed.

"Because you are sad enough to have thought about questions beforehand." Lucius pointed out.

Harry narrowed his eyes at his friend. "Yeah, thanks for that Lucius."

"He's probably right." Bellatrix sniggered.

"Tom, I'll help you if you make people stop picking on me." Harry whined.

"Stop bullying Harry, you'll surrender your sanity if you do." Voldemort growled warningly, and Bellatrix and Lucius fell into silence.

"Thank you, Tom." Harry smiled. "Hmmm, embarrassing truth questions."

"Harry, don't…" Hermione said pleadingly.

"Sorry!" He said, smirking all the while. He thought for a moment while Hermione grumbled under her breath.

"I know!" Harry cried out. "Tell her to rank all of the men in the room according to attractiveness." He declared.

"How would you rank all of the men in the room, according to what you think of their looks?" Voldemort asked her.

"You evil little…" Hermione raged at her best friend.

Harry just beamed innocently.

"First on the list would be Severus." She said immediately.

"Obviously." Severus drawled, although everybody noticed the hint of satisfaction in his voice.

"Number two would be… Lucius." Hermione said thoughtfully, and the man in question started preening. "Then, Draco, definitely." She continued, and Draco also started preening.

"Draco?" Severus snorted.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Number four would have to be… Harry."

"I'll take a four!" Harry said optimistically. "I'm not last at least."

"Then Ron, and umm… Lord Voldemort." She said awkwardly.

"What can you expect when you look like a snake?" Harry giggled at Voldemort's offended expression.

"Perhaps… but the Weasel ahead of me?" He said angrily.

"Get over it." Harry moaned.

"I'm number five?" Ron spat bitterly. "You think Draco is better looking than me?"

"I don't know anyone who doesn't." Ginny laughed.

Ron glowered at his sister.

"I think she's got the order mostly correct." Lucius said thoughtfully. "However we all know I should have claimed the top spot." He said proudly.

"Satan will have his skates on first." Hermione interjected, and all of the purebloods looked confused. "Muggle saying." She amended.

"I do wish you'd stop using those." Lucius drawled.

"I don't know, muggles have some pretty interesting sayings." Draco said, turning the latest one over in his mind.

"Can we get back to the subject matter please?" Ron said furiously. "NUMBER FIVE!" He screamed.

"Be thankful you are that high, you wouldn't have been on my list." Bellatrix sneered.

"Have you forgotten your admission earlier?" Harry pointed out. "You said he was easy on the eye!"

"I did not!" She yelled indignantly.

"Did too!" Harry shot back.

"Did not!" She replied.

"Did too!" Harry said fiercely.

"Did not!" She whined.

"You're both being very childish." Voldemort sighed.

"We're not!" Both Harry and Bellatrix responded at exactly the same time.

"Well, you're being very… annoying." Harry retorted, and realized he was being very childish.

"Am not!" Voldemort cried.

"Are too!" Harry snorted.

"Enough!" Severus bellowed, and everyone went silent. "Let's continue with the game."

"Alright, Sev." Harry pouted, and settled for glaring at Bellatrix and his best friend.

"That was so embarrassing." Hermione muttered angrily.

"It could have been much worse." Severus said comfortingly.

"I guess so." Hermione sighed. "My turn then!" She announced, and reached out and spun the bottle, which landed on Lucius.

"Truth or dare?"

"Tru-" Lucius began, and Voldemort glared at him. "Dare." He quickly changed.

"Dare him to look less than perfect!" Ginny suggested.

"I'm afraid that's impossible." Lucius said proudly.

"It just became possible with the way your head has just inflated." Severus said cuttingly.

"Let's not go down the petty insults route." Draco said in defense of his father.

"Yeah." Harry agreed. "Come on, Hermione, give him a dare."

Hermione felt angry, and she wanted to take it out on someone. What would embarrass Lucius?

"We haven't got all day. In fact, the Gryffindors probably only have an hour." Harry deadpanned.

"Ok, ok!" She snapped, and stood up. She walked over to Lucius and whispered in his ear: "I dare you to try and seduce Bellatrix, for the rest of the game."

She pulled back, and Lucius looked absolutely horrified.

"You… are _truly_ the cruelest witch I have _ever_ had the immense misfortune to _ever _encounter!" Lucius declared dramatically.

"I know." Hermione smiled, and sat back down next to Severus.

"What did you dare him to do?" Severus asked, with a satisfied, yet suspicious smirk.

"Yes, tell us." Harry whined.

Hermione whispered the dare in Severus's ear. He burst out laughing.

"You're not going to tell me?" Harry asked, offended.

"Nope." Hermione grinned. "Right, on with the game!"

Lucius grumbled, but reached out and spun the bottle, which landed on Severus.

"Truth or dare?"

"Truth." Severus responded quickly.

"Do you purposefully make all of your potions taste horrible?" Lucius questioned, remembering their conversation yesterday.

"Yes, I do, I also try and make them the vilest color possible." He confessed.

"I thought so, Sev." Harry said proudly. "Are you capable of making potions taste nice?" He asked.

"More than capable." Severus insisted.

"Bella, I've never noticed how… alluring you are before." Lucius purred, suddenly remembering his dare.

"Have you hit your head Lucy?" Bellatrix asked, confused.

"On the contrary, everything seems to be perfect in my world right now." He continued.

Bellatrix just stared blankly at him, and everyone else was giving Lucius a suspicious look.

"If you could stop flirting for a moment," Severus huffed. "I'll take my turn."

"They were flirting?" Draco asked, completely appalled.

"You seem to flirt with Hermione just fine, can't you recognize flirting when you see it? Or are you just stupid?" Ginny said coldly.

"Let's not start all of that again." Harry groaned. "Sev, spin the bloody bottle already."

Severus reached out, and spun the bottle, which landed on Harry.

"Truth or dare?"

"I'll do truth." Harry said thoughtfully.

"Who is your favorite teacher?"

"Why ask something like that?" Harry asked immediately.

"Because I'd like to know." Severus said, his eyes narrowing.

"Meaning you don't know what else to ask me." Harry grinned.

"Just answer the question. You're not in class now, so it's one you should be able to answer." Severus retorted.

"Wow, harsh!" Harry cried, clutching his chest dramatically.

"You expected something else?" Severus asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Not really." Harry confirmed. "Right. My favorite teacher, now, is you. My favorite ever teacher, would be Remus." He said thoughtfully.

"I should have known you'd pick your werewolf." Severus shook his head.

"Hey! Remus was a brilliant teacher. Wasn't he Ginny?" Harry winked, remembering her confession.

"Yeah…" She sighed dreamily. "So… rugged."

"Well, that's Ginny off in her own little world." Draco laughed.

"Bella, you know, I always thought you were more attractive than Narcissa." Lucius interjected, remembering his dare.

"Really?" She asked incredulously.

"Most definitely." He purred.

"Why did you marry her then?" She asked suspiciously.

"I thought you didn't like me." Lucius lied.

"I've always _liked_ you." Bellatrix said, wiggling her eyebrows slightly, and Lucius had to hurry to mask his disgust at such a prospect.

"This is getting disturbing." Harry shuddered.

"I regret doing that dare now." Hermione muttered.

"I thought you hated him?" Draco said, becoming suspicious.

"It was pretend." Bellatrix explained, and started gazing at Lucius, who was panicking now and determined not to say anything else to Bellatrix. Damn Hermione for doing such a stupid dare!

"Anyway!" Harry yelled. "I'm taking my turn now!" He huffed, and spun the bottle, which landed on Ginny.

"Truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"Nobody is picking dare." Harry complained. "Ok then. If you had to have sex with either Dumblewhore, Fudge, or… Hagrid, who would you choose?" Harry grinned.

"Oh, Harry. How cruel." Voldemort said approvingly.

"Thank you!" Harry announced, bowing his head.

"You're horrible Harry." Draco said, amused, and his father nodded his head in agreement.

"Fudge." Ginny said through gritted teeth, with barely contained anger.

"Fudge?" Voldemort asked, and everyone but Ginny laughed hysterically.

"You'll have to let us know whether he keeps his bowler hat on in bed." Hermione suggested, and was rewarded by a renewed wave of laughter from everybody, apart from Ginny of course.

"You guys are evil." She frowned.

"You were also rather evil in your revenge towards Harry, unless my memory fails me." Lucius said, raising an eyebrow.

Ginny mumbled something under her breath.

"Hey, Hermione," Harry started, and she looked up at him.

"Yes?"

"Have you decided what song you want at your funeral?" He asked cheekily.

"No, why would-" She realized a stumble, and quickly corrected herself. "I'm going to presume you have."

"I want 'Wake me Up Before You Go Go.' Harry said with a wry smile.

"God, Harry!" Hermione cringed.

"I'll remember it for you." Draco offered.

"Thank you." Harry nodded curtly. "Or maybe 'Return to Sender'… he trailed off."

"Weasley, spin the bottle before my best friend here gets anymore ideas." Voldemort said quickly on seeing Harry's demented expression.

Ginny reached out, and spun the bottle. It landed on Ron.

"Truth or dare?"

"Dare." He said quickly, and then seemingly regretted it. "No, wait!"

"Too late!" She said happily.

Lucius suddenly smirked, and whispered something in Ginny's ear.

She smiled, and nodded. "Ron, I dare you to French kiss Bellatrix again."

"Again?" Harry moaned.

"I will _not_ allow this… again!" Bellatrix raged.

"You will." Voldemort said coldly.

"Yes, My Lord." She replied, again, looking angry.

"Please, no, Ginny, I've already done that!" Ron pleaded.

"Sorry. Now, just hurry up and do it." She giggled.

Both Ron and Bellatrix's faces were scrunched up in pure disgust.

"I don't want to." Ron whined.

"We have to do it, so stop whining." Bellatrix seethed, before moving closer to him…

Just before their mouths met, Harry felt Severus's strong, but gentle hand covering his eyes.

"Why doesn everyone do that?" Harry muttered.

"Because we care about you, and don't want you to see it." Severus said dryly.

Eventually, he lifted his hand away, and Harry saw a dazed expression on Ron's face.

He was tracing his lips with his middle, and index fingers. "I remember!" He suddenly declared.

"What?" Draco asked, confused.

"I remember snuggling up to her… and how sexy she is!" Ron said, surprising himself.

"I knew he would." Lucius said proudly.

"Whoa, hold it." Harry said, holding his hand up. "You said is as in present tense."

"Crap," Ron muttered. "Slip of the tongue?" He offered weakly.

"So, you remember everything that happened to you?" Severus asked, changing the subject.

"Yeah." Ron nodded. "People liked me!" He whined.

"Well, you were a lot nicer." Ginny shrugged, and Hermione agreed with her.

"I hope you remember all of those awful compliments you gave me, and how sad they were." Bellatrix snorted.

"The Veela council…" Ron shuddered. "I can't bare this." He suddenly declared, and reached out and spun the bottle before anyone could say anything more. It landed on Draco.

"Truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"What's the biggest prank you've ever pulled?" Ron asked, and Harry looked shocked.

"That's a rather mundane question." He stated blankly.

"I can be a very mundane, mellow, guy." He said happily, sure that being completely laidback and nice was the way to win Hermione back from the bat.

"The biggest prank…" Draco thought for a moment. "I filled McGonagall's desk with Weasley's Wicked Goo." He confessed.

"I thought I told you not to use those products!" His father raged.

"But it was worth it!" Draco snapped defensively.

"That was _you_?" Severus asked darkly, anger flashing in his eyes. "Do you have _any_ idea, how long I had to work to brew her a potion to turn her skin back to it's original color? How long she refused to leave _my_ quarters in her fear that somebody would see her?" He seethed. "You… insolent, ignorant boy!"

"Severus, no use getting angry about it now." Hermione said comfortingly, and grabbed his hand and traced idle patterns on his palm.

"Sorry, Severus." Draco said apologetically.

Severus glared at him, before succumbing to Hermione's calming influence.

"I think you're going soft." Lucius teased.

"As soft as your head or…?" Severus trailed off, smirking.

"I'm spinning the bottle now." Draco announced, and did so. It landed on Lucius.

"Truth or dare, father?"

"Truth." He replied firmly.

"Why were you flirting with Aunt Bella?" He asked accusingly.

"Because Hermione dared me." He blurted.

Hermione looked guilty.

"Hermione!" Harry, Draco and Ginny gasped.

"I thought it would be funny." She whistled innocently.

"You sound far too much like Harry for my liking." Lucius frowned.

Bellatrix looked slightly disappointed.

"How could you do that?" Ron asked incredulously.

"Jealous, Ron?" She asked teasingly.

"No!" He insisted.

"I bet he can't wait to take her to his bed." Harry grinned.

"Bad mental image!" Ron screamed, and Bellatrix cringed.

"Let us continue before my patience runs out completely." Voldemort growled.

Lucius tentatively reached out and spun the bottle, which landed on Harry.

"Truth or dare?"

"I'm going to be a hypocrite and go with truth." Harry smiled.

"I thought you would." Lucius rolled his eyes. "What's the most Slytherin thing you've ever done?"

Harry took a moment to think. "I pretended Tom had possessed me to get out of a lesson with Dumblewhore." Harry looked guilty.

"You pretended that I possessed you?" Tom spluttered.

"Yeah…" Harry trailed off awkwardly.

"Is that when you went missing for three weeks before Christmas?" Draco asked.

"Yup, he kept me in his quarters." Harry shuddered. "Refused to let me out of his sight, and kept talking to me like I was Tom."

"I remember that." Hermione nodded. "We couldn't see him or anything."

"Didn't quite work out in the way you wanted it too." Bellatrix laughed. "Spending three weeks alone with Dumblewhore, even I'll pity you Potty."

"It was horrible." Harry whined. "Anyway, my turn." He said, like nothing had happened.

He reached out and spun the bottle, which to his great pleasure, landed on Voldemort.

"Truth or dare?"

"Dare." He said bravely.

Harry thought for a moment, and had the vague feeling the Rodolphus would be coming very soon.

"I dare you to duet 'My Way' with me." He grinned.

"You want me to sing?" He spluttered, and looked outraged at the prospect.

"Very much so."

"Perfect song." Hermione approved.

"Is that the one with the curtain thing?" Ginny asked, vaguely remembering it from a time Hermione had tried to teach her about muggle music.

"Yeah, I'll get my walkman then." She sighed.

"I know the song." Voldemort said blankly.

"How?" Harry asked suspiciously.

"Does it matter?" Voldemort glared at him.

"I suppose not, no." Harry amended.

"I'll just get the music then." Hermione huffed.

"It's a little ironic, no?" Voldemort eventually asked as Hermione was rummaging around in her satchel.

"Yes." Harry smiled. "I like a bit of irony to end a life with." He said dryly.

"Why do I get the feeling this is a sad song?" Draco asked cautiously.

"Not a sad song, per se." Harry debated with himself. "Not a happy go lucky thing, not like your songs." He said playfully.

"Are you really going to sing, My Lord?" Bellatrix asked disbelievingly.

"Do I appear to have another choice?" Voldemort growled.

"We've never heard you sing, My Lord." Lucius quickly added.

"Today is the day then!" Harry announced.

"Got it!" Hermione declared. "Ready then?" She asked, setting the music up again, and muttering several wandless incantations.

"Looks like it." Voldemort grumbled, and stood up, along with Harry.

The music began to play, and eager eyes landed on the two men who were now standing next to each other.

"And now, the end is near, and so I face, the final curtain." Harry began to sing, and everyone was amazed how good he sounded, not to mention how ironic that first line was.

"My friend, I'll say it clear. I'll state my case, of which I'm certain. I've lived, a life that's full, I traveled each and every highway, and more, much more than this, I did it… my way." Harry finished his line, and Voldemort took a very deep breath. All eyes were on him now, and only him.

"Regrets, I've had a few. But then again, too few to mention. I did, what I had to do, and saw it through, without exemption." Voldemort sang, and as everyone expected, he was a deep baritone, a perfect contrast to Harry's higher pitched voice. Everyone was again, surprised at how good a singer Lord Voldemort really was.

"I planned, each charted course, each careful step, along the byway. And more, much more than this, I did it… my way." Voldemort sang, looking directly at Harry.

"Yes there were times, I'm sure you knew. When I bit off more than I could chew!" Harry sang louder, bringing his voice to the natural crescendo of the song.

"But through it all, when there was doubt…" Voldemort continued for him.

"I ate it up! And spit it out." Harry sang, smirking all the while.

"I faced it all, and I stood tall…" Harry sang, building his voice up again for the next crescendo.

"And did it, my way!" They sang together, and everyone was sure the room shook with the power and emotion behind it. Even Bellatrix was in awe.

"I've loved, I've laughed and cried…" Harry sang much softer.

"I've had my fill, my share of losing." Voldemort finished the line, and smirked slightly at the pure irony.

"And now, as tears subside, I find it all, so amusing." Harry sang with a sadness to his voice.

"To think, I did all that…" Harry continued, a slight awe in his voice as he remembered the events of the time they had been in this room.

"And may I say, not in a shy way." Voldemort interjected, and Harry had a feeling he would have huffed.

"Oh no, oh no, not me. I did it my way." Harry crooned.

"For what is a man, what has he got?" Voldemort sang powerfully.

"If not himself, then he has not." Harry sang, with _almost_ the same power.

"To say the things, he truly feels," Harry sang again.

"And not the words, of one who kneels!" Voldemort finished the line, power radiating from his voice, again.

"The record shows, I took the blows." Harry sang, pointing to his scar.

"And did it, my way!" They finished, holding the last note.

"Yes, it was my way." They eventually sang softly, and the music finished.

Literally everybody in the room stood up, and gave them both a thunderous round of applause.

"That was so amazing…" Hermione breathed, tears glistening in her eyes.

"I can only agree with her." Severus said, smiling the smallest smile possible.

"Truly an astounding performance, My Lord." Lucius said enthusiastically, and Bellatrix nodded vehemently.

"Mate…" Ron breathed.

"That was really, really good." Draco and Ginny both said at the same time, and Harry blushed suddenly with all of the attention.

"Well, I can't take all the credit." Harry laughed.

"Yes. I sang too." Voldemort glared.

"You have a really good voice, if you weren't a Dark Lord, I'd suggest for you to go into muggle Opera." Harry teased, and swatted his best friend on the arm.

"And if you weren't my best friend, I'd torture for such a remark." Voldemort replied innocently.

"Now, why did you dare me to sing such a song with you?" Voldemort asked suspiciously.

Harry just sighed, and Voldemort had the feeling he should look at the door. Sure enough, as if Harry had known all along, the door crashed open to reveal an extremely shocked looking Rodolphus.

"_Attero Munita_!" He cried out, and the prison's barrier dissipated instantly.

"Oh well. That was fun." Harry sighed, and everyone started fumbling for their wands.

"First things first." Voldemort declared, and turned to Bellatrix. "_Crucio_!" He screamed with venom.

The crucio never hit it's target, instead, it hit Ron, who had walked in front of her.

"ARGH!" Ron screamed in pain, writhing on the floor.

"What the…" Harry breathed. "Let him go." He immediately demanded.

Voldemort grumbled, but broke the spell.

"It feels excellent to use magic again!" He declared, smiling.

"Why the hell did you just take a crucio for me?" Bellatrix demanded of the shivering boy on the floor.

"I didn't do it on purpose!" He snarled, and then whimpered in pain.

The rest of the group traded suspicious looks.

"It was an accident!" Ron insisted. "I was being clumsy!" They'd never believe him.

"My Lord…" Rodolphus breathed, and all attention was turned to him. "What is Harry Potter doing here?"

"None of your business." Voldemort said coldly. "Leave. Now."

Rodolphus scurried from the room without hesitation.

"Are we having a duel or what?" Harry said, having finally found his wand.

This was the time Voldemort was supposed to say something. But he drew a blank as he stared at his best friend.

"Well?" Harry sighed, and again received nothing in return.

'I should say something.' Voldemort panicked inside his mind as he watched Harry stare impatiently at him.

"Right, well, I'll say my goodbyes then, and you can just kill me." Harry groaned.

"That wont be necessary." Voldemort blurted.

"Let me have a good bye at least." Harry asked.

"You'll leave the war? All of you?" Voldemort asked the Gryffindors, and Severus.

"I already left." Harry said distantly.

"I don't want a part of it anymore." Severus said, and Hermione agreed with him, before stumbling slightly, she felt a nasty headache coming on.

"I'm with Harry, and only Harry." Ron breathed, despite the amount of pain he was still in from tremors.

"Sorry to say this, but I agree with my brother." Ginny looked at the floor.

"Then you can leave. All of you." Voldemort managed to say. "I shall personally see you off of my property." He said coldly, and began to leave the room. Ron managed to drag himself up off the floor, and everyone followed Voldemort.

"You're just letting us go then?" Harry asked incredulously, catching up to his best friend and walking beside him.

"Yes." Voldemort rolled his eyes. "I wasn't aware you were deaf."

Harry scowled slightly, but followed obediently, although still remaining beside Voldemort instead of behind him.

They traveled up the stairs and through corridors, and eventually, after passing some rather confused looking Death Eaters, they came to the apparation point outside.

"Severus," Hermione suddenly said. "I don't think I'll be able to apparate, I don't feel very good." She stumbled again, and Severus caught her, eyes full of concern.

"That's fine," He purred soothingly in her ear. "I'll take you." She grasped his arm tightly. "We'll wait for you all." And with that, and a loud crack, Severus and Hermione were gone.

"I can't apparate, remember?" Ginny interjected.

"That's ok, I'll take you." Draco smiled, and offered his arm. Ginny took it eagerly, and with another loud crack, they were gone.

"I don't think Ron is in any condition to apparate." Harry laughed.

"Bellatrix, take him." Voldemort commanded.

Bellatrix cringed, before making sure Ron had a firm grip on her. "I'll kill you for this." She sneered in his ear, before they too, disappeared with a loud crack.

"Tom?" Harry asked nervously.

"Harry?"

"I can't apparate." He confessed.

"I'll take him, My Lord." Lucius sighed, and reached out for Harry.

"No, I will. I wouldn't like to see my best friend without one of his legs." Voldemort replied, and Harry grabbed hold of his arm. Another loud crack, and an offended looking Lucius, and they arrived outside of the main gates.

Hermione was laying on the grass, with a worried Severus hovering over her. Ron was still shaking slightly, and clinging to Bellatrix like his life depended on it. Ginny and Draco were snogging furiously.

"Some things never change." Harry laughed.

"We better go back up to school before anyone spots us." Draco breathed, managing to break away from his girlfriend.

"Yeah…" Ginny said, biting her lip.

"See you in a bit." They both bid, and ran back up to Hogwarts.

"Can you walk now?" Bellatrix said impatiently, and although she'd vehemently deny this if ever asked, she felt a slight gratitude to the freckled carrot for taking a crucio for her, even if it was an accident.

"I think so." Ron confirmed, and took a few shaky steps.

"I'll be fine." Ron said at Harry's worried look. "See you in the dorms, unless Dumblewhore expels you." He joked, and started hobbling his way back up the path.

"Go back to the manor, Bellatrix." Voldemort commanded, and she bowed, and disapparated.

"What's wrong with Hermione?" Harry eventually asked.

"I'm just tired." She said. "I'll be fine, just let me rest on the grass a minute." Severus was still hovering, and Harry moved away from them, followed by Voldemort.

"It's been very, very weird." Harry spoke out loud, breaking the silence.

"Indeed. I would have never thought of myself playing a muggle game, and becoming best friend bonded with my mortal enemy." He chuckled.

"What happens with us now?" Harry asked nervously.

"What do you want to happen?" Voldemort questioned.

Harry laughed. "Is this the part where you declare your undying love to me then?"

"Certainly nothing so dramatic." Voldemort huffed. "Do you want us to fight each other, still?" He pressed.

"I don't want us to fight." Harry confirmed. "I've had enough of being Dumblewhore's weapon."

"I'm glad to hear it." Voldemort said encouragingly.

"Are we going to stay best friends then?" Harry asked tentatively.

Voldemort paused. "I wasn't aware there was any doubt as to that fact."

Harry smiled. "Good, you know, we should totally go on a lads holiday and get you a nice witch…" He grinned maliciously.

"As long as she doesn't look like Bellatrix." Voldemort said sarcastically.

Their little sarcastic best friend bubble was broken by a shriek of: "-I'm fine, stop fussing!"

"Let's go see what's up now." Harry laughed, and they both headed back to where Hermione was trying to stand up.

"It's only right that I should worry about you, I care about you!" Severus argued, not aware of the two men standing behind him.

"Who'd have thought it. Severus Snape being soppy." Harry laughed softly, and Severus whipped around, looking like a rabbit caught in the headlights.

"Yes, well," he cleared his throat. "Don't spread it around."

"I won't." Harry promised.

"I'm still fine." Hermione insisted, and tried to stand up, before suddenly feeling very faint, and nearly falling down again. She was wobbly on her feet, at best, and certainly in no condition to walk anywhere.

Suddenly, their moment of peace and friendship was broken, by the cry of "Harry, my dear boy!" Dumbledore quickly came up to them, gasping when he saw Lord Voldemort.

"Tom?" He asked shocked, and clutching his chest.

"Maybe we'll get lucky and he'll have a heart attack." Harry laughed.

"If only the world would be so kind to me." Voldemort responded, sniggering and smirking at the complete look of shock on Dumbledore's face.

Dumbledore quickly drew his wand.

"You thought to kidnap my Harry and take him away? Everyone has been looking for him." Dumbledore said darkly.

"Your Harry?" Voldemort asked incredulously.

"I'm not anybody's possession for bloody…" Harry trailed off, biting back several profanities.

"Harry, quickly, come to me." Dumbledore instructed.

"Yeah, I don't think so." Harry smiled kindly.

"Looks like I'll have to be leaving then." Voldemort said to Harry. "Promise me you'll write to me, until the holidays." Voldemort commanded.

"Of course, of course. Every day if that'll make you feel better." Harry snorted.

Dumbledore was just too shocked to do anything.

"Man hug!" Harry declared, and quickly wrapped his arms around his best friend.

Voldemort responded in kind, patting Harry's back all the while, delighting in the tortured expression of Dumbledore's face, he hadn't even noticed Severus and Hermione.

Harry let Voldemort go, and smiled. "Bye Tom!" He waved eagerly, and stepped back.

"Good-bye, Harry." Voldemort bid, and raised his hand, keeping his palm still, but wiggling his fingers in good-bye. There was a loud crack, and the Dark Lord was gone.

"Severus, how's Hermione?" Harry interjected, completely ignoring a spluttering Dumbledore.

"ALBUS!" Minerva McGonagall shrieked, racing down the path, completely out of breath.

"Minerva! The Dark Lord was just here, and Harry was hugging him!" Dumbledore babbled, losing all composure and eloquence.

"Albus… are you alright?" She asked tentatively.

"Yes, yes, yes fine!" He insisted. "Tom was here!"

"Harry, is this true?" Minerva asked, completely bewildered.

"I'm sorry Professor, I really have no idea what the Headmaster is talking about. We merely had too much to drink last night, and were hoping to sneak back into the castle." He said apologetically, and put on his puppy dog eyes, Minerva could never, ever resist those!

"Well, Mr. Potter. Thirty points from Gryffindor, each." She eventually responded.

"Well, of course he'll say that!" Dumbledore spat. "Obviously, Tom has him under some kind of spell. Perhaps the imperious."

"Was Severus here when… the Dark Lord came?" Minerva asked suspiciously. This didn't sound right.

"Yes, yes, ask him!"

"Severus, did you see the Dark Lord?" Minerva asked the potions master.

Severus stood up, and gathered Hermione in his arms. "I truly have no clue of what the Headmaster is talking about. I'm afraid I had merely happened upon the two of them as they were sneaking back inside." Severus explained. "The Dark Lord was not here." He repeated. "Harry, come to my quarters when Albus has finished with you. We'll arrange for you to continue your Occlumency lessons then." He lied. Hermione snuggled closer to Severus's warm chest, and believing nobody was watching him, he placed a quick, fleeting kiss on Hermione's head.

"That's wonderful you're pursuing that, Harry." Minerva smiled. "Now, Albus," She began as Severus carried Hermione back to Hogwarts.

"I don't understand." Dumbledore mumbled, running his hand over his face. "I don't understand."

"You've been working really hard, Headmaster." Harry said sympathetically, approaching Dumbledore and rubbing his back kindly.

"Maybe you just need to rest? Why would I hug Lord Voldemort? Not to mention the fact he wouldn't just let me go like that you describe, would he?" Harry moved his hand to his former mentor's shoulder

"No, no, no it seemed so real." Dumbledore said, covering Harry's hand with his own. "I'm sorry for accusing you of such a thing."

"It's not a problem Professor. You can invite me for tea to make up for it." Harry said happily, he'd already concocted a plan to prank Dumbledore, he'd need Tom's help… but it would be worth it.

"Of course." Dumbledore mumbled. "Let us return to Hogwarts then." and the three of them set off. Dumbledore had a faster pace than either Harry or Minerva, who were walking beside each other.

"He has been working far too hard." Minerva shook her head.

"I feel sorry for him." Harry lied.

"Tell me, Harry," She started, reverting into the more motherly role she adopted when nobody else was around. "Severus wasn't in the castle last night…" She trailed off suggestively.

This could get awkward.

"Did I see what I thought I saw? With Severus and Hermione?" She pressed.

"Maybe you did, maybe you didn't." Harry shrugged, but his face couldn't hide the small smile when he thought of his friends.

"I see." Minerva said, now wearing a small smile of her own.

"Harry, come here." Dumbledore shouted over his shoulder.

Harry quickly raced to the Headmasters side.

"Yes?" He asked innocently.

"I'm afraid I have a heavy schedule for the next three weeks." He said apologetically. "Perhaps we could have tea four weeks from today? We could continue your extra lessons from then?" He asked.

Harry worked out the dates in his mind, that should be perfect. Of course, Voldemort should be able to get the ingredients for the potion by then, and Severus could brew it…

"I'd love that Professor." He said, with an evil grin on his face.

****

Well, that's it! The last, full chapter. Happy ending! Is everybody satisfied with the last proper chapter? I hope so. I'm still not quite sure about the ending, so please, leave me a review telling me what you think.

Thanks to everyone who has reviewed, added this to alert or their favorites, you guys are awesome!

Any questions, or if you want a reply, please, either leave a signed review with your question or whatever, or send me a message.

Once again, super special thanks to XTimeGirlX who is amazing, and a super special mention to funnyjester, who is awesomely supportive!


	12. Wandlore and Goats Galore

**A/N: Well, here it is! Everyone seemed interested in the prank Harry was planning, so please, enjoy the epilogue!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, or anything to do with the books or films. If I did, Severus, Remus and Voldemort wouldn't be dead, and Ron would have died some painful death somewhere in book five.**

"Hermione, what the hell are you wearing?" Harry asked, a look of shock upon his face. He had been waiting for Hermione to come down from her dorm for half an hour now. He almost wished she hadn't. "Are you wearing make up?" He asked accusingly.

"No!" She lied and blushed.

"You are." He teased. "However, you still didn't answer my earlier question, what the hell are you wearing?" He repeated, scrunching up his nose in disapproval.

"I'm wearing a feminine top." Hermione insisted.

"Hermione. It's a t-shirt that has S.P.E.W, and 'House Elf Equality' written on it." Harry pointed out blankly.

"It's a feminine top, that just so happens to have the name of my organization written on it." She shrugged nonchalantly.

"I know you were threatening to have one made, but who the hell would find your demands so irresistible…" Harry trailed off, and sighed. "Sev." He said blankly, realization hitting him like a ton of bricks.

"What about him?" Hermione asked, glad everybody else was either still asleep, or had gone down to breakfast.

"Did he get you that?" Harry pressed.

"Might have done." She whistled innocently.

"You did the look on him." Harry sighed knowingly.

"I don't have a 'look'." She huffed, even though she knew she did, and used it regularly.

"Look, I'm your best friend, and I refuse to go down to breakfast with you wearing _that_." He said firmly.

"Tough." She retorted stubbornly, and so began the staring contest.

Harry looked deeply into her chocolate brown eyes, and he could see for himself, there was no way she was going to give in.

Hermione stared deeply into Harry's emerald green eyes, and she could see the exasperation and wavering attitude swimming there. She was about to win…

"Fine. Let's just go." Harry relented.

"I just want to get my posters!" She called out over her shoulder, already half way up the stairs.

"I'm going to kill Tom for giving her hope for S.P.E.W." Harry seethed, and crossed his arms petulantly.

He tapped his foot, and started humming 'My Way' to pass the time. It was his favorite song, now. It always made him laugh when he thought about how ironic the lyrics seemed at the time.

Five minutes later, Hermione came back down the stairs, her satchel flung over her shoulder.

"Are we going then?" She said, _she_ said impatiently. What did she have to be impatient about?

Harry just sighed, and they began to make their way down to the Great Hall.

"Wait up!" Ron screamed after them, and eventually caught up, Ginny behind him.

Harry rolled his eyes. "Good morning." He growled.

"He's grumpy today." Hermione pointed out.

"Aren't you doing your… thing today?" Ginny asked quietly. Hermione immediately threw up a silencing charm around them.

"Yeah, this afternoon. Tom is sending the ingredients this morning, which is why we need to go now." Harry said quickly, and the four of them hurried down to the Great Hall.

Immediately, as they went through the doors, all eyes were on Hermione.

"What is she wearing?" One Ravenclaw whispered.

Thankfully, the rest of the students and staff were too engrossed in her t-shirt to notice she and Severus were looking at each other, a shy smile on Hermione's face, and a fond quality to Severus's obsidian eyes.

Harry threw his hands up in the air, waved at Draco and the Slytherins, who all immediately waved back, much to his satisfaction.

"Why did the Slytherins wave back?" Came the whispers from the other three house tables. Harry smirked. He liked causing gossip.

Dumbledore smiled at him, and waved enthusiastically when he sat down. Harry suppressed an annoyed growl, and waved back.

Eventually, the four of them sat at the end of the Gryffindor table. Ron stuffed his plate to the rafters, while Harry and Ginny maintained respectable portions. Hermione took a little, and was merely picking at her food.

She stole another glance at Severus.

Harry just rolled his eyes again. He seemed to be doing that a lot lately.

Three minutes passed, and now it was Severus's turn to stare.

Another two minutes and Ron had finished his plate, and refilled it completely.

Another minute, and Hermione was staring. Harry had to say something.

"Hermione, you're being really obvious." He said blankly.

"I'm not." She huffed, and went back to picking at her food.

"There'll be rumors soon if you keep it up." Harry advised her.

"You mean like the rumors about you?" Hermione reminded him, and smiled sweetly.

Rumors. There were plenty of those.

Harry had to think back to what had happened. It had been a month since they had left that room, the game, the prison. Life had gone pretty much back to normal, with a few exceptions. Severus was no longer spying, and was in the process of taking over DADA. Horace Slughorn was coming in to replace him as Potions Professor.

Dumbledore was watching Harry more closely than he ever had done before, and was slightly suspicious of Harry, especially since the five of them had denounced the war completely.

In that short month, things had changed in the wizarding world. There were no more attacks on muggles, or muggle-borns.

Harry's nagging had paid off.

Harry looked up to where the owls normally flew in. He was waiting for that very, _very_ important letter, and even more important package, hence the reason for him being very grumpy and impatient, like he'd told the others.

"Ginny, Malfoy just gave me this to give you." Neville Longbottom passed her a note, and looked decidedly confused.

"Thanks Neville!" Ginny beamed, and started reading the note.

"Will anyone ever tell me what is going on with the Slytherins?" Neville suddenly asked.

"I don't know what's going on, I don't even know why they wave back to me every morning. I only do it to annoy them." Harry lied.

"Why are they being nice to you?" He asked suspiciously.

"I don't know." Harry lied again. He had guessed, of course, and had asked Voldemort about it, now he was just waiting his answer. Neville gave them another suspicious look, and realizing he wasn't wanted, or needed, he sloped off to the other end of the table.

"Awww, Draco is so sweet." Ginny sighed.

Ron mumbled something, and continued stuffing his face full of bacon.

"Honestly Ron, you're like a pig." Hermione chastised.

Ron nearly said, "Better a pig than a bat," But he decided against it, he was still trying to 'win back' Hermione… despite her never being his in the first place.

"Hermione, you're doing it again." Harry moaned when it caught her looking at the staff table. "Rumors!" He reminded her… again.

"Well, we're already the subject of school gossip." She sighed. "Especially you, everyone thinks you've joined Voldemort."

"Well, I haven't." Harry snapped defensively.

"_We_ know that, they don't." Ginny piped up.

Suddenly, the sound of flapping wings and hooting filled the Great Hall, and Harry grinned eagerly. A huge, magnificent looking eagle flew gracefully onto the Gryffindor table, a package, and a letter attached to it's leg.

"Thank you." Harry said softly, giving it a stroke. "Come back tonight, and you can take a letter back." The eagle stayed for a moment, enjoying the attention it was getting as everyone gawped at it, and then flew away.

"Two guesses who that's from." Ron mumbled, putting three more sausages onto his plate. Harry snorted, and opened the letter.

_Harry,_

_Here are the potions ingredients you wanted, and no, as promised, I didn't kill anybody to get them. They are banned in Hogwarts for a reason, and are difficult to procure. However, I don't mind going to the extra effort considering what use you are putting them too._

_How is the old goat? Is he still watching you like a hawk? I'll assume he is still upset at the loss of his weapon. I doubt he expected the puppet to reach up and cut the strings._

_In answer to your other question, yes I did threaten the Death Eaters. I may be your best friend, but I'm still the Dark Lord, and I'd rather not have my followers mutilating you. And no, I won't stop torturing them either. I'm not attacking muggles, or muggle borns anymore, so you can't take away my only fun!_

_Speaking of muggle-borns, how is Hermione? Campaigning for rights for house-elves I hope. I, of course, endorse her all the way, make sure she campaigns hard._

_Write back soon and tell me how the prank goes, I'll be most interested to hear the results._

_Your best friend, _

_Tom_

_P.S: If Dumbledore, or anybody else tries to read this letter, it'll seem like a love note from a girlfriend, and the package will look like chocolates. How kind am I? I've given you the social life you so desperately needed._

"Bastard." Harry laughed, and Dumbledore was moving towards him at great speed.

"Harry, my boy, you don't mind if I read that, do you? Eagle post is so very rare." He smiled kindly, and didn't even wait for Harry's response. He just plucked the letter out of his hand.

Dumbledore cleared his throat and started reading the note out loud. "Harry, my love, I can't wait to see you again, I especially enjoyed our last meeting in Hogsmeade, that thing you did with your…" Dumbledore turned bright red, and thrust the letter back into Harry's hand. "Well, that's quite enough of an invasion of your privacy. I must apologize Harry."

"That's not a problem, Headmaster." Harry beamed. "Are we still on for tea this afternoon?"

"Oh yes, of course." Dumbledore smiled, still blushing furiously. "I'll see you this afternoon then." He declared, and then scuttled back to the staff table, facing Minerva's wrath for bothering him… again.

Harry sniggered under his breath. He gathered the package up in his arms, and moved to the exit. He caught Severus's eye, and gave him the signal. Harry quickly left, and waited in a little alcove.

Five minutes later, Severus came strolling out, and quickly met Harry.

"You have the ingredients then?" He questioned.

"Of course." Harry grinned. "Tom wouldn't let me down." He opened the package, and gave each of the wrapped ingredients to Severus, who already had a satchel secreted under his robes.

"Come down to my office at lunch time," Severus said after a moment. "It should be ready by then."

"Thanks Sev," Harry smiled. "You're an awesome friend."

"Obviously." Severus drawled, trying to hide a smile.

"Oh, and Hermione said she'll be down before curfew." Harry said, only just remembering.

Severus couldn't hide the smile anymore, and quickly stalked away.

"Five points from Ravenclaw for loitering!" He heard Severus snap a few seconds later. Some things never change.

Harry was waiting outside of the gargoyle leading up to Dumbledore's office.

'Go in, have tea, drug the drops.' Harry repeated this over and over again in his mind, an unending mantra reminding him what to do.

"Harry, come up." Harry snapped out of his thoughts, and found that the gargoyle was gone.

He nervously ascended the stairs, and knocked on the door. It opened for him, and he stepped inside.

"Harry, my boy!" Dumbledore declared on seeing him, and rushed over.

"Headmaster." Harry said respectfully, trying to dodge the hug Dumbledore was trying to give him. What the hell was the old goat playing at?

Dumbledore ignored the fact Harry was trying to get out of the hug, and squeezed him tighter.

Harry coughed, and Dumbledore let him go. "Sit down, sit down." He insisted.

He reminded Harry of a creepy uncle. Dumbledore was up to something.

Harry tentatively sat down, fingering the potion bottle in his pocket.

"Now, I know we said tea, but I always preferred a little hot chocolate." Dumbledore said with that annoying twinkle in his eye.

"Hot chocolate would be lovely, thanks." Harry lied, and Dumbledore summoned the drinks.

"Now, there's something very important I want to talk to you about today, Harry." Dumbledore said seriously, while pouring two cups of the hot chocolate.

"Oh yes?" Harry asked, he had a feeling he knew where this was going.

"You know, I care about you very, very much. You are like a grandchild to me." Dumbledore said fondly.

'Emotional blackmail then.' Harry suppressed a chuckle.

"Now, I know the war can be a very scary place." He continued patronizingly. "But we need you to continue the fight against the Dark." He said sadly. "You wouldn't want Voldemort to hurt more families, like he robbed you of your mother and father, would you?"

'Massive emotional blackmail. How manipulative.' Harry thought.

"We suspect that due the Voldemort having ceased his attacks on muggles, and muggle-borns, he is planning something very big, and no doubt devastating." Dumbledore finished, and tried to gauge Harry's reaction.

"God, I didn't think about it like that." Harry said dramatically. "I'll have to think about it." He mumbled, and pretended to drink some of the hot chocolate. No doubt Dumbledore would have drugged it with Veritaserum.

"Professor, I was wondering if you could tell me what that instrument over there is for." Harry inquired, pointing to something silver, and whirring.

"Oh that! Well, I acquired that in…." Harry completely tuned the old goat out, annoyed that he didn't turn away.

How could he get the potion into the drops now?

"-of course, the butter beer wasn't actually poisoned, I would never do such a thing." Dumbledore finished, and snapped Harry away from his thoughts.

"Of course not, that seems more like a thing Professor Snape would do." Harry said quickly, after all, he had to keep up appearances.

"Now now, Harry, I know you don't like him." Dumbledore lightly chastised, keeping the twinkle in his eye. How annoying.

"Professor, I was wondering whether you had any books on…" Harry trailed off, trying to think of an unusual subject matter. "Using dragon bone as a substitute for wood in wand making." Harry lied.

Dumbledore looked surprised. "Are you thinking of studying wandlore, Harry?" He asked, with a sort of bemused smirk on his face.

"I find it absolutely fascinating." Harry lied, again. He seemed to be lying a lot lately. Maybe Voldemort was a bad influence. "I was just thinking about the magical properties of the bone, and how they could be used instead of wood." Harry shrugged like it was nothing.

"I have nothing quite so specific, however I do have a book on unusual wand materials, successes and failures." Dumbledore said thoughtfully. "Let me get it for you." He smiled fondly, and went into another section of his office.

Harry had to act fast. Quickly, he removed the potion bottle from his pocket, and poured it all over the tray of lemon drops on his desk. He muttered a quick binding and concealing spell, a powerful one Voldemort had taught him, and then relaxed.

"Yes, well, seems I have quite a few books on wandlore!" Dumbledore announced happily, coming back into view with four large books in his arms.. "I always found it such an interesting subject, and not one many students choose to follow." He said proudly as the put the four books on Harry's lap, before going to sit back down in his seat.

Harry had to seem at least a little interested, after all, he had asked Dumbledore for a book. It was going to look extremely suspicious if he wanted to leave straight away.

"Did you study wandlore, Professor?"

"Oh!" Dumbledore smiled, happy Harry seemed to want to talk to him. Obviously, it was nothing personal that Harry had left the war, he was most likely just afraid. That was something he could fix. "Only in my spare time. In fact I recall a situation when I was at school…"

**A Boring Twenty Minutes Later**

"-Ash! Ash! Would you believe it? I couldn't stand the thought of such a wizard with an ash wand, I said so at the time, and of course, Ollivander agreed with me wholeheartedly and we continued to argue with the ignorant wandmaker…"

**A Sleep Inducing Ten Minutes Later**

"-so he argues with me! I merely inquired as to why he used such low quality wood for his wand. "Brittle!" He says! "Rotten." I say." Dumbledore continued.

"This man sounds like a terrible loser." Harry sighed, trying not to yawn. "What is your opinion on Dragon Fang as a wand core?" He asked, bracing himself for another terribly boring conversation.

"Dragon Fang! Marvelous…"

**A Regret-Filled Thirty Minutes Later**

"-I don't think I'll have truly know why more wandmakers don't use Dragon Fang. Some of the best wands had that as their core. In fact, I remember one student…"

**A Mind-Meltingly Boring Twenty Minutes Later**

"And that's why I believe Thestral hair leads to more powerful _defensive_ spells, rather than the common misconception of _offensive _spells." Dumbledore finished with dramatic flair.

Harry stared absently at a clock on the wall, his brain had turned to complete slop, and he could only just register that one hour and twenty minutes had passed. There was another hour until dinner yet.

"Harry, I haven't bored you, have I?" Dumbledore asked tentatively.

"Oh no!" Harry said quickly. "In fact, you've been absolutely enthralling." Harry said with a sarcasm that Dumbledore just couldn't detect. "I do have one final question though." Harry continued.

"Name it, my boy, name it."

"I wondered whether anybody had ever tried to create liquid cores?" Harry tried not to yawn at his own question… this was beyond boring.

"Liquid cores!" Dumbledore said, obviously delighted. "A very highly debated subject." He said seriously. "Now, Ollivander and I were discussing this just a month ago. It all started when a very clever man decided…"

**An Excruciating Ten Minutes Later**

"-the theory of liquid wand cores has been around for a very long time, you understand. It's not a new concept. I believe they have done extensive experiments over in America? But, as the story I told you it was that one very, _very_ clever man…"

**A Hate-Filled Five Minutes Later**

"-of course the very idea is simply barbaric! I refused to listen to him, and promptly avoided several unforgivable curses, and certainly more than a couple of purely illegal ones…."

**Five Minutes Of Mourning For His Brain Function Later**

"I mean, what the man suggested! To have a poison at the core of a wand, to have a wand imbued with such a dangerous and hateful substance… I believe the wand would refuse to perform defensive, or healing spells. Ollivander had experimented with power enhancing potions previously…" Dumbledore took a deep breath.

Harry just nodded and prayed the next forty minutes would be over soon.

**A 'I'd Rather Be Tortured by Bellabitch Then Listen To More' Twenty Minutes Later**

"-I think that perhaps, dragons blood may work as a liquid core. If properly prepared. Certainly not unicorn blood. Indeed, I've debated this with some of the darker wizards I knew in my youth. Of course you know all about Unicorn blood." Dumbledore's eyes twinkled knowingly, and Harry gave him a polite nod.

"Yes, I do remember that." Harry finally managed to say, trying desperately to keep the exasperation out of his tone.

"You know, you've just given me the most marvelous idea. Perhaps a wand with a healing potion for a liquid core, would improve healing spells? In fact, I can think of more than one occasion…"

**An Arse Numbing Ten Minutes Later**

"- and the student even had the audacity to challenge me on the fact his wand was an illegal one! Preposterous!" Dumbledore raged, muttering curses under his breath. "Wands made from petrified, or dead wood are absolutely banned from this school! Of course in Durmstrang…."

Harry just nodded and smiled. He'd given up on trying to follow what Dumbledore was saying… actually, Harry couldn't even remember how long he'd been here in his office. All Harry knew was that his arse was numb, and Dumbledore hadn't eaten a Lemon Drop yet.

**The Most Boring Ten Minutes of His Life Later**

"-simply abhorrent." Dumbledore shook his head, and then smiled fondly. "It's been absolutely brilliant talking to you, Harry, I had no idea you had such a keen interest in wandlore. Perhaps we could schedule lessons for you…" He trailed off, deep in thought. "Ollivander would be thrilled to learn that Harry Potter wanted to go into wandmaking!" He declared.

"Yes. That would be lovely." Harry said blankly. His brain had abandoned him some where between Dragon Fang and Thestral hair.

Dumbledore glanced at the clock. "Goodness gracious, we've been here for a long time!" He gasped dramatically.

"I don't mind. I enjoyed myself." Harry said without emotion, his brain not quite recovering yet.

"Well, might I suggest we go down to dinner?" Dumbledore said encouragingly.

"Please."

Dumbledore smiled again, and reached out for his Lemon Drop tray. Harry's senses immediately picked up, and Dumbledore slipped some of the Lemon Drops into a small paper bag, which he put in his pocket.

"For later." He smiled fondly.

Harry _nearly_ groaned in disappointment.

Before Harry could do anything else, Dumbledore had called for a house elf. "Please take these books," He took the books from Harry, and gave them to the house elf, who seemed to possess unlimited strength. "to Harry's dorm." He commanded. The house elf bowed, and there was a loud crack, before the creature was gone.

"Best you don't tell Miss. Granger about that." Dumbledore winked again. "She's become… very active in her goal recently." He noted, slight suspicion lacing his tone.

"Yes, well. I think someone has been encouraging her." Harry said disapprovingly. Well, it was half a truth!

"I see." Dumbledore said cryptically. "Shall we leave?" He asked, immediately brightening up.

Harry moved towards the door, opened it, and descended the steps. He waited respectfully for Dumbledore to join him.

When he did, the two men began to venture to the Great Hall.

"I know we discussed Dragon Fang…" Dumbledore started.

'Oh God, here we go.' Harry thought. 'I don't think I can stand talking about wands anymore.' He tried not to outwardly cringe.

"Have you considered Dragon Claw?" Dumbledore asked seriously.

"No, I hadn't." Harry said honestly. Probably the first fully honest thing he'd said to Dumbledore all day. "Actually, I wanted to ask you something else." Harry lied, there was no way he was going to continue talking about wands.

"Ask away."

Harry's mind went blank. Just when he needed it. "Errr… It's kind of embarrassing." Harry was desperately trying to think of something to say now, as both he and Dumbledore deftly dodged the trick step on the staircases.

"Harry, I know you're scared of Voldemort," He started.

'How wrong you are." Harry thought and tried not to laugh.

"But, we need you in the war." Dumbledore said sadly. "If there was another way…" He trailed off, sighing.

'There is another way, you can face up to Voldemort like a man instead of the old goat you are.' Harry inwardly seethed. 'Stop sending someone else to do your bloody work.'

"After you." Harry snapped out of this thoughts, and saw Dumbledore was holding the door open for him.

"Thanks." He muttered, and entered the Great Hall.

He immediately saw Severus, who was looking at him. Harry rolled his eyes, and Severus realized Dumbledore hadn't had a Lemon Drop yet. Well, that would have to be rectified.

Harry waved at the Slytherins again, delighting in the way nearly every single one of them waved back, and the other houses started whispering.

"Harry," Hermione hissed when he sat down next to her.

"Hermione." Harry acknowledged, before pulling some food towards him.

"You know everybody gossips when you do that." She said, exasperation clear in her tone.

"That's why I do it." Harry grinned. "Ron, how was…" Harry trailed off, realizing his friend wouldn't answer him.

Ron had already eaten half of his dinner, without even taking a sip of pumpkin juice.

"Where's Ginny?" Harry asked, taking a sip of his drink.

"Ill, in bed." Hermione sighed, and they continued eating. "You were with Dumbledore for hours, what happened?" Hermione questioned, trying to keep her eyes firmly on Harry, and definitely not on a certain potions master.

"We were talking about wandlore." Harry said blankly, the mere memory of their 'discussion' bring back a numb feeling to his arse, and a uncomfortable lack of brain function.

"I like to know everything…" Hermione began. "But, I don't think I could spend two hours listening to him talking about _wandlore_." Hermione cringed.

"You might be a know-it-all, but you're an amazing know-it-all." Ron sighed.

He'd not given up on winning Hermione round yet.

Harry was a little too preoccupied with how he was going to get Dumbledore to eat a Lemon Drop to notice anything else.

Dumbledore ate them when he was stressed, when he was bored, and sometimes just random times.

So, Harry had to make him stressed. 'How the hell am I going to do that?' Harry thought bitterly.

Unbeknownst to him, Severus was thinking the same thing.

"I must say, Severus, you've brightened up considerably over the last month." Minerva said knowingly.

Severus ignored her, and tried to look decidedly more grumpy.

"Are you ignoring me?" Minerva asked accusingly.

"No, I'm ignoring the prying witch in green that keeps insisting on sitting next to me. I don't have the faintest idea who you are." Severus drawled sarcastically, leading to some sniggers from the rest of the staff.

Minerva huffed, and went back to talking to Dumbledore.

"Minerva, did you know that Harry has an intense interest in wandlore?" Dumbledore enthused.

Severus watched on as Minerva's eyes glazed over, and she began to nod politely.

'Ok, well here goes nothing.' Harry thought inwardly, and approached the staff table.

"Harry, my boy, is there something else I can do for you?" Dumbledore asked happily, as he saw Harry approach his chair. "I was just telling Minerva what a keen interest in wandlore you have!"

"I had no idea, Mr. Potter." Minerva said, with the same sort of bemused smirk Dumbledore had worn hours before.

"Really, it's my passion." Harry lied.

"Has Albus offered you lessons yet?" She asked teasingly.

"Oh yes. I can't wait to start them." Harry lied again. Voldemort was _definitely_ a bad influence.

"See, all this leaving the war business is just a phase. It seems to be going round the school." Dumbledore said very loudly, and very accusingly. Obviously directed at Severus.

Severus grumbled under his breath.

Harry drew a blank. Why did he even come up here?

"Mr. Potter, might I suggest you carry on speaking?" Severus drawled, keeping up appearances.

"Oh yeah, sorry Professor Snape." Harry quickly amended. "Actually, I wanted to ask Professor Dumbledore whether he knew why… the Slytherins keep waving at me." Harry finished. This wasn't going anywhere useful, and he was already regretting it.

"Perhaps they've finally lost their minds." Severus snorted.

"I'm afraid I don't Harry." Dumbledore said apologetically.

"Can I have a Lemon Drop?" Harry blurted out. Of course he wouldn't eat it, but maybe it would plant the idea in Dumbledore's head?

"I had no idea you liked them!" Dumbledore smiled. That man smiled far, far too much.

Harry came round the table, and passing the other teachers, and held out his hand. Dumbledore annoying smiled at him again before handing him a Lemon Drop.

"Thank you." Harry forced a smile, and Dumbledore began talking to Professor Sprout, who was on his other side.

Harry brushed passed Severus, and in the lowest voice possible declared. "I'm going to pretend to faint."

Severus sighed, although he had to admit, Dumbledore would probably be pretty flustered if his golden boy were to faint.

So, Harry went back to his seat, and threw the Lemon Drop away when he was sure Dumbledore wasn't watching.

"How did it go?" Hermione whispered.

Harry threw up silencing charms around them.

"I'm going to pretend to faint, so, look concerned." He hissed, and before Hermione could say anything, he took the charms down.

Harry stood up dramatically.

"I don't feel so good." He moaned loudly, and promptly crashed to the floor.

Dumbledore, Minerva, Severus and most of the staff immediately rushed to his side.

'The boy deserves a medal.' Severus thought inwardly at how pale Harry had gone.

Draco and some of the other Slytherins had also immediately come to where Harry was lying on the floor, trying his hardest not to laugh.

"What's wrong with him?" Draco demanded.

"Mr. Malfoy, go back to your table." Minerva snapped. "Everybody move back, give him some room!" She bellowed, and everybody but the staff took a step back.

"Harry, my boy, wake up." Dumbledore said gently patting his cheek.

Nobody was watching as Severus slipped something into the goblet of pumpkin juice that was sat next to the plate with the most food.

Harry decided that the time was enough, and groggily opened his eyes.

The first thing he saw was Severus leaning over him, after Dumbledore had asked him to check him over.

"If this is heaven, God has a really bad taste in men." He sneered, and suppressed a snigger at Severus's exasperated face.

Hermione had to bite her lip.

"Welcome back, Harry." Dumbledore said relieved. "Now, I think you should go to the hospital wing." He said gravely.

"Oh no, sir, I'm fine. It was Ron, he got me with one of his brothers products." He threw a pointed look at a confused looking Ron.

"Yes, I did." Ron quickly caught on.

"And you worried us all like that! Detention with me tomorrow afternoon." Minerva snapped.

Ron scowled, and went back to his food. The event over, everybody went back to their normal places, and Harry's eyes wandered over to Dumbledore, who still looked as happy as he ever did. The bastard.

Suddenly, all hell broke lose.

Ron sipped his drink, and was promptly turned into… a ginger weasel.

The whole Great Hall broke out into laughter, and Severus looked gleeful.

"Oh my word…" Hermione breathed through laughter. Nobody seemed to be keen to want to help Ron.

Eventually, Professor McGonagall came over, and transfigured him back into a normal human. Well, as normal as you can get being Ronald Weasley. McGonagall huffed, and merely went back to her seat without one word spoken.

"Is nobody going to find out who the hell did that to me?" Ron said furiously, glaring at the Slytherins, who were still laughing their heads off.

"Nope." Harry grinned, although he had a fairly good idea.

Then, the moment Harry had been waiting for finally came. Dumbledore sighed, took a sip from his goblet, and popped a Lemon Drop into his mouth.

He suckled on it happily for a few moments, before his eyes went wide…

Severus was proud of himself. Nobody seemed to be bothered that a student had just been turned into a weasel, and nobody really cared who did it. Just when he thought his day was going pretty well, he looked to where Dumbledore was, and saw the man sucking on a Lemon Drop, eyes wide.

"I'm leaving." Dumbledore said hurriedly, and stood up. A wet patch on his robes. Incontinence potions are always fun….

"Albus, what's happened?" McGonagall hissed, pushing the Headmaster back into his chair.

"Incontinence potion, I'm sure." He mumbled, going red. "In the drink, in the goblet, like Mr. Weasley."

McGonagall burst out into sheer hysterical laughter.

"Minerva, control yourself, what if all the goblets are poisoned?" Dumbledore pleaded trying to ignore the increasing damp.

"I'm sorry… Albus…"

Severus was trying not to laugh as the rest of the staff craned their necks to see what was happening.

Severus could be really evil when he wanted to be; which was often. So, he wandlessly and wordlessly cast an amplification charm on Dumbledore.

"Incontinence potions are no laughing matter!" Dumbledore insisted, and the whole of Scotland could probably hear him.

Every student gasped and looked at their Headmaster.

"I'll do the reversal charm." McGonagall quickly said, it wasn't as funny now the whole school was laughing.

She muttered something under her breath, and Dumbledore turned into a goat.

You see, incontinence potions are always fun… but when you have illegal ingredients from the Dark Lord… and you add a little something extra so when somebody tries to reverse it, the affected person turns into a goat… well, then it's just pure entertainment.

"What's happened?" McGonagall shrieked at the white haired goat now sitting where Dumbledore had been moments before.

"Somebody do something!" One of the Ravenclaws called out.

McGonagall just stood there, gaping at the furious expression on the goats face.

Nobody could help it, everybody, the Slytherins, the Hufflepuffs, the Gryffindors, the Ravenclaws and every single member of staff laughed.

Nobody could stop, and they sure as hell weren't interested in turning the old goat back!

"I'll get the students back to their dorms." Severus growled, trying to feign annoyance.

"I'll…" McGonagall was still laughing. "Stay with Albus…" She finally breathed, and the goat made a grunting noise at her.

Professor Sprout, and Professor Flitwick quickly went to their house tables, warning everyone not to drink anything. For all they knew, someone could have poisoned the pumpkin juice.

The Gryffindors, bar Hermione and Harry all thundered towards the door, being the pushy people they usually were. The Slytherins presumed Severus would be staying as well, and in a more dignified way than the Gryffindors, made their way to the door.

Severus stalked over to Harry and Hermione.

"Mr. Potter! Detention for lingering! Outside right now. You too, Miss. Granger." He snapped, making sure to speak loud enough for McGonagall to hear.

"Yes, sir." They both drawled, and went outside.

When they were sure they were alone, the three of them laughed.

"That was good, Sev." Harry grinned.

"Hmmm, yes." Hermione smiled.

"At least the beauty of his inside, is now reflected outside." Severus smirked.

Harry laughed again. "This makes having to listen to him waffle on about wandlore for two hours completely worth it."

"I pity you for having to go through that." Severus said honestly.

"Come on, we should go hide away somewhere while McGonagall tries to reverse it." Harry sighed, and then they started to walk away.

Suddenly, Harry stopped dead in his tracks. "That reminds me," He started suspiciously. "Did you turn Ron into a Weasel?"

"How dare you accuse me of such a thing." Severus said, pretending to be offended, but smirking all the while.

"As long as no one finds out it was you." Hermione sighed.

"They won't, because I'm going to take the credit for it." Harry grinned.

Severus rolled his eyes, and Hermione laughed softly.

"Look, I've got to go and write to Tom and Lucius. Say hi to Draco for me." Harry said, remembering his best friend.

"I'll see you later then." Hermione said.

"Bye, Harry." Severus called after him.

Harry bounded up the stairs, barked the password to the Fat Lady, and settled down to write his letter to Lucius.

When he'd finished that letter, he smiled. So, he'd made a host of whole new friends, Slytherins no less! He'd discovered fully what Dumbledore was like. Manipulative old goat. Dumbledore was really the only problem he had at the moment, and Voldemort was going to sort that out.

Harry grinned. 'And until then, I'll have to settle for pranking him.'

"Harry?" Ron's voice snapped him away from his thoughts.

"Ron?"

"Do you have any chocolate frogs?" He asked, a greedy look in his eyes.

Some things will never change.

**Well, that's it! Truth or Dare is completely finished now. I hope you enjoyed this epilogue, and the whole story in general! Please, let me know what you think by reviewing one final time. Every review means a lot to me, and makes me grin like an idiot!**

**Thank you to all of those lovely reviewers, you are amazing, and have kept this story alive! Special thanks to all those who have put the story on their favorites, on alert, you guys are brilliant!**

**This story is dedicated to XTimeGirlX, without her, this story wouldn't be here at all, I wouldn't have posted it, and you wouldn't have read it!**

**Also, another special mention to funnyjester, who is an amazing friend, and is again, hugely supportive!**

**Thanks once more for reading.**


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